The following day, Amane found Itsuki sitting in his own seat and clearly in a bad mood. Of the two, Amane was usually the one who arrived at school first, but apparently, Itsuki had left home quite early that morning. Looking at Itsuki’s complexion, unaffected by the cold outside, Amane deduced that his friend must have arrived much earlier. Yet he also sensed that Itsuki’s anger had eased considerably compared to before the parent-teacher conferences, which signaled that Itsuki’s meeting didn’t go too terribly. “Mornin’. Looking pretty glum.” “Morning. That’s the first thing you have to say?” Amane greeted Itsuki casually, in a totally normal way, and Itsuki turned away from the window and smiled at him in apparent exasperation. Itsuki’s attitude confirmed Amane’s assumptions. Amane shrugged and said, “It’s all over your face. How was yesterday?” “You wanna hear about that?” “I don’t know if I want to hear about it exactly, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate it if I danced around the subject. I figured you’d get all sulky about how I wasn’t giving you enough attention.” “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with how well you know me, Amane…” “Yeah, well, you should be used to it by now.” Itsuki was the type of person who would tell someone to come at him openly if they were holding back, so being too solicitous was sure to irritate him. In which case, Amane felt it was better for Itsuki emotionally if he asked directly, even if it was a little rude. Looking at Itsuki’s subtle relief, Amane could tell he hadn’t made a mistake. “Well, we still haven’t reached any agreements. Just as I thought, he still expects me to stay here no matter what, so he’s not gonna go along with any of my opinions. He got pissed at me just for decidin’ which subjects to take entrance exams in.” “Ah.” Amane was also doing basically the same thing, but his parents, who were largely supportive, and Itsuki’s father, who was trying to hold Itsuki back, were getting completely opposite results. Amane felt a little bad about it. “Well, I’ve already turned in the forms, so…” “So you’re fighting back.” “That’s all I can do, man. If I’m timid about it, I’ll get forced into doing what my father wants, so I plan to push back with all my might. The only choice left is brute force.” Itsuki, choosing defiance over sulking, sighed and added, “I’m in a real bind…” But his eyes were shining with a forward-looking brilliance. “Luckily, my mom started standing up to my dad, so I’m gonna make it work. She’s saying stuff like ‘See, I told you—even if you try to get back at him and force him to do what you want, it will never work,’ and ‘Didn’t I tell you? If you push him too hard, he’ll explode, then he won’t listen to your instructions or your advice,’ and ‘That’s enough already—stop it.’” “Your mom sure is strong.” “I don’t know whether to call her egotistic, uptight, or just decisive, but she always gets straight to the point and hates it when people aren’t being reasonable.” From what Amane knew of her, she seemed a much blunter woman than most mothers, and Itsuki, her son, likely shared that view. “I think our parents aren’t exactly normal,” Itsuki continued. “You know, it’s not like my mom isn’t interested in my future, but she’s, like, way more hands-off. I do what I want; she leaves me to it.” “Well, it sounds like she approves, so isn’t that a good thing for you?” “The flip side is she also tells me, ‘You have to work hard to make sure you pass those exams. This is what you said you wanted, so we’re not going to baby you afterward. Put your money where your mouth is.’” “…Uh, well, that’s good, I guess. Yeah.” Amane thought that was a rather extreme way of putting it, but it also seemed to be a way of motivating Itsuki, so Amane couldn’t criticize her. “That’s true. She’s just telling me I gotta give it my all.” “We’d both better bring our A game, huh?” When it came down to it, it was a solid, undeniable fact that they had no choice but to put in the work. As fellow test takers next year, they both had to be determined. “You’ve already decided and turned everything in, too, right?” “Basically, yeah. I don’t have a clear idea of what kind of job I want, but there is a field I’m interested in studying, and I know I want to be able to support myself. I can decide exactly what I want to do later, and I figure even if I can’t do what I’m interested in for work, I can keep it as a hobby or something.” “If you’ve decided that much, I’d say you’re good to go. Plus, I bet thinking about a life with Miss Shiina is pretty good motivation, huh?” “Shut up.” “Heh-heh-heh, you can even live together in college!” “Listen, you—” The second his mood turned around, Itsuki was off and running with the teasing. Just as Amane was starting to feel the muscles in his face tighten up, a gentle voice cut through the scene. “Itsuki, if you tease him too much, Fujimiya’s eventually going to get back at you.” Turning in the direction of the voice, they saw Yuuta, wearing his usual calm, soft expression. He was taking off his backpack. “Yuuta, huh? Mornin’.” “Morning, both of you.” “Morning.” Yuuta, composed as always, briefly cautioned Itsuki, “Don’t