“Yes, I certainly didn’t see that coming…,” I answered, wanting to let out a sigh myself. What on earth had compelled that man to make such an appeal? There was nothing more dangerous than someone who couldn’t anticipate the consequences of their own actions. That being said, I couldn’t say there weren’t others who shared Count Leghorn’s views. In fact, he probably had many like-minded associates, even if they weren’t quite as radical as he was. I could feel another headache coming on just thinking about it. I thought the situation with the spiritualist faith had improved somewhat in recent months, but once more, I felt overwhelmed and depressed. “He had some nerve, that’s for sure,” Tilty said. “Honestly, you could have had him beheaded then and there, and he’d have no right to complain. I mean, picking a fight with you and Anis in front of a crowd?” “That’s right! I can’t understand what he was thinking, saying all that and bringing Lady Anis’s achievements into doubt!” Lainie added, incensed. Tilty gave an exaggerated smirk as she shrugged her shoulders. They had every right to be upset, both of them. I couldn’t fully suppress my indignation myself. I couldn’t begin to imagine what Anis had been forced to go through as she set about researching magicology and developing her magical tools. She had overcome her limitations all by herself. Her accomplishments were so great that she had defeated a rampaging dragon. Considering everything she had done, it was beyond shallow to dismiss her just because she couldn’t use traditional magic. “Well, I guess it could make sense if you’ve been living under a rock these past few years,” Tilty remarked. “Even though that’s what the public knows, that might explain why he doubted that someone without magic could defeat a dragon.” “If that’s true, he must doubt a lot of things…” “Basically, he’s incompetent, right? He stuck his foot in his mouth without giving a thought to his own position. The western nobles have always kept themselves at a distance from the capital, so maybe that explains their stupid behavior. Either way, that’s no excuse for speaking out of turn,” Tilty spat. I was in full agreement. “It’s all well and good to denounce injustice, but we have to use the right means,” I said. “I agree. I don’t even want to know what sort of thinking led him to say all that.” “…I’m just glad Anis wasn’t there to hear it. If she had been in the room, I might not have been able to restrain myself.” “Indeed. At least there’s that silver lining,” Tilty snorted in assent. The fact that Anis hadn’t been forced to endure that outrageous insult really was the only positive to all this. No, we certainly couldn’t welcome this situation. Because of Count Leghorn, continued negotiations with the western nobles were going to be an uphill battle. “I could try holding him accountable, but there’s no telling what sort of response that might bring…,” I grumbled. “Right. Push him too hard, and he might have another outburst,” Tilty remarked. If I wanted to, I could pursue any reform I chose, but there was no predicting how the western nobles, who were already distancing themselves from the capital, might receive them. “I’d prefer to institute the reforms slowly and carefully, if at all possible,” I said. “So why do all these urgent problems have to keep popping up…?” “Sudden changes can cause a backlash,” Tilty pointed out. “You could have the best intentions in the world, but you can’t change a country so easily.” “It just goes to show what a huge impact Anis has had on everything…” As beneficial as magicology and magical tools were, forcing people to adopt them would only bring about a head-on clash with the nation’s long-standing traditions and beliefs. Magic was a special privilege of the nobility, so changing its value risked devaluing their perceived importance and worth. That was why I had sought the throne—to bridge the changes Anis and I wanted to bring about with the traditions that had long sustained the kingdom. After all, if the country were to split apart, Anis would suffer the most. For that reason, I had to keep adjusting my approach to avoid conflict. Why couldn’t our work all go smoothly? Were these people willfully standing in my way, or was it my fault and my exhaustion? “I suppose I should consult Father-in-law…” “Oh dear. Well, good luck,” Tilty quipped. “You say that like it’s none of your business…” “It isn’t any of my business. I’m willing to listen to you complain, though.” “…Thank you.” Tilty broke out into a chuckle—and with that, I felt my face finally relaxing. Yes, I did feel a little better now. “You’re probably exhausted, so why don’t you call it a day?” Tilty suggested. “You’re always keeping things bottled up, and that takes its toll. Anis isn’t here to help you relax, either.” “Well…” “You don’t want to still be worrying unnecessarily when she gets back, do you?” “…I don’t want her to hear about what happened.” “It’s up to you whether or not you decide to tell her. But if you’re going to keep it a secret, make sure you cover it up properly so she doesn’t find out from anyone else.” “Master Lang and Duke Grantz are taking care of political matters, Lady Euphyllia, so please don’t worry about them now. They mentioned turning to His Former Majesty, too, if necessary. So please, take some time to relax.” “Thank you, Tilty, Lainie. I was hoping not to have to ask Father-in-law to fill in for me too much, though…” My father-in-law, King Orphans, had continued to assist me after relinquishing