Chapter 142

I’ve always been fond of quiet places. The rustling of the wind, the calls of farm animals carried on the breeze. The clear, gentle air. Leaves filtering the sun’s rays. Those were the moments when I—Tilty Claret—felt most at ease. “Tilty.” I looked toward the voice. “Father.” “You’re out here again?” he asked while I cooled off in the shade of a tree. My father came over, leaning on his cane, and sat down beside me. This spot, on a small hill, was my favorite. I used to beg the servants to bring me here back when I was a kid. My father, of course, was well aware. He knew I spent more time here than I did in the house. “You really do love this place, don’t you?” “Is that a problem?” “Not as such…” My father didn’t exactly deny it. He had always been a quiet person who would often prefer to sit next to me in silence. I didn’t dislike that aspect of him. “Does home bore you, Tilty?” he asked without looking my way. “Not really,” I answered without hesitation. “I don’t dislike it.” “Then why leave?” “Because this is my free time.” “But still. Everyone worries when you leave so suddenly. They wonder if you hate them.” He placed a hand on my head, ruffling my hair. His hand was rough and starting to wrinkle with age. I didn’t mind the gesture and found myself leaning toward him. “I don’t hate anyone,” I answered. “I’m just here because I’m comfortable here.” I didn’t hate anything—not really. Then again, I didn’t have anything I especially liked, either. People tended to say I was a calm child, but it was more that I just didn’t have violent mood swings. I didn’t dislike that side of myself, and I wasn’t chasing after anything else. It was nice being able to live peacefully. My father was a distinguished nobleman, and my mother was a wonderful wife who supported him in his endeavors. Then there were my brothers, set to inherit the family legacy. There were no strong demands placed on me. I was happy just passing the time in peace and quiet. I was aware, however, that other people found this trait of mine unsettling. “Are you unhappy with the family?” “No. I don’t have any complaints.” “Then do you like it here?” “…I wouldn’t go that far.” “You don’t seem to have many interests or attachments. That worries me a little.” My father’s words were calm and collected, but I knew that was just his quiet nature. He did care for me. I knew I tended to be indifferent to the people and the events around me, just like he said. “Am I being a bother?” I asked. I was well aware of my own quirks. I might not have been able to develop strong interests in anything, but that didn’t mean I was bored with my life. All I wanted was to spend my time in peace and comfort. Nothing more. But I knew that, as a noble, I had the option to live a wealthy life. For most, once you tasted luxury, there was no turning back. To people like that, I must have been incomprehensible. But I never meant to be a burden to my family. “I’ve never thought that,” my father answered. “You handle your tasks without difficulty. It’s just that I’m a bit unsure what you actually like, and that makes me anxious.” “I’m not hiding anything. I’m just acting the way I feel.” “Then what do you think, looking at all this?” he asked, gesturing to a familiar view. The animals, tended to by the servants, roamed freely in the pasture. A pleasant breeze was blowing, and the bright sunlight filtered through the shade of the trees. This was my world, the landscape of the Claret territory, which was said to be one of the most prosperous in the Kingdom of Palettia. “It’s calming. All of it.” “Calming… So that’s what you want, somewhere you can feel calm?” “Yes. I’d be even more relaxed if I were permitted to take a nap here.” “…You don’t wake easily once you fall asleep. It worries the servants, and it’s dangerous. You shouldn’t sleep outside.” “I know.” Though I had few interests, one thing I was very particular about was sleep. I couldn’t tolerate anything that disturbed my sleep, and there were times I made all sorts of onerous requests just to make sure I could get a good night’s rest. I wasn’t interested in pretty dresses or beautiful jewels. Dressing up was depressing and never failed to kill my mood. Sometimes I just wanted to sleep all day. “I’m just taking a little breather. It’s easier to catch my breath when I’m out here.” “You still feel trapped at home, don’t you?” “I have no complaints. This is just how I am. You’re reserved, and I’m like this.” Peaceful moments were the most calming as far as I was concerned. My only wish was that I could sleep forever. But I understood my position didn’t allow for that. “…Tilty?” “Yes?” “It’s time you got serious about studying magic. With your abilities, I’m sure you wouldn’t have anything to worry about.” “I understand.” “It’s fine to be yourself here, but you’ll have to go to the royal capital to enroll at the Aristocratic Academy one of these days. While no one here will question your behavior, it will be another story in the capital.” “I understand.” “Our family tries to stay out of politics. The realm is at a crucial juncture. To maintain the peace, we have to keep the balance between the major factions. Never forget our family’s position, Tilty.” “I’ll strive to live up to the family name.” “Just so long as you really do understand.” My father didn’t say anything more, but he did not leave. This scene before me of the animals roaming