“I did,” he admitted. “But after I came here and learned the truth about everything, I changed my mind. It’s not time for you to join us yet.”
A number of House Fanoss soldiers who’d also lost their lives in that war stood behind him. They followed his lead, bowing their heads. Among them was a young woman with a child. I somehow knew they must be the Black Knight’s wife and daughter.
While I stood there speechless, someone from the Alzer Republic stepped toward me. It took me a moment to recognize Serge, who looked to have mellowed out immensely since his death.
“My old man and sister would be in a real bind if you didn’t go back,” he said.
“Serge.” My mind flashed back to the moment I’d shot and killed him.
He forced a smile. It didn’t seem like he resented me for what I’d done to him. “No need to look all sentimental. I understand that you helped me out in the end, though that probably sounds weird coming from me, especially after all the trouble I caused. But yeah, you’ve got to go back. It’s for your own good too.”
Many of the onlookers hailed from the Alzer Republic; they offered me thin smiles as they watched.
I said nothing to Serge, too frozen to react.
Miss Hertrauda nudged my back as if trying to chase me through the gate. “There you have it. Now, please return. There is still much you need to do.”
“No! No, there isn’t! Come on, Luxion. Back me up here!” I threw him a pleading look.
Luxion seemed delighted at how many of them were trying to force me out. “This is karma,” he said. “It’s the path your actions laid. So many people want you to live on, Master.”
From anyone else, that would’ve sounded like a heartwarming line. “Any number of the dead just want you to survive, and you owe their support to your great deeds.” Yeah, how sweet. Except when it came from Luxion; then it just sounded sarcastic.
“Help me out, would you?!” I cried.
The Black Knight rose to his feet and started shoving me along as well. “Enough! You need to learn to give up. My lady is on the other side, awaiting you!”
He and Miss Hertrauda worked together to slowly force me toward the darkness. I fought with everything I had, bracing my feet and shoving back, but I couldn’t withstand them.
“You’re supposed to be dead! Stop butting in!” I said.
The Black Knight’s face reddened with rage. “Shut up!” he snapped. “You have good women waiting for you. But, for some reason, you’re desperate to throw it all away. You’re in the wrong here! I’ve finally gotten the chance to see my family again and apologize to them. You should be doing the same!”
Brave hovered over me, sighing in exasperation. “Just go back, okay?”
“I’m telling you guys, Luxion should go back, not me!”
“When you see my sister, I want you to give her a message,” Miss Hertrauda said. “Tell her I hold no grudge against her, and all I want is her happiness.”
“That’s way too sentimental for me! And I already told you guys, I’m not going back!”
Serge shrugged at me, shaking his head at my stubbornness. He joined the Black Knight and started shoving me too. “Since you are returning, tell my father I’m sorry I couldn’t be a son to him, and my sister I’m sorry I couldn’t be a brother to her. Got it?”
“Are you guys seriously going to treat me like your messenger boy?!”
Soon the others who’d lost their lives in wars I’d fought in threw their voices into the mix:
“We can’t have you dying now.”
“You need to keep going.”
“Yeah. We need you to live enough for all of us.”
Why were they all so intent on sending me back? I wasn’t the kind of person they seemed to think I was. I was manipulative, ordinary, and had an admittedly bad personality. I was a background character, and however hard I tried, I’d never be a protagonist. I’d only accomplished so much because I had Luxion. Without him, I couldn’t have done anything.
Brave hovered closer. “Could I ask you to deliver a message to my partner and Mia? Tell them I really enjoyed the time we spent together, and I’m sorry for leaving them behind.”
Like I said, too sentimental. Way too sentimental. Especially since I was the one who’d stolen him from Finn and Mia. What was he thinking, asking me to be his mailman?
No. Hold up. The bigger question was still why they all wanted me to keep living. Hadn’t I done enough? “You want me to go on shouldering everything? Why do I have to carry the weight of the world?! It’s too much for me!”
Brave stared back at me sorrowfully. “I feel bad about asking, honestly. But we can’t interfere with the living world anymore. Plus, I’ve got faith you’ll help my partner, Mia, and the rest of the imperials.”
I was struggling with all my might, but so many people had joined the effort to shove me toward the gate that I was getting dangerously close to falling over the threshold. One person had no chance against a crowd.
“All of you—every single person—want to rely on me to do everything! But I’m not the amazing hero you seem to think—” I choked back my words as my eyes landed on a group of soldiers from Holfort, people who’d fought alongside me and died in the process. Some among the crowd had also fought on the opposite side and lost their lives. All sorts had gathered around me.
“I admit I hated you deeply when I was alive,” one said to me.
Taken aback by his frankness, I couldn’t think of any reply.
The old soldier grinned at me. “You’re young, but you speak your mind. And you keep raising the bar, accomplishing what others cannot. I was envious. I decided to serve under your command and died out on the battlefield. I was real pissed off about that at first, but…”
Before he could finish, more people gathered and offered their own perspectives. They seemed to share his reasoning.
“Yeah. If we hadn’t fought with you, we couldn’t have protected our families.”
“We were able to die without any regrets thanks to you.”
“That’s why we hope you’ll keep serving the greater good and saving lives.”
What were they talking about? Any world that needed someone like me to save it was beyond salvation. I’d only managed to fight thanks to Luxion. Without him, I’d never have stepped in to help Holfort—not with all its political issues. How could they expect so much of an ordinary man like me?
“You’re pinning your hopes on the wrong person! Send Luxion back, not me!” I shouted at them. I was intent on struggling to the end, if that was what it took.
Someone strode forth from the crowd. I recognized her as the head elder at the elves’ village. She mumbled something at me, her voice hoarse and quiet as a whisper.
What’s she saying? I squinted at her.
“He cannot hear you,” Luxion informed her quickly.