overdo it,” and after hanging his backpack off his chair, he came back over. “How’d the conversation end up there anyway?” he asked. “Ah, we were talking about parent-teacher conferences,” Amane explained. “Then we got into our future plans, and for some reason, this guy couldn’t mind his own business.” “Are you saying it’s none of my business? Isn’t he mean?!” “You’ve been hounding him. I think he’s well within his rights here.” “You’re not gonna take my side, Yuuta?” “Nope.” Yuuta nodded nonchalantly, like it was the only reasonable response, and Itsuki reeled overdramatically as though he had received some huge shock. The other boys knew he was just screwing around, so Amane and Yuuta paid him no mind and looked at each other. “Everyone’s really worked up about these meetings, huh?” “I guess so. Maybe it makes the impending exams feel more real.” “How can you guys be so casually cruel?” Itsuki recovered immediately from his pretend injury and snapped at them in a somewhat resentful tone, but he seemed ready to join the conversation—not angry whatsoever. The three knew perfectly well that these exchanges occurred simply because this was Itsuki’s sense of humor, so when Amane heard Chitose and her friends talking a short distance away, saying things like “Itsuki sure does love acting silly like that” and “He always does when he’s with them,” he wished he could tell them to keep it down so Itsuki couldn’t hear them. “Your meeting is the day after tomorrow, right, Kadowaki?” “Yeah. I’m glad it’s on a day when my sisters aren’t around.” “Seems like they might wanna come.” “Ah-ha-ha…and I would firmly refuse, of course.” Amane had never met Yuuta’s big sisters in person, but he had learned through secondhand accounts that they were intense. As an only child, Amane tried to sympathize with Yuuta. “Have you already decided what you’re going to do, Kadowaki?” “Yeah. For now, I’m aiming for a sports scholarship, and if that doesn’t work out, then I’ll take the standard exams.” “You really get results during your matches, Yuuta… It’s totally possible for you.” Even during his time as a second-year student, Yuuta did remarkably well, and Amane had seen him up on the winner’s podium plenty of times, so he didn’t doubt that Yuuta was the sort of talent who could achieve something like that. After all, Yuuta wasn’t only good at sports; he had good grades, too, so he definitely had plenty of options. “I hope you’re right. There are plenty of other guys just as good as me. I’ve got to keep up with my training, still.” “You’re being kind of hard on yourself there, Yuuta.” “Says Fujimiya, the king of self-deprecation?” “Hey!” “Heh-heh, just joking.” “Even Yuuta thinks you put yourself down, man!” “Nobody asked you.” Amane was willing to admit that he could be self-deprecating, but now he had a lot more confidence. He was working on improving himself, so that even when he occasionally grew insecure and became aware of his self-mockery, he would be able to think positively. He could overcome much more now. Itsuki’s teasing was another kind of innocent fun, so Amane gave him a deliberately pouty look and stopped there. “It’s a simple fact that I still have a long way to go. It’s worth the effort to improve myself, and my coach also says I have room for growth and that I’d better work hard at studying and sports.” “So the ace of the track and field club is a real hard worker, huh?” “My place at the top could be taken away in the blink of an eye if I don’t work hard, you know. I don’t plan on giving that up until I graduate, and I’d like to lead the other members with pride as captain before that happens.” “Captain, huh…? Sounds tough.” Amane remembered that Yuuta had taken up the post of club captain right after summer vacation and expressed his concern over how difficult Yuuta’s busy schedule seemed. Yuuta himself didn’t seem too worried and said matter-of-factly, “Well, everyone on the team is really dependable, so there’s actually not a ton for me to do.” He continued, “Kazuya’s my vice-captain, and we have the coach there. It helps that all the members are reliable— I actually feel bad that I don’t do much.” “They’re coming into their own by carefully studying their captain.” “Yeah.” “Flattery will get you nowhere, you know.” “I was just trying to make you blush.” Itsuki grinned, teasing again. Without showing the slightest sign of agitation, Yuuta stared back at him with the same grin. “Ohhh? Well then, let me try to make you blush, too, Itsuki. Listen, Fujimiya, the other day, Itsuki—” “I’m so sorry—please forgive me!” Amane couldn’t help but be stunned by how quickly Itsuki had reversed course, but his humble apology signaled to Amane that Itsuki had done something he really didn’t want Amane to know about. However, with Yuuta having been interrupted midsentence, Amane would unfortunately never know. He was certain it was something that put Itsuki at a disadvantage, though. “What did you do? Or rather, what were you trying to do?” “It was nothing—don’t ask!” “Ah-ha-ha! Itsuki’s eyes are pleading for forgiveness, so I’ll let it go.” “So Kadowaki has the strongest defense against Itsuki…?” Yuuta’s easygoing laughter lacked any