Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I deserve to be this fortunate. I—Halphys Nebels—was born the humble daughter of a viscount family in the Kingdom of Palettia. My family’s status wasn’t particularly high, and my magical skills—the hallmark of the nobility—weren’t anything to brag about, either. Under normal circumstances, climbing the social ladder would have been impossible for me. Yet my new boss was anything but ordinary, so that old assumption probably didn’t hold water anymore. I worked for Anisphia Wynn Palettia. Although she had been born a royal, she had long been overlooked for her inability to use magic. She was an incredible individual, undeterred by adversity. She had gone on to develop a unique school of research known as magicology and invented magical tools that allowed commoners to use magic. There had even been talk at one point about her inheriting the throne, but now that Euphyllia was queen, the princess had settled into her role, and she was assisting in Her Majesty’s rule as the kingdom’s foremost expert in magicology. Naturally, my association with her kept me incredibly busy, but it was equally fulfilling. And so I found myself questioning whether I truly deserved all this luck. “…Maybe it’s just an escape from reality…” “Halphys? Did you say something…?” “No, it’s nothing. More importantly, do you think you’ll be okay with all this paperwork? It has to be completed by the end of the day…” “…I’ll do my best.” “O-of course… Thank you for all your help…” Why did I think this might be just an escape from reality? Because Anisphia was buried under a mountain of paperwork with her head plunked down on her desk. And why was she in this state? Because she had major plans on the horizon to build an entirely new city for the explicit purpose of studying magicology. “It was fun making plans, but now that we’re actually getting ready to start, it’s one headache after the next…,” she moaned. “Shouldn’t we be glad everything is proceeding smoothly? That magical tool has been a wonder,” I said, trying to console her. “The Thought Boards… Why did I have to bring them into the world…? It’s all cause and effect, isn’t it…?!” she complained, fixing the Thought Board on her desk with a baleful glare. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Personally, I didn’t even want to think about going back to a time without them, so I kept my mouth shut. “Let’s take a break, and then get back to it. As long as we take it one step at a time, we’ll get it all done.” “Ugh… You’re right… I’m the one who started this, after all…” Reluctantly, Anisphia went back to reading through the documents, while I turned my attention to the materials in front of me to complete my own tasks. At that moment, there came a knock at the door, followed by a voice. “Lady Anis? It’s me, Lainie. Do you have a minute?” “Lainie?” Anisphia exclaimed, her eyes widening in surprise at this unexpected visitor. Lainie was Queen Euphyllia’s private secretary, and it was quite rare for her to drop by here. She must have been running an errand for Queen Euphyllia. Anisphia seemed to come to the same conclusion. “You can come in, Lainie,” she called. “Excuse me. Good afternoon, Lady Anis, Lady Halphys,” Lainie said, stepping inside and offering a polite bow. When I looked up, her expression seemed somewhat clouded. Or maybe she was just tired? Had something happened…? “What’s wrong?” Anisphia asked. “Um… It’s just…Lady Euphyllia is…” “Did something happen to Euphie?” “…Yes.” “…You’re being awfully vague. What is it?” “Um, the thing is… She’s in a terrible mood…” “Huh?” Anisphia tilted her head theatrically to one side. Queen Euphyllia was in a bad mood? But she was usually so calm! She was perfection itself! “What exactly upset her…?” “I’m sorry, but I can’t say here… Could you come and help her calm down? I can’t handle her myself…” “She’s too much for you? It must be serious, then. All right, I’ll head over. Sorry, Halphys, can I leave the rest here with you?” “I understand. Please go see to Her Majesty.” “Thanks.” “I’m sorry, Lady Halphys,” said Lainie. “It’s fine, Lainie.” With that, she bowed her head once more and left the room after Anisphia. Only moments after Anisphia and Lainie left, Navre and Gark returned from their errand. “Halphys? Did I see Princess Anisphia and Lainie rushing out just now?” “Is something wrong?” “Ah. Welcome back, Navre, Gark.” They must have seen Her Highness; it was no wonder they were concerned. “I’m not quite sure specifically…but it seems something has happened with Queen Euphyllia.” “Huh? I thought she didn’t have anything special scheduled for today…” “Do you think they’ll explain it to us later?” “Maybe.” “All right, then.” There really wasn’t anything to be gained by speculating further. “Could the two of you help me sort through these documents?” “Sure.” “Ugh…” “Don’t make that face, Gark,” Navre scolded. “I get it, I get it…” “And don’t sound so pathetic!” Watching this exchange from across the room, I couldn’t help but recall my earlier conversation with Her Highness. I laughed. Yes, I was still capable of smiling. I never imagined the events of that day would come back to haunt me. One day, just as I was finishing up work and preparing to head home, I was greeted not by my usual carriage, but by someone