...Still, that composure didn't last for long.
It wasn't a question of getting used to it.
How could you not feel beaten down when a white snake wrapped itself around you after crawling out of your shoes, your pencil case, your gym clothes bag, the cleaning supplies locker, the corner of the hall, and even the cracks of your textbook and notebook? Of course you're going to buckle.
i'm not surprised anymore. But it is tiring.
i'm exhausted and i'm sick of it.
It feels like i'm opening a huge line of jack-in-the-boxes, one after another.
Being forced to keep opening the boxes, knowing that something's going to happen when i do, is kind of like "torchure."
They’re hallucinations.
i think.
While i felt like everything was fine, all of the stress sitting in Nadeko's heart as she led her meloncholic school life could have caused her to start seeing a white snake, To compare it to a famous example, they say a manga author who was tired started seeing a white alligator.
But—if they aren't hallucinations.
If it's "that stuff."
...It does seem possible.
According to Mister Mémé Oshino, an expert, "Meet an aberration and you'll be drawn by aberrations." If you get involved with aberrations even once, it's apparently easier to get involved with them again.
It hasn't ever happened to Nadeko outside of June—but maybe her first time has come.
Nadeko's first time, which is to say her second time.
It scares her, of course it does.
But i was ready for it.
i thought this day might come—in fact, those days back when nothing happened were almost scarier.
Something happening can be easier on you than thinking something might happen.
Having to wait for it is more stressful.
That's a lesson Nadeko learns every day in class.
nut isn't to say that Nadeko has any way of dealing with it.
Actually, when Nadeko tried to deal with this kind of situation on her own in the past, with some self-taught half-knowledge (or not even that, it was just reading in the aisles of a bookstore), things only got worse.
It would have been fine if i'd left it alone.
But i couldn't—and it went horribly.
i met a horrible fate.
That's why Nadeko waited until after class to use the school’s public phone to call Big Brother Koyomi and give him the details.
There's something he told Nadeko once.
If she ever needed help with aberrations, she should call him right away.
So i called him.
"A snake? A snake, huh."
But to be honest, his reaction gave Nadeko doubts.
Maybe, having gotten too used to surprises, Nadeko didn't sound like she's in enough of a crisis—and ought to have called him back when she first saw (felt) a white snake in the shoe cupboard.
Because that was the only time i can say i was genuinely surprised.
"The snake from before?"
"Nuh-uh... Not that one. A different one.
i have trouble speaking.
Please don't underestimate Nadeko. Just because i'm talking to Big Brother Koyomi doesn't mean i'm going to be eloquent.
i get worked up no matter who i'm talking to. Even if it's Nadeko's parents.
"The snake from before was.. .i don't know...right, i couldn't see it. But i can actually see this one... Oh, i couldn't the first time, but now i do.
"Hmph..."
Nadeko's words are all over the place, even by her own standards, but Koyomi stood strong and listened.
He is a gutsy man.
"So there's been no actual harm yet? If we're going to compare this to last time, it's not like it's constricting your body or anything—
"Y-Yeah. It's not," Nadeko nods, biting.
It's almost like Nadeko is a snake, heh.
Nadeko was making the call because she didn't want to cause any worries, but it feels like that's exactly what i've done. Though Koyomi has mean-looking eyes, his face is pretty emotive. It's easy to figure out the way he feels when you're talking to him in person, but i have no idea what he's thinking right now on the phone.
And when Nadeko doesn't know that, it's hard for her to get her mouth going.
It's hard for her to get her brain going, too.
How might Nadeko explain the situation she's been placed in?
...Placed?
Has Nadeko been placed in it?
"When there's a crack, or a space that's closed off...that's where it suddenly appears."
"Hmph... So this snake shows up in places that you 'couldn't see until now'? Well, yeah, snakes are known for lurking. They hate bright places or something," Koyomi follows up like he's examining what Nadeko said. "Maybe this aberration is a spooker? You know, just surprising humans for no good reason..."
"Aberrations like that exist? Ones that just surprise people... Like faceless ghosts? No, the noppera-bo has its own roots, and i want to say they were pretty sad, too. i feel like i read about them when i was looking stuff up.
