The next morning was easily twice as cold as the last, and the cozy warmth of the heated classroom made me want to doze off before first period even started.
“Mmnehhh... It’s so nice and warm...” I murmured lazily.
“Yeahhh...” Oosawa Misaki replied from the desk in front of mine.
Misaki was a track star with boyish short hair — but I knew she had a cute, feminine side, too. She was the perfect balance of honest and kind, and I found her really easy to talk to.
“You know, Misaki-chan, I’ve been feeling kinda emo lately.”
“Oh yeah?”
Out of nowhere, the classroom door flew open, and Kurihara Yukina ran in.
“Red alert! Red alert! You’re coming with me, missy! You, too, Misaki!”
She grabbed me by the arm and hauled me to my feet.
“Whoa there! Yukina-chan, what’s gotten into you?!”
Yukina was one of Misaki’s track team buddies, and right now, she was in a tizzy. Every now and then she’d completely flip out, and it was always about the same thing...
“Come on! We’re taking this outside!”
“Alright, I hear ya! Just calm d— Jeez, it’s cold!”
The moment we left the classroom, it felt like she’d dragged me into a walk-in freezer. She proceeded to lead me all the way to the far corner of the hall.
“How is it still this cold inside the building...?” I wondered aloud.
But just then, Yukina slammed me up against the wall.
“Katori Jouji asked you out and you said NO?!” she hissed in her trademark “indoor screaming” voice.
Whoa now, you’re in my bubble!
“I mean, yeah... Wait, but how do you know about that?”
Surely Katori wouldn’t go telling people he got rejected, right?
“When it comes to that kind of gossip, there are sources everywhere.”
Ah, so the walls have ears. Got it.
“What’s not to like about him? What exactly will it take for you to date someone? Like, at this point I’m convinced you’ve gotta be in love with someone else! So who is it, huh? Someone who’s already taken? I know it’s not easy to let go of those feelings, but you’re wasting your life, Iori!”
“Sorry to rain on your rapid-fire parade this morning, but it’s not like that.”
In love with someone else. Someone who’s already taken.
For the briefest of moments, the words brought Yaegashi Taichi to mind.
“I’m just not in a rush to jump into a relationship with anyone.”
“Oh my godddd. You wanna know why you’re so emo lately? This is why!”
“Oh, you heard that?”
“Listen, you’re just hor— Ow!”
“Sorry, Yukina, but I can’t let you scream about sex in the middle of the hall this early in the morning.”
“Yeah! You tell her, Misaki-chan! Don’t conflate my complicated teenage feelings with your perpetual thirst!”
“B-But... Look, it drives me crazy whenever I hear about you turning everybody down! You’ve already got your college stuff figured out, so what’s the harm in enjoying the rest of high school while you can? Romance is literally the only thing you’re missing! It’s the final piece of the puzzle!”
“Not for everybody, Yukina. Anyway, class is about to start, so let’s get back to our seats. But to be clear, Iori, if there’s something getting you down, then you should try to fix it. You’ve got plenty of time until graduation, after all.”
Naturally, Misaki was completely right. As for Yukina, well... I was pretty sure it wasn’t a lack of romance that was making me sad, but if so, then what could it be?
There was a vague discomfort in my chest that I couldn’t put my finger on. My high school experience was overall pretty awesome so far, and yet I could feel the color slowly draining out of it. Was I sad? Lonely? Unfulfilled? Regretting something? I wasn’t sure.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to carry this feeling all the way to graduation... and so I decided to go on a little journey.
That day I messaged Nakayama Mariko, asking to catch up. She suggested we grab lunch together. So I apologized to my usual lunch group (Yui, Yukina, and Misaki) and headed off to the cafeteria.
“So what’s up? Why’d you wanna talk all of a sudden?” Nakayama asked, blowing on her steaming hot udon. Like always, she was a bundle of energy. Maybe she stored it in her pigtails.
“Sorry to spring it on you. It’s nothing serious, I promise.”
“Oh, I get it now! You didn’t want advice — you just missed your beloved Mariko-san! Man, your curry smells good. Clearly I made the wrong choice.”
I scooped up a spoonful of rice along with my curry and slid it into my mouth. The cafeteria was packed and noisy, like always.
“Tell me, Nakayama-chan. What’s life been like since you got a boyfriend?”
“Mega-ultra-different!” she grinned. Then she stopped and tilted her head in confusion, her chopsticks still between her lips. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“I mean, it doesn’t have to be that specifically...”
Personally, I regretted not getting the udon. I was in the mood for something lighter, like soup broth.