else. I startled when I realized who it was—my fiancé, Marion. “Marion? What are you doing here?” I asked. For whatever reason, he seemed upset. Something must have happened. A moment before worry could get the better of me, he spoke up: “I’m sorry, but can we talk? I have something important to discuss.” “What would that be…?” “I’ll explain the details inside,” he said, gesturing to the carriage. “I want you to come back with me.” “What on earth is it?” “…I don’t even know where to begin. I still can’t fully wrap my head around it myself.” “I understand. I’ll go with you.” I had never seen Marion so serious before. There was no way I could turn him down. He breathed a sigh of relief, then led me into the carriage, and we set off for the Antti mansion. He remained quiet on the way. I waited for him to gather his thoughts. Mid-journey, he finally began to speak: “Let me get straight to the point, Halphys.” “Yes?” “…It seems I might end up inheriting the title of Count Antti.” “…Wh-what?! M-Marion?! What does that mean?!” I nearly jumped up from my seat. At that moment, the carriage hit a bump, and it would have sent me flying if Marion hadn’t reached out to catch me. “Are you okay, Halphys? I’m sorry for startling you.” “N-not at all…” He gently sat me back on my seat. I took a moment to catch my breath, then looked him in the eye. How could Marion be inheriting the Antti estate? What did that even mean? Marion was the second son, and our engagement was supposed to bring him into my family. And now those plans had been turned on their head? In that case, what was to become of our engagement? “It’s all because of a crisis with my brother’s fiancée’s family. They’ve disgraced themselves, and it could lead to their downfall. Hasn’t Queen Euphyllia mentioned it?” “No, not at all…” I shook my head. Marion breathed a long, deep sigh. “I see… Maybe Her Majesty was just trying to be considerate.” Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen much of the queen lately. I thought she was just busy… “It seems my brother’s fiancée’s family has fallen out of favor with Her Majesty.” “Did they upset her?! What on earth did they do…?!” “…They argued her relationship with Princess Anisphia was a problem and suggested she take a consort or a paramour to produce an heir.” “…Huh?” It took a moment for those words to register with me. I just couldn’t make heads or tails of it. I mean, I understood the meaning of the words. But for the life of me, I couldn’t grasp why anyone would dare say such a thing. “Did he actually say that directly to Queen Euphyllia?! No wonder he’s in trouble…! The succession is already a sensitive topic, especially for Princess Anisphia…!” Many people looked up to and respected Queen Euphyllia. The fact that she had revived the spirit covenants of legend was extremely significant to those born into the nobility. While the truth she had revealed about spirit covenants had shaken the faith of some, her influence remained as strong as ever. If she had made anything clear, it was how much she favored Anisphia, the princess who had once been despised for her inability to wield magic. Their love for each other was so deep you could feel it whenever you saw them together. And that fool had dared suggest she be with someone else to produce an heir?! “I suppose he wanted to see her qualities as a spirit covenantor passed on to the next generation,” Marion continued. “And with all this talk of Princess Anisphia leaving the capital to oversee construction of a new city, there was some suggestion another companion might help to alleviate Her Majesty’s loneliness…” “I can’t say I don’t see the logic behind it, but to even consider saying all that to the queen’s face…” “It’s outrageous. When I first heard about it, the shock almost knocked me off my feet…” I was feeling faint myself after hearing all that. Not too long ago, the magical talent needed to enter into a spirit covenant would have been admired and coveted above all else. It was easy to see why someone might wish for their children to inherit such a gift. But broaching the topic to Queen Euphyllia…? I couldn’t imagine anything more foolhardy. “Thinking it is one thing, but saying it to her…? There’s no taking that back… To be honest, I thought the topic would come up eventually. I just didn’t expect anyone to mention it so soon or so carelessly…” “I suppose it was inevitable…” “Her Majesty, it seems, was prepared for it. But that didn’t stop it from throwing her emotions into turmoil…” “Ah…” It all made sense now. That was why Lainie had dropped by to summon Princess Anisphia. She had rushed out in a near panic. Could that be the reason…? “The Ministry of the Arcane is already going through a generational change, and there’s talk about their family passing the torch… But now an even bigger problem has cropped up.” “What do you mean…?” “When the heir to the family’s titles caught wind of it all, he ended up running away…” “Really…?” “I suppose he couldn’t bear the thought of taking over under these circumstances. I’m told he left a note saying he wasn’t coming back, and then he vanished. The shock took a massive toll on my brother’s fiancée’s parents, though I can’t help but think they brought this on themselves…” “There’s no denying that…” Frankly, I felt sorry for him being