Samuel had betrayed both Teddy and Ern. Speaking from the heart, I despised him, but it was hasty to think that everything he said and did was all part of an elaborate act. Samuel was nothing if not a difficult man to parse, but I sensed that he did not hate his former colleague and instructor. I wanted to think that in having Ern’s parents spared, he was showing a tiny glimmer of his sincerity, twisted though it might have been.
“We have to get back to inform Sir Reinald,” I said.
“Understood. However, you’ve been covering your mouth since we entered the carriage. Are you quite all right?”
“It’s nothing.”
When we arrived in the capital, we were taken to a deserted location where I alighted before another carriage. Someone was waiting for me aboard it.
“You’re safe,” said Nika, looking relieved as she greeted me.
Reinald was seated in the carriage, and I hopped in and took a seat opposite him. Geoff was already reporting the details of our trip to Nika.
“How did it go?” asked Reinald.
His voice was gentle, as was his demeanor. He’d put away the stern mask he sometimes wore in public and appeared back to his usual self. And yet, although his question was of the simplest variety and nothing especially noteworthy in and of itself, it triggered something in me. It was just like that time so long ago in Conrad.
I could not easily bring myself to speak. I had told myself I wouldn’t let such a thing happen again, and yet, here we were. It took some time for me to calm myself. I had to bend over and struggle to keep from wailing—such were the tears I shed in the moment. Reinald called my name, but I shook my head in response.
This wasn’t sorrow. It wasn’t the fact that Ern’s parents had physically and verbally assaulted me—instead, it was a different feeling that gripped my heart.
“It’s not that...” I uttered to myself.
I was glad. I had been so convinced that Ern’s parents despised me. So convinced that their only true remaining desire was to see me dead. I’d been sure of it, right up until a single moment, when Ern’s mother was pulled off of me. And yet, they were in the depths of despair. Their rage was no lie. There was an honest anger in their shouts.
I had tried so hard to keep from breaking down, but now the dam had burst. There was simply no helping it.
“The two of them...” I sobbed. “They did that...for me...”
But if they truly hated me, Ern’s mother never could have uttered what she did. I heard her. I was certain of each and every word. When she’d fallen atop me, wailing and sobbing, she’d whispered a message from her daughter to me, and it etched itself upon my heart. I did not know how much Ern had told her parents, nor what she’d been worried about or how far she saw into the potential future. Perhaps she’d sensed something on the horizon...but either way, she was gone.
And yet, she’d left something. She entrusted her parents with a message just in case the worst came to pass. And even with a truly heart-wrenching sadness tearing at their very being, Ern’s parents had found a way to pass that message on—they’d constructed a way to get it into my ears.
I sobbed. Everything had been part of the plan. They were parents who had lost a daughter. How could they possibly have stayed silent when faced with their daughter’s killer? How could they have remained calm in such a situation, even if they were bound and gagged? And so, when the opportunity arose, Ern’s father launched his diversion, drawing the attention of the guards just long enough for his wife to get to me.
But of course, I hadn’t realized any of this until I saw the kindness in Ern’s mother’s eyes when Geoff pulled her from me. It was a gaze filled with love—a gaze I remembered from long ago, whenever she saw Ern and me together. Neither she nor her husband could have possibly understood the whole truth, and yet they had earnestly fought to deliver me Ern’s message.
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry...”
I’m sorry I killed Ern.
I’m sorry I stole your daughter’s life from you.
I still couldn’t forget how it felt to take a life. The guilt was like a permanent stain. I could not rid myself of the picture of Ern, her brain matter sprayed across her lab. And yet in receiving what amounted to her last will and testament, I received something like a silent forgiveness, and it left me in tears.
The warmth of Reinald’s hand on my own was my support through all the crying. Still, the time went by in an instant, and before I knew it the carriage had arrived at my home.
“I apologize that you had to see me like that,” I said.
Oh, how I would have loved to look, I don’t know, prettier or more graceful when I cried. I’d read of noblewomen crying in manga and novels, but the snotty, sniffling reality was anything but a good look. I was grateful to Reinald for saying nothing at all—had he even made the slightest comment about it, I might never have left the safe darkness of my blankets for at least a year.
“Do you feel better now?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“I couldn’t do anything more than lend you a hand.”
“Don’t say that. It made me happy.”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t indulge in his warmth forever. I pulled my hands free and opened them, staring blankly at my palms as I let out a sigh.
“You’ve cut your own palms,” said Reinald. “They’ll heal, but perhaps consider cutting your nails.”
“Thank you, but I’m fine now, really.”
“Sometimes your use of that word—fine—is terribly suspect.”
So there were trust issues. And while I understood his worry, I really was fine. I did my best to smile, though I realized it was through tears.
“I didn’t want to do anything at all,” I said, “but now I know that I have to keep moving. There is so much yet to do, and so much that has to be done.”
Ern’s parents had given me a reason to go on, and I had to explain things to Reinald, silently and patiently waiting with me.
“I know you’ve a schedule to keep, but please come inside,” I said. “While I’m still not entirely sure myself, I believe I’ll have something there that you should see.”
“You gleaned something from Ern’s parents?” he asked.
“We’re about to find out.”
I was vague, I know, but fortunately, Reinald was open to the idea. Martina rushed out looking terribly nervous, but the moment she saw the crown prince, she almost fainted with shock.
“Y-Your Highness?!” she half-shrieked.
“Would you mind asking Whateley to brew some tea?” I asked. “I have to wash my face. Please show our guests inside.”
“Huh? Oh, er... As you...wish...”
Whateley would have been entirely unfazed by the sudden visit, but Martina simply couldn’t hide her shock. Still, she knew better than to break down and humiliate herself in front of royalty, and so she swallowed her screams. When Reinald and Nika were seen inside, I was about to head upstairs when Geoff stopped me to give a brief report.
“Sir Abelein is seeing to the matter of Lady Ern’s parents,” he said. “Nika says he’s the best person for the job.”
“I’ll have to thank both of them... Really, I should be the one seeing to that matter, but thank you for all your help, Geoff.”
“You’ll need as much help as you can get in the immediate future, so do not be afraid to assign me work as necessary. I’m used to it, despite my position, and I’m certain I can help make life easier for you.”
“Ah, yes. I always seem to forget that you once served a prince.”
“Really? I have been reminded of those times more and more often of late. All the rushing around each and every day... Please know that I don’t mean that in a bad way, though.”
“I know. But I can’t help feeling bad for all the trouble I cause you.”
“I must admit...I did expect the days in service to Conrad to be far more relaxed. That said, I’ve enjoyed my time here thoroughly so far.”
Before leaving, Geoff had one piece of advice for me.
“This is just my thought on matters, so do with my words as you will, but you are walking a most difficult path, my lady. You are a young woman with no battle skills to speak of, no mastery of magic, and no especially powerful family connections. I know that perhaps I have little right to say what I am about to, but...” and here Geoff looked down at his own hand for a moment before placing it on my head. “You can’t do it alone. Please, find someone you can lean on, someone to walk your path with you. Though finding someone within the palace may prove difficult, your connections will be your salvation when you are in need, and they will fight for you. Do not walk the path my former master once chose for himself.”
“Geoff, the prince, he...”
“I apologize. I fear I have overstepped my place. I have Chelsea to check on, and you’d best see to your preparations.”
I watched Geoff as he left. His existence here helped buoy me up. His presence was one of kindness.
So many here are looking out for me.
It was a fact that so often slipped my mind, and it was enough to bring a tear to the eye. I knew then that it was time for me to find my feet and to rise once more and face the future.