the throne, though I tried not to rely on him more than necessary, as that would defeat the point of his abdication. With more free time on his hands, the former king had finally gotten around to the horticulture research he had always wanted to do. He already had a gentle temperament, but since his abdication, he seemed to have grown even more kindhearted. He was here to help me when I needed it with the small details necessary to keep the kingdom running smoothly, but that didn’t mean I could leave any of my responsibilities entirely to him. That was why I didn’t like asking him to deputize for me too much. Though I could see I didn’t have much choice this time around. “His Former Majesty would probably be more upset if you didn’t ask him to help,” Tilty pointed out. “…I can’t argue with that,” I answered. Yes, there were those who bandied about heartless remarks, but I was surrounded by people willing to support me. I am beyond grateful to them, I thought with a faint smile. Following Tilty’s advice, I decided to take some time off to rest. Before I knew it, it was time for dinner. Once I was finished, I would try to recuperate. But when I brought the food to my mouth, the experience was horrible. “…? Ngh?! Gah?!” I couldn’t taste the food sitting on my tongue at all. Ever since the day I became a spirit covenantor, my attachment to food had been fading, but never before had I been unable to discern any flavors at all. Yet my food seemed completely tasteless, and when I chewed, I found the texture disconcerting. When I tried to swallow, it felt like some foreign object was stuck in my throat. My appetite, which was already tenuous at best, had diminished even further. Lainie wasn’t far, and she heard my cry of alarm. “Lady Euphyllia? Are you all right?” I wanted to say I was fine, but unable to muster my voice, I gulped a mouthful of water to wash the food down my throat. Struggling with sensations I couldn’t explain, I forced a smile, hoping to reassure Lainie and to keep my distress hidden from her. “It’s nothing, really…” “Lady Euphyllia,” Lainie said again, watching me with concern. I couldn’t bring myself to look away from her crimson eyes. I tried to compose myself, and yet— “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” “…” “Your emotions are all over the place. I can see it.” “…I’m no match for you, Lainie.” Out of habit, I had hoped to keep the issue to myself, but Lainie’s vampire powers must have picked up on my agitation. Really, I couldn’t hide anything from her… I forced an awkward smile. Lainie, however, furrowed her brow, heaved a long sigh, and briskly started dishing out instructions: “You can’t eat, can you? In that case, please go and lie down for the rest of the day.” “I’m sorry, Lainie…” “Shall I call Lady Tilty again?” “She’s already looked me over once today, so I’d prefer to just see how things go.” “…You aren’t pushing yourself too hard?” “No. I’m going to get some rest, so if you could take care of everything else for me…” “…Very well.” Lainie’s concerned gaze followed me as I left the dining room. I was more than a little worried about the anxious looks the maids gave me after seeing I hadn’t eaten dinner, but hoping not to cause any unnecessary fuss, I returned to my room as if nothing were amiss. “…What on earth was that?” I whispered, reaching out and lifting a hand to my throat. The discomfort I had felt just moments ago had completely disappeared. Since I hadn’t eaten much dinner, maybe there was less strain on my stomach than I had thought? That was what I tried to tell myself at least, but that explanation didn’t quite make sense. “…Maybe I’m finding it more difficult than I expected…” It was natural to lose your appetite when you felt depressed. Perhaps that was what had happened to me. I couldn’t let this go on. What I needed was to take an early rest and get back to work tomorrow. The issue of the western nobles couldn’t be allowed to drag on. With that thought, I called a maid and asked her to prepare a change of clothes. I considered taking a bath, but I decided it would be better just to get some sleep. After all, I could always freshen up tomorrow. “Maybe I’ll read a book to take my mind off things…” Fortunately, there were plenty of books I hadn’t gotten around to reading yet. Hoping it would lift my spirits a little, I reached for the pile of books in the corner of the room. …But today’s irregularities weren’t yet over. It had been a long time since I had been able to leisurely enjoy a good read, and while I was able to immerse myself in the text, when I looked up after finishing, I realized something disconcerting. “…It’s already that late?” It was pitch-black outside. Somehow, I hadn’t noticed night falling, and I must have unconsciously switched on the lights. At first, I put it all down to being so absorbed in the book, but it was only after climbing into bed to try to get some sleep that I realized how serious this was. “…I can’t sleep?” No matter how long I lay there, eyes closed, I couldn’t doze off. …Something was wrong. True, I had never felt particularly drowsy since becoming a spirit covenantor, but I could still sink into sleep if I wanted to. In other words, I didn’t need sleep because I no longer felt sleepy, but I still could sleep when I wanted to. Now, however, I couldn’t even do that. “…What in the world…?” Indescribable anxiety welled up from deep in my chest—a feeling like I was overlooking something, that something was slipping away without my realizing it. “…I would