“Um, that’s not him,” Aqua said, sipping her tea without a trace of concern. “That’s Magic Sword Guy. None of those people is Kazuma.”
“?!” Her pronouncement sent a shock through the room full of knights.
Mammon, who had just been starting to relax, suddenly began looking restlessly around again. Goat Head there seemed like a boss character in his own right, and apparently he was terrified of me. And this after I’d told Aqua not to play things up too much. If he was too worried, it would hurt my chances of doing what I had to do.
This was all because Aqua had to let herself get carried away frightening these guys…
“Pfah. She’s right—the numbers don’t add up,” Mammon said. “Okay. The woman will be more than enough of a hostage to give us leverage over Kazuma. As for the others, just finish them off! And please don’t put up a fight, eh, kids? ’Cause you know what’ll happen to her…!”
Mammon sounded like a third-rate villain, but evidently Mitsurugi was reading from the same script, because he simply grunted, “Hrgh…!” and looked angry. Megumin and Darkness looked like they might be trying to think of a plan.
Before they could do anything, though, Mammon snapped, “Okay, throw down your weapons! You lot, surround them!”
Well. It looked like things were only going to go downhill from here.
I sidled up to Mammon. “Hold on, Mammon, sir! How can you expect Logia and Payne to rest in peace if you give these people such an easy death? Please, sir, let me handle them!”
“Er, ahem, yes. You always were close with those two. I suppose I can let you deal with them… But ye gods, can’t you do something about the way you’re talking?”
Having safely obtained Mammon’s permission, I tugged on the rope around Aqua’s neck. It was supposed to be a signal: This is our chance. Make a run for Mitsurugi and the others.
“I’m, whaddayacallit, reinventing myself, sir. Now, the lot of you, are you seeing this? Here in my hand I have a rope connected, as you can see, to your friend, who’s shaking with terror!”
“Looks to me like she’s drinking tea,” Megumin quipped. I’d given Aqua the signal, but she only held the rope limply in one hand; otherwise, she was just sitting there sipping her drink. Dammit, not only could she not read a room, her intuition wasn’t worth squat, either. I wanted to give her a good smack.
Bah. Okay, change of plans.
“You there! The Crusader girl!”
“?!” Darkness, who was still holding her great sword, was so surprised to have me suddenly talking to her that she almost jumped out of her skin. I felt bad for her, but before anything else, I had to throw this Mammon guy off the scent.
“I want you to drop that weapon,” I said. “And if you make a peep about it, you know what’ll happen to your tea-drinking friend here.”
“All right… My attacks don’t land anyway. There, is that better?” Darkness said, throwing down her sword. She was right: Abandoning her weapon wouldn’t actually affect her usefulness in combat very much. And everyone else, including Mammon, started to relax when they saw one of the captives disarm herself.
I didn’t order the others to throw down their weapons, though, but continued talking to Darkness. “Next… Let’s see. I think I like that evil-looking armor of yours. How about you take it off for me?”
“What?! M-my armor? No, no! The armor is… If nothing else, leave me the armor!”
I’d expected her to just do what I said, but I was encountering some surprising resistance from Darkness.
“You saying you can’t take it off? Do you understand the position you’re in? What happens to a female knight who gets captured in the Demon King’s own castle? Every knight knows about it; it’s practically proverbial! Now, I’m ordering you to take off that armor, right in front of all of us!”
“What? You can’t be serious…!” Darkness flushed red and gritted her teeth.
“““Wow!””” For some reason, even the other knights sounded amazed.
“Scary! Scary Nos!”
“Geez, you’re a real scumbag! I can’t believe this is the same guy who used to rescue kittens…”
“L-listen, Nos. I know I said I’d let you deal with them, but even I think this is going a little far…”
I thought the other knights were supposed to be, like, my professional colleagues or something. And now even Mammon looked like he was having second thoughts.
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That didn’t stop me, though. “Heh-heh! I’ll bet you have one sexy bod underneath that armor,” I went on. “Why not go ahead and strip? You’ll be saving your friends’ lives. Great excuse, right?”