all but forced to run away from home. I couldn’t imagine my parents doing something so reckless. If I were in the same situation, it would be too much for me. “…Wait a second. You’re saying there’s no clear successor?” “That’s right.” “Marion. You’re not seriously telling me you might end up inheriting the Antti titles and estates…?” “My brother wants to change the terms of his own engagement and join his fiancée’s house. That would make me next in line for my own family.” “Just as I thought…!” “My brother and his fiancée are head over heels for each other… He can’t bring himself to abandon her.” “I see…” I had met Marion’s brother and his fiancée several times, and while their marriage was political in nature, it was heartwarming to see how well they got along with each other. “But this is all rather sudden, isn’t it?” I asked. “Yes, it certainly is. That’s why I wanted to bring you here, Halphys. To discuss our options moving forward.” With that, both Marion and I fell silent. I needed time to organize my thoughts. I’m sure Marion did, too. In the meantime, the carriage arrived at the Antti mansion. A moment later, a steward emerged from the house to tell us that Marion’s brother, Kenneth, was waiting. We made our way to the drawing room, where we found him waiting for us. His features were similar to Marion’s, though his hair was a lighter shade of brown. Everyone in the Antti family was gentle and composed, and Kenneth was no exception in that regard. Right now, however, there was no hiding the dark circles beneath his eyes. “You’re back, Marion. It’s good to see you, Halphys,” he said in greeting. “It’s been too long, Kenneth,” I answered. “Sorry to call you here on such short notice. Please, take a seat.” With that invitation, Marion and I sat across from him on a sofa. Kenneth sank into his chair and leaned against the backrest. His posture alone revealed just how exhausted he was. “Marion, Halphys. I know about your achievements. Especially you, Halphys—it’s hard to believe how far you’ve come. Your parents must be proud.” “No, I was just lucky…” “There’s no need for that. Humility is a virtue, but you could stand to take a bit more pride in your work. And it would make this discussion easier.” “…I heard Marion might inherit the Antti family titles.” “That’s right. My fiancée’s brother was supposed to inherit his own family’s, but he got cold feet after his father’s blunder. He thinks he can’t handle it. I always thought he was a bit weak-willed, but then again, he can be strangely decisive when he wants to be…” “So you’re planning on marrying into your fiancée’s family?” “She doesn’t have any close relatives who can take over. That’s a lingering issue from King Orphans’s time. And now it’s affecting us personally,” Kenneth said with a tired sigh. Marion and I couldn’t escape this. A coup d’etat had taken place prior to King Orphans’s ascension to the throne. It had divided the nobility, greatly reducing their numbers. After quelling the civil war, King Orphans promoted a moderate political approach to keep the country from succumbing to even more infighting. As a result, however, treacherous nobles had ended up taking advantage… Now that Queen Euphyllia had taken the throne and ushered in sweeping reforms, those corrupt nobles were falling one by one. Many who had survived the coup were now being punished by the new queen. It was no laughing matter—plenty of families now found themselves short of heirs. “…Besides, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. You’re a better fit to be the future Count Antti, Marion. And I would prefer to leave the royal capital if I can.” “You want to leave the capital?” I asked, taken aback. Why? How long had he been considering this…? “King Orphans abdicated, and Queen Euphyllia took the throne. A spirit covenantor in modern times is certainly an epoch-marking event. The kingdom is on the cusp of change…and I don’t think I can keep up with it.” “Why would you say something that?” “I like to think I know my place. And that brings us to you both. Marion, you’re recognized as one the ministry’s chief reformists. Many have placed their hopes on your shoulders. And you, Halphys—I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said you’ve accomplished even more than Marion has.” “You’re flattering me.” “Don’t be so modest. You have the trust of both Queen Euphyllia and Princess Anisphia. The way I see it, it would be more advantageous for you to be Countess Antti rather than Viscountess Nebels.” “What…?” “Besides… I have to admit, I was in awe of Queen Euphyllia even before this latest incident. I could never remain here.” “Huh?” “She terrifies me. I lack the confidence to serve her up close…,” Kenneth murmured in a grave whisper. A heavy weight seemed to settle over my shoulders. I swallowed, trying to clear my throat. “I think highly of you two. I just don’t see how you can trust her so easily. I can’t. I respect her, I fear her—but I can’t imagine wanting to serve her. To me, she’s more an entity to be revered than a human ruler. She’s immensely powerful, comes from a noble lineage, and is surrounded by remarkable individuals. Her unwavering commitment to fairness, without becoming ruthless, is admirable,” Kenneth murmured weakly, staring at the ground to avoid my gaze. “…The problem