“‘—So then watch me.’”
✦ ✦ ✦
There sat the round moon. It could never shine by itself, but it was still beautiful.
✦ ✦ ✦
“She said that from now on, she was going to be a perfect role model!”
✦ ✦ ✦
Her words rang in my core, and my chest felt tight.
I didn’t know yet how much of that was Hinami’s sincere feelings.
But as the perfect role model for her lost younger sister—I’m sure her light had saved this one girl. It was more than enough.
“So I want to be like my sister. She makes me feel like if I follow her lead, then I can become as cool as her!”
“Mm… I see.”
“After that, every day became so much brighter!”
“…I get that. I do.”
I was able to sympathize painfully well.
The way she lived—the way she fought and the path she’d followed—was so realistic, so blunt, that facing her became exhausting. Imitating her was a burden not many could carry.
But that burning brilliance, that vivid and real feeling that you could change yourself, would be like a lighthouse for the ones who were lost—who wanted to keep going but couldn’t.
“So I love my sister…”
There was not even a hint of dishonesty.
Hinami had called herself empty and weak. But even so, the cold brilliance of the perfect girl called Aoi Hinami had saved this one lost girl.
Suddenly, Haruka-chan’s voice fell to a mumble. “Um…”
“Yeah?”
“Do you like her, too?”
I was almost startled by that question, but I knew this wasn’t a situation to poke fun or be like, D-d-d-dummy, of course not…! In fact, I already had an answer that I was satisfied with.
“Yeah. I do.”
There was no need to add an excuse like purely as a person. She had changed my life, and I was thankful to her and respected her, and I wanted to know her better.
I couldn’t possibly say that I didn’t like someone who was that important to me.
“Oh, of course!” Haruka-chan beamed, and she put both hands in front of her mouth as she continued, “So what do you like about her, Tomozaki-san?!”
“L-like what…?” The addition of a more detailed question left me a little nonplussed. I had never specifically named what I liked about Hinami. “Well…” But after considering for a while, I realized that the answer was sitting right in front of me.
So I spoke slowly, to give it weight. “—I think I feel the same way you do.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
It was true. I think it was the same kind of gratitude Haruka-chan felt for the light that Hinami had added to her life.
I loved the false brilliance that had made my life shine with so many colors.
“I guess it’s how she shines and brought color to the world I see.”
Of course, I couldn’t say in front of someone who believed in it that it was fake.
✦ ✦ ✦
I walked Haruka-chan home from the park. I’m sure if you were to count the time, we’d only been talking for less than an hour, but I couldn’t keep a middle schooler out too long when it was already this late.
The more I looked at Haruka-chan’s profile, the more I saw Hinami in her. It seemed like her suspicions of me had melted away completely, but I wasn’t sure if that was because she’d come to trust me or if reminiscing about her sister had warmed her up. The vibe between us was friendly at least.
“Um…the truth is, this is still a secret from my sister, but…”
“Yeah?”
Haruka-chan said a little shyly, “…I’ve been trying to be like her. Really doing my best…” Her brilliantly shining gaze was leveled at me. “So this year…I got to become student council president at my school!”
“Whoa!” I was surprised.
Haruka-chan studied me. “…Are things okay right now? Um, since she hasn’t gone to school, the student council…”
“Ahh…” I recalled what I’d heard from Izumi, and for a moment, I wondered if I should hide that…but I couldn’t lie. “…I hear there was an event they were working on, but since Hinami’s not there, they can’t move forward with it.”
“What…?”
“Oh, but that’s just proof of how capable your sister is!”
I tried to soften the blow a little, although I wasn’t sure if it worked. Haruka-chan went, “Hmm,” like she was thinking hard. Hinami wasn’t even able to continue with the job she’d taken on, and it was causing trouble for the people left behind. I’m sure this wasn’t the ideal sister Haruka-chan imagined.
Her fake brilliance was becoming truly fake.
Thinking about that made me feel a tightness in my chest.
“I kinda feel like I’ve learned a bunch about my sister that I didn’t know before,” Haruka-chan said sadly, with a smile like she was mulling over something important to her.
“…Me too.”
I knew a side of Hinami that Haruka-chan didn’t know, while she knew lots about Hinami that I didn’t.
But we had one thing in common—neither of us knew who Aoi Hinami really was.
Before saying farewell, I brought something up. “Um, Haruka-chan.”
“What is it?”
“…Do you mind if I come to talk again?”
I’d sent Hinami messages on LINE a number of times, but there was still no reply. The “read” notification might have given me hope, but it was the same as an indirect rejection.
I didn’t know what connecting with Haruka-chan would lead to. Maybe it would just be sharing our pain and making friends. But I wanted to hear about Hinami, even if it was simply from someone else who was close to her.
Haruka-chan was startled for a moment, but she smiled with relief and nodded. “Sure. I’d like to know lots about my sister, too!”
Hearing that took a load off my mind. “Um, so then it’d probably best to be able to contact you somehow, right? Like on LINE…”
Haruka-chan was clearly hesitant about that suggestion. “I-I’m sorry… I only use LINE with certain people…”
“Huh?”
Hold on a bit, even if you are hesitant to do it, we vibed enough that you would tell me anyway, right?
As I was confused, she said, “Um, we can do Insta.”
“Huh? Oh, okay. Is that how it works?”
I had no idea what the point was in using them in two different ways like that, but it seemed that in Haruka-chan’s world, that was how it was done. You put in all the work to learn LINE etiquette or whatever, and then as the world changes, new forms of etiquette just keep coming up. It never ends. At any rate, I was glad I had Instagram, even if it had been for an assignment.
“I’ll tell my sister you said hi, too,” she said.
“Oh, about that.”
Haruka-chan stared back at me.
“…Can you keep what we talked about today a secret from your sister?”
“…? Why?” Haruka-chan asked with genuine confusion.
Hmm, how should I explain it? “Ahh, if she finds out that I’m going to this trouble out of concern for her…it’d be a little embarrassing, I guess…”
“Embarrassing…?”
“Um, if she finds out that I’m worried enough that I came all the way to her house, she’d feel weird about it, you know?”
As I was being rather incoherent, Haruka-chan waffled for a bit. Eventually, something must have struck her. “Ah!” Her eyes widened in realization. “Ohhhh!”
“Hmm? What do you mean?”
And then with a mischievous expression that reminded me a lot of her sister, she said, “—You’re trying to get with my sister!”
“Hey! No! Listen…!” Come on, I have a girlfriend named Kikuchi-san…, I protested mentally.
But Haruka-chan still had that gotcha face. “So that’s why you were out waiting for her… I see!”
“Look! Hey— I’m not!”
“It’s okay! Your secret’s safe with me! See you, then!”
“Agh, come on! Like I said…!”
And so I wound up getting flustered because of a girl three years younger than me. Well, I’d let her take that win for the day.