Lately I’d been dying to beat Hareru-senpai at something.
Maybe it was all the time I’d spent battling, like the strongest character tier list, or the fitness challenge, or maybe just the sting of my first-ever prank failing miserably on her. Either way, my competitive spirit was firing on all cylinders. So the other day, I woke up and—with the help of a bit of liquid courage—sent Hareru-senpai a challenge.
She accepted straightaway.
“You come at the queen, Shuwacchi, you better not miss.”
“Hyaaa! Chat, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! I actually did it! I actually challenged Hareru-senpai! No way! Good luck, future me, you’re going to need it!”
“Well, this is unexpected, even for me. It seems the challenger is even more surprised than the one being challenged.”
And so the showdown of destiny had begun. Of course, we wouldn’t be throwing down in real life. Sticking to true VTuber fashion, we would face off in a video game.
The game?
Watermelon Game.
After a lengthy discussion about fairness in competition, we selected this explosively popular falling-block puzzle game as our battlefield of choice. In the game, each player drops various fruits into a container. When two of the same fruit touch, they merge into a larger fruit, earning you points. The fruit progression is: cherry, strawberry, grapes, dekopon, persimmon, apple, pear, peach, pineapple, melon, and finally, the game’s namesake, watermelon. Each fruit is progressively larger and worth more points. The largest fruit that can naturally appear is the persimmon. Once your accumulated fruits overflow your container, it’s game over—your score is locked in. It’s the perfect game—deceptively simple, unexpectedly deep, and most of all, wildly addictive.
But here was the interesting part. We wouldn’t be competing on score alone. No, that would be boring. Did you ever wonder what happens when you combine two watermelons? They’re the largest fruit. If there’s nothing larger, then what happens?
They disappear entirely.
That was the basis of our showdown. Whoever could make their watermelons disappear first would win. Easier said than done. The less space you have, the harder it is to combine your fruits, and the easier it is for everything to overflow. The ginormous watermelon takes up nearly half the container, making it almost impossible to combine two of them at once. This was a battle that could last for days, maybe even weeks—a true test of both wits and endurance.
But wait, you might say. Are you crazy, Awa-chan? How can you possibly hope to win in a battle of wits against Hareru-senpai? Now, now, my dear reader, did you forget this was a falling-block puzzle game? And what do all falling-block puzzle games have in common? That’s right—the pieces you get are random. While I wouldn’t dream of beating Hareru-senpai in a pure battle of wits, this game had a great equalizer: chance. In fact, I’d even say it tipped the odds in my favor, given Hareru-senpai’s generational bad luck. Luck and endurance! With those on my side, I had a real shot at winning!
And so, with my (strong fizzy lemon-flavored) energy (alcoholic) drink of choice in hand, I approached the first stream of what I was sure was many to come.
“The videos make this look so easy, but... Huh? All the fruits I fail to combine just end up piling up at the bottom!”
The first few results were...dismal at best. Forget about two watermelons, I could hardly imagine myself making one at this rate. Suddenly, I got a call from Hareru-senpai, who was supposed to be doing a separate playthrough. I wonder what could have happened already.
“Hello, Shuwacchi? I did it—two watermelons cleared on my first playthrough.”
“Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Wow, and I cleared out my schedule for weeks for this. Guess I’ll sing a little song, do a little dance. Pai-pai-pai. Pai-pa-pa-pai-no-pai! Chin-chin-chin. Chin-chi-chin-no-chin! Yay.”
“Sorry, I was joking.”
“Y-You! Aw, you little rascal, you, always messin’ around! I knew it couldn’t have been over already—we’re just getting started! You better watch out, because I’m not holding back!”
“Really? Because that sounded like the death rattle of a woman who completely threw her hands up in the air in defeat.”
“Ha-re-ru-sen-pai?”
“I mean, carry on, Seiso-san of Seiso Industries!”
: I'm here for the floor humping VTuber. is this the right place?
: Hey, at least this stream didn't stumble right out the gate and fall flat on its face
: no, but the streamer sure did
: you know you don't literally have to stream every stream like it's your last? it's just a saying
: she had that locked and loaded and was ready to give up so quick LMAO
: full song when ￥200
: hour loop ver inc
: Awayuki does a Weird Dance. Awayuki is drained of 999 SP (seiso points)!
: only Harerun could make such an outrageous claim and have it be believable
: I was thinking how precious these two were with their friendship being so close but that ondo ruined it
: Awa-chan plays Solemn Judgment! Pays half her LP to negate the Summon!
: I don't see "Pai-pai-pai. Pai-pa-pa-pai-no-pai! Chin-chin-chin. Chin-chi-chin-no-chin! Yay" in the flavor text...
Hareru-senpai then revealed that, while clearing the game had been a joke, she had actually managed to get a watermelon on her first stream. All I could say to that was, Sasuga, Hareru-senpai. Her antics sparked a series of mind games between us, but even sasuga Hareru-senpai couldn’t clear the objective on the first day and ended her stream later that night. (We were allowed to practice off stream, but the winning round had to be streamed to count.)
