"Right now I'm like a ghost."
“...Th-The ghost of a god?"
Or of an aberration? It was hard to keep straight.
Something like a hallucination?
"The details—I'll omit, but someone used up just about all the bad things' hanging around that hangout. Those 'bad things' are the energy powering my current form, but that very spiritual energy got used for something pretty trivial. All I could do was watch in silence from inside the shrine," the Serpent said.
i heard an unusual note in his voice that you might call a sense of "angwish."
i didn't really get it, but what sort of terrible person uses up Mister Serpent's energy source without even asking first?
"Wh-Who would...do that?"
"Well, you know, it was Shinobu."
It was Shinobu. Miss Shinobu.
She was the cause and the effect.
It's kind of like setting a fire so you can take credit for putting it out.
"Those 'bad things' gathered in the hangout due to that vampire's strength, so she could do whatever she wanted with them—at the same time, it nearly caused the concept that is me to vanish."
"And...you need your corpse, so that you don't vanish?"
A new source of energy.
To survive, to go on living—well, i shouldn't say "living" in this case.
Just—to "continue being.
To thrive.
"Yes, that's it. In other words, my version of 'food'—l guess you need to eat to keep yourself going whether you're a god or a human."
"Food..."
"Eating, in order to live. Although in my case, I don't kill in order to live."
"Hmm? Seems like there's something you want to say—'Nadeko had to kill those snakes in order to live, so how can she be blamed for that,' maybe?"
"N-No, that's not it. .. And anyway, Nadeko failed. Just—"
"Just what?"
"Nothing."
"Tsk." Mister Serpent sounded irritated that Nadeko took back her words—and you probably would be, too, confronted with someone who never committed and always ran away. "If there's something you want to say, come out and say it—how else can we build a relationship of trust?"
"A relationship of trust…"
"Or do you not want to build one? You'll have to speak up, though—unlike all the humans you've dealt with until now, Nadeko, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to stay here wrapped around your right arm, and you can't get away from me."
"That's.. .because you're using Nadeko as your energy source now—right? Like a backup battery..."
"It's just an ad-hoc measure. I really am going to up and vanish as things stand—which is why I need you to find my corpse, no matter what it takes."
"And you...can't find it yourself, i guess?" He wouldn't be asking Nadeko for help otherwise.
"Yeah—I can't leave that shrine, generally speaking."
"Huh…"
When i think about it later.
The line was a slip-up on Mister Serpent's part—but Nadeko accepted that he "can't leave the shrine" without giving it any real consideration...
i should have given it thought.
The reason why he "can't leave the shrine."
"That's why I need you to help me, dear. To find my corpse."
"C-Could you please stop repeating that word...Mister Serpent? I-It's scary, and kind of dreadful…”
"Like I said, don't be calling a corpse scary or dreadful or dirty. And I mean that for all corpses, not just mine.”
“i-i never said dirty…”
It was Mister Serpent who compared it to cleaning a bathroom.
And, evens though it's not like Nadeko is ever happy to do it, she never skips out on cleaning duty, whatever the assignment.
Nadeko doesn't want anyone getting mad at her, you see.
"i wouldn't have as much trouble talking about it…if you called it an object of worship."
"It's embarrassing to call my own corpse an object of worship— I don't want you to exalt it, I want you to exhume it. Hah, both of those words begin with 'ex' but what a big difference in impression...In any case, that's what I want to ask you to do, Nadeko."
Find his corpse so he can continue being.
A corpse hunt, so he can thrive.
For all of that trouble to summon Nadeko—you could say it was a very simple request.
But.
It must have been a very pressing issue for Mister Serpent—there's an expression in Japanese, thousand at sea, thousand on mount, which means experienced.
A snake that lives for a thousand years in the oceans and a thousand years in the mountains becomes a dragon. .. Judging from various things he said, Mister Serpent was probably just a regular snake once upon a time.
After that snake died, it was deified as that shrine's object of worship—and when the shrine lost its faithful, Mister Serpent died a second time.
As for a third time.
i guess he was saying—no thanks.
"Hey, Mister Serpent."
"What?"
"Why did you pick Nadeko as your partner?”
was something i needed to ask him.
Nadeko understood that her only choice was to help the Serpent—which is exactly why i needed to hear the reason.
