Victory, demand, value, recognition, dependence.
They were all to replace her god.
✦ ✦ ✦
“…what should I believe in?”
✦ ✦ ✦
Hinami was questioning the foundation of the reasons to believe.
I felt like I could finally understand the meaning of what she’d asked me that time in Osaka.
✦ ✦ ✦
—“Can you say that’s right in the real sense?”
✦ ✦ ✦
When Hinami said “in the real sense,” she meant—
Questioning the reason to believe, questioning the reason you can believe that reason to believe, and then questioning layers beyond that reason—when you went all the way back to the root of it all, what lay beyond that? Did any answer beyond emptiness exist? Who could guarantee that was right?
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Surely, the only thing that could give that reason was a god.
✦ ✦ ✦
Drawing in a breath, I fixed Hinami in the center of my field of view—
This time, I would absolutely not miss the moment she revealed her real weakness for the first time.
So that I could tell her everything I wanted to say.
✦ ✦ ✦
To keep Aoi Hinami from being alone anymore.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I know the answer to that.”
I fixed my gaze on her.
“See—as nanashi, I’ve always believed in myself.”
While thinking of the past, starting as a loner, and coming to be able to enjoy life—
“As you know yourself, I was a miserable guy with no life. Anyone would have seen me as a loser. But even back then, I always believed just in myself.” I told her stubbornly, “So between us, I’m the one with more experience in that.”
Her expression twisted in displeasure, but she sighed in resignation and kept her eyes on mine.
“I’ll teach you the way to always win this game.”
My answer, simple and clear:
“You don’t need reasons.”
This was how I really felt from the bottom of my heart.
“Even if it’s empty, and there’s nothing really supporting it, you just believe like an idiot ‘because I’m me.’ You don’t have to think so hard about it—that’s enough.”
I spoke with confidence, trying to validate who she was.
—But.
Hinami was looking at me with an even more sorrowful expression.
“Yeah, I think that’s a fair argument… It feels like you really are more experienced,” she said with cynical self-deprecation. There was an air of defeat around her. “That’s the only way to believe in yourself. There’s no such thing as truly ‘right,’ so the most logically correct and consistent thing is to believe anyway. Even if there’s no deliberate foundation for it.”
“Right? So if you can believe like me—”
“No. But that’s…” She narrowed her dull, black eyes in resignation.
They bore a fragile smile, like thin ice covering a nighttime lake.
✦ ✦ ✦
“…not something a bottom-tier character like me can do.”
✦ ✦ ✦
Not so long ago, I would have been shocked and left speechless by this declaration of loss.
I’d wanted Aoi Hinami to be strong.
This was probably out of admiration and trust. But at the same time, having this expectation for her was selfish.
So hearing Hinami define herself with those words again had made me sad and stopped me from thinking.
✦ ✦ ✦
—Just like in the summer at Kitayono Station, when our friendship had been severed.
—Just like that Osaka night, when we’d talked under the starry sky.
✦ ✦ ✦
But now I was different.
Now I was looking right at her—
—at the fact that Aoi Hinami, the girl I had wanted to be strong—
✦ ✦ ✦
—was a weak person in the real sense. A bottom-tier character.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I thought you would say that.”
✦ ✦ ✦
Now I could put what came after into words.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I know that. You’re unmistakably a weak person.”
✦ ✦ ✦
Nobody else thought such a thing.
If I asked Haruka-chan or Mimimi…
…or if I asked Mizusawa or even Kikuchi-san…
…they’d see Hinami as more noble and brilliant than anyone.
Maybe she felt alone—but she was stronger than anyone. That’s what they would answer.
But I was different.
I was looking right at Hinami’s weakness.
And I thought of her as special.
That was why I was the only person who could barge into her life and get inside her weakness.
“If you say that you can’t believe in yourself…”
So that Fumiya Tomozaki could beat Aoi Hinami’s weakness for her.
The best gamer in Japan, nanashi, told NO NAME.
✦ ✦ ✦
“…believe in me.”
✦ ✦ ✦
It was a lot like the simple logic I’d voiced before.
But what was different this time was my determination to bear this for her.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Believe in the top-tier character Fumiya Tomozaki—the only one you’ve never been able to beat.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I could use this logic precisely because I believed in my own strength.
I could say this precisely because I saw her weakness.
“I have no reason or basis for it, no sound logic or anything—but I’ll still validate you.”
✦ ✦ ✦
And—this was something I could tell her precisely because I’d always been alone and I understood being alone.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Aoi Hinami is right.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I just said it, like an idiot.
✦ ✦ ✦
I mean, I had no rationale, no basis for this.
Aoi Hinami didn’t even have to believe this about herself.
I just had my confidence, as baseless as a god, that I felt that way.
Hinami stared at me open-mouthed for a while, and then she giggled like all her tension had drained away. “Believe in nanashi, huh?” She smiled in exasperation.
“Yeah. I said it during summer vacation, too, didn’t I? I know I’ll beat you in this area.”
“Yes, you did.”
But for some reason, there was a little sadness in her smile. “Hey, Tomozaki-kun…no, nanashi.”
“What is it?”
She took a step, walking outside the park. “There’s a place I want to go with you… Will you come with me for just a little?” I could tell she was opening her heart, somehow.
“Okay. Sure, take me anywhere.”
Right now, I might finally be talking with Aoi Hinami in the real sense. That was the thought on my mind as I followed after her.
✦ ✦ ✦
And so I was sitting on my knees idly, alone in Hinami’s room. This was a similar situation as the first time I’d visited her house, so unconsciously, I was wondering about where the unknown pleasant smell was coming from as I waited by myself for Hinami’s return. It was probably the strange rocklike thing by her desk. I’d grown since then; now I knew there were rocks that could absorb aroma oils and fill the air with a scent. I have penetrated your illusions!
Eventually, I heard someone coming up the stairs, and a figure came in. It was a girl with same air as Hinami, just younger. In other words—
“So this time, it really is Aoi Hinami’s little sister.”
“Tomozaki-san…! Did you come in with her…?”
The first time I’d stopped by their house, I’d mistaken Hinami without her makeup for her sister, but this time, it was actually Haruka-chan. What déjà vu, right?
“Yeah. It’s okay. We had a talk,” I answered kindly, and then I heard the sounds of feet pattering up the stairs again.
When I looked over, Haruka-chan hastily bobbed her head in a bow at me. “Um…then I’ll go!”
Just as Haruka-chan left, Hinami came in.
She’d brought controllers for Atafami.
“Hold on…you mean…”
“Of course. Pick the one you like. Let’s do it. —One-on-one,” Hinami said as she dispassionately started setting up Atafami.
But for whatever reason.
There was something like sadness in her eyes.