is that I just can’t see her as human…” Unable to let that comment go unanswered, I rose to my feet and gave him a sharp look. “Kenneth! You can’t say that!” “I don’t mean to speak poorly of her. I just feel she’s not like the rest of us. Every time she acts like a perfect ruler, every time she flaunts her power, the sense of distance grows. She isn’t human anymore. She’s closer to a god.” “That’s… There’s no denying that… But still…!” “I understand why you’re defending her. After all, you might say it was the nobility’s corruption that led to her making her spirit covenant in the first place… Perhaps it’s foolish of me, but I sometimes wonder whether she wasn’t born to punish us.” “Kenneth…!” “I know it’s an irrational fear, but I can’t shake it. Any magic user or noble ought to be able to understand this feeling. She could dismiss any one of us. And she’s practically denied the way we’ve always lived. It hurts, hearing such denouncements from one who is supposed to embody our faith,” he lamented, pouring his feelings out in despair. My lips moved, but no words came out. Deep down, I understood how he felt. “I don’t want to be judged by a god for the way I live my life. I want to believe that living a good life means living in harmony with the spirits. Laugh at me if you want. I understand the limits of my own abilities. I’m not strong enough to serve the likes of Her Majesty.” “Kenneth…” “And then there’s Princess Anisphia. She may not be able to use magic, but she’s accomplished things most magic users wouldn’t even be able to dream of. I can’t go against those two. It’s terrifying to think how everything I’ve always believed in might come crashing down. I’m constantly worried I’ll slip up in front of the queen. I can hardly breathe… If she were to judge me, everything I have would be shattered in an instant…” He sounded crushed. What kind of reply did I have? Consolation? Encouragement? Admonition? Nothing seemed quite right. “I’ve followed the spirit faith all my life. I thought it was a path to living well. And now that I’m being told I have to abandon it…I can’t do it. I would rather live quietly in my domain, within my means. The Antti family isn’t a prestigious house, but we have a long history and connections with influential nobles. It would be better for you two to carry on that foundation and support Queen Euphyllia’s reign.” “…Kenneth. Think about it a little more. And we’ll need to discuss all this with Viscount Nebels,” Marion said. “Of course. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. I’ll do whatever it takes if it means you can come to a decision you’re comfortable with,” Kenneth said, finally regaining a modicum of his usual calm demeanor. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. All I could do was watch the two of them. “I don’t think you’re a failure, Kenneth… And I have some understanding of how you feel,” Marion said. “I know… Thank you… I’m sorry.” I knew Marion truly understood Kenneth’s feelings, and that Kenneth genuinely felt terrible about thrusting this responsibility on us. But that was why it was so heartbreaking. None of us had wanted it to come to this… “I know I’ve made things difficult for you, Halphys. And I’m aware of the harassment you’ve faced from nobles wanting to strengthen their ties with the Antti family.” “You heard about that…?” “There was a lot of political infighting within the Ministry of the Arcane at the time. Those extremists are long gone—but the title of count is no small thing. I mean no disrespect to the Nebels family, but the reality is that their power is limited. This way, Marion will be able to support you, just as you’ll be able to support him. For the Antti family, I believe this is the best way forward.” Kenneth said all this with conviction, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. All I could do was give him a small, silent nod. “I’m sorry for all the trouble today, Halphys.” “No, Marion.” After the discussion ended, Marion offered to take me home in his carriage. During the ride, my thoughts kept drifting back to the conversation with Kenneth. “Marion… What do you think about what your brother said?” “You mean about me becoming the next head of the family?” I nodded. Marion turned his head to look out the window, and I could see the melancholy on his face. “I understand how he feels. It’s no surprise he thinks that way, having been part of the Ministry of the Arcane. The situation being what it is, I think it’s better for me to take over from my father.” “I see.” “That said, you’re my fiancée, Halphys. This isn’t a decision I can make on my own. What do you think?” “…I don’t know yet. It’s all so sudden.” “That’s understandable. I’m willing to wait until your feelings settle.” I was grateful for his patience, but there was an uneasy weight in my chest. Marion always waited for me to decide things at my own pace. Even when our engagement drew jealousy and ill intentions toward me, he remained by my side. When I could hardly bear the pain of what I was going through, he was always there to comfort me. I had been trying so hard to be worthy of him. But now, when it really mattered, I couldn’t seem to find the resolve I needed—and I hated myself for that. “My father said he would leave the decision to us,” he added softly. “Count Antti