“Painting the red light district redder, my friend’s sister’s got her foot up our asses!”
When I came home from school and went into my bedroom, the first thing I saw was a pair of thighs.
There was a familiar girl lying stomach-first on my bed, kicking her feet to the beat. She’d helped herself to the new volume of a boys’ manga from my bookshelf, and it looked like she was having a whale of a time reading it.
This girl was Kohinata Iroha. She was a first-year at my high school (I was a second-year).
Her hair was a bright golden color, and the way it fluffed up, as well as the headphones around her neck, made her look like an emperor penguin. Her short-sleeved uniform and short skirt looked like they kept her cool in the humid heat of early summer. Without her socks, the line of her long, slender, pale legs was unobstructed from view. She was the epitome of a high-school girl, without the piercings or embellishments that would make her stand out as belonging to a particular subculture.
“Fill your ass to burstin’, then you’re on the floor! But that underwear of yours is to die for!”
She was the kind of girl who could charm anyone just by smiling at ’em. And that blessed girl who preyed innocently on those tragic boys was now taking over my bed like she owned the place. If she were just sitting there quietly, maybe I wouldn’t mind so much.
“Don’t care if you’re a virgin, just know that this sister—”
“Turn that crappy rap ‘music’ down right now! I can practically see the bass!”
I pulled the stereo cord from the socket before she had a chance to do it herself. The room fell into total silence, and the girl on the bed suddenly turned around, as though she only just noticed I was there.
“Oh, hi, Senpai. You coulda knocked, y’know.”
“Knock to go into my own room? Anyway, you can’t put your music on so loud! Are those headphones just for show or something?”
Iroha grinned at me.
“You really wanna know what they’re for? You gotta get on my route first to find that out! Meaning you gotta pick me out of all the other girls out there. I guess I could tell you if you’re that into me, though! Truth is, these headphones...”
“I don’t give a crap.”
“Oooh, you’re heartless!” Iroha stuck her tongue out at me.
She’s such a pest!
She was always like this. Like she was constantly high. Adrenaline (or maybe endorphins) bombarded me the moment I thought about trying to kick this pest out of here. She flapped her gums before I could say a word.
“C’mon, Senpai! You should know I’ll probably be in here when you get home, so at least knock! What if I was changin’, huh?! Or is that what you want? Help! Someone call the cops! I’ve cornered a perv!”
“Sure, call the cops. I’d love to tell ’em all about how you broke into my room.”
“So we’re takin’ it to court now, huh?” Iroha narrowed her eyes and smiled smugly as I pulled my smartphone out of my pants pocket.
She always got like this when she sniffed any hint of challenge. The desire to defeat me and assert dominance in any way she could was an inherent part of this creature’s nature.
“I didn’t ‘break into’ here, anyhow!”
Iroha rolled over onto her back, her assets giving a small bounce as she did so. The top three buttons of her worn blouse were undone, giving me a glimpse of the round breasts which threatened to spill out of it.
They were huge.
✦ ✦ ✦
I had to look away as she taunted me with her feminine body. Iroha let out a whistle and narrowed her eyes like a cat about to pounce. She then started to fiddle with the silver key that sat between her ample breasts and hung from her neck by a leather cord.
It was a duplicate key to this place.
“See? Having the key means I didn’t break in, and you can’t deny it!”
“It doesn’t mean you can just come and go as you please! Where the hell did you get that, anyway?!”
“Come oooon! You know you like it! I know you’re just dying to dive in here and sniff my scent right off the sheets as soon as I’m gone!”
“No way. I’m not gonna risk any of your scent hanging around my room!”
I grabbed a bottle of air freshener and sprayed it at her. She squealed.
“H-Hey! At least warn me before you spray that junk on me!”
“There’s plenty left in the bottle! So if you don’t wanna end up smelling...” I squinted at the bottle, “‘cotton fresh,’ then get the hell out.”
“Th-That’s no fair!”
Iroha rolled off the bed as I continued to spray her. She glared at me, giving me the dirtiest look she could muster.
