Chapter 5
“OVER THERE, LUCIANUS. THAT MUST BE IT,” Dominatus said.
Lucianus raised his head and saw steam rising beyond the falling snow.
“Thank goodness…” Lucianus said. “There really is a bath.”
The two strayed off the path to the peak and walked down a long, unpaved road until they finally arrived at a stone cabin that Nerrus had mentioned. It was so out of the way that it wasn’t likely for many visitors to drop by.
“I’m glad I asked for details about the place from Nerrus,” Dominatus said. “And it’s a fine cabin. Our horses can rest inside.”
The cabin was in a cave that looked like it had been gouged out of the side of the mountain. It was roomier than it looked and could shield visitors from the snow and cold deeper inside. It was the perfect place to spend the night. There was a spot hollowed out enough for a few people and was filled with plenty of warm water from the spring. Located by the entrance of the cabin, a healthy stream of water gushed out from the side.
While Dominatus was giving the horses a drink of water, Lucianus was gathering some sticks for a fire. Dominatus joined in midway and cut down some dead trees for kindling. These apparently burned better than the damp branches on the ground.
Before the sun had started to set, the two removed their clothes and took a dip in the bath. The water was almost painfully hot on their cold bodies, but they soon acclimated to the warmth. The hot spring was slightly milky and the tiniest bit viscous, warming Lucianus from the inside out.
“I haven’t taken a bath since I left Filena,” Lucianus said. “I really took it for granted and didn’t think about how much of a luxury it is. I’m still an arrogant man. It’s no wonder that your love for me waned.”
“You’re the one who got tired of me,” Dominatus replied. “You said that you don’t love me anymore.”
“I said no such thing!” Lucianus cried. In shock, he stood up in the water. “I’ve never said anything like that.”
“You apologized to me. You said that you’d misunderstood.”
At first, Lucianus had no idea what the gladiator was talking about, but soon remembered their conversation in Obeiro. The moment the realization hit him, he felt himself grow weak. He didn’t expect Dominatus to find the apology as an implication that Lucianus’s heart had changed.
“My misunderstanding didn’t refer to my feelings for you,” he explained. “I was talking about myself. I’d thought that I was a tougher person, but I became painfully aware of my weakness and powerlessness during this trip. I was filled with self-loathing. I became annoyed by the most minute of issues and became more selfish and stubborn. I wanted to apologize for making everything so unpleasant for you.”
Dominatus looked visibly confused. “But you said it today as well. When I mentioned that I wanted to return to my hometown, you spoke of how you regretted offering your love to a foolish man like me.”
“I was lying. I was frustrated to learn that you decided my future all on your own, and I spouted nonsense. Had I not done so, I wouldn’t have been able to bear how miserable I felt. It was difficult enough to know that I’d lost your affection, but you’d even told me to head back home to Dyna.”
“Then is this truly all just a misunderstanding on my part?”
“It truly is. And a horrible one, at that.”
Dominatus shook his head as though to mock himself and smiled bitterly. “I really am a foolish man. You’d been looking glum this entire trip. I thought you regretted coming along with me, and that your feelings for me had waned. I was anxious, I suppose. So, when you apologized to me, I thought that you were simply voicing what I’d expected.”
Lucianus approached his beloved and placed a hand on his cheek. “Can you tell me your thoughts as well? I’d assumed that your love for me had waned too. Am I wrong?”
“Of course you are,” Dominatus replied. He kissed Lucianus forehead and continued, “My love for you hasn’t changed one bit. I assumed it was difficult for you to continue traveling with a person you no longer loved, so I decided to head back to my hometown. No, it must’ve been tough for me to travel with you when I assumed your thoughts.”
The two had completely misunderstood each other’s feelings, but neither was able to laugh about how foolish they’d been. They were terrified of losing each other’s affection and had grown timid, unable to communicate their true feelings.
“Last night, you were sobbing in bed, just before dawn,” Dominatus said. “You were stifling your sobs, and your body was trembling. Seeing you weep like that made me assume that you loathed being with me to such an extreme degree and regretted your actions. I didn’t want you to continue on such a heartbreaking journey.”
“That was…” Lucianus paused before he continued, “That was something different. You were muttering in your sleep, which caused me great sorrow. You were calling out Havilah’s name.”
Surprise filled Dominatus’s face. “How do you know about Havilah?”
“The night you were drinking with Karlthus, I got worried by your late return and went downstairs to check up on you. I heard you two talking. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I… I’m sorry.”
“Then you were worried about Havilah ever since that night? Why didn’t you tell me?” Dominatus’s eyes were filled with pity as though he was looking at a woeful child.
“I wanted to learn more about the woman you loved from the bottom of your heart, but I couldn’t ask you. I was scared to do so. When I heard you muttering her name in your sleep last night, I’d assumed you no longer loved me and still loved Havilah. No words could describe the despair that I felt.”
“Lucianus…” Burly arms wrapped around Lucianus’s back, drawing the man close to his chest. “I’m sorry. I was the cause of your misery. Forgive me.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. You cannot control your dreams.”
Dominatus gave a deep sigh by Lucianus’s ear. “Indeed, I dreamed about Havilah last night, but it wasn’t about anything happy. I dreamt that she was killed in front of me. That was what happened to her.”
“She was killed in front of you?”