Chapter 89

“You there. Mushroom Keeper.” “Hmm?” A figure sat at a table, their whole body wrapped in a burka. They appeared to be a fortune-teller of some sort. “You seem lost, my friend. Perhaps I can help.” The figure stared at Bisco through a veil, a tattoo of a single eye visible on their brow. Atop their head was a pair of cat ears, but somehow these seemed far more lifelike than the ones the girls on TV had been wearing. “I am an oracle of Byoshoten,” the figure explained in a voice that sounded neither male nor female. “I can read your fortune, if you’d like.” “No, thanks,” replied Bisco. “Don’t have money anyway.” “No coin necessary, my friend. I would be happy to practice my art on a fated individual such as yourself. I feel a strong connection between you and feline-kind. Please, come this way.” “…” Bisco had to admit, he felt strange powers at work, too. The fortune-teller seemed friendly enough, so Bisco walked over and sat down opposite them at the table. “So how does this work?” he asked. “Our world,” said the mystic, “is split. Between the Human and the Feline Realms.” “C’mon, dude. Even I know that’s just a fairy tale.” “To the followers of Byoshoten, it is the truth. Now, give me your palm.” Bisco did as requested and extended his left hand. “The Human Realm and the Cat Realm are like night and day. Each plays off the other… Okay, now your right, please. By understanding disturbances in the Cat Realm, we can predict their effects on this world, and…wait a moment…oh, my goodness. Oh no!” Immediately after taking Bisco’s right hand, the fortune-teller ground their spiel to a halt. They stared at his palm, apparently unable to believe their eyes. It didn’t seem to be part of the act. “…You good?” Bisco asked. “You’re not inspirin’ much confidence here!” “A-apologies, but this cannot be! A-an arrow! An arrow of unimaginable power will pierce the Cat Realm! And what’s more…” The fortune-teller leaped out of their seat and fell to the ground, crawling away in fear. “It shall break the seal of Geppei Amakusa?!” “Dude, what are you talkin’ about? Calm down!” “Oh, woe! Woe be upon ye!” the fortune-teller cried. “And woe upon freedom! The freedom your arrow seeks! Because of that, the Feline Realm is doomed!” “I don’t understand a word you’re sayin’! Come back!” “Eep!” The mysterious mystic turned tail and fled as if they’d seen a ghost. Bisco began to pursue them but didn’t get far before realizing what a pointless endeavor it all was. The figure had left all their fortune-telling paraphernalia there in the alley, too. “The hell was that about?” said Bisco, peering at his hand, at the palm that had apparently given the clairvoyant so much grief. He turned to rejoin the main street but wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted him. …What the?! Everyone was gone. The street was silent. Stalls stood empty, and discarded food and sweets lay strewn about the ground. Bisco exited the alley to get a better look, and it was then that he heard a screech from above. “Myaah!” “Whoa!” “Miao.” “…Pawoo?!” She was crouching on a pipe that ran overhead, poised on all fours. She sported a pair of feline ears and a tail, and even her eyes had become catlike slits. And though she was cloaked in shadow, those reflective eyes shimmered like a real cat’s. Bisco could come to only one credible conclusion… Somehow, Pawoo had obtained the most realistic cat outfit in the world. She always did like playing dress-up. “…Listen, Pawoo! I don’t care what you wear! If you waited for me to finish talking, you’d know that! Now get down from there!” Pawoo leaped down from the pipe with feline grace. Bisco sighed and walked over to her, crouching to look her in the eye. Up close, Bisco could see the long, fine whiskers extending from either side of her face. “Where the hell did you get this outfit anyway? And how are these ears stuck on…?” Bisco grabbed them and gave a mighty tug. “Myaaaagh!!” “Huh?!” Bisco was so shocked that he let go. The ears were warm and connected to Pawoo’s head. She snarled at him, and her face was bright red. “Hissss!!” “W-what?! What happened to you?!” Slash! Moving like a typhoon, she scratched at Bisco with sharp claws, leaving three straight marks across his face. Bisco put his hand to the wound and felt blood. “What the hell?!” Then Pawoo bared her fangs and pounced upon her helpless husband! “Mrow!!” “Whoa?!” Cat Ceremony! …read the balloon. Tirol hooked the string and brought it near her, prodding it with her finger, whereupon it popped. The streets were silent. Where had everyone gone? Vendors had abandoned their stalls, customers had left their money and goods all over the place, and even one of the Vigilante Corps’ iguanas sat riderless by the side of the road. “Dammit…,” said the pink-haired