“Okay, okay, okay…I’ll just sum it all up. Do you wanna do sexy stuff with me?”
It was surprisingly a lot easier to just come right out with it. As my chin rested in my hand, my fingers tapped restlessly against my ear, making a sound like the patter of rain. Across the table, I saw her suck in a stiff breath. Her expression was fluctuating so fast, I was starting to worry she might make herself sick.
“For the third time, I really just, y’know…want your honest opinion on this. I want to make sure your needs are getting met.”
If I had to guess, that was what it meant to take someone seriously. Especially if that someone was your girlfriend. Girlfriend… The mere thought of the word made my skin itch. Sometimes I was surprised to remember I had a girlfriend. And right now, the girl in question was struggling with a particularly sensitive question.
“Ado…ma…waba…”
“What was that?”
I could practically see stars circling her head like a cartoon character. “Nnn,” she whimpered as she looked up at me. If only her tongue was as expressive as those puppy dog eyes. “What about you?”
Wait, what? Was that garbled mess supposed to count as her answer? Then again, it was obvious enough from her stammering and avoiding all eye contact. She could convey so many feelings without a single word, projecting them with her whole heart and soul…and that was probably what I loved about her.
“What about me?”
Her soaked eyes were in free fall, tilting down, then flashing back up at me. “You know…Shimamura…sexy…”
“Please don’t shorten it to that.”
My name is Shimamura Hougetsu, thank you very much. And yours is Adachi Sakura…y’know, A.S. Just one letter away from a really naughty word. As I was having these stupid thoughts, I ruminated on her question.
“Well, let’s see… Hmmm…” Put simply, she was more or less asking if I wanted to do sexual stuff, or if I ever looked at her in that way. Hmmm. I started ogling her up and down. “To be totally honest, I can’t say I’ve ever thought about it before.”
Being with her was fun, but I couldn’t recall ever picturing what she looked like under her clothes. I simply embraced the version of her that was already right in front of me. But maybe that fell short of her hopes. Could she accept it?
As she continued to peek up at me, her lips began to pout a bit. “Then forget it.”
“C’mon, don’t sulk…”
“I’m not. It’s not that… Okay, okay, okay. You want me to say it? I’ll say it… If you’re asking if I have…those thoughts…then, well, you know. But it has to be mutual.” She sat up straight, closing the distance between us. Indeed, whenever she wanted to make progress, she always charged forward. “So I’ll just wait…you know…until you get sexy.”
“…Adachi…”
I admired her courage, but also: Did she have to phrase it like that? My mind was going blank just trying to think of a response.
Still, I was surprised she had the patience to wait for it. In the past, she would have pounced without asking. Maybe she could tell how I felt. Well, if it was even a little bit reassuring for her, then…I was pretty satisfied.
“Sorry I’m so slow, Adachi.”
“You’renotyou’renotI’mfine.” She looked like she was about to pass out, and I hastily bit back a giggle.
“That being said, personally…I do want to show my appreciation for your kindness, so…you can touch me a little, as a treat.” I spread my arms wide, welcoming her to go wild.
“Hoh?” Her lips formed a perfect circle for her dopey grunt.
“Wherever you wanna touch me. Just one spot, but it can be anywhere.”
Since she was my girlfriend, it surely couldn’t hurt. For a moment I thought maybe I shouldn’t make this offer lightly, but I quickly thought better of it. This was Adachi I was talking to. No matter where she touched me, I wouldn’t be grossed out—only flustered at most. Love conquers all.
Meanwhile, she was still frozen in place, leaking steam from that perfect circle. “I can touch…your body…?”
“I mean, it doesn’t have to be mine… Wait, no, yes it does.” I could only give permission on my own behalf and no one else’s.
Her delicate fingertips bent slightly, as if tracing out each letter of touch. She glanced all around the room, then quietly curled into a ball, writhing and grinding her forehead against the floor. As she rolled around in the fetal position, she suddenly arched her body backwards like a shrimp, then just as suddenly curled up again. Her eyes were wide and empty as her sweat sprang to life, and I watched as her once-glossy lips withered and dried before my eyes. She was burning through all the energy in her body.
Wow. If I had to guess, Adachi agonized more powerfully than any other girl in the entire world. It was the first time I’d ever witnessed a human being wriggling like a bagworm in distress on the floor, and by my estimation, her mind was currently a bar brawl of conflict versus desire versus principles versus fear versus integrity. So who would win? Would desire mow the rest down with its roundhouse punch? Or would integrity leap in from the sidelines to seize victory fair and square?
More than ever, I was dying for a peek inside her head. I could imagine the screams were enough to fill a room floor to ceiling. But once she made it through this struggle, she would surely come out the other side having grown in some way.
Wait, really? Hang in there, Adachi!