trace of malice, which Amane thought really showed his strength. It seemed like the secret would be useful for keeping Itsuki in check. Amane was certain that Itsuki would make a sour face if he knew what he was thinking. Amane imagined his expression as he looked to Yuuta, who was wearing his inexhaustible smile. Mahiru’s parent-teacher conference was relatively late, so Amane had been killing time studying in the library, and when he got word from her that she was finished, he headed toward the lockers where they had arranged to meet. Not wanting Mahiru to walk home alone, he requested time off from work that day as well. Watching through the window as the sun began to sink, Amane walked through the now-silent school, and when he arrived in the entryway, Mahiru, who had gotten there before him, was changing into her loafers, phone in hand. The soft vermilion of the setting sun streamed in through the open doors, vividly coloring Mahiru’s flaxen hair. Partially because there were no other students around, she looked somewhat lonesome standing there by herself. “You got through it.” Unable to wait any longer, Amane called out to her, and Mahiru, who had been looking down at her phone, raised her head and put on an airy, graceful smile. “Sorry you had to stay late. Thank you for waiting for me.” He could almost see Mahiru’s eagerly wagging tail as she trotted toward him—or as close as she could get while wearing her outside shoes. It was so cute, it nearly made him groan, but of course that would seem suspicious, so he cleared his throat to disguise it and lightly stroked her soft hair. “It’s fine—it was my choice. I should be apologizing for making you wait. It’s cold over here.” “Always taking responsibility. You must be trying to not let it bother me.” “Why are you so good at seeing through me?” “Heh-heh, I am, aren’t I? More importantly, thank you.” “Sure thing.” Amane was glad she understood how he thought, but it was awkward to be seen through so completely, so his embarrassment won out. A reserved yet amused laugh escaped Mahiru’s lips; she was even able to read Amane’s embarrassment. Uncomfortable, he turned away to open his shoe locker. “…So how’d it go?” Amane asked Mahiru with some hesitation. The two were walking home at a relaxed pace. “Hmm.” Mahiru sounded conflicted immediately. It seemed like she was trying to decide what exactly the question referred to, but there wasn’t any anguish in her tone, and based on her lighthearted demeanor, she had likely already come to her own conclusion. “That’s a hard question to answer. You know how understanding they’ve been this past year and a half about my parents not coming to these things, or at least, they accepted it when I said my parents weren’t coming. Though our teacher did make a sour face.” “I guess that’s to be expected.” “There’s nothing I can do about it at this point, though.” Mahiru had already said she was operating on the assumption that they would never show up. She lowered her eyes in resignation and let out a tired sigh. “Honestly, it bothers me when they pay it too much mind. I told the teacher ahead of time, and yet when it actually came time for the interview, there was this gloom in the air… It made me care more than I would have.” “It’s a delicate issue. I’m sure the teacher was anxious about how to approach things, too.” “Sure, but it still doesn’t feel very good to be treated with kid gloves. Especially when my situation doesn’t bother me in the first place.” “Still, it must bother the teachers. There were no issues with the meeting itself?” “No, I put in a decent amount of effort, you know, so the teacher isn’t worried about my grades at all. There’s no problem there or with my behavior, so considering the average scores required to get into the college I want, they said I should be more than qualified. If possible, I’d like to go for early admission, but if I can’t pass the test, I’ll go for regular admission.” If Mahiru had any trouble getting into college, most of the other students would have trouble, too, so their teacher’s evaluation of her chances was probably accurate. If there was anything to say, it was probably the same thing Amane’s teacher had said to him about not participating in any clubs. But Mahiru had all the other qualifications, and she was being proactive about taking her practice exams, so that didn’t seem like it would be such a serious strike against her. What Amane was most curious about was something they had been deliberately avoiding discussing in-depth: the path Mahiru wanted to take. “What are your plans for the future, Mahiru?” “If possible, I’d like to go to the school you’re aiming to get into, Amane. We’ll be in different departments, though.” Amane was taken aback by how quickly she answered. Mahiru chuckled a little. “Ah, it’s not that I decided on this path just because I want to be close to you. I chose this on my own. Naturally, I wouldn’t let a relationship decide my future.” “Right, I know. You’re not the type to leave something like that up to someone else.” “Heh-heh, I don’t think we have to be stuck together anyway… There is something I can’t make up my mind about, though.” “Oh?” “Well, supposing