girl as she passed through the unmanned north gate into Imihama. “I’m too late! It got everybody here, too!” She panted, out of breath. You might think that an enterprising young girl like her had shown up merely to trade, but that wasn’t the case. You needed only to take a single look at her to see that. For Tirol’s pupils were as thin as knives. Fluffy ears grew through the hair on the top of her head, and a pair of cute little fangs peeked between her lips. It seemed that she, too, had been transformed by this bizarre affliction. “It’s just like Grandpappy said. I gotta find Milo fast!” Just then, a bonefly came over and hovered nearby. This species of dragonfly was not particularly uncommon and had no bearing on Tirol’s quest. However… “Mmmrow!” Tirol was assailed by an uncontrollable urge! The bonefly narrowly dodged her claws and hovered a little higher. Tirol sat and glared at it, growling. Then… “…Ah! What the hell am I doin’? I’m lookin’ for Milo, not playin’ with bugs!” Tirol tore herself away and began walking down the street, when suddenly she froze again. She felt an unbearable pressure bearing down on her from every window. And when she looked, she spotted the slitted eyes of the transformed townsfolk staring back at her. “Uh… Uh-oh!” Crashhh! The glass windows shattered, and out leaped the half-feline people of Imihama. They came straight for Tirol—or rather, the bonefly at her side. Children, merchants, and members of the Vigilante Corps all sprang at her, but with catlike reflexes and agility, Tirol escaped the ensuing brawl in the nick of time. “““Mrowrowrow!””” “That was close! I’m gonna end up like that if I don’t hurry!” Tirol gave one last look at the cloud of dust being kicked up in the street behind her before turning and setting off for Milo’s clinic. “Doctor! We’ve got another case!” “Bring them in!” A stretcher was carried in. On it lay Nuts, the ace of the Vigilante Corps. Tight restraints bound his arms, waist, and legs. He was not hurt or bleeding, but one look was enough to know he was in a very dire state indeed. “Nuts! Not you too…” “Myagagaga!” His trademark sharktooth mask had been lost during his fits. The doctor tightened a belt around the patient’s mouth to stop him from snapping, and instead, Nuts shook his head wildly. He’s the same as all the others, thought the doctor. Completely implacable. He wiped the sweat from his panda-spot eye. It was Milo, back to medical work and now the director of his own hospital. The other doctors and nurses all looked to him for guidance. “The infection is spreading,” he said. “Why haven’t they stopped the festival yet? Have you told Pawoo?!” “Well, she asked not to be disturbed today, even for matters of the highest priority…” “…She’s on a date. Honestly, that woman!” Milo shook his head and gathered his thoughts, then called out to the junior doctors. “Everyone, gather round! I’ve worked out the major identifying symptoms of this disease! I’ll use this patient to explain.” “Mrowrowrow!” “First, take a look at these eyes.” Milo held open Nuts’s eyes and showed them to the gathering doctors. They all shrank in fright at the boy’s mad, ferocious gaze. “When exposed to light,” Milo explained, “the patient’s pupils become narrow slits, like this. In darkness, the pupils dilate to an extreme degree in order to take in as much light as possible.” “But the boy’s only just been infected,” muttered a voice. “The disease spreads so quickly,” said another. “The other major symptom,” Milo went on, “is this transformation of the teeth.” Milo carefully used a pair of forceps to pry apart Nuts’s lips so that the feral boy wouldn’t bite his fingers off. His jaws now resembled those of a fierce beast. “There seems to be some individual variation, but all infected show some lengthening of the canines,” Milo pointed out. “They become so long, they could even be considered fangs.” It’s almost as if…they’re turning into cats! As he gave his explanation, Milo turned the horrifying realization over in his mind. “Sir, what’s the name of this disease?” “For now, let’s go with catitis.” A simple name, but easily understood. Milo wiped Nuts’s slavering mouth and pressed a few buttons on his medicine machine. “Have all our machines work on producing the antidote,” he requested. “The ingredients are cactushroom, lurkershroom, enoki mushrooms, and hiratinamine, applied under a rustine anesthetic.” ““Yes, sir!”” The doctors wheeled away Nuts’s stretcher and returned to their posts, mixing up medicine to deal with the crisis. Alone in his office once more, Milo thought to himself. Even if he could calm the patients who were brought to him, all he was doing was buying time. He still had no idea where the disease had come from or how it spread. We have to get to the bottom of