the fields… Was this the pride of our domain or of the villagers who raised them? Maybe it was both. Father had always held himself to high standards as a marquis. It wasn’t so bad having a parent like him. He never said anything unnecessary. “It’s time I went back. What about you, Tilty?” “I’ll stay here a little longer. There’s no need to worry about me if you’re busy.” “…I see. Be careful on your way back.” For a moment, he looked as if he wanted to add something else, but in the end, he stood up without saying anything. I watched him as he faded into the distance, then I turned my gaze to the sky. “…So peaceful.” Time spent like this was my time—a peaceful time, free from trouble. But can I still relax the way I could back then? “…Why now?” The paper crinkled and tore as I crushed it in my hand. In one of the rooms in the Claret villa, permeated by the smell of medicinal herbs, I let out a low groan. The letter had brought to mind old, buried memories. Why? Why now? Those words wouldn’t stop spinning around in my head. “…This is too much for me,” I complained quietly to no one. In the dim room, even the flickering candle was too bright. “I can’t do this again…” Now this was a rare occurrence. The sky was overcast, and rain would be soon to follow. The end of the year was approaching, and the Kingdom of Palettia was entering its rainy season. I, Anisphia Wynn Palettia, was receiving a guest at the detached palace—Tilty Claret. “I know this is sudden, Anis, but could you hide me here for a while?” she asked from behind her black veil. “…Huh? Where did that come from, Tilty?” I was taken aback by this sudden request from my old friend. Tilty and I were what you might call bad friends. She had a troublesome condition that made it hard for her to use magic—something every noble in the Kingdom of Palettia was expected to master. If she tried to force herself, she could lose all control, so she spent her days holed up in her family’s mansion in the capital. Her hobbies included alchemy and researching curses—cases that were impossible to cure through medicine or magic. As a result, she had become something of a pariah in social circles. Given our similar circumstances, the two of us got along quite well, and we had recently helped out with each other’s research. I’d never imagined she would come asking me to shelter her at the detached palace, however. “Some tea, Lady Tilty?” “Thank you, Ilia.” “Can you tell us why you want to hide here?” Ilia asked before I could get a word in. Tilty took a sip of her tea, then breathed a deep sigh. It was hard to read her expression through her veil, but I sensed she found explaining the situation incredibly tiresome. “…I received some news from home.” “Home? You mean from Marquis Claret?” “They’ve instructed me to go back at the end of the rainy season,” she said with a disgruntled click of her tongue. Ilia and I exchanged glances. Tilty had been my friend for so long that you could probably call ours a toxic bond. I knew about her relationship with her family, which was why I was puzzled. “Just to make sure I understand, you’re being thrown out of your house… Right?” “Yes. A marquis’s daughter who can’t use magic isn’t much good for a political marriage. On top of that, I have a terrible reputation. They only allowed me to stay on the condition I remain in the mansion.” “Your reputation is no worse than Lady Anis’s once was,” Ilia pointed out. “Shut up!” I interjected. “Tilty’s reputation is much worse than mine!” Tilty was notorious for overusing magic in the past, causing her to become unstable and lash out, hurting others in the process. She had calmed down considerably since I first met her and started treating her symptoms, but a bad reputation was hard to shake. In the end, she had decided to limit her use of magic as much as possible to live a stable, reclusive life. “Your family hasn’t complained before, have they? I wonder what Marquis Claret is thinking…” Marquis Claret was Tilty’s father and the head of one of the kingdom’s most distinguished noble families. With fertile lands, strong agricultural development, and a plentiful supply of livestock, he had bolstered the kingdom’s food supply and established a solid political foundation through trade with less well-off territories. As a faction, the Clarets maintained strict neutrality while also keeping themselves at a certain distance from the crown. Marquis Claret himself was a dignified man and lived up to his reputation. I remembered him as a quiet person who kept his thoughts closely guarded. Tilty, however, furrowed her brow at my question as if she were trying to ignore a headache. “He says he wants me to come back…” “Go back? You mean, to your parents’ place?” “Yes… Ugh! This is all your fault, Anis!” she exclaimed, throwing off her veil and pointing a finger at me. Huh? I didn’t exactly appreciate being yelled at. And what was my fault? I stared back uncertainly. “They think with your reputation being on the mend, mine ought to be improving too!” Tilty glared. “Ah… I see?” With Euphie as queen, the days when I was derided as the kingdom’s Princess Peculiar were long in the past. Magicology and magical tools were gaining broad recognition and were on track to be widely adopted throughout the kingdom. So now that my reputation had been restored, Marquis Claret wanted to do the same for his daughter? Looking at it that way, I could