But it wasn't Nadeko's voice, the words came from a male student who dashingly appeared behind her from nowhere—that was the kind of twist i expected, yet no, it was Nadeko's honest-to-goodness voice.
Air was expelled from Nadeko's lungs.
It passed through Nadeko's vocal cords.
And it turned into a voice emitted by Nadeko's oral cavity.
But—Nadeko didn't intend any of that.
"Asking someone how's that thing going, how's that thing going every single time you happen to see her—how do you think it's going?! Nothing's going anywhere! You're supposed to be a homeroom teacher, so instead of depressing your students first thing in the day, can't you at least lead off with a good morning?!"
“…”
Mister Sasayabu is stunned silent.
So is everyone else—they all look at Nadeko from a distance with the same expression.
i mean, Nadeko would like to wear the same expression if she could—and watch Miss Sengoku from afar, but i can see in the mirror behind Mister Sasayabu that her face is burning with a savage rage.
Her teeth are gritted, her brows are raised high, her eyes are
bloodshot—and she's glaring at everything around her.
This is really a girl i'm seeing for the first time—and i'm not talking about Nadeko's hairstyle—but.
It's still unmistakably Nadeko Sengoku.
It's unmistakably—me.
"Feeling like you can say whatever the hell you want to someone just because they're nodding quietly back at you—what're you feeling so disappointed for when you know better than anyone else just how ridiculous the request is?! Is that your job, to be unreasonable to kids?! How the hell do you think a kid's going to solve something that an adult can't, hmmmm?!"
"S-Sengoku... Wh-What's wrong with you?" a confused Mister Sasayabu asks, and Nadeko responds by stomping her foot.
Wham!
As if she's going to put a crack in the hallway.
It's not just her mouth, it's not just her expression, it's Nadeko's whole body—that's moving on its own against her will.
Against her will?
Is that really true, though?
"What the hell do you think's wrong?! Who wouldn't get mad if they're constantly being asked to do the impossible?! You should expect this, it's normal—hmmmm?!"
i yell.
i scream with a foul, aggressive voice.
Not exactly at Mister Sasayabu—but at everything.
With every bit of bitterness and hate i can muster.
Right at them—looking Nadeko's targets in their eyes.
i yell.
"Give me a fucking break, civil servant! You could at least take care of some kids instead of feeling good about doing a half-assed job!
Stop leaving everything up to other people! You say you're respecting your students' autonomy? Yeah right, like people have autonomy!
Look after them like you're supposed to, take care of them!"
"S-Sengoku..."
What is Nadeko saying?
She's not making any sense. No, honestly, i'd like to be dumbstruck right there next to Mister Sasayabu.
i'd like to react in the exact same way as him.
This isn't Nadeko talking, it's Naughtyko—no.
It really is Nadeko—her and no one else.
It's clearly Nadeko.
You can tell at a glance that it's Nadeko.
This is—me.
This is "who I am."
"Wh-What's wrong, Sengoku..."
Despite being confused, Mister Sasayabu still keeps talking to Nadeko—putting his hand on her shoulder like he's trying to pacify her—
"Don't touch me like we're friends or something!"
Nadeko brushes his hand aside.
Nadeko isn't willing this to happen, of course—but it is Nadeko's body that does the brushing.
It is Nadeko's arms that flail around.
"Is that how you treat people—like they're puppets or something?! Hah... I know that all I am is cute, that I don't even talk back! But it doesn't mean I don't have feelings! You'd better not think people who act harmless really are harmless! Just because someone's quiet, that doesn't mean they're not thinking all kinds of things on the inside! People still have opinions even if they're silent! If you're so stupid that you don't even understand that, how can you teach anyone anything?!"
"S-Sengoku…
What verbal abuse.
It isn't at all how you should speak to your homeroom teacher—actually, it's not how you should speak to any adult, whether or not it's your teacher, homeroom or any other kind.
