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“Just stop causing so much trouble already! Take it off! Or do you want me to tear it off you?! Stop fighting me!”
“N-no, don’t! I…I can’t believe this…! What’s gotten into you, Kazuma? What sudden impulse…causes you to lust after my body like a wild animal…?!”
What an idiot!
“I mean take off that stupid armor! Why do you always, always go charging into the enemy formation?! It’s cursed! I’m sure that armor has a curse on it!”
“It’s not cursed! A cursed item can’t be removed once it’s equipped and continues to cause catastrophe for the wearer until they die. I’m able to take this armor off, so that weird excitement that comes over me in battle must be a blessing, not a curse!”
“So you admit you get weirdly excited in battle! That’ll make things easy. I don’t care if it’s a curse or a blessing or what, just take it off already! C-come on—stop fighting me! I’ll buy you the very best armor in town, just get this thing off!”
After leaving Axel, we and the other adventurer bodyguards had been involved in a number of other fights with monsters, until we finally made it to Arcanletia, but…
“No way! You gave this to me as a gift; you can’t take it back! It’s the very first armor anyone’s ever given me, and it’s special Crusader equipment with powerful enchantments to boot! I’m going to hand this down as an heirloom in the Dustiness family. I’ve made up my mind. Until we defeat the Demon King, I’m not taking this armor off except for when I sleep and when I bathe.”
“Why’d you have to get so stubborn all of a sudden?! I can’t use any of my offensive magic because you keep winding up right in the middle of it! Do you know how much suffering you’ve caused on this trip?! The adventurers who are supposed to be guarding us pretty much end up in tears every time!”
We were standing in the road in Arcanletia, and I was arguing with Darkness, who steadfastly refused to take off the armor I’d given her. Whatever it was, it clearly had some weird side effects. It appeared to banish fear from the wearer’s heart and cause courage to well up within them. Probably would have been a huge blessing for a normal Crusader, but with our Crusader, it just meant more trouble.
The upshot of this side effect was that when a battle started, Darkness went charging straight at the monsters, regardless of what anyone else said.
I’d forgotten that Wiz had picked out this armor. I knew her sense of judgment, and I should have been perfectly well aware of what that implied…
It was then that Megumin, who had been observing the argument closely, spoke. “Perhaps we should give up, Kazuma. The side effects are no doubt strange, but this armor is certainly a good thing. It may indeed be legendary-tier equipment. With this on, she might even survive one of my explosions.”
“What are you saying?! That you would do it? Are you saying you would drop an explosion on a bunch of monsters even if Darkness was in there with them?!”
Darkness met this obnoxious pronouncement with folded arms and a nod. “I wouldn’t mind in the least. The last time one of Megumin’s explosions hit me, I lost consciousness. But this time I’ll pull through.”
“A good point. This journey might be the perfect time to settle once and for all which is greater: my magic or Darkness’s durability.”
“Save it for when we have Aqua back or when we return to Axel! In fact, just stop already! If you won’t take that armor off, I really will tear it off you!” I said, and then I stuck my hand out toward Darkness, assuming the Steal position…!
“Go ahead, try it.”
“Huh?” I said dumbly.
Darkness, her arms still folded, responded, “I said, try it. I couldn’t care less.”
I was shocked she would say something so stupid right out in public.
“Wh-what’s wrong with you? This is Steal we’re talking about. Right out in public. You saying you want a humiliation game out here in front of everybody?”
“At this moment, I can’t be broken with such talk! Besides, I’m the only one who’s never experienced your Steal. That might have been enough to make me back down before, but with the blessing of this armor filling me with courage, I fear nothing now. So go ahead and do it! I know you always get cold feet at the crucial moment. If you think you can tear this off me ‘out here in front of everybody,’ then just you try!”
“Y-you pervert! Why’re you so aggressive?! Are you even listening to yourself? I knew there was something wrong with that armor! Fine, I can’t do it—I admit it! So just back off!”
The pervert (her lewdness focused in an ever more awful direction by the armor) was bearing down on me.
“This is quite odd… We’re making all this commotion, and yet, no one has come to gawk. I’m sure most of the population of this city is made up of Axis followers. And they are always full of curiosity, love fights and trouble, adore chaotic situations, and will never fail to get in on the action in the hopes of doing even more damage. Standing by the roadside and shouting about how Darkness may have her armor torn off should bring them running.”
“I sure get tired of the trouble they cause, but you know what? You’re right. The last time we were here, you couldn’t keep the evangelists away with a stick. What’s going on?” When I looked around, I realized that, in fact, there was hardly anyone else on the street at all. It was awfully quiet…
“Doesn’t it seem like there aren’t many people around for such a big town? What’s going on here? Did something happen?” Darkness surveyed the land as well, then tilted her head in curiosity.
It was Megumin who suggested, “Perhaps we can ask about what has happened as we continue our journey. From this point, we have to decide whether to take a carriage or to walk, so we better get started arranging our transportation.”