“This how you’re gonna treat your little sister?!”
“No. Because you’re not my little sister.”
“I’m your best friend’s sister! Which practically makes me your sister as well!”
“No, thanks. I’d rather we stay strangers.”
“What if the two of you get married?! Then I’d be your sister for real!” Iroha paused thoughtfully. “Actually, that’d be a pretty good ship no matter who was the top...”
“H-Hold it! I’m a living, breathing human, and I have feelings, okay?! Keep that kind of thing to fictional characters!”
She crossed the line with that one, and so I felt it was only right to scold her for it. She really needed to find some sort of filter for her brain.
Kohinata Iroha wasn’t just any old schoolmate of mine. As she said herself, she was my friend’s younger sister. In junior high school, I ended up living in the apartment next to Kohinata Ozuma. We quickly became friends, but I soon learned that Iroha came as part of that package.
The key she had now was actually the key I gave to Ozuma. While he lived with his mom and sister, I lived alone. Which meant I was doomed to die if I had a sudden heart attack or something. So just in case something happened, I entrusted a spare key to my esteemed best friend.
“This is a grave abuse of trust...” I grumbled.
“Ahahaha! This is hilarious! C’mon, get madder! You’re so cute when you’re mad, Aki-senpai.”
“Do I look like I’m laughing?!”
Iroha was rubbing the key up and down between her breasts. That key. The symbol of my friendship. And now she was doing something so indecent with it.
I began to grind my teeth. I could practically feel the veins popping out of my head at the absolute audacity of this brat.
Just then, I felt a vibration against my thigh. I pulled out my smartphone and saw a familiar name on the screen.
“This is important. Get out,” I warned Iroha.
“Don’t worry! I’ll be quiet!” She gave a hearty salute.
“You better.”
I kept a careful eye on Iroha and answered the phone.
“Hello. This is Ooboshi.”
“Heya! Been a while, Akiteru-kun!”
“’Sup. Uh, I mean, hello, Tsukinomori-san.”
“C’mon now, no need to be so formal! Kinda hurts, you know...”
He had the sort of voice perfect for picking up women in a seedy bar, but he spoke like an innocent child. The name of this mismatched man was Tsukinomori Makoto. He was my uncle, but also a CEO. I wanted to stay in his good graces, if only for the opportunities he might be able to get me. He sometimes called in to see how I was doing in place of my parents, who were working overseas. Lately, though, we’d been discussing something else.
“Are you calling me about what I think you are?” I asked.
“I am,” he replied. “I thought about it...”
“You did?!”
“You basically want to join my company, fresh outta high school, zero experience, and without taking the company exam... Did you really think that would fly?”
“W-Well... Maybe not. So it’s a no?”
“I didn’t say that! I’ll give you a shot, with a couple of conditions. You’re my cute little nephew, after all! You know I’d give you the shirt off my back. The head of HR is a cold-blooded career woman, too. Without my shirt, maybe she’d crack and I’d have a chance with her, huh?!”
“Uh... it’s not really acceptable to walk around shirtless anymore, y’know.”
My uncle guffawed.
“I’m serious.”
Though I was grateful for his offer, at least. It’d just be a pain if he got fired before I had a chance with the company.
Tsukinomori Makoto. A man with a suave voice and a smart mustache (assuming the selfie he took with my phone was still accurate). He was also president and CEO of a large-scale entertainment enterprise: Honeyplace Works. It wasn’t just successful in Japan, but held its own worldwide against other global companies.
And here he was, telling me about his plans for gross sexual harassment.
Anyway.
“To think you’re already using your connections like this, at your age. You’ve sure come a long way.”
“I just figured it was the best way to achieve my goals. Not to mention the fastest.”
“Just remember, if you fall behind, I’m kicking you out!”
“That’s fine, but I won’t make you regret your decision!”
“I like your attitude!” I could practically hear my uncle’s grin through the phone. “Remember that I mentioned some conditions, though.”