see why he had asked Tilty to return to the family estate. “If you want me to hide you here, I suppose that means you’re not planning on going back, then?” I asked. “Hah! I have no intention of being a noblewoman at this point,” Tilty answered in a huff, crossing her arms and legs. This response was typical of her, and I smiled a little. “Hmm… Well, I guess you’re not exactly suited to high society, are you?” I murmured. “Are you really sure about this, Lady Tilty?” Ilia asked. “What do you mean?” she demanded. “I don’t mind you staying with us, but are you sure?” Ilia continued. “Either way, you’re still part of the Claret family. You weren’t paying for the upkeep of your mansion yourself, were you?” Tilty set her cup of tea on the table and looked away. That was a natural response. The Claret mansion might have been her fortress, but it actually belonged to her father, the marquis. Tilty was still formally part of the Claret family, and if she refused to return home and fulfill her duties, there was a chance she could be disinherited. If that happened, she would lose the right to live in the Claret’s capital mansion. “…Hmm. I wonder if they would really disown me if I refused to go?” “Are you willing to take the risk?” I asked. Tilty refused to meet my gaze. Her silence was its own response. Maybe that was why she had asked us to shelter her here at the detached palace. I appreciated her help in my research, and it was rare for her to turn to me for assistance like this. I wanted to help. And yet… “You can stay, Tilty. But you need to think this through, all right?” “…I know. If I am disowned, do you think you could hire me here? I could work as your assistant.” “Halphys is already a great help, and I’m not really looking for another assistant. I suppose we could use an apothecary, though.” “Would you be able to cover the costs of my medicine?” “I guess that would depend on how hard you work?” “…” “What does that silence mean? At least say what you want!” “Working is such a hassle…” “Wh-where are your morals…?! You’re hopeless…!” I couldn’t help but worry about this troublesome friend of mine. Would she be okay? “…So there you have it. Tilty will be staying with us here at the detached palace for a while.” “Thank you for opening your home, Lady Euphyllia, Lainie.” Later in the day, when Euphie and Lainie returned after completing their duties, they found Tilty making herself at home. After she explained what she was doing here, their reactions were difficult to read. Lainie cleared her throat to pull herself together, then she turned to Tilty. “Um… Are you sure about this, Lady Tilty?” “Anis here has already asked me about that, Lainie. Several times. Clearly things aren’t okay, or I wouldn’t have turned to her for help…” “Does that mean you’re considering leaving the Claret family?” Euphie asked in a quiet voice. Tilty stared back at her in silence for a long moment before heaving a deep sigh. “I think it might end up being inevitable…” “That would make you a commoner… Are you sure?” Euphie pressed. She seemed particularly concerned, probably because she had been forced to cut ties with her own family to become queen. “Do you people really want to send me back to high society that badly?” Tilty said in a disgruntled huff. “No, that isn’t what I meant. I don’t know what your relationship with your family is like, so I may be overstepping, but do you really not mind breaking ties with them?” Euphie asked again. Tilty’s lips twisted with distaste. “…I’m not as soft as you three. Besides, my father would cut me off the second he decides I’m unnecessary. He’s a respectable noble, after all.” “Tilty…” “So I wouldn’t be surprised if they do disown me for not going along with their wishes.” “Are you saying you don’t even want to talk it over with them?” “…What would be the point? There’s no fixing my reputation now,” she said with a self-deprecating grin. And yet she seemed tired in a way she didn’t normally let show. “It’s too late to fix anything. Even if I went back, I would just be damaged goods with a troubled past. It would be better to have a clean break.” “…If that’s what you want, then very well. Shall I inform Marquis Claret? We could ask to take you on here at the detached palace like Lainie rather than let him disown you.” “…You don’t have to go out of your way, but if it would make things easier, feel free. I won’t be going to see him.” Tilty sighed and raised her hand in a listless wave, then turned to leave the room. “…How am I even supposed to show my face there now?” I heard her mutter under her breath as she left. The door closed quietly behind her, and the rest of us let out a collective sigh. “…Hmm. It’s disorienting, seeing her like that,” I murmured, scratching my cheek. “Lady Tilty is very delicate, Lady Anis…,” Lainie said in her defense. “Well… A bit neurotic, maybe?” “That’s interesting coming from you, Lady Anisphia,” Ilia remarked. “For someone so brazen, you can be strangely considerate at times. Not that you show it with your words.” “Ilia? If you have something to say, you can say it,” I prodded. She looked away. Euphie, meanwhile, cleared her throat. “Ahem. I’m not Anis, but we can’t just leave Tilty be. Let’s talk to Marquis Claret about all this.” “I’ll go with you,” I said. “I’m worried about her as well.” “Of course.” I couldn’t leave Tilty alone, not when she was facing the grief and pain of being