Lately I had started to think that if I didn’t stop things like this from getting worse, Nanami’s yandere-ness would just keep growing. And that was something even Nanami was worried about. So it was important for me to prevent her from going in that direction.
“It’s my first time having my girlfriend send me birthday wishes. If anything, it’s also my first time having a girl actually wish me happy birthday. So there’s nothing for you to worry about at all,” I stated.
I knew back then that Peach-san was a girl, but since it was all done over text, I didn’t really classify it as having a girl celebrate my birthday with me. In fact, there were even male players using female characters who wished me happy birthday as a kind of role-play, so I didn’t really take stock in anyone’s gender anyway.
“Then I’ll forgive you,” Nanami muttered.
It seemed I was forgiven. Though Nanami still remained somewhat unhappy, so I should probably address that once we got home.
That was what I was thinking, but Nanami closed her eyes and, groaning, exhaled very loudly. She seemed to be expelling every last bit of breath that was in her lungs. That exhale seemed to be letting all the air out of her body, and then she breathed out additional puffs of air, as if she were wringing them out of her. It wasn’t so much that she was sighing—more like she was performing some sort of ritual.
“Jeez, seriously! I’m sorry, Yoshin. I said something totally uncalled-for,” Nanami suddenly apologized, her expression shifting yet again—though I didn’t think it was anything she needed to apologize for.
“I’d decided that I wasn’t gonna get jealous about silly things, but I just couldn’t help myself. Oh, jeez. I’m such a failure,” she continued.
“Uh, when did you decide something like that?” I managed to ask.
“Remember...that thing we did at that Hawaiian church? That was why, on the flight home, I decided not to let you see that I was jealous about weird stuff like that.”
I felt some kind of stir from our surroundings. But this I completely understood. After all, Nanami had totally glossed over the most important part: Because she couldn’t share what we had done at the church in Hawaii, everyone around us was left wondering what exactly we’d done. Okay, not everyone, but still.
Nanami seemed not to notice the people staring at us, as she was too busy being horrified by her own jealousy. Wait, what exactly are you horrified about, Nanami?
“You mean when we exchanged gifts at the church, right?” I pressed. “I guess being in a church really did make us feel all spiritual, huh? I think it’s normal for you to feel that way.”
What we had actually done was an exchange of rings, but I told no lie. If I said that we exchanged rings, though, I was pretty certain that even more weird rumors would start going around. Some people already saw us wearing matching rings during our class trip, but that only yielded a vague rumor of a smaller scale. At the very least, there was no need to spark anything new into circulation.
“Oh, yeah...that’s true. You’re right. I guess that was why I was careful not to get jealous about things,” Nanami muttered. She seemed to have understood what I was trying to do—or maybe she realized how misleading her earlier statement had been—because she quickly shifted her tone to go with my story.
Nanami nonetheless seemed remorseful about how deep her jealousy ran. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel it was anything to really worry about.
But just thinking that wouldn’t reach her. I had to say so directly.
“I don’t really mind that part of you, though. I think it’s cute,” I said.
“Huh?” Nanami said, startled. “Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, you react that way even with small stuff because you like me that much, right? I don’t like pain, and I don’t like being tied down either, but if it’s just jealousy, then...”
Huh? Why does Nanami suddenly look so agonized...no, conflicted? I thought saying that would make her happy, not whatever this is. Did I just creep her out? Or does she think it’s weird for me to find something like that cute?
Just as I sat there, starting to regret the fact that I had maybe said something unnecessary...
“I’m really happy you say that, but...I’ll make sure not to take it for granted!” Nanami announced, her tightened fists quivering in front of her chest.
But honestly, I had no problem if she became spoiled by something like that.
“If I start thinking that your response is normal, I feel like it would be over for me!” she added.
Didn’t I think something similar myself not too long ago? It surprised me, though, to hear Nanami say something like that, enough that I gaped at her in shock.
Maybe this meant that Nanami and I were slowly beginning to think the same. People often said married couples grew similar over time. Though Nanami and I weren’t married yet.