“E-excuse me? N-no, I can’t let this nobody discipline me like a—! Ahhh… Why? Why is it so hard to resist your…p-penetrative gaze? Who are you? It’s like you know my weaknesses…” Blushing furiously and obviously conflicted, Darkness began to undo the clasps of her armor. When the first plate fell to the floor, we could see the pale skin of her shoulder.
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“““““Whoa!!”””””
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Oops. I’d exclaimed just like the rest of the Demon King’s army.
“I w-won’t be broken by a little humiliation!”
Two things bothered me: One, Darkness, still bright red but looking straight at me with what I was sure was eagerness in her eyes. And two, Megumin looking at me like she couldn’t believe she was hearing this.
Okay, I knew Megumin was sharp, but she couldn’t have figured me out…right?
Just then—
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“Stop! I won’t let this continue! You may be a member of the Demon King’s army, but you’re still a knight, aren’t you?! How can you live with yourself, treating a woman like this?! Face us in combat, as is proper!”
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It was Mitsurugi, totally unable to read a room.
Mammon looked shocked back to his senses by Mitsurugi’s shouting; he straightened up, and his gaze got firmer. Shit! Mitsurugi was out of line in more ways than one.
The rest of the soldiers, though, let out a sigh of disappointment that he’d stopped me.
Wait… Was it just me, or did Darkness sigh, too?
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Mammon took a step forward.
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He was big, he had an ax…and his back was to me, completely defenseless. His goatlike, yellow-tinged eyes glinted. “Give it up, Nos; you’ve had your fun! We’ve got a hostage, and that’s all we need. Okay, everyone, surround them! I’ll take on the boy. Without that Kazuma person around, this should be easy!” he spat, then got a good grip on his ax.
“Kazuma? You mean Kazuma Satou? Hey, I’m stronger than he is! My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi, a Sword Master with an enchanted blade whose name is, I daresay, known far and wide!”
Things in the room were getting tense again, but he sounded like he was talking about the weather.
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“Oh-ho. Are you indeed so afraid of our Kazuma?”
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Megumin, holding up her staff threateningly, started interrogating Mammon.
“What, him? You mean the underhanded scoundrel who’s off hiding somewhere right now? I’m not afraid of him!”
Darkness, picking up the pieces of her armor and strapping them back on, said:
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“I wouldn’t take that man lightly. Every foe I’ve encountered since I ran into him has met a bad end. And believe me…you’ll be no exception.”
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Was she being nice or throwing me under the bus? I wasn’t sure, but she looked right at me as she said it. If I’d had a chance to say my piece, I would have pointed out that the same was true of pretty much everyone she’d run into, not only her enemies.
“Just shut up, will you?! My name is Mammon! The great Mammon, captain of the royal guard entrusted with this great hall that leads to the Demon King’s chamber! I could face down even the generals in a straight fight! And you think I’m going to run scared from a man who isn’t even here? Ha!”
As if that was their cue, Mammon’s knights drew their swords. Mitsurugi likewise slowly drew his enchanted blade. Yunyun’s eyes were shining red, and she held her wand behind her back, ready to intone her magic at any time.
I guess they were all raring to go.
As for me, I reached for my sword, looking for any moment when Mammon might be open…
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“Do you mean it? You were acting so terrified earlier, so are you really not afraid of Kazuma? He could be right behind you, you know.”
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Leave it to Aqua to spoil the mood. She looked awfully at ease for someone who was supposedly a hostage, not even flinching at Mammon’s terrifying visage. She obviously assumed that no matter what kind of pinch we got into, I would figure something out. If we made it back to town alive, I was going to have to have a long talk with her.
“Did I stutter? I’m not scared! Hey, Kazuma Satou, are you listening?! Yeah, you, you scheming, cowering wretch! I know you’re up here somewhere! If you can hear me, come out and tell meeee!”
I cast aside my helmet, buried my sword in the back of Mammon’s neck, and said, “Nice to meet you! I’m Underhanded Kazuma!”