DAY 118
MIDDAY
Oh, so window shopping is okay, but boob-window shopping isn’t?!
THE ROYAL PALACE OF THE KINGDOM
SOME PEOPLE CALLED some meeting thingy, so I peaced out and let Mr. Meridad and Royal Girl handle it.
“Mmrrph! Mrrggmph!”
The more pressing issue was the big X of tape on my mouth. How was I supposed to get that thing off? I yanked and tugged before I remembered I had the Liberation Staff slotted into the Universe Staff. Off came the tape. All those bondage and late-night escape-artist scenes finally came in handy!
“AAAaaahh. There we go. I’m guessing we’re spending the night here. What say we stroll around and check out the place first? Maybe grab something to eat?”
Wiggle wiggle.
The shops on the main avenues sold a wider variety of goods since I’d been here last, and every person I passed had a bigger spring in their step. The castle town was coming to life. I used Jupiter Eye to scan the multitude of merchandise, hunting for just the right addition to my inventory.
Then I saw a tiny bookstore—really, no more than a blanket on the ground with a handful of handwritten and handsome volumes spread across it. Naturally, I bought the whole stock. One book was a bog-standard fantasy story of a noble boy whose happy, halcyon days were wrested away from him in a tragic incident, thus setting him on the path of revenge. Another was a passionate, pathos-filled poem anthology crossed with a diary written by someone who would in modern parlance be referred to as a stalker. The third, a first-person narrative of a girl who lost her family, friends, and beaux in a monster attack. The fourth, a nonsensical, plodding treatise on theoretical political structures written by a no-name nobleman. The final book, and the most popular, was a guidebook called Walking Guide to the Frontier.
“The rest are copies of our new play. Y’know, the one about the Kingdom’s new legends.”
Jiggle jiggle.
The paper quality was shoddy—funny, ’cause so was the writing quality. The books were too short to contain anything of substance…but they were books. The first books and the first bookstore I’d found in this whole world.
“Good! That means the paper industry is taking off. Now the literacy rate will go up. What’s next? Movable-type printing presses? I bet the nerds can throw one together, but knowing them, they’ll only print porn mags… Maybe we don’t have them invent the printing press. So long as they explain the schematics to someone else, that’ll work. Right?”
Jiggle jiggle.
Peace and development went hand in hand. The longer the peace, the bigger the business boom. The more thriving businesses, the bigger the book shops—hence my search for good equipment, which would enable me to carry on this prosperity further. The Beast Kingdom was a lost cause, y’know? It had been infected with moe art, and it was only a matter of time before the nerds invented furry porn. I might have to check that out myself…
“Hey, old man. How much is this?”
“That fine ear cuff? A bit pricy, my boy, but the workmanship is worth every ele. A gift for your girlfriend, I pres—ooooh. Yikes. Never mind. A-ahem, no girlfriend, is it? Very well, I’m sure it’ll look lovely on…you… Aherm. Yes, a thousand ele should do it. No, no, I insist. Chin up, laddie, you’ll get yourself a nice girl someday. Don’t give up hope!”
I got the accessory at a major discount—and the only price was my broken heart. Oh, to be given such a pitiful look! The horror, the horr—actually, the bargain was pretty nice? I dragged myself away, maybe only a little despondent, and whenever I looked over my shoulder, the old man was still back there waving at me with the pity reserved for puppies left out in the rain. I had hoped for a nice bit of retail therapy, and all I got was the need for therapy!
“More prosperity means more shoppers and more…couples.” Sniff, sniff.
Bobble bobble.
Ooh, then I stumbled upon a shop selling cool necklaces and daggers—but I refused to buy any of them. I wouldn’t even ask the price! What was that “Couples 10% Discount” crap all about?! With anti-beastfolk discrimination eradicated, this world had moved onto its next target: single people! What a cruel, cruel wo—oh, hello there.
“Heh heh! Buying a ring for your girly, sonny boy? Bring her here, and you’ll get 10% of—waagh! F-forget I said anything! Th-that’ll be 7,500 ele.”
“I brought my slime. Does he count?”
Wiggle wiggle.
Well, that was embarrassing. I should’ve stuck to my guns and not bought anything there. Friggin’ normie store with its normie clientele all handholding in public. Friggin’ couples discount!
“Yeah, we’re totally a couple. There’s…two of us. Technically.”
Wiggle wiggle.
“Oh, bless your heart… You can have it for one thousand ele, honey.”
