The next week, the CRC second-years continued to experiment with new methods of recruitment with the occasional help of the third-years — from morning to evening. Don’t you need to study? Or hang out with friends? I was tempted to stick my nose where it didn’t belong.
Monday: They held a pre-test study party and said that anyone who attended would receive a legendary item that would indisputably improve test scores: Inaba’s Study Notebook, filled with tips and countermeasures for tests in every subject. (However, this attracted third-years more than first-years.)
Tuesday: They announced that their collection of manga and games was so extensive, anyone would find something they liked, no matter the genre — and if there was any unfilled niche, they invited visitors to supply it themselves. (What kind of incentive was that supposed to be?)
Wednesday: Another of Nagase’s ideas, probably, except this time they performed a “Top Three Best Parts Of The CRC Rap” (and it was so painful to listen to that I didn’t stick around to find out what they were).
As for how successful these attempts were... well, it was none of my business anyway.
The days passed one after another, and before I knew it, it was Thursday.
There was a weird rumor going around, and when I first heard it, I was sure it had to be a joke. I knew the rules here were lax, but still. Surely no one our age would actually come up with something that stupid, I thought to myself.
But then the student council gave a presentation about it, sign-up forms were handed out, volunteers were requested to help with setup... and that was when I realized it was really happening.
They called it: “Couples’ Battle Royale.” What a bizarre name. At first everyone wanted to know why they had to pair up, but then the third-years came around on it, which led the second-years to come around, and in the end, the whole school decided it was a great idea. Apparently this was just another Yamaboshi thing.
But in a sense, this was a prime opportunity. An all-student event would be a breath of fresh air. Instead of letting the days slip away from me in a blur, I could actually look forward to something exciting happening.
That said, I knew this opportunity was a double-edged sword. Back in middle school, there were countless times when I took my chances and put myself out there, only to regret it by the end. Just because something was a break from the norm didn’t mean I would be any different; if anything, it meant my usual day-to-day behavior wouldn’t fly. Everyone would suddenly have a different attitude — one that I wouldn’t be able to match — and I wouldn’t fit in.
This event would require me to have a partner. Who would I team up with? The only people I was remotely friends with were the people in my lunch group... Okay, let’s think about it. Two of them were friends from middle school, and the other two were both planning to join the swim team. Looking at it that way, I would almost certainly be the odd one out.
Students without partners usually ended up asking permission to make a three-person group, or else they would get stuck with a teacher... Actually, scratch that; this was an all-student event. Alright then, what if I paired up with a girl and used it as an opportunity to get to know her? ...Okay, but who?
Me, ask a girl to be my partner? Get real.
There was no way of knowing who would actually show up on the big day, so a lot of people were saying they’d wait until then to pair up. But while I could imagine myself casually asking someone on the spur of the moment, I had no delusions that it would actually be that easy in reality.
I was out of options. All I could do was look for a way out.
Think about it — it’s happening on a weekend. Do you really want to put on your uniform and go all the way back to school? For FUN? You only get two days off per week. Don’t you have more important things to be doing on a Saturday?
Unlike these people, I was busy. I wasn’t scared that I wouldn’t find a partner! I was just thinking about my schedule, weighing the pros and cons... risk versus return...
Ugh, forget it—
“Wait, are you going to be there on Saturday?” a classmate asked out of nowhere, and I...
Then Saturday rolled around.
“You’re staying home today, right? I’m expecting a package, so be sure to answer the door. I don’t have lunch prepped, so get whatever. I’ll give you some money later,” my mother said, all in a single breath, before rushing out of the house.
Following a careful evaluation, I decided not to take part in the Couples’ Battle Royale. As far as I could tell, hardly any first-years were going to participate.
It was just past ten in the morning. Were they duking it out over at Yamaboshi right about now? I couldn’t really picture what it must have looked like. After all, everyone would be competing in pairs... Were they mostly guy-girl pairs? Guy-guy pairs would have a physical advantage, but maybe there were certain battles where girls would have the upper hand... Not that I’d ever know unless I went to see for myself.
Wait, so... did I want to go see it after all? Or was I just mad at myself for missing out? Ugh. I could feel myself mentally comparing my life with the one I wanted, and the two weren’t even close.
I was never bullied in middle school, nor was I a loner. I was in a club, and my life was overall pretty normal. That said, it was by no means fun. I couldn’t put my finger on any one particular problem, but something was off. Something prevented me from being truly happy.
It felt like a weird sort of domino effect. At some point I had made the wrong move, and it set off a chain reaction I could never undo.
Eventually I gave up on fixing my middle school life and decided to shape something different in high school — something better. I purposely chose a high school that almost no one from my middle school had picked, and since it was slightly out of my league grades-wise, I asked my parents to pay for cram school on the weekends.
Based on the pamphlets and everything I’d heard secondhand, Yamaboshi offered more freedom than any other high school of its caliber. It felt like the possibilities were endless. But obviously I wasn’t assuming the school itself would magically fix everything, so I put other preparations in place, too. I went to a different barber and asked him to trim my eyebrows. I used my allowance to buy clothes that were a bit nicer and more expensive. Then I watched a bunch of TV shows and read magazines so I could be up to date on the latest pop culture in case it came up in conversation.
I wanted to be ready for any opportunity that came my way. I promised myself I would try my best to change my life, and I was so sure it would happen for me eventually. But then three weeks went by with no sign of anything new on the horizon. Here I was, stuck at home on a Saturday... and probably the rest of the weekend, too.
After high school entrance exams had ended, I had gotten even more obsessed with watching videos and occasionally leaving comments. I felt so connected to the world around me, yet shut out from it at the same time.
My life as-is was fun and interesting, and I wouldn’t say it was entirely bad. But I could tell that it wasn’t what I really wanted.
I opened a new tab in my browser window and typed into the search bar: high school going badly. Then I looked through the results, starting from the top and working my way down. Some of those pages had links to other pages, and if they caught my interest, I clicked on them — surfing my way through the World Wide Web. Then, before I knew it, I found myself reading the dictionary definition of a word that had nothing to do with my original search.
There was so much knowledge here, and plenty of it was brand new to me. But none of it was the answer I was looking for.
Ugh, maybe I should’ve gone to the Battle Royale after all.
My thoughts went around and around in circles, and time continued to tick by.