But where did I fit in? Nowhere? ...No, there was still time before the dust settled. And I, too, could settle just about anywhere.
“So, about Saturday... Everyone’s invited to the park to play some volleyball,” said one of the guys as we all packed up to head home.
Rumor had it that there was going to be a volleyball tournament in gym class next week, and the biggest clique was talking about getting together to practice ahead of time. I knew this because I had eavesdropped on their entire conversation.
“You know that tournament in gym class? Well, if we’re gonna be competing against other classes, I figure it’d be fun to win,” said one of the girls from the same clique.
“And it’ll help us get to know each other!” said another.
Apparently this was something the cool kids had come up with. Every class had its popular clique, but ours consisted of all the friendliest, most outgoing students... for now, at least.
“So what’ll it be, everybody? If you’ve already got plans, don’t worry about it!”
Or so they claimed. But in reality, this was a test of loyalty. People who showed up were “fun,” and people who didn’t show up were “no fun.” I understood how this game worked — attending these things was important, because over time it would build friendships. But did I really want friendships predicated entirely on a single event? No way.
Thus, I decided not to go.
I didn’t know who was going to be there. If I showed up and it was nothing but tryhards, I’d feel awkward and out of place. Besides, I didn’t want to waste my weekend coming all the way back out here. So instead I pretended not to hear them with a serious look on my face that said sorry, I’m busy.
“What about you?” asked a tall, energetic, loud girl out of nowhere.
Stunned, I blinked at her. It was all too sudden — I didn’t have an answer prepared. Have you considered that maybe I have more important things to do?
All eyes were on us. I knew she’d only asked me because they happened to be talking about it when I passed by. What should I say? What SHOULDN’T I say?
“Uh, sorry... I have plans that day.”
“Oh, okay. Maybe next time,” she replied casually, then went back to her group. Meanwhile, the class continued to buzz with excitement.
“What about you?”
“I’ve got club practice, but I might be able to make it if the times don’t overlap.”
“How many volleyballs do we need? Will the school let us borrow them?”
“Ooh, I can’t wait!”
Everyone seemed to be looking forward to it... but I wasn’t part of it. No one went out of their way to talk me out of my “other plans.” Instead, they started to discuss what time to meet up, so I headed out.
Honestly, it was for the best. At least this way I managed to avoid making it awkward. Plus, no one was going to show up to play volleyball on a Saturday — no one except the tryhards. They wouldn’t even notice my absence.
But if lots of people did show up... The thought terrified me. What if they all collectively decided that I was uncool? Ugh, why did I have to shoot her down point-blank? Now I couldn’t take it back.
Damn it. I cursed my folly. Now I didn’t feel like visiting any clubs anymore. Forget it — I’ll just go home.
As I headed toward the front gates, I could once again hear the club recruiters calling across campus, trying to flag down the students headed straight home. They each had their own communities, and they were attempting to pull more people in.
“Feel free to check us out before you go!”
“Newcomers always welcome!”
But I wasn’t planning to go see anyone, so I ignored them and kept walking. I shut them out of my own free will... but it made my chest ache. It felt like everyone was leaving me behind, and one day I would be truly alone.
“Join our club!”
“We’re about to start our club activities! Feel free to join in and try us out!”
They all said the same things, over and over. It barely registered as background noise at this point. But there were two voices that stood out from the crowd:
“...W-Well, I guess it’s time to start!”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Reflexively, I looked in the direction of the voices. It was Uwa and Enjouji from the Cultural Research Club. They were standing off to the side of the paved road that led to the gates, facing the stream of people shoulder-to-shoulder like a comedy duo... and yet they refused to make eye contact with anyone, almost like they were forced to do this against their will.
“Now’s the time for new students to commit to a club, wouldn’t you say, Enjouji-san?”
“Oh, you’re absolutely right, Uwa-san.”
“But I bet there’s some people out there who just can’t find the perfect club for them.”
“That sounds tough.”
“Maybe they have too many interests and can’t pick just one.”
“Then they should join the CRC!”
“What if they just want to have fun and don’t care how?”
“Join the CRC!”
“What if they like pro wrestling?”
“Join the CRC!”
“What if they want to read manga?”
“Well, there’s always the Manga Club, but they could also join the CRC!”
“What if they’re tired—”
“Join the CRC!”
“Okay, now you’re just being ridiculous!”
“Join the—”
“What are you, a broken record?! ...And that’s our show, folks.”
“Thank you... We’ll be here all night...”
From what I could tell, it was some kind of comedy routine meant to advertise their club, but their voices kept wavering, and it was hard to tell whether they actually wanted anyone to listen. Nobody approached them, but a handful of people — myself included — watched from a safe distance. What a disaster.
They stared down at the ground for a long moment.
“Damn it, I knew we were going to screw this up and make everyone think we’re a couple of losers! Only a weirdo like Nagase-san would find this funny!” Uwa shouted up at the sky.
“Ch-Chihiro-kun, quit it! You’re embarrassing me!” Enjouji whimpered from behind her hands.
They were clearly getting desperate.
“Huh...? Oh, hey! We meet again.”
I stared at them for so long, Uwa caught sight of me. Ugh, don’t wave me over! I don’t want anyone thinking I associate with you!
That said, no one from my class was around. Probably still in the classroom, talking about Saturday. Once I made sure of this, I walked over.
“We keep finding each other, huh? Especially at lunchtime,” Enjouji commented.
“...Well, you’re right here by the gates, so...”
That said, she had a point. I had only visited them once, same with all the other clubs, and yet it felt like we couldn’t get away from each other. But because I sensed that our interactions would eventually end, it made said interactions a lot less stressful, since I didn’t have to worry about screwing up.
“So what are you guys doing?”
“W-Well, Nagase-san started talking about this ‘great idea’ she had to promote the club...”
Even Uwa looked flustered. This was probably the most humiliating day of their lives.
“Nnngh...” Enjouji whimpered and crouched down into a ball, clutching her hair.
But while I was impressed they had the guts to go through with it, a question rose to mind.
“Why are you guys so passionate about your stupid club, anyway?”
The word stupid left my lips before I could stop it. Now, for the first time, I realized just how I felt about all this club stuff — especially the CRC in particular. Why would they sacrifice their time, effort, and reputation for a club with no purpose?
“You’re right. It is a stupid club. Me personally, I never wanted to do the club activities because I didn’t see the point in it,” Uwa replied.
“Then why...?”
“Because I decided I wanted to make something of it.”
But why join that club? Why spend a year of your time there? Why take on the role of president? Why try to fix it?
Uwa didn’t try to rationalize his reasoning. He simply smirked at me.
“Well... I don’t think it’s going to work out for you.”
That was my honest opinion.