"..............."
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“You were caught up with your own mess.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"..............."
✦ ✦ ✦
“She liked it that way,” Suema continued. “She knew that’s the kind of person you were-until you changed. You found something. That gave you time to poke your head up above the surface. And when she realized that...”
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Asukai was beginning to shudder. He thought this girl was far more collected than he was.
✦ ✦ ✦
How much did she know?
✦ ✦ ✦
Or was she also working for him?
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“Are you...” he started, but then he saw something.
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Suema’s hands were locked together on her lap, but the fingers were trembling.
✦ ✦ ✦
She was afraid, but was forcing herself to be brave.
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“What are you doing, Asukai-sensei?” she asked.
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“Why do you want to know?” Asukai replied, trying to wrestle control.
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"Because..."
✦ ✦ ✦
“You said you were friends, but you clearly haven’t known her that long. You have nothing in common. In fact, I imagine you would find her rather irritating,” he said, recovering his cool.
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She was just a girl. Not worth being afraid of.
✦ ✦ ✦
He’d been looking at it for a while, but this girl had no
✦ ✦ ✦
‘flower.’ She was the same type as Kotoe. This type never liked each other.
✦ ✦ ✦
Suema failed to answer.
✦ ✦ ✦
Asukai pressed forward. “You’re a pretty smart girl. Are you proud of that?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“I can’t believe you would have any respect for a girl like Kotoe-chan. Especially after you found out how much she’s changed. You just can’t figure things out, right?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“I. . .I just...”
✦ ✦ ✦
“You want an answer.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Th-that’s probably part of it, but...” The entire conversation had been me on a roll, but the moment I started to lose my footing, I stumbled. Asukai Jin’s eyes looked like they could see right into my soul.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Oh, I understand. I’m not criticizing you for it. But I’m more worried about Kotoe-chan than you are. I’m just grateful it was worthy of your attention.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I had no idea how to respond to that.
✦ ✦ ✦
“A-asukai-sensei. . .?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“What?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Do you really. . .are you sure you don’t have anything to do with her transformation?” Even as I spoke, I realized this wasn’t the question I wanted to ask.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I feel a little guilty. I’m sure it’s my fault somehow,” he said, sounding pretty sincere. Like he was really a good guy.
✦ ✦ ✦
But that’s What bugged me.
✦ ✦ ✦
It was unnatural. And no matter how you looked at it. . .he was hiding something.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Then does it have something to do with that painting?” I babbled. Even I wasn’t sure what I meant.
✦ ✦ ✦
“What?” Asukai J in asked, puzzled. “Which painting?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“‘Snow Falls in April.’ That picture is your. . .how can I put this. . .” Basically, I just felt like I had to say something. If I stayed silent, and let him keep talking, I’d completely lose control of the conversation and not able to argue anything at all. “It’s a part of you that Kinukawa-san could never touch. Don’t you see?”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“A-and she felt like there was something about you she couldn’t handle.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............" Asukai was expressionless. He didn’t react at all.
✦ ✦ ✦
What was I trying to say?
✦ ✦ ✦
Was I being the archetypal excitedly stupid high school girl, who speaks without thinking?
✦ ✦ ✦
But I felt like I was right. That picture said something about this man...
✦ ✦ ✦
“That picture,” Asukai Jin said.
✦ ✦ ✦
I snapped out of it. “Wh-what?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Do you understand it?” he asked, his voice so quiet and calm.
✦ ✦ ✦
And a little bit like he was making fun of me.
✦ ✦ ✦
But I snapped, “I don’t know everything, but that picture...
✦ ✦ ✦
yeah. I do.” If he was going to make fun of me, I might as well speak my mind.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Pray tell,” he said. I got the feeling he was pulling a little away, flinching back.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I hate it,” I snarled, going for the big blow in the hopes of knocking him over.
✦ ✦ ✦
But he just airily said, “Harsh.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I was off balance now, but I couldn’t pull back. “I’m right, aren’t I? Did you actually want to draw a picture like that?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“I wasn’t exactly planning on selling it.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“But you were trying to capture something external. Right?”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“It’s an awfully lonely picture.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“You’re the first person who’s said that about it.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“But that’s what I think. No matter how you look at that picture, there’s no trace of the painter’s intentions.” When did I suddenly become a hypocritical art critic? I was so unconvincing.
✦ ✦ ✦
I see,” Asukai J in nodded anyway.
✦ ✦ ✦
“What were you thinking when you drew that thing?”
