Chapter 90

2 A single giant crab lumbered through the Northern Saitama Iron Desert, the harsh winds delivering iron grit into the faces of his riders. On the distant horizon lay the rainbow shimmer of Tokyo, toward which the two boys gave a brief glance before wrapping their cloaks around themselves and spurring Actagawa on. The region south of Tokyo was uncharted territory, a blackened wasteland where not even scorched eels or ironrats could survive. When the boys first set out, the weather had been fair, but now thick clouds of iron sand smothered the land and blocked out the skies, making it dark as night. Yet even amid this dreary landscape, Milo occasionally caught a glimpse of a sparkle in Bisco’s gaze and smiled. After a while, it seemed that Bisco noticed this and grew embarrassed, for he sheepishly pulled his cat-eye goggles down over his eyes. “Yokan’s legend is more than mere myth, you know.” “So you mean to say that there really is a nation of cats living underground, Your Eminence?!” “Hmph. Crazy old man. Bet he believes in Santa Claus as well.” “Bisco!!” “Once, our world and Byoma existed on different planes of reality. But that all changed when a miracle arrow landed here, in the very soil of Kanagawa. That arrow connected the Human and Feline Realms.” ““A miracle arrow…?”” Bisco and Milo shared a worried glance. On the screen before them sat the Banryouji High Priest Ochagama, a pair of cat ears poking out of his all-engulfing fuzz. He cleared his throat and prepared to explain. “I’m talking about the Ultrafaith Arrow with which you two defeated Kurokawa.” “Uhh…” “So what you’re saying is…” “This is all your fault, you idiots!!” Even the usually mild-mannered Ochagama couldn’t contain his anger at the boys’ blatant disregard for the natural order. Twin jets of steam erupted from his ears. “Opening gates to parallel worlds? Why, I’ve never heard such absolute codswallop in my life! I swear, if you boys fire that arrow one more time, I’ll come down there and slap you both silly!!” “Whaaat?! But if we hadn’t used it, Kurokawa would have—” “Mraaaah!” “Tirol!” Milo put down the reins and turned toward Actagawa’s luggage, where the girl had been riding. “Are you okay?” he asked her. “Do you need another shot?” “I-I’ll be fine… I’m just bored, I guess…” Tirol had brought a mouse toy with her, but it was already torn to shreds, and now she was beginning to make the backpack itself the target of her unmitigated fidgeting. Her claws and teeth are getting sharper, thought Milo. There’s no time to lose! Pawoo was back at Imihama, keeping the catified population under control with the help of the Vigilante Corps. Her resistance was stronger than most, so she was able to keep her sanity by taking Milo’s medicine, but there was no telling when the situation might devolve into violence. “C’mon, Bisco. Can you see the gate yet?” The impatience was clear in his voice. But Milo’s partner was silent. “Bisco!” “Shhh. It’s close.” Bisco tuned the controls on his cat-eye goggles. He had been using them to peer at the mysterious firelike sparks that danced among the iron sands—what Ochagama had termed “catwisps.” Apparently, this substance was spoken of in Banryouji legend, and it seemed only to grow stronger and more luminous the deeper Actagawa stepped into the storm. …And the boys weren’t the only ones who had seen it. “Look at the firefish.” Their glowing fins wiggled back and forth in the dark skies above. They seemed to take notice of Actagawa’s presence and turned in the air to eye him curiously. Bisco brought his steed to a halt. “See how their fins move? They’re full of life. We’ve gotta be close.” “Be careful not to breathe in the catwisps,” Milo warned. “I’ve inoculated us both, but we still don’t know the full effects of the disease.” “There it is!” Bisco zoomed in his goggles and leaned forward in his saddle. “What the hell is that?!” “Let me see, Bisco!” “One second. I’ll clear away this storm.” Bisco took an arrow from his quiver and fired it into the desert sands ahead. Gaboom! An enormous Rust-Eater burst from the barren soil, devouring the iron sand that made up the storm, and scaring the firefish away. Once more, Actagawa was bathed in sunlight. “W-whoa…!” Milo’s eyes fell on a formation ahead that appeared at first glance to be a hill or small mountain. It was a cat’s head. Its nose was pointed skyward, so all the boys could see from Actagawa’s back was the side of its cheek rising out of the ground. The cat’s face narrowed its eyes in response to the sudden sunlight and let out a sleepy yawn. “MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.” The volume was so great, it was like a gale that fluttered the two boys’ cloaks. They didn’t know how to respond. “That’s it!” came the voice on the screen. “That’s the Cat Gate!” “Gate?! That’s a living cat!” said Bisco, flabbergasted. “Tirol!” “Reportin’ for duty!” The two boys turned to see Tirol leap out of the luggage, scoop up the computer in her hands, and set her golden cat eyes on the mountain ahead. “I just gotta get up there and say the magic words, and everyone’ll turn back to normal!” she cried. “Bisco, Milo! Take me to the nose!” “It don’t make any sense,” pondered Bisco. “How can something like that grow in the desert?!” “’Cuz of your dumbass powers, remember?!!” “Let’s go,” said Milo, gripping the reins. “C’mon, Actagawa!” Energized