estranged from her family. I knew what that felt like only too well. Perhaps I was being overly nosy, but I couldn’t help myself. From what I had seen, it wasn’t like Tilty truly hated her family. “Have you ever met Marquis Claret, Anis?” Euphie asked. “My father and I belonged to a different faction, and the Clarets tend to stay in their own territory, so we didn’t have much contact.” “Hmm. I guess he comes off as strict and reserved? I wonder how he is now. It’s been ages since I last saw him.” “When was that?” Lainie asked. “When I made the offer to treat Tilty. I didn’t get the impression he was a bad person… But he definitely carries himself like your typical aristocrat.” “I see…,” Euphie murmured, resting a hand under her chin in contemplation. Marquis Claret was, to put it in a positive light, an upright and virtuous man—or to be less kind, he could be quite stubborn. I got the impression that once he made up his mind, he wouldn’t back down no matter what. His strong sense of responsibility made him somewhat reserved and taciturn, and he could be a bit stifling to be around. “Speaking of which, how did you go about treating her?” Lainie asked. “Yes… I was wondering that, too. Everyone knew how dangerous she could be,” Euphie added, glancing my way. Since they asked, I looked back over my memories from the time I first started treating Tilty… “It wasn’t anything complicated,” I said at last. “It was quite simple, really.” “How so…?” “Well… I guess this is a good opportunity to explain.” I felt a little awkward talking about Tilty’s circumstances without her permission, but I realized it would help if everyone was on the same page. “Basically, the cause of all her problems was that she was overusing magic, right?” “Yes, you said she tends to lose her physical and mental balance when she uses it too much. So why was she using it so much…?” “At first, her magic instructor forced her to do it, but then she went berserk and started attacking anyone who tried to stop her.” “…So she was using magic to attack people?” Euphie asked, brow furrowed. “Yes.” I nodded. “So the only way to calm her down was to lock her away and keep anyone from contacting her. But once she came to her senses, she would try to figure things out on her own.” “How?” “She tried to control her impulses by herself, testing the limits to see how much magic she could use. But in the end, that just led to a vicious cycle.” For nobles in the Kingdom of Palettia, magic was a necessity. Tilty understood that and just how precarious her situation was. As such, she strove to control herself, not realizing that she was making her condition worse. “Ultimately, she ended up losing her mind. She started seeing anyone who tried to stop her as an enemy, and when she came back to her senses, she struggled with what she had done. But if she locked herself away, she would just bottle everything up and hurt herself.” “…That sounds terrible.” “I couldn’t stand to watch. Honestly, there were times she came close to killing me.” “I’ve heard the stories. But you’re serious? She nearly killed you?” Euphie asked, a dangerous glint in her eyes. Come on, that was a long time ago. I’m still here, so you can relax… “She came close… But it wasn’t like she wanted to kill me. It was more of a defensive response.” “A defensive response…?” “Back then, Tilty was really shaken about not being able to control her magic, and she was afraid she might end up hurting someone. She tried to overcome her difficulties by herself, but it only made things worse. It was self-reinforcing.” So long as she didn’t use magic, her symptoms would gradually settle. Not using magic, however, was like a mark of failure for someone of noble birth. As such, she kept trying…and kept losing her mental equilibrium. It was so bad you could almost describe it as a curse. “That does sound like a terrible cycle…” “I’ve heard about her going out of control, but I didn’t know there wasn’t anything she could do to help herself…” “It was awful when I first met her. She looked even more unhealthy than she does now. Afraid of sunlight, holed up in her room, pushing everyone away if they got too close. She was overcome with paranoia, and even though she knew she was being irrational, she couldn’t stop herself from spiraling further…” “That’s awful…” Lainie gasped, covering her mouth. Euphie wore a serious look, while Ilia, pained and already aware of what happened back then, lowered her eyes. Back then, whenever someone reached out to help Tilty, she would push them away in confusion. And when she came back to her senses, she would despair at what she had done. “The ironic thing is she’s really talented. If not for those symptoms, she would be on par with you, Euphie. That’s why she’s impossible to control when she starts going wild. No one can get close to her, and she ends up isolating herself…” “Um… So how did you end up helping her?” Lainie asked. “I had to hold her down with all my strength.” “All your strength…? Meaning…?” “Well, she might have had a talent for magic, but she spent all her time inside and wasn’t very strong. Anyway, it was the magic causing her to go haywire. Without it, she can come back to her senses. So I convinced her to stop using it. She’s pretty stubborn, though, and we had lots of fights about it.” “Quarrels I can imagine…but do you mean actual fights?” Lainie asked. “Yes. Anyway, I let her wear herself