At Her Majesty’s command, homeroom began. I rested my chin in my hand.
Look at that smug expression on her face. Must be easy being a teacher if all you need is a harsh word to keep your class in line.
I wasn’t stupid enough to voice my complaints out loud.
✦ ✦ ✦
The school day came to an uneventful end, as usual.
“Home time!” Ozu cheered. “Let’s go—”
“W-W-Wait... Have you... H-Have you got a second?”
“Huh?”
It was one of our classmates who had spoken, but I couldn’t understand what anyone other than Ozu would want with me. I didn’t even know this guy. I knew he sat on the other side of the classroom, but I couldn’t put a name to the face at all. I took a wild guess and decided it was probably Suzuki.
I was completely baffled. He looked completely baffled too.
“O-Ooboshi. S-S-Someone’s here to s-see you!”
“What’s with the stuttering?”
“Sh-Shu-Shut up! Y-Y-Y-You’d be st-stuttering too! I-I mean, sh-she’s... she’s just so hot! Sh-She’s waiting i-in the c-c-corridor. It-It’s a first-year!”
“Oh.”
There was only one “first-year girl” who could cause this kind of reaction that I knew of.
“She’s super well-dressed, but not in a flashy way, y’know?! Sh-She’s smart, polite to everyone, and she’s an honor student! She’s just so perfect! Y-You’re so lucky that she’s here for you, Ooboshi! W-Were you a saint in your past life or something?!”
“Meh, more likely a crook like Robbin’ ’Ood.” I sighed, left probably-Suzuki behind me and headed into the corridor.
“Hiya, Ooboshi-senpai!”
There was Kohinata Iroha, grinning at me. Not that I was expecting anyone else, since she was the only girl I spoke to. I still had no idea what she wanted, though. So I asked.
“What do you want?”
“Huh? You don’t look pleased to see me.” She blinked at me.
I hated this innocent act of hers when she was playing the courteous honor student. The fact was, much as I struggled to believe it, her grades were impeccable.
I knew what she was really like, though. She couldn’t fool me.
“Why would I be? What’s the point of calling me, just for me to go and get Ozu for you?”
“Because I don’t want to see him. I want to see you.”
“Quit talking like that, and go back to acting like the crazy dumbass I know you are.”
“Whatever are you talking about?” she asked softly, as though reprimanding me for daring her to misbehave in a place of learning.
Now she was trying the puppy-dog eyes on me. In reality, she was a sneaky snake. The students streaming out of the classroom behind me had no idea. They shot glances our way, the girls looking confused while the boys’ eyes blazed with jealousy.
“What. You wanna walk home together?”
“That’s right!” Iroha trilled with a bright grin.
I was glad she was so short. If the petty boys behind me were able to see how she smiled at me, I’d be in for it. They’d wonder about our relationship. What we were, how far we’d gone, etc., etc. Didn’t matter if I replied aggressively, or politely told them no, we weren’t an item, it’d be a massive pain in the ass either way. Not to mention that I wouldn’t be able to blend into the background anymore.
“Fine. Lemme just grab my stuff, and I’ll get Ozu too.”
I wanted to avoid hanging out with her right outside the classroom if I could avoid it. The possibility of a misunderstanding occurring was going up with each passing second. I spun around to head back into the room.
“Oh, don’t bother getting my brother,” she called after me cheerfully.
“Huh? Why not?”
They lived in the same apartment, and I lived right next to them. It made perfect logical sense for all three of us to go home together.
Iroha began to sway bashfully. Her cheeks were tinged pink as she spoke in a shy, quiet voice.
“D-Do you really have to ask me in front of all these people? I... I want it to be just you and me...”
“I told you to stop talking like that! I don’t even like you, but you’re making my heart twinge!” I took a step back to distance myself from her.
Iroha stared at me in shock.
“How... How could you say something so cruel?” she sniffed. “We’re supposed to be going out...”
It was the worst thing she could have said.
“I beg your pardon?!” I snapped loudly.
“Don’t you remember how we made love so passionately yesterday? And now you’re saying you don’t like me? Are you just... playing with my heart?”
“We’re not going out! I was trying to get you out!”
“Please don’t make a scene! When you’re so loud, it reminds me of when we’re alo—”
“Stop blushing! People are just gonna get the wrong idea!”
I was sure that her words just now were clearly audible inside the classroom, and I could feel the curious stares of my classmates burning into me. To say it was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Just then, Ozu appeared, summoned no doubt by our shouting match.
“Aki, what’s the matter?” Then, he spotted Iroha. “Huh? What are you doing here?”