things work out and we go to the same college… These apartments will be a little inconvenient, right? I mean, the campus is kind of far. But I do like this location.” “Mm, you’re right. Commuting would take over an hour each way, huh? I think that’s still on the shorter side, but it would be better if we could shorten the commute to something like we have now.” Amane wanted to attend one of the colleges in the city, but since the school was in central Tokyo, if they lived outside the twenty-three wards like they did now, commuting would mean walking to a station and taking a train, which would take quite some time. Although it would take less time than commuting from another prefecture entirely, Amane wanted to shorten the commute as much as he could. Commuting to college would take energy, so if he could live closer, it would also give him more peace of mind. “That said, I wouldn’t be able to see you so freely if I lived in a dorm, and I don’t really like communal living anyway. I hate sharing a bathroom, and I don’t like it when people are too loud. So I’m not interested in that.” “Same here. I would be so lonely if I couldn’t see you anymore.” “Well then, we’d better look into moving to a different apartment building… Is it selfish for me to say I don’t want to be apart from you, Mahiru?” Amane firmly opposed the idea of separating for college after putting so much effort into their relationship and living next door to each other. Mahiru seemed to share his sentiments. Waves rippled through her flaxen hair as she shook her head and smiled. “A-about that, I was actually thinking, um… I… If I can, I want to stay with you.” “Great, I’m glad.” Although Amane was happy that she didn’t want to be apart from him, he realized he first had to consult with his parents about moving. He had already told them which university he wanted to attend, so considering they had already acknowledged he would continue living alone, he figured it ought to be pretty easy to get their approval, so long as rent didn’t change much. That said, he feared it might be difficult to find a place with proper security and similar rent, even if he was willing to compromise on apartment size. Even if he chose a place a little farther away from school, where prices were lower, there would likely be quite a difference compared to some place outside of Tokyo proper. When he thought about that, it wasn’t so easy to say he was ready to move. He put his hand over his mouth, humming as he thought about what to do, and Mahiru looked up at him anxiously. Seeing her like that, Amane suddenly thought of one possibility. “At this point, it might be easier if we moved in together.” “Wh—?” “I was just thinking, if we got a place together, our rent would stay at a reasonable level. Besides, it’d be nice to see each other coming and going.” It was a simple idea—all of their various bills, including water and electricity, would be cheaper if they rented one big apartment together rather than two smaller apartments separately. Amane didn’t think it was a bad one. He also had a feeling his parents would wholeheartedly approve of him sharing a place with Mahiru. Amane was already calculating rent costs as he casually scrolled through real estate listings near his university of choice, but Mahiru gave a vague, unclear response. He couldn’t tell whether it was affirmative or not. “…Th-that’s true…” “Mahiru?” He thought it was a brilliant idea, but Mahiru’s expression was stiff and brooding… Or rather, there was bewilderment and bashfulness spread across her face. “You think it would be all right to live with me, Amane?” Mahiru mumbled. Amane dropped his phone in his lap after hearing her question. …Wait, did I just say we should live together? He’d been talking without thinking, so he hadn’t even realized what he was saying, but that was basically it. That was how Mahiru was taking it as well. As soon as he became aware of it, his thoughts were instantly churned into a chaotic mess. Agitated and flying into a panic, he waved his hand back and forth vigorously, driven by a mix of overwhelming embarrassment at his proposal, astonishment at his own poor judgment, and guilt for confusing Mahiru. “S-sorry, that was an incredibly selfish thing for me to say! I’m sure you need your own private space, and that’s not the kind of decision I can make on my own, is it?! I guess I was just thinking about the future, and, I mean, being happier t-together—maybe it would help me do better in school, and… Anyway, s-sorry.” He knew he’d better grovel after charging ahead without consulting Mahiru’s wishes, so he gestured frantically in a panic, apologizing the best he could. But Mahiru just stared at Amane. It looked more like exasperation than anger. “Apologizing makes it sound like I’m criticizing you.” “Th-that wasn’t my intention, but, I mean, it’s true that I said something totally selfish.” “When you say ‘something totally selfish,’ you mean something that was solely for your own convenience, without any consideration for what I want?” “Yes.” “…Then it wasn’t selfish.” He thought he had misheard her. He doubted his own ears, because the words he heard seemed far too convenient. But when