She’d been trying to talk herself out of what she really wanted to write.
✦ ✦ ✦
“So it’s okay. Since…I’ve only just gotten started.”
The smile she wore, the one I was sure was false, was so perfect that I never would have known if I hadn’t been seriously considering what was on her mind.
“…I see. If you say so.”
What she’d said sounded like a prepared excuse, but I didn’t have the words to overrule any of it.
✦ ✦ ✦
I was on my way back after sending Kikuchi-san home.
With the breeze blowing in cold air from the river, I was walking around Kita-Asaka alone.
It was spring, and summer was slowly coming, but the nights still had the edge of winter.
Kikuchi-san was moving along to her dreams. But the issue of Hinami was inseparable from that in a sense, while also being in conflict with it. While intruding on her life would help Kikuchi-san’s writing, if we were careless about it, we would just be hitting Hinami when she was already down.
Now that I thought about it, ever since I’d started trying to play the game of life, I’d always been stuck between my desires and my contradictory values when I tried to think about an answer.
✦ ✦ ✦
And that answer was never simply dropping one thing in favor of another. They were shining words, glimpsed as I was doing my best in the balancing act of keeping either from slipping through my fingers while I desperately struggled to take both.
Dropping either would seem like an act of courage, but that was just choosing the easy way.
Finding the real and more complex answer was simply that difficult.
✦ ✦ ✦
Right now, Kikuchi-san was caught between her dreams and her morals.
Part of her was a girl with a dream—a writer.
She prioritized creating beautiful novels over the feelings and boundaries of others, and she would even trespass into places she didn’t necessarily have the right to be.
But another side of her was a normal girl—someone with common sense.
She respected Hinami’s rights more than herself and felt that she should not intrude any further.
✦ ✦ ✦
And so in the end, Kikuchi-san had chosen to make the societal compromise over doing what she wanted to do.
✦ ✦ ✦
But—was that really the best idea?
✦ ✦ ✦
Meanwhile, my chance encounter was connecting to this situation.
I was right to learn more about Hinami in a way that didn’t directly involve her.
It was, in a sense, very nanashi-like: sneaky and roundabout. Since Kikuchi-san was my girlfriend, walking together down that meandering path was one way to go about things.
✦ ✦ ✦
[Hey, Kikuchi-san.]
✦ ✦ ✦
Rather than sending her a Thanks for today sort of message on LINE, I sent her a sudden text. She must have been surprised, but I immediately got a “read” notification, and she replied, [What is it?]
I typed my idea into the message box.
This option that could well completely unveil everything for us—
✦ ✦ ✦
[There’s someone I want you to meet.]
✦ ✦ ✦
—At the same time, I was also aware that this choice might be a dramatic one.
✦ ✦ ✦
It was the next day, at my part-time job at Karaoke Sevens.
I had come to work early, and I was in the break room, looking at my phone.
I was composing a DM to send to Haruka-chan.
The other night, I had made an invitation, telling Kikuchi-san there was someone I wanted her to meet. Of course, that was Haruka-chan. Meaning it would be best for me to tell Haruka-chan while the enthusiasm was still there, but—
“Hmm.”
The rules here were kind of different from any of the situations I’d been in before, and I wasn’t sure what to do. It felt like a really bad idea for a third-year high schooler to invite a middle school girl out, and I didn’t know where you’d take a middle schooler anyway. I mean, when I was Haruka-chan’s age, I didn’t have any friends, so I had no hanging-out experience to go on.
“Well, for starters…”
I gave a brief thanks for letting me talk to her, said that I wanted to talk again, and asked if it was okay for me to bring another of Hinami’s friends. Send. And then as I was reviewing my message to make sure it wasn’t too weird…
“Oh!”
…a bubble that said “typing” popped up. Come on. With LINE, you already have to struggle over the difficult issue of “read” notifications—there’s a new level to it on this thing? This is what makes life so hard.
Eventually…
✦ ✦ ✦
[Someone else, too?! Okay!
Um, where should it be? The park again…?]
✦ ✦ ✦
It came as two separate messages.
Even I knew that the park was not the correct answer. But if she was answering right away, then I shouldn’t take too long to reply, either. I just sent a brief message:
✦ ✦ ✦
[Um…I’ll think about it!]
✦ ✦ ✦
Staring at my phone again, I fell into thought. Now what to do?
So the Hinami ambush plan had gotten me a chance to speak with Haruka-chan, and there had been the threat of the safety alarm. I still had no idea where this was going.
Despite that, I had the feeling that this was an important connection if I wanted to understand more about Hinami.
“What’re you up to?” asked a dubious-sounding voice from behind me. I turned around, and Mizusawa was there.
“Whoa!”
“Flirting on Insta?”
“No, I’m not. Um…”
I thought about making some plausible excuse, but he’d see through whatever stupid thing I said. Besides… If I can, I’d like to ask him for his opinion.
And so I decided to explain everything that had happened recently. “Well, the truth is—”