out with her magic, then knocked her out and restrained her until she realized magic wouldn’t help.” At this, Euphie and Lainie exchanged measured glances, then started whispering to each other in shock. “How reckless…” “But that is like Lady Anis…” “Do you understand why I was so worried about her now?” Ilia murmured sadly, pulling a handkerchief from her sleeve to wipe her eyes. Was it my imagination, or were those eye drops in her hand…? “That must have been so difficult, Lady Ilia…” “I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you, Ilia…” “Hey, wait a minute! Am I being left out?!” The three of them shot me reproachful glares. “A-anyway!” I said, clearing my throat in an effort to shake off their gazes. “I know it was reckless, but I thought it would work. Tilty wasn’t eating or sleeping properly, so she was weak and scrawny. It wasn’t hard knocking her out!” “…I feel so sorry for her,” Euphie said. “Yes. It’s just so sad…,” Lainie added. “I thought you were worried about me a minute ago! I didn’t do anything wrong!” “No remorse. That’s even worse…” “You’re so mean!” I helped her! So why were they all looking at me like that?! If only Tilty were here… Then again, she wasn’t the kind of person to show any gratitude. “…What do you think, Anis?” Euphie asked. “What do you mean?” “About Tilty’s future. What would be best for her?” “…I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t think she knows, either. She loves collecting curses, but the second she unravels them, she loses interest. She is a huge help with my research, but her view of magic is extremely negative…” To me, she was a research buddy and a friend with a complicated relationship, but I didn’t know what she actually wished for. Maybe she didn’t really want anything at all. “…In that case, what do you want to do, Tilty?” I murmured under my breath. No one could answer. “Hmm… Things are proceeding smoothly, but that just makes me feel more uneasy.” “Yes, I didn’t expect them to reach out before we even had a chance to inquire.” Just as I was wondering how best to approach Marquis Claret to ask about Tilty’s future, he asked to meet us to discuss the matter. We agreed to meet the marquis at the royal castle, arranging a face-to-face during Euphie’s usual hours. In the meantime, I explained the situation to Tilty. “She really is hopeless in the mornings…,” I remarked. “…You’re not exactly a morning person, either, Anis,” Euphie pointed out. “For a while, I had to wake you up.” “…Um, Euphie? That was a long time ago. It’s hardly worth mentioning now,” I said nervously, trying to calm her down. At that moment, there came a knock at the door. “Lady Euphyllia, Lady Anis?” Lainie called from beyond the room. “I’ve brought Marquis Claret with me.” “Come in,” Euphie instructed. Lainie peered inside; a white-haired man in his fifties was standing behind her. He had a strong build, and his rugged features gave off an intimidating presence. Marquis Claret looked older than the last time we had met, but he was just as sharp as I remembered. “It’s been too long, Queen Euphyllia, Princess Anisphia,” he said. “Thank you for coming, Marquis Claret. Please, have a seat.” “Thank you.” The marquis sat across from us, while Lainie set about preparing tea. “Thank you for taking the time to see me,” he began. “Not at all. We were hoping to speak with you as well,” Euphie answered. “About my daughter Tilty, I take it?” the marquis said, cutting right to the chase. “Yes. As you may already know, she’s currently staying at the detached palace.” “Yes. I hear she barged in quite suddenly. My letter asking her to come back to the main residence seems to have prompted this. I apologize for the inconvenience she’s caused you.” “No, please don’t worry. I consider her a valuable friend. It’s no bother.” The conversation between Euphie and Marquis Claret unfolded smoothly. They were both completely even-keeled—which was unsettling in its own way. I had a bad feeling about Marquis Claret, but it was probably just because I didn’t know what he was really thinking. In a way, he wasn’t dissimilar to Duke Grantz. “Um, Marquis Claret? Can I ask something?” I began. “Go ahead, Princess Anisphia.” “Why do you want Tilty to go home all of a sudden?” The marquis narrowed his eyes. All at once, the air turned heavy, and I swallowed in apprehension. “…I thought the time had come.” “…The time?” “Our long-standing traditions are evolving. I think you must feel that more than most, Princess Anisphia.” “Are you saying my change in position has altered your thoughts?” “My thoughts remain the same as they were when you first offered to treat Tilty.” “So you want Tilty to reenter society as a noble lady?” Euphie asked. For a long moment, the conversation ground to a halt. Lainie filled the silence by offering tea. The marquis reached for his cup and slowly brought it to his lips. “If that’s what she wants, yes.” “…I can’t imagine she does,” I answered. “Nor I. If I ordered her to make a social debut, she would no doubt refuse.” “Then why ask her to return home?” The marquis rested his teacup on the table and sighed softly. Was I imagining things, or did I catch a glimpse of fatigue in that gesture? “I thought the time was right. Whether she decides to let go of the name Claret or reclaim it as her own, now is the time for her to make that choice.” “…With all due respect, can you really say that after