"H-Hey, Sengoku? What's wrong?" a voice calls from across the hallway... It's a boy, someone i believe was in Nadeko's class last school year.
i've forgotten his name, but i remember he was caring—it seems like he was just passing by when he happened to run into this mess, and he can't hide his confusion.
"Y-You need to calm down. Yeah, just calm down. You're tired, that's what."
Looking around, i can see that a huge crowd has gathered to watch—it feels like i'm in front of an audience of a hundred thousand.
Of course, it's twenty or so in reality.
Being subjected to that many stares, and curious, prying stares at that—Nadeko feels like her spirit is about to break.
You might say they're the eyes you turn on a "pitiful girl"—but maybe it's even worse in this case.
Right.
They're the eyes you turn on a "funny girl."
But i can't escape these curious stares—Nadeko doesn't have an bangs to protect her now, and most of all, she's facing straight ahead.
Not facing down, not lowering her eyes—
She's staring right back at all of them.
"Calm down?! All of this is happening because I was staying calm! I'm tired?! Of course I am, anyone can see that! Stop acting like you're being thoughtful when all you're doing is stating the obvious!"
Nadeko is baring her fangs at this boy who was probably just worried for her, like normal—i've gone berserk.
No, but.
Most likely, this isn't taking out her anger on just anything—it's everything.
Everything in this school—is the target of Nadeko Sengoku's anger.
She's angry.
Nadeko is angry.
"Every one of you, every last one of you—hmmmm?! You're just a bunch of opportunistic fencesitters! What are you, weathercocks? The way you face this way and that, turning around and around and around... Cut the crap already!"
"S-Sengoku... That's not at all what I was thinking when I assigned you the task," Mister Sasayabu tries to soothe Nadeko, in a tone like he's handling something sensitive...no, fragile—you could say he's flustered.
It does seem like the textbook way to deal with a gloomy,
mild-mannered student who's snapped…but. When i think back, it feels like he's always been treating Nadeko in this way.
Like he's handling something delicate. Like he's cleaning up broken glass.
With distant words—that don't approach her past a certain radius.
Whatever he tells her—is so far away.
They don't resonate or reach Nadeko's heart.
"Your teacher just believed that you're responsible, and—"
“Me, responsible?! Just how awful of a judge of character are you?! Can't you at least figure out how bad of a person Nadeko Sengoku is?! C'mon, stop letting looks deceive you! That's right, all I am is cute!"
What the hell are you doing believing in me?! screams Nadeko.
Rejecting herself—wholesale.
“…S-Sengoku."
"Oh, fine, I get it—you won't understand no matter what I say, not any of you! It's a done deal, I can do all this screaming, I can bare my damn soul and all you're going to think is that 'she acted a little crazy for a spell'—give me a break! Listen here, I went crazy a long-ass time ago!"
Hmmmm?!
Nadeko coats her words with as much venom as possible—before starting to walk off.
Toward Mister Sasayabu—no.
He braces like he's expecting Nadeko to put her hands on him, but she practically elbows him out of her way to head further inside the building.
"Wh-Where are you going... Sengoku?"
"Hmmmm?!" Nadeko answers his bewildered question without even bothering to look back.
"Where the hell else? I just have to do my job as class president, don't I—your damn orders! You oughta be happy, dumbass!"
H-Hold on, wait a second.
What are you up to, Nadeko?
While i'm more perplexed than Mister Sasayabu or anyone else, i don't see any bewilderment when i notice Nadeko reflected in a mirror she passes by, just aggravation—and i stomp straight toward Nadeko's classroom.
Year 2, Class 2's.
A class that's fallen apart and is free of problems.
Every bit of Nadeko's will now tries to halt her feet, her body, bill they show no signs of stopping whatsoever—it really feels like i'm a puppet.
A marionette.
But in that case, who's manipulating Nadeko now? And is it her body or her mind that's being manipulated?
As soon as Nadeko climbs the stairs and arrives in front of her classroom, she peeks inside through the small window on its door.