I was getting tired myself and would have normally ended my stream too, but considering this was Hareru-senpai, I knew my usual approach wouldn’t be enough. So I pushed on and kept streaming. Endurance—that was half of my key to victory, and I needed to hold on to it. Because, as you might have guessed from my drinking while playing, I wasn’t exactly counting on a strategic win. And to aid me on that front, I called in a friend!
“Good nipple, everymom. Mama called and Kaeru answered! I love boobs!”
“It’s Kaeru-chan! Thanks for coming! I didn’t think you’d show up this late.”
“Not at all. Kaeru’s sleep schedule is completely flipped right now, so she’s wide awake.”
“That can’t be healthy for a baby...”
: Hey, if it isn't our child
: It really is. Hi pumpkin!
: Really appreciate you inviting our daughter out to play ￥10,000
: *chuckles nervously* where did all these parents come from...?
: And on this day, Shuwa-chan learned a valuable lesson. Do not summon Kaeru-chan lest you summon the horde
: What kind of mother invites her child to stay up late playing video games?
“Anyway, I invited Kaeru-chan here to keep me company and help pass the time!”
“Kaeru’s honored you called, and you know she’d never hesitate to help, but...is this okay?”
“Hm? Whaddya mean?”
“This is a personal showdown, isn’t it? If Kaeru helps you, it’s no longer fair.”
“Ahh, no, no, it’s totally fine. Me and Hareru-senpai worked this out beforehand.”
“Oh, so she has someone helping her out too?”
“No, she just said that you’d be a neutral, if not negative help, so she allowed it.”
: LOL
: 300 IQ play
: yes, our daughter is blatantly useless, but that's why we love her
“Yeah, yeah,” Kaeru sighed, “Kaeru’s useless, we get it. But don’t think she’ll hesitate to sic the authorities on you just because you’re Kaeru’s top-mommy.”
“What?! Wait, Kaeru-chan, think this through. You’re really gonna call Child Protective Services on your mommy?”
“No, the Department of Labor.”
“A (self-proclaimed) baby phoning the Department of Labor. Somehow that’s worse...”
In all seriousness, Kaeru-chan was far from useless. I’d asked for her help because I understand how valuable it is to have someone to talk to when dealing with something tedious. Don’t come crying foul to me when I win, Hareru-senpai! You agreed to this, fair and square. Mua ha ha ha!
And so, the joint stream between me and Kaeru-chan kicked off in earnest. We’d been around each other long enough that the chemistry was spot on, keeping me focused and allowing me to improve my gameplay at a steady pace. But would it be enough for me to reach the legendary double watermelon?
“Hello?! What in the freak was that?! The physics just sent the cherries flying when the fruit under it combined! You know how many times you have to shake a can of StroZero to get it to squirt that high? Two hundred and seventy-seven times. Two hundred and seventy-seven times, Kaeru-chan!”
“Wow, two hundred and seventy-seven times. Kaeru knows exactly how high a StroZero can shaken two hundred and seventy-seven times squirts—not. The way your mind works truly frightens Kaeru sometimes.”
“Well, I am a genius, after all.”
“Okay, then, manage to combine two fruit without sending another one into space, genius.”
“I-I did that on purpose just now, just so I could make the StroZero joke!”
“The joke was terrible. Come up with literally anything else next time.”
“Oh? Okay, you said it.”
“Hm? Yes, Kaeru did?”
Roughly ten minutes later, another cherry was blown out of the container in a similar fashion.
“Hello?! What in the freak was that?! You know how many times you have to stroke Ken Shimizu’s cock to get him to spurt that high? Three hundred and seventy-seven times. Three hundred and seventy-seven times, Kaeru-chan!”
“Okay, Kaeru takes that back, stick with the StroZero thing.”
“See what happens when you don’t listen to mommy?”
“Listen to mommy if you want to live your life on in Live-On.”
“Wait, but that sounds cool. Live your life on in...Live...On! Every kid’s dream!”
“CPS knocking down the front door in three...two... But in all seriousness, you can calculate Ken Shimizu’s ejaculatory distance based on the number of cock strokes?”
“No, I was just saying that.”
“That is a relief. Then the StroZero can thing was also random.”
“Oh, no, I actually knew that one.”
*BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP* “H-Hewwo? Child Pwotective Services? My mommy’s scaring me. She’s Live-Onning and I think she might hurt me...”
“Okay, let’s not actually dox me.”
“It’s actually incredible you haven’t accidentally done that to yourself yet, mommy.”
: Rolling on the floor, laughing.
: This is why I'm here. Only one VTuber on the planet can transition seamlessly talking about StroZero to a male porn star
: Wholesome mother-daughter relationship
: But since when were they...
: Since they were connected by the brown thread of fate