"It's not like I picked you, really."
But the Serpent's reply was dismissive.
It was more than cool—well…
It was as coldblooded as a snake.
Not that i'm sure snakes are coldblooded that way.
"You were the only one I could rely on, that's all,"
“…”
If you just took his words, it sounded like there might be a strong bond between us, but that wasn't how he said it—he was just so blunt and straightforward.
"My dear, you're the only channel I had, hmmmm?"
"Channel..."
"I tried to use a current term for your sake, Nadeko, but personally, I would describe it as a karmic tie. Without faith, that shrine wasn't connected to anyone—aside from you, Nadeko, who busily applied yourself to killing snakes on its premises, of all things."
"So you didn't decide on Nadeko, there was no one besides Nadeko... But then Big Brother Koyomi and Miss Shinobu—"
"Yes, they did have their share of fun at the shrine—but that's a bit too weak as far as karmic ties go. The channel's signal isn't strong enough. After all, Nadeko, you killed my brethren—you slaughtered my thralls, and that's enough to make our the strong. It still took nearly two full months to get the tuning right. It was like taking that thin little link and reeling it in like it was a wet noodle."
“…”
So that's what it was.
In the end—it was punishment, for a crime.
i wasn't chosen by any means.
i would be atoning.
No matter what the Serpent says—no matter how he softens it for Nadeko, all this is the aftermath of what i did then.
The wet noodle analogy was weird, though. Maybe he went with something thin and long because he's a snake?
"...Meals," i blurted out.
"Hmm?"
"Meals. People eat."
"Oh—yeah, I ate too when I was 'living'—and like I said, I still need energy in order to 'continue being,' and that's what I'm trying to get from you."
"Y-You said what Nadeko did is different from having your daily bread...but couldn't it be the same?”
"What's that? Are you trying to make excuses?"
"N-No, that's not it..."
It was hard to explain. Nadeko can't put her feelings into words.
But this—was the same thing i started to say to Mister Serpent earlier, before stopping.
i should have tried at least, for the sake of our partnership.
Even if it came out sounding clumsy.
"What Nadeko wants to say.. .is that there must be consequences to eating a meal...if you're going to say that crimes are always met with punishment."
“…”
"i thought that was the food chain... Anything that eats is eaten by something else. But...once you're at the top, i guess you don't get eaten anymore." Nadeko was thinking as she spoke. "Humans— aren't eaten by anything. We only eat, only kill... There's no punishment for our crime."
“…”
"When people say 'thank you for this meal' before they eat, i wonder how much they're feeling that they're treating themselves to other lives."
"The food chain is more complicated than that, you know. It just gets drawn as a pyramid because it's easier to understand that way, but really, it should be drawn as a circle. Like an Ouroboros—even humans end up as food for microbes once they're corpses."
“…”
The "correct answer" made Nadeko go quiet—but no, that's not what i wanted to say. It wasn't getting across. Not Nadeko's words, nor their sense.
"What's the matter, dear?"
"Nothing... Okay. Anyway."
Oops, i said it. Anyway.
"Anyway, i just need to find your object of worship, right? And—once i do find it, you'll free Nadeko."
"Free you... I don't mean to be forcing you to do anything, Nadeko. I'm just preying on your guilty conscience, that's all."
“…”
That felt kind of forceful to me, but it was true. Mister Serpent wasn't forcing Nadeko to go look for anything.
i'd been granted options.
Mister Serpent didn't make Nadeko hallucinate white snakes (probably through this "channel" of his) because he wanted to threaten her everyday life. He wanted to send Nadeko a message, simply to summon Nadeko—
"A-Anyway.. ." i said again, "fine. Nadeko will look for your object of worship and find it."
"That would save me. Though I'm not going to thank you.
“…”
Why not?
Was it because he's a god?
"So then, Mister Serpent. Where is your corpse?
"Dunno."
"Is it somewhere on that mountain?"
"Dunno."
"Is it in this town?"
"Dunno."
"When did it disappear?"
"Dunno.
"About how big is it?"
"Dunno."
"Is it big like the first time i saw you?"
"Dunno."
"So is it small like you are now?"
"Dunno."
"About how heavy is it?"
"Dunno.