Chapter 70

10 “Apollo! Apolloooo!” At Joy’s shrill voice in his earpiece, Apollo rose to his feet He stood before a cylindrical tank, inside which an enormous green cube spun slowly, constantly shifting. “…Apologies, Domino. I will be right back…” Apollo turned away from the illuminating emerald glow and hopped onto an ascending elevator panel. The panel took him all the way to the upper dome, where Joy was looking panicked, staring at a bright screen. “What’s the matter, Joy?” “Apollo! It’s the apes! We’ve been hacked!” Joy tapped frantically on the holographic keyboard in front of him. “They’re coming for us, and the White aren’t doing anything to stop them! …But I don’t detect any abnormalities in the code! What’s going on?!” “The White Apollos aren’t attacking?” Apollo shifted his attention to the screen. There, he saw the Saitama Iron Desert, and the allied forces riding at full tilt atop a magnificent red carpet. The white androids charged with protecting Tokyo, however, simply watched on in silence, rejecting the command to attack. “…My…” Apollo peered closer at the vanguard and spotted a black-haired woman in a wedding dress leading the charge. “I see. Well, in that case, there’s nothing we can do.” “Apollo?! What do you mean?” “You can stop trying to fix it, Joy. Why, we haven’t been hacked at all.” “Wh-what?! But…!” “The White are behaving normally. They are simply observing proper etiquette: that of not disrupting the bride and groom as they walk down the aisle.” “E-etiquette?!” cried Joy. Apollo’s face did not lighten, even for a second. “B-but the enemy is drawing closer! How can you care about etiquette at a time like this?!” “How many times will you make me repeat myself? Etiquette takes precedence over all things. Why, even if two apes decide to get married and hold a ceremony, then that makes it a wedding, does it not? …I must give the happy couple my regards.” Apollo’s red eyes blazed open, and he began muttering a command to the screen. The White Apollos, idly watching the encroaching army, suddenly started to move, the effects of Apollo’s order rippling through them like a shock wave. One after the other, they raised their arm cannons, and blue particles began to build up. “Y-you fixed them! Well done, Apollo!” “Fire.” The White Apollos all fired in unison…and colorful clouds of petals burst from their guns, showering the army in confetti. Atop Actagawa, Milo gazed in wonder at the sight, while Bisco picked out bits that had gotten inside his clothes. “That should do it,” Apollo said, staring emotionlessly at the screen. “Next should be the bouquet toss, but seeing as how we don’t have any women here, I suppose we shall have to give it a miss.” This is all Hope’s doing! thought Joy, grinding his teeth in anger. The rules of etiquette that Apollo followed as though they were the Ten Commandments themselves had always been a thorn in the sides of his avatars Joy and Rage; and Hope, the third of them, was the only other one who knew about that weakness of his. There could be no doubt now that Hope was assisting the enemy. “We can begin the attack as soon as they leave the carpet… But how curious. It seems they are extending it indefinitely, using their mantra. A very strange wedding indeed, this is…” I’ve got to find some way to convince him! He needs to put his etiquette aside! Out of Apollo’s sight, Joy began trawling through the records of old Tokyo, pulling all the information he could find regarding weddings from the sea of electrons, until he stopped on one line of text. Excited, he ran over to Apollo. “Apollo! Look at this!” “That’s quite enough, Joy. I’ll leave the rest here to you. I must go watch over the server…” “That thing’s not a wedding aisle!” Perplexed by the intensity of Joy’s protest, Apollo watched as his avatar brought up an image of a magazine with a white-clad bride on the front cover and a passage of text highlighted in red. “In a Christian wedding, the wedding aisle is the path that leads from the church entrance to the altar. Traditionally, it is laid with a red or white carpet, but did you know there are many variations available? Inside, find the hottest tips on making your wedding a day to remember!” “Hmm? I’m not really interested in the hottest wedding tips.” “Not that part. This! It says, ‘The wedding aisle leads from the church entrance to the altar’! Those guys aren’t on the wedding aisle; it’s just a regular red carpet!” Joy grabbed Apollo by the torso and shook him back and forth. “In fact, they’re the rude ones for trying to make their wedding ceremony last forever! We have to attack them! It’s not a breach of etiquette; it’s entirely justified!” “…” Apollo seemed disturbed by Joy’s words, and he began to think. Eventually, he nodded and started editing a program in the air before him. “Append the information we just learned to point five of the etiquette manual. Reboot all White and instruct them to eradicate the invaders outside Tokyo.” “Apollo…!” “My work here is done. I shall be in the server room. Do not disturb me for anything below a level-three emergency. Am I clear?” “Yes, sir! I can take it from here!” Joy watched Apollo descend the elevator panel once more before turning back to the screen. The White had now begun their attack and were embroiled in combat with the allied forces. “Hope, you coward… Taking advantage of Apollo’s etiquette…!” Joy muttered, his lips trembling in anger. “Just you monkeys wait. I’ll wipe you all out!”