by his master’s command, the giant crab approached the Cat Gate’s cheek and attempted to scale it, but immediately his legs met with an unexpectedly soft purchase, and he fell back down to the ground. “Ugh. Gross!” “Keep trying, Actagawa!” Actagawa could traverse the steepest mountains and the deepest swamps, but he’d never had to contend with a cat’s face before. Milo could feel their loyal steed’s frustration through the reins, but somehow the giant crab managed to wrangle his way up to the peak. “MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.” “Look at that…” ““It’s the source of the catwisps!”” As they struggled to stay upright against the force of the cat’s voice, the three of them peered down into the cat’s mouth. Inside was a swirling cloud of sparks, like a galaxy, which appeared to be disgorging the powder into the sky. “So this mouth leads to the Feline Realm?” asked Bisco. “Yes, but do not allow the sight to distract you. Stare too long at the cat…” “…and the cat stares back. I see. A wise saying indeed,” said Milo. “Is it?” asked Bisco. “Ain’t that just what cats do?” “You two, stop quibbling, I gotta concentrate! Now watch my back!” Tirol leaped off Actagawa’s back with feline grace, computer in hand. She took a cable extending from it and plugged it into the cat’s nose, then began tapping away at the keyboard. “All set up on my end, Grandpappy!” “Link secure. Our priests are at the ready! Now all that’s left is to execute the mantra Hope left us!” Ochagama held his staff aloft, and the hundred priests behind him all began chanting. The red letters scrawled across their foreheads glowed. “Run program gateseal.exe!” ““Yes, sir!”” “Expect heavy firewall resistance. Tirol, my child. I’ll leave that part to you.” “Really wish I’d brought a gamepad, but this’ll hafta do!” Tirol switched windows, bringing up what looked like a pixel-based shooting game. Cat-shaped enemies dropped from the top of the screen, disgorging bullets. Among them, a miniature jellyfish dodged and weaved, firing Sanskrit letters back at the foes. “I’m in, Grandpappy! Inject the code!” ““Lawnch-geit-clowzer! Serch! Updayt! Deleet-kat-confyuzer! Bild! Updayt! Serch! Relawnch-kat-deleeter…”” “Son of a bitch! Who set this thing to ‘Lunatic’…?” Tirol’s ship adeptly took out the enemy cats, but by now, her fur was slick with sweat. As the Banryouji mantra penetrated more and more of the Cat Gate’s defenses, the whole mountain began to shake. “Hey, how come you just started playin’ a game?” Bisco asked. “It’s not a game,” Milo explained. “It just looks like one. The power of Banryouji’s monks becomes bullets, which she uses to—” “Well, whatever it is, it looks fun. I’m goin’ next after she dies.” “Shut up, shut up! I’m tryin’ to focus here! …C’mon…just a little more…!” Tirol’s fingertips moved across the keyboard at lightning speed, her ship’s attacks slowly whittling away at the health gauge of a large cat statue that had appeared on-screen. But just before it reached zero… “MR…MR…MR…” “The cat’s wakin’ up!” Bisco cried. “It’s too dangerous here!” shouted Milo. “Tirol, you have to come back with us!” “Not now! I’m so close! I just gotta use a bomb, and—” “MRAOCHOO!!” The Cat Gate’s “sneeze” flung Bisco, Milo, Tirol, and Actagawa high into the air before they could even react. They were assailed by the gale-force wind that blew from the cat’s mouth and caught up in a tornado of glowing sparks. “Bisco!!” “I can’t even move! This wind’s too strong!” “MROOOOOOOW.” The mountainous cat suddenly awoke, and its eyes shot open, examining the four targets tumbling through the air above. It immediately homed in on Actagawa, who looked the most nutritious of the bunch by far. “Oh no! That cat’s going to eat our crab!” “Not if I can help it!” Bisco’s hand went to the pouch at his waist. Rummaging through it, he pulled out a clamshell mushroom grenade, which he tossed Actagawa’s way. Bang! The exploding clamshell mushrooms propelled the giant crab sideways, causing him to narrowly avoid being engulfed by the catwisp tornado. Watching him land safely on the ground below, the two boys heaved a sigh of relief. “What are you two clowns so calm about?! What about me?! I’m gonna get sucked in! Helllp!!” “Milo, King Trumpets, with wires! Ready?” “Got it! One sec—” “MROOOOOOOOOWWW!” With its meal usurped, the giant cat grew angry! The typhoon increased in power and speed, engulfing Bisco, Milo, and Tirol and sucking them in. “““Whoaaaaaaaaaaa!!””” The trio’s screams grew more and more distant as they disappeared into the innermost depths of the Cat Gate’s mouth. “Th-they’re gone!!” cried Ochagama from the screen of Tirol’s discarded laptop. “The Cat Gate came to life!!” “Mrowl.” “Oh no.” With one flick of its whiskers, the Cat Gate smashed the obtrusive device, bringing peace and quiet to the desert once more. A great rumbling filled the air as it sank into the ground. Actagawa leaped into action, brandishing his greatclaw against the beast, but managed only to graze the cat’s nose before any trace of it disappeared beneath the desert sands for good. … Actagawa observed the spot for a moment, emitting bubbles, but with no brilliant ideas spouting forth from his crab brain, he decided the safest course of action was to blaze a trail back to Imihama, so that he could tell of the fate that had befallen his masters.