But it seemed Nanami’s resolve came with no small amount of anguish; it looked like it took a lot out of her to declare what she did.
“Oh, come on. Just let me spoil you,” I finally said.
After a slight pause, Nanami said, “Okay, maybe sometimes. But still! I’ll try my best to hold back.”
That sounded reasonable. I guess it was a compromise, or we were meeting each other halfway. Even Nanami’s faults...or, her jealousies were part of her charms.
“Gosh, we’re all over the place right now. Though that’s mostly my fault. Anyway, we were talking about your birthday!” Nanami exclaimed. “It’s next week, just before Christmas, right?”
“Oh, right. Yeah, that’s right. At least I’m pretty sure it is,” I replied.
I ended up sounding like I was talking about someone else again. Nanami must have thought it too, because her smile turned a little awkward. Yeah, it still didn’t click with me that my birthday was coming up.
Maybe if Nanami celebrates it with me, it’ll sink in more.
“Well, you’ll definitely have to have cake for your birthday. What kind of cake do you like, Yoshin?” Nanami asked.
“I guess for my birthday, I like a simple strawberry shortcake,” I murmured.
I didn’t ordinarily eat cake, and even when I did, I tended to choose chocolate cake or Mont Blanc. And yet, every time I thought of birthday cakes, I always imagined a simple sponge cake with whipped cream and strawberries. I didn’t really care what cake we had for Christmas, but I wasn’t willing to budge on my own personal idea of a birthday cake.
I knew it was weird for me to be so adamant about this, especially when I couldn’t even remember my own birthday. It was just that, for me, birthdays went hand in hand with strawberry shortcake.
“I see, I see. Yeah, strawberry cake is great,” Nanami said in agreement.
Seeing Nanami get excited started to make me feel giddy as well. She almost seemed more excited about my birthday than I was. Was it okay for me to think about things like that: that it wasn’t just my birthday, but that it was a special day that I would get to spend with Nanami too?
Because if so, I would look forward to that more than just my birthday.
“Look forward to it, okay? This year, your birthday’s gonna be big. Though it’s a weekday, so we’ll have to wait for a day off to go on a real date,” she said.
Wow, she said that with perfect timing. Yeah, I really am looking forward to it.
Nanami extended her fist toward me, a rare gesture from her. So I also made a fist and bumped it against hers.
Unlike a guy’s fist, Nanami’s was smooth, so it felt like my fist touched something incredibly light. Like, if I was too forceful, I might even break it.
She then brought her fist up to her side and grinned toothily. Seeing her smile made me relieved. Her agonized expression from earlier didn’t suit her. Of course she still looked cute, but I didn’t want her to feel that way at all. I could understand that some people wanted to pick on cute girls or pull pranks on them, but there was no need to do that unnecessarily.
Still, jealousy, huh? Recalling her expression from earlier, I thought more deeply about that specific emotion.
I had felt jealous about things related to Nanami before, but it was never because of a guy. That, of course, was because Nanami felt uncomfortable around guys.
Nanami seemed to be overcoming that fear bit by bit, and though I knew it was impossible for me to judge this objectively, I also thought she was also becoming more and more attractive. So, if I were to feel jealous about Nanami, it would probably be sometime in the future.
Just thinking about it hypothetically filled me with foreboding. When it happened, what would I do? What would Nanami do? I knew there was no use thinking about it, but when it did happen...
Yeah, I should just tell her honestly that I was jealous, without trying to put up a front. That seemed like the way to cause the least damage.
Envy. I was pretty certain that it was one of the seven deadly sins. It was a pretty common element in art and literature. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it in a variety of contexts. Weren’t there eight or nine sins in the past, actually?
If I were to fit Nanami’s jealousy into that framework, what would my sin be?
I asked myself—and immediately came up with a response.
Greed, probably. Even though I felt like I had so much more compared to what I had before, still, with Nanami, I just wanted more.
They say that greed can kill a man, so I should probably be more restrained. While I sat there, mouth citrus-fresh from oranges and mind filled with philosophy, our lunch hour passed by like it always did.