“No, it’s not what it looks li—”
“Shh, shh, shh. You don’t have to talk about it. Granny knows. Now, take your nice little trinket and run along.”
She gave me a ridiculous discount!
“Don’t give up!”
“Yeah! Don’t let it get to you. You’ll find someone someday!”
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea, kiddo!”
“We believe in you!”
Now all the nearby couples were pitying me! Their attempts at encouragement were agonizing! What was this—a market, or a trap for the forever alone?!
“We gotta get out of this dangerous accessory aisle, stat. Off to the blacksmith’s we go!”
Wobble wobble.
Yeesh! That place was more hazardous than a freaking ultimate dungeon.
“Hi, I’m looking for a hood, a pair of gloves, a pair of boots, and…a cape, maybe?”
I wanted equipment that could be equipped at my low levels and could slot with other pieces of my kit. The only actual “armor” in my possession was shoulder pads. I had nothing covering my chest, groin, or elbows, to say nothing of my knees. Most metal armor didn’t require high levels to equip, but their Traits were usually locked behind level walls—so what was the point in trying?
“Hmm…”
First things first, I wanted something that would augment my current cloth armor. Beyond that, I wanted as much defensive equipment as possible, but my low level prevented me from using any of their Traits. Good defensive equipment with low-level-friendly Traits tended to get snapped up by the wealthier denizens of this world, according to the shopkeepers I was friendly with.
“I used to be considerate about armor weighing me down when dodging, but I’m so messed up right now, dodging’s not on the table. I gotta get something that’ll stop me from getting OHKO’d. Problem is, everything for sale is too heavy and too expensive. And…not even that good.”
Wiggle wiggle.
Earlier, when I’d had this thought, I’d donned my shoulder shields and…watched them fly away without ever once protecting my shoulders. Welp.
“I don’t think this universe understands that shoulder shields are defensive gear…”
Jiggle jiggle.
Even if I made my own armor, I still wanted armor pieces I could model my work off of. And if I was going to pay money on something anyway, why not grab a piece of equipment I could use?
“‘Cowcatcher Kneepads: To be used for fighting cows. Power +50%. Certain Kill (only works on cows). +ATT.’ The hell? Why are these kneepads designed for a bovine battle? The only cow monsters I’ve seen were those minotaurs on the 99th floor of the first ultimate dungeon. And a low-level adventurer shouldn’t be fighting those!”
Boing boing.
The rest of the armor was no different—all useful only in ridiculously specific situations or just plain bad. “Take the ‘Bladed Elbowpads: Slash. +ATT.’ Rest your elbows on the table (yes, I know it’s bad manners; that’s not the point) and you’ll saw the whole table in half! Why would you need swords on your elbows for anything but elbowing? The rest of the time, you’ll be a walking hazard!”
I popped into here, window-shopped there. If there’s no good gear for me, I could still find something to sell back home. Maybe something for the girls. I dunno. I wandered hither and thither, and that was when I saw…it.
“You stick out like a sore, suspicious thumb. ‘Monster Leather Breastplate?’ Huh? Another piece of equipment with a question mark in its name. Appraisal tells me it’s made of ‘Leather?’ Question marks all the way down…”
Question marks were the heralds of choice gear. So, even though it took major MP, I used Jupiter Eye’s Wisdom Eye for a more thorough Appraisal. “Minotaur Leather Breastplate: Strength +30%. Physical and Magic Resistance (hyper). Slash and Penetration Resistance (hyper). +DEF. Slots three items.”
“Did the Cowcatcher Kneepads bag the beast that went into this breastplate? Yeesh!”
This was perfect for my needs, and I never would’ve known if not for Jupiter Eye.
“How much for the breastplate, pops?”
“That piece of junk? Not much, but you oughta consider a better ’un. Wouldn’t wanta die out there. That there’s made o’ monster pelt. Thick stuff, but you’d be better off gettin’ something reinforced with steel.”
Was he kidding me? This was minotaur leather. Minotaur! The strongest monsters I’d seen on the frontier yet. Plus, the Traits were drool-worthy.
“Nah, I’m good with this. How much do I owe you for it?”
“You sure? Well, it’s your funeral. You can take it off my hands for 2,000 ele. Now you save up and buy a better suit of armor, y’hear?”
What a kind old dude. The price was a steal even without the forever-alone discount. But his look of pity dealt major psychic damage…
“Wait. Did I just get a bunch of equipment for ubercheap ’cause the shopkeepers felt bad for me? Wow, let me cross off another square on my isekai bingo board…”