said that?” “Yes. He even said he plans to step down early once this is all decided. His thinking aligns with my brother’s—he’s said more than once that he considers himself a relic of the past, unsuited for this new era. And as my brother pointed out, the Antti name isn’t insignificant. If I take over, I’ll be able to help you in ways I couldn’t before.” “That’s true… But…” “Like I said, what matters most is how you feel. I want you to take your time and think it over.” “…Yes. Thank you, Marion.” I wanted to give him the answer he wanted. I really did. I knew he was waiting for me to come to the same decision. But it was all so sudden. In the end, I couldn’t give him an answer. A few days after the meeting at the Antti mansion, I found myself in yet another nerve-racking situation. Queen Euphyllia herself had extended an invitation for tea. I was supposed to join her in a corner of the palace gardens. As I walked there, trying to will my leaden feet to keep moving, I spotted the queen and Lainie waiting for me. “Your Majesty,” I said in greeting. “Thank you for coming, Halphys. Lainie, could you prepare a cup of tea?” Queen Euphyllia instructed. “Of course,” Lainie answered. The tea smelled wonderful, but with how tense I was, I could barely taste it. Come to think of it, while I had the chance to sit with Princess Anisphia during our meetings, I had never had the opportunity to sit down one-on-one with Queen Euphyllia like this. Why had she called me here? That question made me realize just how little I knew her as a person. “Um… Your Majesty, may I ask why you invited me today?” I finally ventured. “There are a few things I wanted to discuss with you,” she began. “First, Marion has told me about the Antti family’s situation. I understand this has placed quite a burden on you.” “N-not at all!” I blurted. “This isn’t something for Your Majesty to be worried about…!” I hadn’t expected her to bring this up, let alone apologize. Queen Euphyllia frowned slightly at my reaction, then gave me a faint smile. “I know my comments carry considerable weight, but I certainly didn’t expect them to be taken as heavily as they were. It was never my intention to burden you, Halphys.” “Not at all…! The remarks that started all this were questionable at best…!” “You can say that because you know Anis and me so well. But to anyone who doesn’t realize the depth of our relationship, the idea of my taking a consort to continue the royal line would be perfectly reasonable.” “…Has it…been difficult for you, Your Majesty?” “Difficult?” “I mean, given Princess Anisphia’s unique position and the kingdom’s complicated legacy… It couldn’t be easy to consider taking on a consort. But I suppose it’s an unavoidable topic… I just wondered if it’s weighing on you…” Queen Euphyllia glanced across at Lainie, her expression unreadable. Lainie seemed to understand what she meant and glanced around at her surroundings before giving Queen Euphyllia a silent nod. They were able to communicate without words, it seemed. A moment later, Lainie offered a polite bow and took her leave. After she was gone, Queen Euphyllia turned her gaze back to me. “Do you mind if I speak plainly?” she asked. “Uh? Oh. Um, of course…” “There aren’t many I can truly confide in. I’m happy to share my thoughts with you, but I don’t want to burden you with unnecessary worry. Tell me if I should stop.” “…Are you sure you’re all right telling me?” “It’s only right that I should.” “…I understand. Please, then, continue.” “Thank you, Halphys. To be honest, this entire situation has been excruciating for me.” “…That’s understandable.” “But maybe not in the way you’re thinking.” “Excuse me? What do you mean…?” I asked, tilting my head to one side. Queen Euphyllia narrowed her eyes. “This is just between us, mind you.” “O-of course.” “Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the royal line.” “Huh…?” “It’s true. I’m not planning to take a royal consort or to bear a child for the crown. I intend to be the kingdom’s last ruling monarch.” Those words were so shocking my eyes widened in disbelief. …I’d had a feeling that might be the case, but I caught my breath and swallowed hard now that it had been laid out for me so plainly. “Are you sure you want to tell me all this…?” “I’m selective about who I share it with. I can’t let it be widely known, not with so many nobles likely to object. But I plan to bring this monarchy to an end eventually. So I want allies who will agree with me. I’ve had a feeling for a while now that you would be sympathetic. You must have suspected?” “…I can’t deny that. But how long are you planning to stay on the throne…?” “Well, let’s see… Until we have a system of government to replace me. I’m a spirit covenantor, so my lifetime is theoretically unlimited. I could wait for as long as it takes to set everything up.” Just thinking about an unlimited lifespan made my head hurt. It was too far beyond the realm of what was normal. But in that case, she could indeed continue reigning for as long as it took to ready an alternative… “However, I don’t want to stain Anis’s revolution with blood and sorrow. I want to pass it on to the next generation as peacefully as possible…though there are times the idea leaves me cold.” “How so…?” “…Sometimes I wonder if there’s any point in protecting