✦ ✦ ✦
asked, growing uncertain as to why I was sitting here, having this conversation.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Why are we talking about this?” Asukai Jin asked, clearly thinking the same thing.
✦ ✦ ✦
I managed to find some words and turn them into an answer.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Because we want to help Kinukawa-san. That’s why I want to know more about you.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“What is it that makes you work so hard for Kotoe-Chan?”
✦ ✦ ✦
Asukai Jin had been staring at me this whole time. Unable to hold his gaze any longer, I broke eye contact.
✦ ✦ ✦
“You. . .already said that.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Mm? What do you mean?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“That I’m not really that close to her. But if I ever want to be closer to her, then I have to help her now.” No sooner had the words left my mouth that I felt a pain in my chest. I had a strong sensation that I was a horribly pathetic life form.
✦ ✦ ✦
The thought that I needed a reason to simply get closer to another human being just seemed like the saddest thing in the world.
✦ ✦ ✦
I found myself staring at the floor and shaking.
✦ ✦ ✦
This had to stop.
✦ ✦ ✦
I couldn’t deal with Asukai Jin. There was no way I could ever understand the secret Kotoe had wanted to know.
✦ ✦ ✦
Suddenly, Asukai Jin asked, “Do you want to be saved?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Hunh-?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Do you want to know what I am doing?” He stared directly at me, missing nothing.
✦ ✦ ✦
I was transfixed. I couldn’t move.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I am trying to change the world,” he said, his eyes completely serious.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I am trying to heal the flaws in human hearts. And I’m doing it the only way I know how. . .by planting the right type of flower in their souls.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
I remembered something I had thoughtlessly said back when Kotoe was telling me about Asukai Jin. “He goes out every night and comes back covered in other people’s blood? That sounds like, I dunno. . .like a vampire or something.”
✦ ✦ ✦
And now, I found myself nailed to the wall, trapped in his gaze and totally immobile.
✦ ✦ ✦
“It’s a problem of balance. I’ve been searching for that. I’ve got all kinds of people ‘cooperating.’ And finally I found it. That balance; a gentle, modest ‘seed’ that can be planted harmlessly in almost everyone.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“It has no shape, and it won’t ever help you achieve your desires. . .but that’s what allows it to meet all of the requirements.
✦ ✦ ✦
The perfect ‘seed.’”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“Fortunately, I had already found that balance. I met a ‘girl’
✦ ✦ ✦
who had it. Now all I have to do is find her.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“I will take this seed from the ‘girl’ and propagate it across the world. . .the ‘seed’ will lay down roots, and before they know it, everyone in the world will be without flaws. To achieve this, I have to sacrifice the girl, but that is a necessary evil.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“Your heart is flawed as well. You realize that, don’t you?”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“What if I told you I could fix that. . .?”
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
“What would you say?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“I. . .I would...” I could hear my own heart beating furiously.
✦ ✦ ✦
Beating so hard it felt like it was about to leap out of my mouth.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I have already been saved by someone else!” I shouted.
✦ ✦ ✦
Asukai J in frowned. “Oh? Who?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“B-boogiepop!” I said, well aware that I was babbling like a lunatic. The person who had actually saved me had said that name. But did shinigami actually save people?
✦ ✦ ✦
“Oh, him again?” Asukai chuckled. It sounded like he’d heard the rumors.
✦ ✦ ✦
I could feel my face turning red. “Not like that!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“He’s a superhero, right?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“H-he’s not that simple...” I tried to argue, but in truth I knew nothing about him. “A-and before you make fun of him. . .I mean, you just said y-you were going to change the world...” as the words left my mouth, I realized something.
✦ ✦ ✦
(What......!)
✦ ✦ ✦
What had he just said?
✦ ✦ ✦
The true impact of his words sank in.
✦ ✦ ✦
Asukai Jin stared at me silently.
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
I gulped.
✦ ✦ ✦
He slowly reached his hand out towards my chest.
✦ ✦ ✦
I felt like I was frozen to my chair-I couldn’t get away.
✦ ✦ ✦
Asukai Jin’s fingers began to turn, like he was grasping something I couldn’t see.
✦ ✦ ✦
(Wh-what is he......?!)
✦ ✦ ✦
What was happening? I stiffened, and Asukai Jin’s fingers clustered like he was holding a pen, then moved, like he was drawing a line in the air.
✦ ✦ ✦
It was like he was drawing a picture.
✦ ✦ ✦
My jaw dropped, and he shrugged.