“Welcome, welcome! What would you like? We have a limited-time daily lunch special that comes with something sweet. If you want my recommendation, that’s it. Incidentally, this shop offers a thirty percent discount for Axis followers. Take one of these if you’re interested!” The waitress smiled broadly and handed us menus along with sheets of paper. The papers were, naturally, professions of faith in the Axis Church.
…Ah, yes. Arcanletia was like that. We had come to the restaurant in hopes of getting information and lunch at the same time, but we were immediately receiving our baptism in the ways of this city.
“Um… Okay, I’ll have the lunch special.”
“Certainly! And for you, Miss?”
“A Neroid and a sandwich, please.”
“Of course!” The waitress continued to beam as she took Megumin’s and my orders.
Then Darkness opened the menu. “Let’s see. I’ll have—”
“—dirt shoved in your stupid face, I hope,” the waitress spat, her smile never slipping. Then she went into the kitchen.
“……” Darkness sat there with her menu open, shaking, her face flushing.
“Geez,” I said, “hide your Eris pendant when we come to this city.”
“I… I will not…”
Darkness had made sure the pendant was clearly visible from the moment we arrived in Arcanletia; I guess our last visit had given her a taste for the sort of treatment she received while she was wearing it here.
“Still, this place does seem awfully quiet for lunchtime. Normally, this town is always bustling with freaks and weirdos,” Megumin, a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, said of the Axis Church.
It was true, though, that everything seemed like a lot less trouble than the last time we had been here. Back then, we’d been the object of depressing invitations just walking down the street…
✦ ✦ ✦
“The Axis followers of this town have gone, under the command of Lord Zesta, highest leader in the Axis Church, to clear the monsters from the path to the Demon King’s castle,” declared a woman standing proudly in front of the Axis church building. A follower herself, she bore a blue chest plate and carried a mace in one hand and a silver shield in the other.
We’d come to the church after lunch, figuring it was the best place to get information. With Darkness in the middle of it all at the restaurant, we’d lost the opportunity to ask them for any tips.
“So Axis followers actually do something for the world’s benefit every once in a while,” Darkness observed.
“Please stop viewing us Axis followers as if we live only to cause trouble to others. All nasty rumors about the Axis Church are started by heartless, evil Eris followers.” The woman sounded downright grief-stricken as she stood protectively in front of the church building.
“Say, why aren’t you with the others?”
“With most of the Axis followers out of town, the bill for having done exactly as we liked every day is coming due. The city’s various minority groups, starting with the female clerics of Eris, are coming to do mischief to our church.”
“So you do know that you run roughshod over this town! You going to be all right by yourself?” I was just a little worried for the woman, who looked familiar to me.
“I’ll be fine. I have this big, hard, thick mace that I’ll pound into any heretics who may accost me.”
“S-stop that! This is why people speak poorly about the Axis Church! By the way… Have you seen an Arch-priest named Aqua around here? She’s a companion of mine. We’re trying to get some information, but none of the shops in this town will hear us out.”
The woman smiled brightly when she heard the name Aqua. “She was here! Yes, Lady Aqua was here! She flinched as she came into town, saying, ‘You’re…not mad that I purified the mainspring?’ My, but she was adorable! In fact, it was her words that sent all the city’s Axis followers out on the road! Ahhh, how I wish I could have joined that monster hunt…! Unfortunately, I lost the game of rock-paper-scissors to see who would stay behind.”
She scuffed her feet, kicking a nearby stone. She had been talking fast, obviously excited. The stone jumped up and smacked Darkness in the shin guard, but the woman didn’t appear to mean any harm.
“They’re hunting monsters on Aqua’s orders? What’s that about? I’d like to hear a little more about that.”
“Lady Aqua said, ‘O Axis followers, who walk every day upon my pure and righteous path. So that travelers and stuff may move safely and quickly along the road between here and the Demon King’s castle, I request that you, strong and indomitable and cool as you are, exterminate all the monsters that threaten that path. Do so, and on the day that the Demon King is defeated, Lady Aqua, who was merely passing through this world, might just show up here for a visit and be all, I was a goddess all along! She may indeed give compliments and gratitude to each one of you.’”
The woman recited this entire speech in rapture, totally oblivious to the tears forming in Darkness’s eyes when the stone had hit her armor.
Something felt off here, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Wait, that was it: This lady’s reaction to Aqua was really weird. Yeah, almost like…
“Like all you Axis followers already know who Aqua really is…” The words sort of slipped out. It was most obvious with Cecily, the Axis priest who’d been sent to Axel.
“But of course we do. Our unclouded vision has no blind spots, you know?”
She couldn’t be serious.
“But you guys accused Aqua of being a fake! You tried to stone her…”
“That was the doing of Eris followers in Axis believers’ clothing. I don’t remember being any part of it myself.”
Man, she sure could lie with a straight face.
But forget about that. Why was Aqua trying to make the road safer? Could it possibly be that she’d expected us to come after her? Sheesh, she really was just like a kid who’d run away but secretly wanted to be found. Instead of going to all this trouble, she could have just slowed down a little.
Grrr, just how much of a headache did she mean to make for me…?!
“Erm, was Aqua alone? She didn’t happen to be accompanied by a nasty hunk with a magic sword or a sad-looking Crimson Magicker, did she?”
“Ah yes, I did see people fitting that description. When I went to the city gate to see Lady Aqua off, the hunk with the expensive-looking sword got into a very fancy carriage, as if he was specifically rubbing my nose in it after I lost all my money trying to play the market. He somehow remained unmoved by even my most powerful come-hither glance.”
She was starting to let her trash-fire side show.
But anyway, that meant Mitsurugi and Yunyun had managed to link up with Aqua. That made me feel a little better.
“Okay, so she’s got protection… Oh, I meant to ask. Is there a place around here where we can rent a carriage? I don’t care if it’s a little pricey; we just need something that can go fast…”
“I believe the horses kept by this very church are the fastest in the city… But you, the Eris follower, you can go crawling on all fours like the dog you are. It’s only fitting for an evil follower of Eris like you to— Hey! What are you doing, you damnable heretic?!”
Darkness must have finally hit her breaking point, because she was suddenly involved in a wrestling match with the woman.
Meanwhile, I held out a fistful of eris bills to the impoverished believer and said, “Sorry, but could we borrow those horses? If money is the issue…”
“The Goddess Aqua’s blessings on you!”