“Oh, you’ve been busy.”
I was side by side with Mizusawa at the sink, washing dishes as I talked to him about all that had happened.
“So you’re setting up a meeting with Fuka-chan and Aoi’s sister, huh…”
Having your girlfriend meet a friend’s sister wasn’t normally something you’d have to think that hard about. But the situation was what it was…and, well, the people were who they were.
“It does seem like there’s something behind that decision—since she was the one who wrote that play.”
“Well…yeah. That’s the thing.”
“It’s a good idea, isn’t it? If we can’t get ahold of her, and waiting at her place failed, then all you can do is all you can do, even if you’re not sure.”
“…Yeah.”
Right now, so many things were vague and uncertain. But if we still wanted to be involved with Hinami, then we would have to brute-force the problem and throw everything we had at it.
“Well, if anything else happens, then let me know. If there’s something I can do, I’ll help you out with whatever.”
“Y-yeah, thanks.”
He waved a hand at me, his smile cool and composed. “I really want to do something about Aoi, too.”
His eyes were serious and sincere.
I’d seen this side of Mizusawa a number of times, but now it suddenly struck me. “…Hey, Mizusawa.”
“Hmm?”
“Why…do you like her so much?”
His eyes widened for a moment. “That’s a random question. The reason I like her…” He put a finger to his chin. He seemed to find the question intriguing. “Hmm, now that you mention it…that’s a hard question,” he said casually. Eventually, he quietly confessed, “…I think…I’m lonely.”
“Lonely?” I wasn’t expecting that word.
Mizusawa turned off the faucet with a squeak. The water came to a stop, leaving the sink empty. The slickly shining silver didn’t reflect us clearly.
“I only act cool, and I can’t tell people how I really feel. Well, now I’m able to actually express my weakness and say I’m lonely in the present, not just the past.”
“Not in the past? You mean…,” I interrupted without thinking.
“So I think at first…I was thinking she might understand me.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
His lips gently turned up a little. “If it was her…I wouldn’t have to say anything or expose my weakness, and she would recognize that the person called Takahiro Mizusawa is lonely,” he confessed, like it was a sin. “…Wouldn’t that be nice, to have someone who can understand the deepest parts of you, even when you can’t reveal it yourself? I think I was clinging to that fantasy, unfair and stupid as it was.”
I kind of understood.
To take life seriously, to take a relationship seriously, is scary. If that doesn’t go well, if they don’t accept you—it feels like you’re worthless, like you’re not needed, and you sink deeper and deeper into insecurity. That’s why people stay in the cage of their own sense of values, why they fear exposing themselves.
Exactly like when I had called life a shitty game and wouldn’t listen.
“So even you’re a little scared of that stuff, Mizusawa.”
“Ha-ha-ha. Well, I can’t be number one in Japan like you.”
Since I knew what he meant, my response was hesitant. “…I see.”
Even if others don’t understand, just being me is all the validation I need. But to people who aren’t like that, exposing themselves is like offering up their heads to be judged whether they’re worthy of validation or not… When you think about it that way, people who don’t completely retreat into themselves really are amazing.
“Basically, I was a coward. Everything would be so easy if people could be known without opening themselves up,” Mizusawa said, reflecting on the past. But there was no self-deprecation in his tone.
“Essentially…you thought that Hinami could understand you…,” I said, gathering my thoughts.
His eyebrows rose. “No, I think…” And then he gave a weak sigh. “Now it’s probably the opposite.”
“How so?”
With a smile that was childlike but also full of confidence, he said, “I feel like I could understand her.”
“!”
“—Like I could understand her loneliness, even if she won’t expose herself.”
It was true; it was the complete opposite logic.
“If she’s scared to expose herself but is still lonely…then I’ll understand her. That felt meaningful to me.”
I understood that wholeheartedly.
Or rather, I’d thought something similar myself—that I was the only one who could understand Hinami’s isolation, so I had to talk to her. Although, that was based on the bond between nanashi and NO NAME, the way we faced life as gamers.
But maybe that wasn’t right.
“That’s why I think I like her,” he finished.
✦ ✦ ✦
✦ ✦ ✦
Mizusawa had said that he was bad at showing his true feelings, but what he had expressed just now was most likely all true.
In the end, he smiled in a way that was innocent but strong. “It might be juvenile to play the hero, though.”
His words and honest feelings were inspiring to me—although it would sound a bit cheap to say so.
“Hey, Mizusawa.”
I was sure he knew, really knew, some of the loneliness that followed Aoi Hinami as she dealt with life—different from that of the NO NAME that I knew, but still clearly hers.
I was sure that side of her was genuine, and that I could never find it.
That was why—
“Next time I meet up with Haruka-chan, will you come with me?”
It wouldn’t just be me or Kikuchi-san.
I would work together with the people who were trying to find the real her.
That was what I should do.
Plus…there was one more thing.
“I don’t know where to take a middle schooler…”
The truth was, I was waving the white flag here. I didn’t have the EXP for this. Seeing me surrender, Mizusawa chuckled.
✦ ✦ ✦
“N-n-n-nice to meet you!!”
It was Sunday, the following week.
Kikuchi-san and Mizusawa had already arrived, and they stood before Haruka-chan, who was saying hello to them.
We had come to Cocoon City, by Saitama-Shintoshin Station.
“Thank you for always being so kind to my sister! I’m Haruka Hinami!”
“Hello. I’m Takahiro Mizusawa. You can be casual with me. Just call me Big Bro Takahiro.”
“‘B-B-Big Bro’?!”
His sudden friendliness shocked Haruka-chan. So Mizusawa’s going with the usual. Roger that.
“U-um! I’m Fuka Kikuchi. I…” Kikuchi-san introduced herself next, and she was already bright red and unsure what to say, but then… “I’m…dating Tomozaki-kun.”
“Huh?! You have a girlfriend, Tomozaki-san?!” This roaring flood of information overwhelmed Haruka-chan, and she looked between all of us and blinked repeatedly.
“I-is it that surprising…?” Kikuchi-san stuttered.
“B-but you said you like my sister…!”
“Huh…? You do? Fumiya-kun?!” Haruka-chan’s blabbing left Kikuchi-san quite flustered.
What the heck is this? It hasn’t even been a minute since they met, and already, we have major drama.
“N-no, not like that…”
“F-Fumiya-kun, what is she talking about…?!”
“Ha-ha-ha, you got this, Fumiya.”
“S-so you’re in a love triangle…?!”
“No!!”
Man, I knew it was a gamble to introduce these two, but I didn’t mean like this.