"In that sense, my VCR idol and manga hero analogy are good ones, if I do say so myself. I wasn't trying to be sarcastic or anything—falling in love with a person you can never reach or a character in a work of fiction means never having to be hurt." Like a 2D complex? Just kidding, Tsukihi assures Nadeko. "It's so easy to fall in love with someone who's never going to reject you."
"Y-You might never get rejected...but idols still get married, and heroes get together with heroines..."
"Yeah."
Tsukihi casually nods at the argument Nadeko fought to put together. Almost like being proved wrong on that point doesn't matter one bit.
Well, Tsukihi is right.
Nadeko's point is no different from a lame question like, Why didn't Cinderella's glass slippers disappear once the magic wore off?
Because.
In reality—all it does is remind Nadeko of the fact that Big Brother has a girlfriend now.
"Tsu-Tsukihi... i, um, that's not it. That isn't what Nadeko's up to at all.
"Yeah? But hasn't your life been a lot easier thanks to being i love with Koyomi?"
"Wh-What do you mean..."
"Come on. When a boy tells you he likes you or whatever, has turning him down been pretty easy? 'There's someone else I like."'
Answering with "That's not true" might put an end to this torturous conversation—if only i could lie, but i can't.
Nadeko did use that reason to turn down the baseball-club boy during first term—and it wasn't her first time.
And to be honest, Big Brother Koyomi was the perfect person to bring up to end the discussion—after all, he's known as a dependable older brother to Karen and Tsukihi, of all people.
"Well, don't feel bad. I mean, when I was in elementary school, I turned down boys who confessed to me by telling them that I already loved my big brother."
“...i-i feel like that shut them up for a different reason.. ."
By the way, i believe there's someone Tsukihi is seeing—an older boy, was it?
Mizudori, or Rosokuzawa...
Which one was with which, again?
i wonder.
This boyfriend of hers, does Tsukihi love him more than she loves Koyomi?
"Don't feel bad, but," Tsukihi completely ignores Nadeko's remark (sad face), "I dunno, you might just need to accept people thinking you're trying to act cute."
"A-Act—"
"Wait, no. It's natural for you, so you're not 'trying to act' that way. The truth, Nadeko, is that you are cute."
“…”
"Still, it's not convincing at all when someone you call 'Big Brother' is the guy you're interested in. That's what Rosokuzawa told me—"
So it's Rosokuzawa.
"—And that's why I ended up going out with him."
"Th-That was your reason?"
"That was the reason. It was enough for me—but I feel like maybe you don't have a good enough reason to be in love with Koyomi? You don't need one to fall in love—sure, that's the kind of nice phrase that gets you to nod your head and agree for a second, but it's not true. Like I said, it doesn't matter what it is, you need a reason, even if it's something you come up with later. Even if it's something only you understand that no one else accepts as valid."
"Wh-Wha..."
What time is it now?
i sense a lot of sunlight outside, beyond the curtains—but can't tell the exact hour.
If i go home now, take a shower, eat breakfast, then go to school—will i still make it and not be tardy?
It's these sorts of things that keep crossing Nadeko's mind.
"N-N-Nadeko is..."
"That."
"Huh?"
"Why do you refer to yourself as 'Nadeko'? You're not a little girl, and certainly not some manga character—
i'm blindsided by this fresh piece of criticism from an unexpected direction.
F-First person? We're talking about points of view now?
"—Is that just another part of your cuteness, Nadeko?"
"Ah, um... Th-That's not why..."
"Or maybe your psyche is still stuck in second grade? You don’t want to think about the complicated stuff, you just want to be a girl who's in love with being in love?"
"Th...That might be part of it... B-But Tsukihi. It's simple, Nadeko doesn't want to cause any trouble for Big Brother Koyomi..."
"Trouble?"
"Y-Yeah... L-Like i said...the one thing i don't want to be is a nuisance," i continue, nodding, realizing that Nadeko isn't going to be freed if she just stays quiet. She might even get trapped in Koyomi's room for the rest of her life—though i wouldn't necessarily hate that. "It's true, i was shocked when i learned he had a girlfriend... i did cry all night.. .but Nadeko can't click off her feelings for him like a switch."
i drag them along, unable to forget.
"It might look to you like i'm just playing at love.. .or maybe like i'm being too devoted...but this is normal for Nadeko. i don't feel guilty—at all,"
"But Nadeko.. .doesn't want to cause trouble for Koyomi. O-Or is that still no good? Is staying in love with him unforgivable?"
i don't want to cause trouble for him.
Yet almost as strongly—i don't want heartbreak.
Nadeko doesn't want to lose this love of hers.
"Of course, i can't even cause him trouble.. .because there's no way i could beat—her."
"If I was a boy—well, even a girl."
Tsukihi gets off the bed.
i think she must have understood Nadeko when i see this—and feel relieved.
But i'm mistaken.
Tsukihi faces Koyomi's desk—and reaches for its stationery holder.
"Hearing your assertion, Nadeko, people would only think you're cute. How endearing, and brave, and cute.
“…”
"Of course I do too. But, you know, I am his little sister."
Tsukihi picks out a certain implement from the holder. Well, it isn't anything to tiptoe around, being a pretty standard stationery item.
"And—I was the one to introduce you to my brother. When I think that I'm even a little responsible.. .1 can't sit back and do nothing. To be honest, I'd love to. , .not leave you alone, but sit back and do nothing... "
“…”
"You know how people buy lottery tickets? Even though they don't expect to win. If you ask them why, though, they'll say they're 'buying a dream'... Every time I hear that, I think—dammit, just buy reality."
“…”
i suddenly recall Mister Serpent comparing his dowsing to the lottery.
"When you tell someone to dream, what you're really doing is telling them to look at reality—I think. If you were actually planning on confessing to Koyomi—if you were planning on fighting her, I was hoping to back you. I wanted to, even. I'd watch over you, at the very least, and quietly cheer you on. That's what I thought all this time, but... I'm done."
I'm sick of it. I'll end it for you, Tsukihi says as she turns around.
The gleaming implement in her right hand, sure enough.
Sure enough—is just a pair of scissors.
"Shink!"
The sound—i feel like it came from somewhere far away.
But it wasn't far away at all.
It was very, very close.
So frighteningly close that if Tsukihi had miscalculated the distance even a little, Nadeko would have lost her vision in both eyes.
"What..."
Flutter, flutter, flutter.
Nadeko's just barely unharmed eyes—notice something falling in front of them.
What is that something?
Well, there's no doubting it, no way of making believe it's anything else—not even a way of being indirect about it: Nadeko's bangs.
That shink.
It was Tsukihi wielding those scissors—and slicing through Nadeko's bangs with a single, decisive motion.
“………”
Well.
Sitting in stunned silence isn't going to move things forward.
So Nadeko will be screaming.
Your attention, please.
One, two...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"