this country and its people at all.” My cup almost slipped from my hands at this admission. I managed to catch it before it could fall, but it was like all the heat had been drained from my body. …She was being completely serious. I finally understood. She could well give up on the country entirely and abandon it if worse came to worst. “This is bound to end up hurting Anis. It’s like I’ve forced a heavy responsibility onto her after taking the throne. I know it clouds her heart at times. I don’t like it, all these confrontations and incidents. I want to erase anyone who threatens her peace of mind, who mocks her, who gets in her way. Sometimes, I can barely control myself.” “…” “I have the power to do it, you know? It would be unforgivable, yes, but I could make them disappear. Would anyone else in the kingdom be able to stop me?” “…Well…” “Once they made it so I had no choice but to become queen, the crown’s survival became impossible. I’m a spirit covenantor, after all—almost a god in this country. And it’s the nobility who built that value system.” “Queen Euphyllia…” “I’ve caused Anis so much pain. For that reason alone, I could wipe this country off the map. But I didn’t, because it wasn’t what she wanted. I made my spirit covenant for her, after all.” How close we’d come to the brink. Her smile was so beautiful, but at the same time, so cold. I struggled just to maintain my gaze. “The moment they cross a line I’m unable to forgive, I won’t hesitate to wipe them out. That’s the quickest way to deal with them. I chose this path because I didn’t want a bad future for Anis. But I can’t help but wonder—does the kingdom have any real value if it wouldn’t help someone like her…? I can’t be alone in thinking this way, can I?” “…No.” “Sometimes I frighten even myself. I have to remind myself that I should be frightened. Because if I’m not careful, even that feeling slips away,” she said, her expression hardening. The hollow chill I felt from her a moment ago had vanished and was replaced by a warm smile, the same one she wore when she was watching Princess Anisphia. “This might sound strange coming from me, but I caution anyone against becoming a spirit covenantor. You’ll end up doing whatever it takes to achieve your goals, and nothing will be able to stop you. That’s who we are. Even if you think you’re acting for the country or someone you love, in the end, it will all boil down to your ego. That’s all there is for spirit covenantors. Nothing else holds any value.” “It sounds terrifying.” “It is. That’s why I want the Kingdom of Palettia to be a country that doesn’t need them. This isn’t just about fulfilling Anis’s wish. I know I’ve become something terrible, and that’s exactly why I don’t want to see it happen to anyone else,” she murmured in a flat voice as she gazed at her own hands. “If this world can only be saved by giving up our humanity, then what good is it? It’s distorted by its own mistakes.” “…Yes…” “So, Halphys—that’s why I’m counting on you.” “Huh?” What did she want from me? Why would she say such a thing? I watched her closely, trying to make sense of what I was hearing. “Objectively speaking, I can’t say you have great magical talent,” Queen Euphyllia continued. “However, that isn’t where your value lies. Your true worth is in your attitude, your perspective, and your ideas about magic. It’s not a dissimilar talent to Anis’s.” “Y-you’re comparing me to Princess Anisphia…?” “I’m not comparing your talent. You’re both incredible in your own right. If Anis gives us hope for new possibilities, you reassure us that we don’t have to hate magic.” “Reassurance…?” “It isn’t just about belief. Magic reveals all the things we take for granted. Anis is like a brilliant star in a far-off sky, but the light you bring, Halphys, is like a flame you can hold in your hands.” Queen Euphyllia’s words stirred my heart. I was happy, but this wasn’t the kind of compliment I could take at face value. No one had ever praised me like this before. And I could hardly wrap my head around the fact that it was Queen Euphyllia, the kingdom’s most eminent magic user, who was saying all this. “Thanks to you, there will be people who haven’t given up on magic. And they might go on to create new forms of magic themselves. You’re the one making what’s normal better than it was before.” “…I’m honored.” “Please don’t say that. The transformations that Anis and I are bringing about may be significant, but making changes won’t result in a stable country all by itself. When our revolution reaches its end, it will be magic users like you, Halphys, who will carry the torch. Which is why I pray for your success. I hope others will aspire to be like you and follow in your footsteps someday.” “…Can I live up to those expectations, though?” “I hope so. I believe you will.” I felt a mix of joy and awe. It was like the ground beneath me had all of a sudden become wobbly and unreal. As I sat there staring at my feet, unable to formulate a response, Queen Euphyllia continued. “Come to think of it, we’re the same age, aren’t we?” “Huh? Ah. Y-yes, we are.” “There are so few people I can really open up to. Perhaps that’s part of the reason I have such high hopes for you. I suppose this relationship is what you might call…a friendship?” I looked up to see her flashing me