“Hi!” Iroha bowed her head and gave him her bestest, sweetest, honor-studentest smile.
Ozu knew what she was really like, so it was no wonder he looked as confused as I did. He opened his mouth to say something, but Iroha carried on before he had the chance.
“Aki-senpai and I are dating!”
“I... Wh...?”
“Oh my God! I can’t take it anymore! Get your ass over here, Iroha!”
“Eek!”
I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the classroom door. With Iroha in tow, I stomped down the hallway as fast as I could, only stopping to catch my breath when we reached a deserted stairwell.
“What the hell was that all about? Is this some kind of newfangled scam?!”
“It’s not a scam!” she said sweetly. “I mean, we’re basically dating, right?”
“Quit the act.”
“Ouch! You’re so cold, Senpai.” She giggled. “It’s not like anybody was falling for that, anyway!”
Iroha returned to her usual self once she noticed we were really alone. She was doubled-over with laughter and struggling to catch her breath.
“I mean, you said you’d be in trouble if you had a girlfriend, right? So I decided to take that spot!”
“That’s some twisted logic you got there...”
“It’s really not deep enough to be talking about ‘logic.’”
“Whatever. No one’s gonna believe you anyway.” I sighed and prepared to walk away.
Iroha began to twiddle with a strand of her hair.
“I dunno. I think it’s pretty believable.”
“I don’t care what you think. It’s not. All you’ve got going for you is your looks. We’re totally incompatible.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m way too gorgeous for a plain-lookin’ dude like you.”
I kind of wished she’d sugarcoated that. But whatever.
“Anyway,” Iroha continued, “if you told everyone we were dating, they’d be like: ‘Yeah, dream on, virgin!’ But if I tell them, they’ll all believe me!”
“So what you’re saying is, they’d believe you but not me?”
“Yup!” She smiled at me cheerfully.
“Gimme a break...” I looked towards the ceiling in exasperation and applied palm to face. “Look, this concerns my whole future, okay? So please stay out of it.”
I needed Tsukinomori-san’s support if I wanted any hope of achieving my dreams for the future. The last thing I needed was this troublemaker sticking her nose in and destroying everything I’d worked so hard to build up. I turned around and started walking. Hopefully my actions were clear enough to let her know that I wasn’t prepared to put up with this.
“You’re so dense, Senpai. I can’t believe you haven’t noticed...”
I felt something pressing lightly against my back. Hot breath scorched my ear as the warmth from her soft chest seeped through the thin material of her uniform. I could feel a small, constant vibration from underneath... Was that her heartbeat?
What on earth was she doing?
“Would I be doing this if I didn’t like you? You’re always so mean...”
“Wh-What are you plotting? I’m not gonna fall for this cutesy act!”
“What if I asked you to turn around?”
“Ngh!”
“I know you’re serious about your future. But you’re forgetting what you’ve got right here in the present... It kinda hurts, you know...”
“Iroha...”
“I don’t want you to go... I want you to stay with me forever. Forever and ever...” Iroha’s voice quivered desperately.
Usually, the sound of her voice gave me an instant migraine. But now, I could feel something stirring inside my heart. Something warm and pleasant. Was she for real? After all this time... Did she really feel this way about...
“Just kidding! Gotcha, didn’t I?! I’ve always wanted to do that, y’know? Like a super-serious confession to make your heart pound for once! Your reaction was so cute, too! What didcha think?!” She paused for my answer, but I gave none. “Oooh, I get it! You’re too embarrassed, huh? You’re so red, too, all the way to your ears! I can’t take it! You’re just too adorable!”
Iroha was still clinging onto my back, her fists digging into my stomach as she laughed with glee.
She was right, though. My face was red.
Red with rage!
“I’m never believing another word that comes out of your mouth, you bitch!”
“Uh oh! Gotta skedaddle!” Iroha squealed.
It had taken her less than thirty minutes to break me down with those crafty tricks of hers.
I swore to myself that next time, I wasn’t going to fall for her bullshit.
✦ ✦ ✦
“What the heck was she thinking showing up at the classroom like that?!”
“Looks like she really likes you.”
“Dude, are you blind?!”
“No, but you are. You know our classroom is like, on a completely different floor from hers? That’s dedication right there. You really think she’d come all that way for a guy she couldn’t give two hoots about?”
“Sure, she gives hoots about me, but they’re hoots of hate!”
“You’re so stubborn. I’m sure she’s into you! You think way too badly of yourself, seriously.”
“Shut up. If she gives me a proper confession, maybe then I’ll believe she’s into me.”
“Whatever, dude. I’ll be happy just as long as you two get along.”