this, before the whole country is turned into cats! It was then that a panicked voice reached his ear. “Thank god I made it! Where’s Dr. Panda?!” “Eep! H-hold on! Dr. Nekoyanagi is very busy at the moment! If you like, I can take a mess—!” “Outta my way, lady! This is life or death!” Milo approached the door to his office to see if he couldn’t work out what all the fuss on the other side was about, when… Bang! “Whaah?!” The door was flung open, and in tumbled a pink-haired girl with braids. “Milo!!” As soon as she spotted the fair-faced doctor, the cat ears atop her head wiggled, and she pounced on him. Seemingly unconsciously, she gently nibbled on his neck with her sharp fangs and sank her claws into his lab coat. “Mrow! I’ve been lookin’ all over for ya!” “T-Tirol! Wh-what are you doing here? …O-ow, wait, stop! That hurts!” “Hgyaagh!!” “You’ve caught catitis!” he cried. I need to calm her down! Milo was pinned beneath her unusual strength. He relaxed his entire body so as not to trigger her hunting instincts and stroked her head between the ears. “Good kitty. I bet you were scared, weren’t you? Everything’s going to be okay, Tirol…” “Purr… Purr…” Her instincts are running away with her. This could be bad! Tirol’s claws were sunk deep into Milo’s flesh, and she kept licking his neck with her coarse tongue, tasting his sweat. Milo was worried she would soon bite his head off. So with split-second thinking, he said: “Tirol.” “Hmmrow?” “You know, there’s something even tastier than sweat.” Milo dug his own nails into his neck, drawing a trickle of blood. It dripped down his throat, filling Tirol’s nostril’s with the potent scent of life. Her ears pricked up, and her golden eyes went wide. “Come closer.” Milo’s soft voice shattered what little of Tirol’s human mind remained. She sank her mouth into Milo’s neck, staining her nose with his lifeblood. Now! Milo seized this opportunity and pulled out a vial from his hip case. Then he wrapped his arms around the distracted Tirol, holding her in place before jamming the needle into the back of her neck. “Hgyaaagh?!” The Mushroom Keepers were trained to bring down large game, and none were more meticulous in their movements than Milo. Tirol shivered as the liquid entered her body, and she emitted a long, sultry breath. “Don’t move,” said Milo. “Just let it take effect. Relax…” “Uwehh…” Tirol lay there dazed for a few moments before suddenly returning to her senses and picking herself off the boy doctor. “Milo! Oh, shit, I’m so sorry, I dunno what came over me, I just…!” “I’m just glad you got to me quickly enough,” Milo replied. “We still have some beds free. Why don’t you take a rest and—?” “Rest?! Ya gotta be kitten me!” Tirol took Milo by the coat lapels and shook him violently. “Grandpappy sent me; I gotta put a stop to this…this cat-astrophe!” While Milo’s medicine counteracted the worst of the disease’s symptoms and halted its progress, it couldn’t reverse the effects entirely. Tirol kept pawing at the plush carpet beneath her feet before stopping herself. “High Priest Ochagama sent you?” Milo asked. “You mean to say he’s worked out the cause of the disease? What is it?” “Feast yer peepers on this.” Tirol shoved her laptop screen in Milo’s face. On it was a satellite image feed centered on Imihama, displaying the driftweed plains to the north and the Northern Saitama Iron Desert to the south. “Grandpappy says it’s some weirdo particles called catwisps what’re spreadin’ the disease,” she explained. “And ya can see where they’re comin’ from, can’t ya?” Tirol pointed to the screen, toward Imihama, then drew her finger down, across the desert, past the Tokyo Crater…to the far south of the image. “Right here.” “Whaaat?! Tirol, what’s this?” “Exactly what it looks like. It’s called the Cat Gate.” It was small wonder that Milo cried out in shock. For what Tirol was pointing to was none other than a giant cat face, right in the middle of the desert, staring back into outer space with emotionless eyes. The fact that it was visible from the satellite’s orbit meant it must be truly enormous. And it was from this baffling formation’s mouth that the so-called catwisps came, for even on the satellite feed, a strange mist could be seen issuing from it and drifting northward toward Imihama, carried by the winds. “I don’t believe it! The source of the particles…is a huge cat face?!” “There’s more, but there’s no time to explain! According to Grandpappy, we need to chant some magic phrase to the Cat Gate, and it’ll go away! Milo, will you guard me while I…?” All of a sudden, Tirol stopped speaking. Milo turned his eyes from the screen and looked over to see what had happened. “…Tirol?” “Butterfly!!” Unable to control herself, she leaped at him. Milo reflexively ducked, sending her sailing