a shy smile—exactly the kind of expression you would expect from someone her age. Given her position, it wasn’t surprising she had few friends. Yet she was asking me to join that close circle. My airy, aimless feelings began to settle, and a sense of calm washed over me. “As you say, Your Majesty, we come from different factions, and we didn’t interact much at the Aristocratic Academy.” “That’s certainly true.” “I feel like you’ve moved beyond my reach since then. I admired you, but you were from a different world than me. And now here we are, having tea together. It feels so strange.” I was sure of it—I was smiling, too, now. The woman in front of me was the most revered figure in the entire kingdom. She was its greatest magic user, possessing such immense power that she commanded both fear and respect. But she was still striving to remain human. She was looking for someone she could confide in. If I hesitated now, I could never show my face to her for the rest of my life. “If you think I’m enough for you, I’d be happy to be friends.” “Thank you, Halphys,” she said with a sigh of relief. She chuckled softly, smiling as the tension drained from her face. It was rare to see her so at ease. “It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it?” she said. “Putting it into words really changes things.” “Yes, I suppose it does.” “…I hope you find true happiness, Halphys.” “That’s very sudden.” “I consider myself happy. But I don’t want those who follow me to aspire to the same happiness I have. Mine is inseparable from the misfortune Anis has experienced.” “…! Th-that’s…!” “I’ll do everything I can to make this world a place where people can find happiness without having to pay such a price. I want everyone to be able to go through life with the people they love, their bonds celebrated by those around them. Anis and I can’t fit into that framework. We chose this path knowing what it meant.” “Queen Euphyllia…” “Happiness doesn’t always have a name, but if you want others to understand, it’s best to seek their empathy. And empathy does require a name, wouldn’t you say?” The question seemed very matter-of-fact to her, but I couldn’t come up with a response. I could assure her I understood, but that didn’t mean others around us would. We lived in a society that believed the spirits deserved to be honored, that the old spiritualist teachings were the way the world ought to be. But Queen Euphyllia and Princess Anisphia were trying to build a new future, completely unlike what had existed before. Of course people wouldn’t easily accept it. Any trailblazer would understand that and recognize they had to come to terms with it. It had to be much more painful than anything I could imagine. “It must have been difficult for you, Halphys. You were born a noble, but the way society treats those with a weaker command of magic leaves much to be desired. Yes, things are changing—but the future I hope for is still a long way off. Yet you’ve found love, and the people around you recognize your worth. I hope everyone can find the happiness you have. And I hope you’ll be the one to lead the way.” What great expectations she was placing on me! It was so overwhelming that I wanted to run from them. Deep down, I was terrified I wasn’t up to the task. But at the same time, another feeling was emerging within me. Just before my fear and anxiety could spill over, a single tear rolled down my cheek. As I realized why, it hit me all at once. I was feeling joy—at having my efforts and my love for Marion be acknowledged. Then, I realized this happiness was something Queen Euphyllia couldn’t allow herself. That was why she wanted the best for us. She hoped this happiness would become commonplace for those who followed after us. This path they had chosen was so wonderful and yet so painful—and these two would not stray from it. Those wishes and prayers were more than I could bear, but still, I didn’t want to let them slip away. And so I wiped away my tears, took a deep breath, and exhaled. Then I looked Queen Euphyllia in the eye. I would not look away. I would not waver. I wanted to convey my thoughts with my head held high. “Your Majesty. I have a dream. When I fulfill that dream, I’m sure I’ll find greater happiness than I have now. So please, keep watching over me. I promise to be someone’s inspiration.” So don’t worry. I couldn’t say that last part out loud, though. I hoped that someday people would understand her more, too—and that her own happiness would grow. I carved those wishes deep into my heart. After a long moment, Queen Euphyllia gave me a soft smile. “I know you will, Halphys… Ah, speaking of expectations, there’s one more thing.” “Yes?” “I’d appreciate if you could relax a little more around me. We’re friends now, aren’t we?” “…I’ll do my best,” I answered with an awkward smile. Queen Euphyllia apparently found my expression amusing, and her laughter was completely genuine. Time passed in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, the day of my wedding with Marion had arrived. After our last discussion, it was decided to push the wedding along and to have a modest ceremony. We could always throw a larger reception later when some of the dust had settled. I thought I wouldn’t be so nervous, but when the day came, my mind went completely blank. I