“How’s college prep?”
“...Well, I’m trying,” she replied wearily, slurping up her noodles.
From the look on her face, I got the sense that she didn’t really want to talk about it... but then she continued.
“You’ll never believe this, Iori. I’m trying to major in humanities, right? But I can’t get my language scores to go up! Slrrrppp!”
“Oh. Gosh, that sucks.”
“Ishikawa-kun wasn’t doing so great either, since he was spending so much time on baseball instead of studying. But now that he’s retired from the team, his scores have skyrocketed! Me, on the other hand...”
Somehow I wasn’t surprised. Her boyfriend, Ishikawa Daiki, always seemed like the kind of guy who could do well at school if he put more time into it.
“Maybe he could tutor you?”
“He took the science course, so our homework is mostly pretty different...”
Hmm. At this rate, you might be doomed.
“Oh, hey! If it isn’t Sone-kun and Miyagami-kun!” I called, changing the focus of conversation, as they passed by.
“Hm? Oh, h-hey, Nagase-san...”
“And Nakayama-san!”
They both looked a little flustered. Relax, guys, I won’t bite. They were both carrying sandwiches — probably on their way back to the classroom.
“Hey there! So, uhhh... I know the year’s almost over, but have either of you been on any dates lately?”
“We’ll be single till the day we graduate!” they shouted back in unison, which was pretty impressive. Glad I asked.
“Aww, c’mon. You guys don’t know that for sure.”
“Just stop, Nagase-san. We’ve already pledged our lives to studying. Don’t lead us astray.”
“He’s right, Nagase-san! Sone’s struggling through entrance exam hell with 2D girls as his only solace!”
“...Miyagami, you’re not helping, man.”
“So, uh, do you wish things were different?” Nakayama asked, unaware of what a gut-punch it was.
“Do I? Of course I do! I’m gonna go my whole life without ever dating a high school girl! I wanted to enjoy that uniform, damn it!”
“Dude, shut up. You sound like a creep.”
“You could still date one in college, couldn’t you?” asked Nakayama.
“Sure I could! But I’d probably go to jail!”
“Alas...”
And so Miyagami and Sone began to (fake) cry. But then, Miyagami stopped and pointed.
“Look, Sone! It’s the enemy!”
There stood Shiroyama Shouto, former jazz band member, with his girlfriend Setouchi Kaoru. From the looks of it, they had bumped into each other in passing.
“One minute he’s talking about going to law school, and the next, he’s suddenly applying to the same school as his girlfriend!” Sone complained.
“But aren’t you two going to the same college, too?” Nakayama pointed out.
“W-We’ll be fine! Don’t worry! We’re late bloomers, but we’ll figure it out in college!” Miyagami exclaimed.
“Right! We’re going to make the most of campus life!”
They slung an arm around each other’s shoulders, propping each other up.
“Anyway, we’ve got sandwiches to eat.”
“Just us guys.”
“Dude, don’t say that part!”
And off they went. It seemed they had ultimately decided to commit themselves to studying, and I was happy for them... Then a question occurred to me.
“What college are they applying to, anyway?”
“Sone-kun wants to major in law at D University. As for Miyagami-kun, I heard he was trying to get into the Department of Intercultural Studies at H University.”
“Wow, that’s awesome. They must be really working hard.”
“Yeah, but apparently they didn’t do so great on the mock test the other day. But to be clear, Iori, you’ve been working hard, too! I mean, you already got into your dream college! You’re chasing your dreams!”
“Aww, thanks. You’re too kind, my dear.”
Chasing my dreams?
“Real talk, you’ve had the perfect life! I admire you.”
Perfect? Someone with a “perfect” life wouldn’t end their high school career on this sour note.
“Well, to be honest, part of the reason I wanted to talk to you is because things aren’t going so perfectly right now.”
“What do you mean? I mean, sure, you never dated anyone, but that stuff doesn’t bother you, right?”
“Right.”
That much was true, from the bottom of my heart. Maybe my life would have been more fun with a boyfriend, but I didn’t regret it or anything.
“It’s just... lately I’ve been feeling miserable, and I can’t put my finger on why.”
Even I’m not perfect.
“A case of mystery sadness, huh? Maybe you’re having second thoughts! Once your college plans are set in stone, it can be easy to get cold feet, y’know?”
Was I having second thoughts about my plans? I never stopped to consider it, but now that I thought about it, I probably should have. After all, this would determine my entire future, so it couldn’t hurt to think it over. Especially since the path ahead was essentially set in stone for those pursuing a career in education.