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Don’t act like a food critic if you haven’t tried the brew from before.
I bet it was like chocolate liquor before they add any sugar—not that I’d tried that myself, but I think I’d read something about them using cacao drinks as a tonic in ancient South America.
“From the Age of Exploration,” Koizumi said. “Not an era modern sensibilities can approve of wholeheartedly, but the foodstuffs and produce found on the American continent that were brought back to Europe enriched the world’s cuisine, and for that, I am glad.”
“Tomatoes, too,” Haruhi said. “And chili pepper, potatoes, corn… I can’t even imagine what Italians ate before tomatoes were imported to Europe.”
Taking a break from the Tsuruya problem, she spent a moment pondering medieval Italian cuisine, but as she lifted her mug…her hands froze.
“Sugar…tomatoes…”
Haruhi set the mug down, staring into Asahina’s original blend.
“Not didn’t add it… Couldn’t,” she muttered, cryptically. “Kyon! Imagine pizza without tomato, chili pepper, potatoes, or corn.”
The pizza shops’ menus would be much shorter.
“It wouldn’t even count as pizza! It’s missing several vital ingredients.”
What’s your point? We can do a deep dive on the history of pizza some other time.
Koizumi seemed to have caught her drift.
“A vital component is missing… If that was a story, we would consider it incomplete. Yes?”
“Exactly, Koizumi.”
Can’t believe you got it from that. Well done, Professor of Haruhi-ology.
“So?” I said. “What’s incomplete?”
“Naturally,” Haruhi said, resuming that grin of hers. “Tsuruya’s problem and the third episode.”
I looked at T. She was playing with the sugar-stick and made up her mind to actually add it to the guest mug.
“Why did Tsuruya send us a mystery game in the first place?”
We’re going that far back?
“Not just because Tsuruya is a die-hard mischief-maker?”
Haruhi waggled her fingers dismissively at this suggestion.
“When did you find out Tsuruya was like that? We certainly get that impression from reading these three episodes, but the actual time we’ve spent with her gave no indication she was so dedicated to mischief, she’d go concocting an elaborate game like this. She was always just a fun, easygoing, cheery upperclassman.”
Now that you mention it… Given the time difference, sending all these e-mails from America or wherever was definitely a lot of effort.
Who would do that without a good reason?
So what was her reason?
Haruhi turned the blade of her smile on our cowering guest.
“Perhaps we should ask T.”
Her voice grew uncharacteristically gentle.
“Tell us, T. How much of these episodes are made-up?”
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T spent a long moment stirring her Asahina blend with a spoon, eyes scanning the table, but having determined there was no spoon rest available, she let go. There was the soft sound of metal tapping against pottery.
“I have no idea why you’ve reached that conclusion,” she said, meeting Haruhi’s eyes with grace and a faint smile. “And I’d like to know where we went wrong.”
So did I. What’s going on, Haruhi?
“For one thing, why is T here?” Haruhi took a sip of her sugared blend. “I had T pegged as Tsuruya’s plant and coconspirator. I figured that’s why she had to be in the room on the day Tsuruya sent these e-mails. And since you found the bug, Kyon, that went from suspicion to confirmed fact. With me so far?”
No arguments here.
Haruhi gave me a satisfied nod. “Second—you said it yourself, Kyon. The timing issue.”
The e-mails certainly arrived with uncanny timing, and that was why I thought there must be a bug somewhere.
“Before that, even,” Haruhi said, picking up her copy of Episode Three. “Your first take on this story. Remember?”
What was it again?
“You said the following:
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“‘Tsuruya being overseas on family business and at a party for the launch of a new project, sure. But did cases involving people with extremely specific name gimmicks actually happen?’
“Ring a bell?”
Can’t believe you remember that. Also, don’t try to imitate me. It’s creepy. Also, Koizumi, I’m sure you snapped your fingers as a sign of agreement, but it’s super smug, so don’t ever do it again.
“But sure, I did say that. What of it?”
“That’s the answer, isn’t it? It just so happened that Tsuruya left Japan a few days ago. It just so happened that she encountered a mystery at a party overseas. It just so happened that Tsuruya knew both the victim and the culprit. It just so happened that the victim said something to her that sounded like a dying message. It just so happened that the culprit’s name lent itself to a narrative trick. How many coincidences are we gonna rack up here?”
That was certainly the most uses of just so happened I’d ever heard in a single paragraph. Far too many. Any more, and we’d have to retire the phrase for good.
“I admit, it’s one coincidence too many,” I said. Not that I’m trying to be T’s lawyer here. “It may well be true that three coincidences equals a conspiracy, but that doesn’t prove anything. Do you have any more tangible evidence that these stories are fictitious?”
“I have several pieces of corroborating evidence.” Haruhi waved a hand at the pile of printouts on the table. Guess she was the prosecutor here. “Figuring out the third episode was set overseas allowed us to uncover the language deception, which in turn allowed us to narrow down the actual wording of the dying message. That led us to speculate that the first two episodes were also international and gave birth to the notion that the girl in those two stories was actually T, not Shouko.”
All true.
“Pretty dang unnatural, right? Just as Episode Three had that thing about oncoming traffic, there ought to have been hints in the first two episodes that this was not Japan. She could easily have added those. It’s actively weird that none cropped up.”
Were there really none?
“I mentioned one. But how high the sun was in Episode One doesn’t really tell us if they’re in summer in a high-latitude country or just at a longitude where the sun sets on the late side.”
Maybe she figured one hint they were abroad was enough.
“If you’re making a deduction game, you have to be thorough,” T insisted.
Haruhi shot her a look.
“Speaking of unnatural,” Koizumi said, breaking his silence, “the sights described in Episode Two certainly qualify. Are any real harvest festivals that outlandish?”
“And if we’re doubting the reality of things,” Haruhi said, “one character really stands out.”
Her eyes met T’s.
“Does Shouko even exist?”
T almost answered, then stopped herself. Clearly deciding she was better off hearing Haruhi out first.
“The entirety of Episode Three is suspect,” our chief continued. “The crime took place in a reception room adjacent to the party venue. Given the size of the party, I imagine this was not a small room. And there were a lot of people attending the event. Yet somehow, the doctor and the card comedian were alone together? Seems unlikely.”
“As is the fact that Tsuruya was the only person who heard the scream and went running,” Koizumi added.
So…what? First, a string of coincidences, now a list of unlikely events?
“There’s a simple explanation for this list of coincidences and improbable turns,” Haruhi said with an extra-strength grin. “All three stories Tsuruya sent us were completely made-up.”