overhead. The cause was a white butterfly that had fluttered in through an open window. As she jumped around the room chasing it, her slender pink tail caught a flower vase and knocked it onto the floor, shattering it. “Whaaah! Tirol, calm down! Sit! Stay!” “Hgyaaagh!!” Milo tried every command he could think of, but to no avail. Tirol was dragged around by her animal instincts, pursuing the innocent butterfly until the air was thick with shredded documents that met their end at her claws. If this is what Tirol’s like now, then we really can’t take our time. We have to stop this disease at the source, or soon there won’t be a single freethinking human left! Milo took out another counteracting agent and got up to deliver a second dose, when… “Myaaaa!!” “Huh?!” He’d barely had time to breathe before the window shattered and in came a whirlwind of black hair. It was none other than the Iron Governor herself, looking less like a cat and more like a panther, dressed in her yukata and with flashing indigo eyes. “Pawoo?!” The once prim and proper Pipe Snake yukata was now disheveled and torn, leaving Pawoo’s coverage in a very risqué state. Her arms extended far beyond the edges of her sleeves, lengthened as they were by the progression of the disease. “Pawoo! I’ve told you a thousand times! Do up your clothes!” But Milo’s transformed sister didn’t seem to even hear his words. Her attention was instantly seized by the butterfly in the room, and she fought with Tirol for it. “Mmyaagh!!” “Myowrow!” They began throwing feints, testing each other’s guards, and rolling about on the floor. It was then that another voice joined the brawl. “There you are!!” It was Bisco, who leaped in through a second window. By now his face was all scratched up and bleeding, and while the Rust Eater spores in his blood worked to repair the damage, he glowed at the seams like an active volcano. “Milo!” he shouted. “Do somethin’ about that sister of yours! Talk about bitin’ the hand that feeds you; she damn near ripped my face off!” “Hiss!!” “Rowr!!” “Whuh?! The jellyfish’s here, too?! Wait, stay back!!” In the blink of an eye, Milo’s office had become a mess. Torn documents and X-rays littered the floor, and the culprit was none more than a nameless butterfly. Milo, meanwhile, was already wearing a gas mask. He pulled the pin from the numbshroom grenade in his hands before hurling it into the center of the room, where it started spewing white smoke. “Mr…owww…?” “Myeu…” This scored a critical hit against the delinquent duo’s heightened animal senses, and they both crumpled to the floor immediately. Meanwhile… “Asshole! Tell me before you pull somethin’ like that!” Wise to the use of mushroom arts, Bisco had quickly pulled his cloak across his face to avoid breathing in the hazardous spores. When the smoke finally cleared, the two cats, pink and black, lay asleep, curled up and scratching their faces with their hands. Milo quickly fixed their clothes, covering up Tirol’s exposed belly, which rose and fell with her snores, and Pawoo’s…well, everything…that risked spilling out of her loosened garb. “Phew, finally,” said Bisco, while Milo examined Pawoo’s pulse. “I tell you, she’s been mad at me before, but never so mad she grew claws and fangs! What did I do wrong? I complimented her hair and clothes, just like you said.” “Don’t be ridiculous!” Milo yelled back. “People don’t grow fangs just because they’re angry!” Pawoo might, thought Bisco. “It’s a disease called ‘catitis,’” Milo explained. “And it looks like Pawoo’s caught it, too. Get your gear, Bisco! There’s only one way to save her, and that’s to travel to where this is all coming from!” At Milo’s words, Bisco’s eyes glimmered. “You mean, we’re leavin’ Imihama?!” “Tirol knows the details. One second, I’ll wake her up…” “It’s okay; I don’t care. I’ll go get Actagawa!!” “Wh-what?! No, wait!” “I bet he’ll be glad to see the road again. Unlike me, he don’t adapt so easily to the quiet life!” Milo didn’t even manage to say where they were going before Bisco left the room. Still, he hadn’t failed to see the spark return to his partner’s cloud-filled eyes just before he dashed out the door. He knew more than anyone else what adventure meant to him. “…Well, that cheered you up, didn’t it?” I know you’ve been holding it in this past year. But you don’t need to. If you asked us to, we’d follow you to the ends of the earth. You know that. Milo removed his gas mask and sat back, letting the wind blow in through the shattered windows and ruffle his sky-blue hair. …Then he cast a look around his ruined office and let out a deep sigh. He looked at the singular butterfly responsible for the mess and, gently nudging it with his finger, encouraged it to take flight through the window, into the blue skies beyond.