“What a first child to kick things off with,” I said. “Okay, Shion-mama, are we ready to move... Wait a second.” I remembered something. Or rather, someone. “Alice-chan? Are you still there?”
My attention had been so occupied by the unfolding chaos that I only just noticed Alice-chan hadn’t said much of anything. Earlier, too, when I’d asked her for a comment, she’d sounded strangely quiet and meek. Even now, she wasn’t responding to me. This was extremely unprecedented. Not that I was particularly proud of the fact, but Alice-chan had never ignored me, not once.
My concern soon spread to the others, and they all joined me, even the KO’d Nekoma-senpai, in calling her name. Still nothing. Even the chat began to worry.
Just as I began to fear that something might have actually happened to her, she finally spoke. But her voice was fragile, like it might shatter into silence at any second—nothing like the usual Alice-chan. But it was a voice I had heard once before—during that offline sleepover, when a sliver of her true self had slipped out.
“Oh, God. I’m actually paired with Awayuki-dono,” she muttered.
“Alice-chan? I thought you’d be happy?” Shion-mama said.
“Indeed. Wasn’t this what you wanted?” Sei-sama added.
Hearing her like this, the unease in their voices spiked. (Nekoma-senpai, upon hearing Alice-chan was okay, went straight back to lying down.)
Considering Alice-chan had never once sounded like this on stream before, their concern wasn’t unwarranted. But as I had witnessed firsthand during that sleepover, Alice-chan’s eccentricity simply meant she got embarrassed in equally eccentric situations. Last time, it had been because she’d met me face-to-face. So what was it this time?
“I-I-I-I-I can’t have a baby with Awa-Awa-Awayuki-dono!” she sputtered. “I can’t... I just can’t!”
“Sure, you can,” Shion-mama said. “The more kids, the merrier!”
“That might be true, but when you say it, I can feel my tubes tying themselves,” Sei-sama said.
“No! I-I-I-I-I can’t! A mere mortal like me bearing the child of a goddess? I am not worthy!”
Ah, of course. I don’t know why I thought the reason for her panic would be any less icky.
“Cold feet, Alice-chan?” I asked. “When you were practically begging to get paired with me just a moment ago?”
“Well, I didn’t think it would actually happen!” she replied. “I was rather counting on you getting paired with someone else and watching on in cuckolded frustration as you bore a child with them!”
“Darn, I was really hoping that predisposition of yours didn’t take root. Shion-mama has competition.”
“Yeah! So this... No, I can’t do it!”
: ooh a shiny rare Alice-chan
: didn't know she could be like this
: Oshi no Ko is a documentary
: so Alice-chan's the type to let her real self slip out when she's maxed out, huh?
: the gap is insane (adorable) lmaooo
: I mean getting pushed around by her oshi isn't exactly out of character for her
“It’s just the luck of the draw, Alice-chan,” Shion-mama said. “That’s the point of the whole game, isn’t it? Besides, I want to see your child! Please?”
“I know, but... But!”
Alice-chan’s voice was now beyond weak; it was a desperate cry for help. The sight stirred something within me, and before I could stop myself, my body moved of its own accord.
“Alice-chan,” I said with upturned eyes. “You hate the idea of having a child with me...that much?”
You thought I was gonna help her? Nope! Time for some payback, bitch! (Pshh!)
“O-O-O-O-Of course I don’t!” she stammered back. “But that’s not the issue!”
“You all heard her! There’s no problem! Bring out the baby machine!” I announced.
“Ooouuf,” Alice-chan said, followed by a series of loud noises from her mic.
“You make some interesting noises, don’t you, Alice-kun?” Sei-sama said.
“She does, but that ruckus definitely wasn’t her!” Shion-mama said. “Are you okay? Do you need help?!”
“I’m... I’m fine. Just making myself baby-ready,” Alice-chan replied.
“Oh, okay, phew. That’s a relief,” Shion-mama said.
Is it a relief? Well, I suppose it is for Shion-mama, who says things like that on the daily. But enough about her. Right now, it was all about Alice-chan. Chances like these didn’t come around often. Time to pay her back for all the BS she’d put me through! Mua ha ha ha ha!
“Awayuki-dono!” Alice-chan declared with stiff resolve. “I am prepared, body and soul, to bear your child! I am not worthy. I may never be worthy. But if that is what you want, then I am your humble vessel!”
“I dunno,” I replied with an air of ennui. “I kinda wanted to be the vessel. Let me be the one to get pregnant?”
“Absolutely not! No, no, no—that is out of the question!”
I’m pretty good at getting a rise out of her, aren’t I? Let’s keep going, let’s keep going!
“But why noooot? I’m a girl too, aren’t I?” I pouted.
“Because any legitimate child of mine would self-terminate rather than damage your body by being carried to term!”
“I... Damn, okay, you thought that one through.”
“A true fan would never even dream of becoming a burden to their oshi! If I’m the one to carry your child, I can nourish her with supers delivered straight through the umbilical cord. She’ll be indoctrinated with my love for you, so that the moment she bursts from my belly, it will be with a proposal in her heart and a ring in her hand!”
“Jesus, your apparent biology would make even the Chimera Ant Queen blush.”
: Shuwa-chan's taking the piss lmao
: superchatting nourishment is crazy
: considering she already has an umbilical cord attached straight to Awayuki-chan's wallet it's not that far of a leap for her
: have we drifted off topic again?
: Yeah, why are we talking about who's getting who pregnant again?
“Shuwa-chan!” Shion-mama said in a scolding tone. “You’ve had your fun. Now leave poor Alice-chan alone!”
“Now, now, Shion,” Sei-sama said. “Alice-kun’s cute when she’s flustered, isn’t she?”
“But at this rate, I’m never going to see my child!”