flowed through the preparations until I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. My makeup was so exquisite, my wedding gown so mesmerizing, that I hardly recognized my own reflection. Seeing myself, I wondered if I was in a dream. Was this real? Was I actually going to marry Marion today…? Perhaps drawn in to my hazy, surreal mood, my parents called out to me with teary eyes. Since they were crying, I managed to stop myself from shedding tears of my own, though I still felt distant from reality. “Halphys?” “…Princess Anisphia?!” Yes, it was Anisphia herself who pulled me out of my daze. “Congratulations! I’m sorry you had to schedule your wedding right when we’re so busy.” “There’s no need for you to apologize!” “I’m sure you’ve been under stress, what with all the work I dumped on you… I’m sorry you had to settle for such a modest ceremony…” “No, I never wanted anything too dramatic to begin with…” “Humility is a virtue, Halphys, but you do tend to follow it too much. You’re going to be Countess Antti soon. You need to hold your head up high.” Countess Antti. The title still didn’t quite feel real to me. What should I do? I couldn’t remain in this haze forever, but I couldn’t seem to bring myself back to reality. Ah, I couldn’t go on like this. I should have told Queen Euphyllia as much. “You’re so beautiful, Halphys. I’m sure Marion will be pleased to see you.” “…I suppose. It doesn’t feel real yet.” “Well, I understand. When someone tells you to be happy, you end up asking yourself if you deserve it. Right?” I looked up at Anisphia, and her eyes were warm. My heart skipped a beat. “You deserve to be happy, Halphys,” she, said, pointing to my chest. “Absolutely. Plenty of people think so.” “…Yes.” “I may not know you as well as Marion, but I’ve learned a lot about you over the years, Halphys. I want you to be happy. I mean, you’re marrying the man you love, right? You’ve got to enjoy the moment!” My heart throbbed, and indescribable feelings welled up inside me. I tried to force them down, but they only spilled out as tears. I never cried, not even when talking with my parents. So why was I crying now? “H-Halphys?! Y-you can’t! You’ll ruin your makeup!” “…Can I ask you something?” “O-of course. Wh-what is it?” “Are you happy?” I myself didn’t know why I asked her that. The question simply left my mouth. Princess Anisphia’s eyes widened in surprise, and then she smiled gently with a small nod. “I am happy. You’re getting married, after all. You’ve done so much for me, and I want to keep working with you. This is a big step, and you’re someone I care about.” Those words were enough to carry my heart far away. All at once, my vision cleared, and the feeling in my chest hit me like a powerful breath of life. “Princess Anisphia…” “What is it?” “I didn’t want to give up, but part of me did want to let go. It’s hard, chasing after a wish that can’t come true. There were times when I wanted to throw it all away and find some semblance of peace.” The social gap between me and Marion. My magical skills, which I simply couldn’t improve. The jealousy telling me I had received more than I could possibly deserve. More than once, I felt like giving up. I had even come close to hating the spirits, which were supposed to be important objects of faith. Looking back, my life had been filled with shame. I shouldn’t have been wishing for happiness beyond what I deserved, not when I was this ordinary. That was what I’d always believed, deep down. But still, here I was, at the moment I had long been waiting for. If there was any one person I owed this to, it was her. She brought change to this country, rising above more adversity than I had ever experienced. She could have given up on it all, yet she showed me a beacon of hope, refusing to surrender. “Thanks to you, I was able to reach for my dreams,” I told her. “Halphys…” “I’ll stand tall with the hope you’ve given me. I’ll take my share of happiness.” If that was what would make her happy, then I would proudly declare my own happiness. I was only here because of her, because she supported me, and because she never gave up. I would thank her until my voice went hoarse if I had to. “Thank you, Princess Anisphia.” Without saying a word, she raised a hand to her face to cover her eyes. Then, she took a deep breath and pulled her hand away to reveal a beaming smile, her eyes only slightly moist. “Don’t make me cry, too, Halphys!” “I’m sorry.” “Look, it’s almost time to go. Marion will be waiting for you!” “Yes. Please watch over us.” I wanted to cherish these moments of joy and hold tight to the hope she had given me. I had gained so much because of her. I hoped she realized just how valuable that was to me. Even now, I felt floaty, as if my feet weren’t completely touching the ground. But I decided to press on with all my strength. If everything I had gained was too much for the likes of me, then I would work harder until I was worthy of it. Even if that goal seemed beyond my reach, I would keep pushing forward until I could hold it in my hands. What I sought wasn’t an illusion. As long as I didn’t give up, I would take hold of it one day. So I couldn’t cry. Not yet. Not until the moment I wished for finally came true. Because I was walking toward people who loved me.
Chapter 143
39 min read