he looked enthusiastically at Mahiru, her cheeks were unbelievably red, and she was pointedly looking up at Amane with expectant, damp eyes. Amane wasn’t stupid enough to think her expression meant she hated the idea. When he realized she actually wanted to spend more time together—to live together under one roof—he suddenly grew hot, like a fire had ignited deep in his chest, and the heat surged all the way up to his eyes. “It’s all right if I accept your invitation, isn’t it?” she asked, trying to keep her embarrassment in check. “…Yes.” In response to her unassuming question, Amane felt his heart begin to pound, and the sound of it seemed to urge his body on as he quietly gave his consent. “I’m glad.” “Me too.” Regardless of how much time he had spent with Mahiru, or how close they had become, there was nothing Amane could do to relieve the awkwardness of that moment. After all, they had both just agreed to move in together. As of now, Mahiru went back and forth between their apartments, and they were together most of the time, but even so, actually living together was a completely different story. After so vehemently shutting down Itsuki’s jests about them living together, Amane felt extremely disconcerted that he had asked Mahiru without even realizing it. At the same time, Mahiru saying yes completely washed away the embarrassment with a wave of joy. Mahiru reacted with a little embarrassment, and she gazed back at Amane with a cherubic smile that had a hint of bashfulness. “Even now, I’m plenty happy, but still, I could meet you at the door every day, or you could meet me, and I could tell you good-night right before bed, and we could set off on errands from the same place, you know? Just imagining it—it sounds super nice. It’s a happy thought, eh-heh-heh!” Amane was captivated by her gratified, sheepish smile that mirrored her bashful words. Then Mahiru’s expression turned vaguely uneasy, like she had suddenly realized something. “Ah, I w-wonder if we ought to go see your p-parents about this? It doesn’t feel right to decide all on our own; you’re still their son, after all…” “Hmm, well, you’re probably right, but I think my mom and dad will be happy. If we’re doing that, maybe I should go see Miss Koyuki, too…?” When it came to Mahiru’s parents, her father was more complicated, but her mother seemed completely indifferent to Mahiru, so Amane had deliberately left them out of the discussion, as he figured there was no need to bring her down, and he was glad Mahiru hadn’t noticed. When the moment came, Amane intended to send her father, Asahi, the only one of her parents he could contact, an announcement that he was carrying Mahiru away. For now, he wanted Mahiru to think only happy thoughts. “I know Miss Koyuki cares about you, and I think she might get worried if you have a strange man living with you. I think we’re at the point where I should go and pay my respects first.” “Y-you’re right. I also want to go and see her, and introduce you to her, and let you hear all her stories… I definitely want to make time to go and do that.” “O-okay, let’s do that.” Their flurry of a conversation continued for a short while, but after thinking about it more carefully, they realized they were getting ahead of themselves. They hadn’t even passed the school’s entrance exams yet. Now aware of their rampant enthusiasm, the two burst out laughing. Even so, the fact that they had exchanged a definite promise about the future was certainly enough to lodge a great deal of hope and joy in their hearts. “We better give those exams everything we’ve got.” “Yeah, I’ll put in the work to make sure I pass. We’ve got a lot to do.” “You’ve added to your own workload, though, Amane.” “Guess I did. Well, I made that decision knowing I have exams coming up and everything, so I’ll take responsibility and keep working until I meet my goal, and I won’t let up on my studies, either.” Amane was prepared for the added responsibility when he first took up his part-time job. He didn’t intend to start slacking off now. He had chosen his path because he believed he could handle it. “I’m not going to argue, since this is what you chose, Amane. All I can do is cheer you on and help you out day-to-day.” “No, you should prioritize your own things, Mahiru. My responsibilities are my own business.” “I’m just going to do what I feel like. I won’t overdo it.” “…And I don’t suppose you’ll compromise on that?” “Heh-heh, that’s the kind of person I am.” “I know.” Both Mahiru and Amane had gradually come to know and understand each other over the past year, so they both knew that once the other made up their mind about something, they wouldn’t concede. It was extremely important to them both to respect and value their partner’s decisions. Amane resolved once more that this was the secret to being able to live comfortably together, and he squeezed Mahiru’s hand after she sweetly leaned in close. …A chance to talk, huh? He thought about what they had just discussed and silently turned the words over in his mouth. He decided that once Mahiru went home, he would keep working on the partially written email that was sitting in his drafts folder.
Chapter 198
23 min read