neglecting her for so long?” “I won’t deny that I’ve neglected her. You’re her close friend, Princess Anisphia; from your perspective, I must seem incredibly irresponsible.” “I—I didn’t mean to go that far…!” He admitted it so readily that I struggled to find a response. But the marquis only continued. “I understand. However, Your Highness, do you really think my daughter would reach out to me of her own accord?” “…Well…” “I’ve already missed the right moment. I couldn’t take her hand when she needed it. You did. What can I say, having achieved nothing? I couldn’t save her, nor could I give up my position for her. I chose to continue as a marquis.” I had no idea what to say. Indeed, Marquis Claret chose to retain his position. He made Tilty live in a separate residence and left her to her own devices. But I didn’t understand what was going on in his head. At the very least, it was clear he wasn’t indifferent to his daughter. Looking back, he had always been like this. When I offered to treat Tilty, the marquis had given his permission immediately. “The best I could do was provide an environment where she could live quietly.” “That may be true, but still…” “I’m not trying to excuse myself. I did receive reports on her. I wasn’t indifferent. I was just prepared for whatever might happen.” “No matter what happened?” Euphie repeated. The marquis breathed a deep sigh before looking up at the ceiling. “Whatever path Tilty takes, I’m ready to accept it. Anything to lift her worries. Even if she decides not to be family anymore.” “Why don’t you try telling her that…?” Tilty believed she couldn’t show her face at home, while her father had decided he had no choice but to accept whatever she chose. It was a terrible misunderstanding, and I couldn’t just ignore it. “…She should never have been born into the nobility.” The marquis sighed. “Huh?” “Sometimes, I think she would have been better off if she wasn’t my child.” The marquis’s voice as he stared into the distance was so weak it could have been swept away by the breeze. “All her misfortunes, I brought upon her—her status as a nobleman’s daughter, the expectation for her to wield magic. People praise those as wonderful gifts, but none of it served to protect her.” “…That’s… That’s not true!” “You understand, don’t you, Princess Anisphia? You were in the same position once. The difference between you and Tilty is in how you approach magic.” “…!” “She maintains her view that magic is a curse. And who can blame her? If she had been born a commoner without her title or magical ability, she might have lived an ordinary life. Perhaps that’s what she wanted most.” Having said that, the marquis shook his head. “But that doesn’t mean I could throw my life away for her. This is who I am, and I have to protect it. As Marquis Claret, I have an obligation to fulfill my responsibilities.” I couldn’t help but grit my teeth. Duty and responsibility. It all made sense in my head, but my emotions weren’t in agreement. Tilty wasn’t easy to defend, not when she saw magic as a curse capable of destroying one’s mind. That was a fatal flaw for someone of noble birth. I could also understand the weight of Marquis Claret’s responsibilities. If he had failed in his duties, the Kingdom of Palettia could have been plunged into chaos. So the most he could do was confine her to his secondary residence. I got it. But I couldn’t quite swallow these feelings… “I have not conducted myself as a parent should. At this point, I have no right to consider myself her father…” All of a sudden, the door was thrown open with tremendous force. I glanced over my shoulder, and there stood— “You’re always so selfish, Father.” —Tilty. She was absolutely furious. Honestly, I never intended to come here. Anis tried to bring me, but I pretended to be asleep. Not that I could sleep. I felt uneasy the whole time, like something was stuck in the back of my throat. A restlessness was rising up from deep inside me. I knew what lay behind it all, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I could have just covered my ears and waited for the storm to pass. …And yet here I was. I’d half-threatened a maid at the royal castle so Anis and the others wouldn’t find out, and I listened in on their conversation with my father. It was an impulsive act, but if I hadn’t done it, I might have exploded from all the emotions inside me. Then, my father’s comments poured oil on the fire. At first, I couldn’t find the words to express myself. But I couldn’t stay quiet, either, so I flung the door open as hard as I could. I regretted the outburst immediately—but for one fleeting moment, I’d let my emotions sweep me off my feet. …Father. How many years had it been since I last saw him? The fact that I couldn’t even remember spoke to how long it had been. The wrinkles on his craggy hands had grown deeper, and his face looked somewhat haggard. There were hints of gray in his hair, and he seemed to have shrunk ever so slightly. “…Tilty?” he called, unsure. Ah, it had been so long since I last heard that voice. I clenched my jaw, and a harsh, grating sound came from my mouth. The blood drained from my fists, while my eyes felt like they were burning. I could hardly breathe. Ah. All I wanted was to catch my breath. I never wanted to go through something this painful. And yet… And yet…! “Tilty!” My vision blurred, and my back slammed against the wall. Only then did