"Well, yokai stories are basically ways to explain the inexplicable...and people are surprised by the inexplicable. It's no different from someone coming out of the shadows and yelling 'Boo!' Aberrations and surprises go hand in hand," Koyomi says.
He kind of sounds like an expert.
It's very cool. He's so great.
Nadeko knows, of course, that he's just taking what he heard from Mister Oshino or Miss Hanekawa, or maybe that blond vampire girl, and repeating it word for word, but i still think he's cool even when you take that into account.
...Though even Nadeko wonders what you have left after you take that into account.
"But.. .Nadeko was surprised only when it happened with the shoe cupboard."
"You know, Sengoku... I've always thought you're tougher mentally than you seem."
"Really?" Actually, i'm weak.
"I mean, I'm sure I'd never stop being scared if snakes started appearing out of cracks. I'd probably react in nice and charming ways every single time, if I do say so myself."
"That's amazing!
.No, it's not. .. I mean, whatever.. ." Koyomi is quiet for a moment. "Well, it's not as if all snakes are poisonous. Some are even harmless. Yup..."
I did fail last time with your Jagirinawa, notes Nadeko's Big Brother.
Hm? He failed? Did he fail?
i think he did a perfect job of saving Nadeko back then...
He asks me, "Is there any possible cause you can think OP."
"Cause?"
"Some sort of trigger or something that's making you hallucinate this white snake appearing around you again and again. .. Do you have any memories of anything, I guess?"
"Any memories..."
Nadeko thinks.
But i can't come up with anything.
So, nothing in mind, Nadeko tells him.
"i—don't."
"Hmm... I know there's supposed to be a reason for every aberration, but it's a little different in your case—it was, the last time."
“...”
"Anyway, if it's not urgent, we'll wait until evening."
"Evening?"
"In other words, we'll wait until Shinobu wakes up—she's been
following a pretty regular schedule these days. These days, or more like the last two months."
"Huh... Why?"
"Well, she made a huge mistake the other day...like a real blunder. I mean, more than half of it was my fault, but Shinobu really took it personally and got depressed. It was so bad that for a while, she was extra-polite to me every time we talked."
“...”
i don't know what happened, but in short, it seems like being really depressed is making that girl lead a more serious life. Of course, she's a vampire, which means that a serious and regular schedule means sleeping during the day and waking up at night. That might count as irony.
"Shinobu didn't help us with your Jagirinawa—but she's going to have to help us out this time around."
It wasn't that she didn't help us out, Miss Shinobu Oshino and Big Brother Koyomi weren't as friendly then as they are now, and i don't think he even tried asking her.
Nadeko doesn't know much about the girl but certainly did feel happy when Koyomi reconciled with her.
You can always count on Nadeko's Big Brother.
"Um... Shi... Miss Shinobu eats aberrations, right?" i've heard that's the kind of vampire she is. An aberration slayer or something.
"Does that mean she'll...eat the white snake Nadeko is seeing?"
"Depending on the case, yes—but it's not like everything can be solved just by having her eat it. If anything, we need her intelligence. The expert knowledge she imbibed from that guy Oshino. Well, if she still complains about being hungry, I'll just feed her some Mister Donut, from mouth to mouth."
"Yes, i see.. ."
Wait. Mouth-to-mouth?
No, i must have misheard him say: from month to month.
That was a bit of a commitment.
"By the way," he continues, "she's been obsessed with baked donuts lately. Humbled or not, she never fails to notice when Mister Donut has something new out. If it's knowledge we're after, I'd normally rely on Hanekawa—but of course, she's gone now."
"Gone? What happened...to Miss Hanekawa?"
i'm sorry, i should have introduced her earlier. Miss Hanekawa is Nadeko's Big Brother's classmate and friend.
He even calls her his savior.
Nadeko hasn't met her many times, but you don't have to for long before you think, Oh, this person is different.
Altogether different.
So different that i got scared and wanted to run away the first time we met—Koyomi seems to think that Nadeko sped away then because she's shy and timid, but no matter how shy and timid Nadeko might be, she's not going to run away from someone she's meeting for the first time.
In fact, scared of what would happen later, no matter how scary someone is, Nadeko would probably just look at the ground and freeze.