I see Anis, desperation in her eyes. She was the one who had pinned me. The pain of the impact pulled my feverish mind back to reality. No matter how many times I experienced this sensation, I would never get used to it. It was like being pulled back to the surface after drowning in a bottomless swamp. “…What are you doing?” I muttered. “You idiot! You were just about to explode…!” “No, I wasn’t.” “Yes, you were!” “I wasn’t.” That was a lie. I was pathetic. If Anis hadn’t stopped me, I might have lashed out at my own father. …She never held back, not when it came to bringing me back to sanity. I had always been incredibly grateful for her help. Whenever I started losing my mind, she was the only person capable of keeping me together. Small as she was, she had little restraint; she was like a desperate fireball ready to explode. And then she called me an idiot—like she was pleading with me to come back. “I’m fine. Let go,” I insisted, patting her back. My appeal must have reached her. She released me, though her expression remained worried. I took in the situation in the room. My father was staring at me, half out of his seat, while Lainie and Lady Euphyllia were poised to stop me if they needed to. “…Tilty?” my father called. “Shut up. Wait until I’m ready,” I answered before I could stop myself. Filled with a prickly tension, I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. I needed to remain calm. If I didn’t, I might miss my chance. …If I had just closed my eyes and ignored all this, I wouldn’t have to deal with this stress. …Maybe it wasn’t too late? Maybe I could plug my ears, close my eyes, and try not to feel anything? An unbearable weakness was filling me from inside. I gritted my teeth, pushing back against it with all my strength. “…Anis. Lady Euphyllia. Lainie. I’m sorry, but could you let my father and me talk in private?” “Are you sure?” Euphyllia asked with a stern look. I nodded. She had been watching me carefully for a while now, but she eventually breathed a small sigh. “We’ll be right outside. If we sense anything unusual, we’ll be back to stop it. That’s my one condition.” “…Thank you.” “I’ll make sure you have privacy, so feel free to speak your minds.” With that, Euphyllia cast a soundproofing spell over the room and headed for the door. “Tilty…” “I’m fine, Anis. I’m not going to make a scene.” “…Make sure you don’t lose control. You’re the one who’ll end up regretting it most.” “I’m aware. Just hurry up and get out of here.” Even so, Anis walked toward the door with extreme reluctance. She didn’t step outside right away, glancing back at me a couple of times, until Lainie gave her a gentle nudge and urged her to step out. And once the three of them were gone, it was just me and my father. I took a deep breath, then faced him directly. He seemed a little confused at first, but he quickly composed himself and adopted an aristocratic bearing. That was so like him. And it left me feeling even more miserable about myself. This was why I hadn’t wanted to see him—because it forced me to acknowledge my own wretchedness. “…Why didn’t you just leave me?” I asked. If he had just discarded his worthless daughter, I would have been able to accept it. That was what was expected of a noble. But he didn’t. He simply kept his distance and didn’t interfere in my life at all. It wasn’t that I felt lonely, or sad, or hurt. Rather… “All you ever give me is your pity. It makes me miserable…!” I pressed my hands to my face, squeezing my eyes shut to hold back the wave of emotions rising up inside me. If I didn’t, I might pass out. “…Pity… So that’s how it appeared to you,” my father murmured. His voice was so quiet it could have been carried off by the wind. It was too late for him to be second-guessing himself. What did he even want after all this time? “…Tilty. I know my achievements as a marquis have caused you pain.” “…Oh, do you?” “I’ve gone too far to turn back now. On my shoulders, I bear the weight of my vassals, our people, and the stability of the whole kingdom. If I wanted a reason not to give you up, there would have been plenty to choose from,” he said self-deprecatingly. Those words sent a chill running down my spine, like a tendril of ice was working its way across my skin. “No matter what I say, the fact remains that I left you behind. It would be presumptuous of me to act like a parent. If I’ve made you miserable, then I need to set things right… Misery is an unbearable pain.” “Father.” “I was afraid to reach out to you. I thought I would end up wounding you more. But that was just an excuse. In the end, it was Princess Anisphia who saved you. And I used that as yet another excuse, convincing myself there was nothing I could do. That’s all there is to it. There’s no justification… I’m sorry, Tilty,” he said, kneeling before me and bowing his head. …No. I didn’t want to hear all this. Then what did you want from me?! I hadn’t gotten a single thing I wished for. Instead, what he gave me shone too bright for me to even look at it. A life saved, dreams spoken of, futures forged—and I was here, in the shadow of that blinding light. I couldn’t be Anis or Euphyllia. But I never thought being confronted with that fact could be so painful. Just abandon me! Tell me I’m worthless! Tell me I’ve always been worthless! “Tilty,” he said again. I was afraid of his eyes, gazing up at me, but I couldn’t look away. “…The world is changing. The world you fear is becoming a thing of the past. Those two can guide you toward something new.” “…Huh?” “You’ve been afraid of the world ever since you started losing control. Haven’t you?” My heart skipped a beat. Afraid? Me? About what? The world…? I should have been able to make sense of what he was saying, but all I could do was stand there like an idiot. “You were living your life without difficulty when all of a sudden, an insurmountable obstacle loomed over everything you knew. You were afraid people would judge you for being unable to overcome it. From your perspective, the world must have been full of terror.” “What are you saying…?” “You were always a quiet child. You had nothing to fear, but we were always finding new ways to provoke you.” “Don’t act like you understand…” “Am I wrong?” My tongue felt numb in my mouth. My thoughts were a mess, and I could hardly breathe. But I couldn’t deny any of what he had said. “I regret that my position didn’t allow me to let you live a life of peace. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the parent you wanted me to be.” …Stop it. If you’re going to say that now, after all this time…! I didn’t have any particular likes or dislikes. I had never been the type to feel strongly attached to anything. I used to be a quiet and gentle child. …And I was happy that way. “…Why did I have to use magic?” That’s what it all came down to. People praised me for my talent, but when things got difficult, they turned against me. They all said that if I couldn’t endure, I would be worth nothing. “Why did I have to suffer so much just to live as a noblewoman?” Without magic, I was worthless. But the more I used it, the harder everything became. I was good at dark magic; it was the only kind that quieted my mind. But that effect was only temporary. I believed if I could just get better at it, that would save me. Before I knew it, everything went wrong. It was like the whole world was out to hurt me. “Magical talent is a curse… It’s never going to make me happy!” I was happy. And magic ruined it. The peace and quiet, the familiar scenery, the smiles of my family members as they greeted me. Magic had destroyed it all! I couldn’t stand the nobles who held it in such high regard. I hated them all: magic, this country, the world. “I get it. My happiness might have been shattered, but there were options to start over, paths I could have moved forward on.” I had closed my mind to my escapable reality—when Anis burst in like a force of nature, blowing away the barriers that contained me. I was convinced I would end up hurting her, too, someday—but then Euphyllia became her savior. While I hated magic as a curse, those two saw it as a blessing. It was easy to see me as the outlier. But what if I had been given the chance to do something great? I knew that prayer was out of my reach. After all, I was just a coward, so afraid of the world that I had turned away from it. I wanted magic to be a curse—because curses were unbreakable, and there was nothing anyone could do about them. Ultimately, I was just looking for a way out. If that were the case, I could have just despaired and resigned myself to my fate. I was just like my father—seeking out excuses to give up, refusing to look for solutions. I had no right to blame him for all that. “You’re a smart child, Tilty. And a sensitive one. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to notice that.” My father rose to his feet and rested a hand on my shoulder. “I was planning to wait. Whatever choice it was, when the time came for you to step outside, I wanted to be there to acknowledge it… I wanted to tell you not to worry.” My strength left me. It was like the ground had dropped out beneath me, and my stagnant feelings drained away. “…Father?” “Yes?” “Is my favorite hill still there?” I’ve always been fond of quiet places. The rustling of the wind, the calls of farm animals carried on the breeze. The clear, gentle air. Leaves filtering the sun’s rays. I longed to relive those moments more than anything else. But I couldn’t go back. I could never return. I had been avoiding it for so long, convinced I could never hold on to it again. “Why don’t you come home and see? This time, I want to hold your hand. Let me show you everything.” “…Ah.” My father’s words brought my childhood flowing back. My quiet, reserved father. Back then, I had found something uncomfortable about his silence. I realized he had always been on the verge of saying something before he left. Now, I finally understood why. …How might I have reacted if I had known it at the time…? But the past wouldn’t change. I failed to read the feelings that he kept under wraps. This time, however, I knew what I had to say. “Father.” “…Yes?” “Can you take my hand? Back then, if you had pulled me back, maybe things would have been different. That chance has passed, but I still want to try.” Hesitantly, weakly, I held out my hand—I might have faltered at the slightest nudge. A rough, wrinkled hand reached out and took mine as if it might break under his touch. Ah. That told me nothing. But maybe if I could see that view once more, something would change. It was just a hunch. An uncertain future. But if I could grab on to something… “…I’ll go home, Father.” Maybe then, just maybe, I could change. Yes, I felt like I already knew the answer to that question. I only hoped I was right.