wish you a good evening, Euphyllia, but maybe those aren’t quite the right words?” “—?!” Had I let my guard down? I startled, noticing her presence too late. Nonetheless, I quickly brought myself under control and turned to the voice. Moonlight shone through the window, and before I knew it, Lumi was standing before me. When I recognized my visitor, a sigh welled up in my throat. “Lumi… Don’t startle me like that.” “Oh? My apologies. Was that rude of me?” “…That isn’t a sincere apology, is it?” “I’ll leave it up to you to decide.” She was as mystifying as ever, always popping up when I least expected it. I held my head in my hands. These surprise visits were bad for my heart. I wished she could at least talk normally… “So what whim brings you here today?” I asked. “It isn’t a whim. I just thought I ought to keep an eye on you right now.” “…Huh?” Lumi’s smile gave way to a stern frown. “You can’t sleep, can you? And you aren’t eating, either? You realize that isn’t normal, I hope?” Did this mean there really was something wrong with me? My heart started racing with anxiety. “Do you know what’s happening to me, Lumi?” I asked. “You could say that. Something must have happened today, yes? I don’t have all the details, but I can see you’re in a bad way.” “Then you know what these symptoms are…?” “Just so you’re aware, what you’re experiencing certainly isn’t normal, but it isn’t precisely abnormal, either.” “…? What do you mean?” “In a sense, this is your regular state now…as a spirit covenantor.” My breath caught in my throat. Thinking about what Lumi said had me breaking out into a cold sweat. With a growing unease in my heart, I asked her, “As a spirit covenantor…? Then this…” “The ties between your soul and your body are weakening… You’re finding human interests more tiring than usual, I assume?” Unable to deny it, I let out a low grown. To a spirit covenantor, one’s body was merely a vessel. It wasn’t necessary to maintain it to continue to survive. In fact, they could end up discarding it altogether if they didn’t look after it. Knowing the risks, I had endeavored to consciously preserve my human form. And yet… “…Why has it gotten worse all of a sudden, Lumi?” “I wouldn’t call it sudden. Like I said, this is essentially your natural state as a spirit covenantor—as a spirit. Rather, until now, you’ve been acting quite unlike a spirit,” she answered, placing a finger on my forehead. I couldn’t help but turn away, afraid that she was peering into the depths of my soul. “You don’t have the energy to spare on acting human right now. Something must have happened to take such a toll on you both physically and mentally.” “…Well…” “Anisphia has been away for a while, and your magical energy seems to be running low. It isn’t easy coming back to your senses, is it? You have to clear your mind to the best of your ability. If you don’t, you won’t heal.” “…Everything’s gotten so complicated,” I murmured, hanging my head and covering my face with one hand. Lumi approached to sit beside me, holding my hand and putting her weight on my shoulder. “Well, it isn’t all bad, is it?” “…Where’s the good in this?” “You have me to help you,” she answered lightly. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to say. It was true—without Lumi, I probably wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint the cause of these symptoms, and they would have grown progressively worse… “Having someone who understands can make all the difference. I was alone when it happened to me.” “…Ah…” “It’s hard, suffering by yourself.” “…Yes… It would be,” I murmured with a tiny sigh. My voice, as thin as if the air had been sucked out of it, dissipated into heavy silence. It wasn’t long before Lumi was wearing her regular smile again. How much pain was she hiding behind it? “Then again, this is my first time helping a fellow spirit covenantor.” “…You’ve never interacted with any others?” I asked. Lumi shook her head. “There weren’t any. They all disappeared remarkably quickly.” “Even though we’re immortal?” Lumi flashed me a faint smile. She exuded a fleeting sense of fragility, as if she might disappear at any moment. I reached out to confirm her presence. As I stroked her cheek, she took my free hand in her own. Then, she closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against my hand in hers. “While still in their human bodies, I mean. Of course, their souls continue to exist even after they throw away their vessels. Although they do diffuse.” “They diffuse…?” “The basis of their self-identity. Their memories and individuality slip away. It’s like they thin out and turn invisible, losing their attachments and consciousness. Eventually, we dissolve into the fabric of the world. That’s the destiny that awaits us.” I understood, of course, that what she was talking about would one day befall me, too. If I were to cast myself aside, I could make the transformation right now. “We don’t die easily so long as we maintain our consciousness. But to stay in this world, we have to connect our wishes. Those who lose the source of their wish will gradually fade away. Our existences might continue forever, but only in a state little different from death.” “Is it possible for a spirit covenantor whose consciousness has diffused to be revived…?” “Hm… I’ve never heard of anything like that before… But who’s to say? It might not be impossible. Hmm. In that sense, we could very well be immortal—if there is indeed the possibility of resurrection.” Lumi nodded. She was back to her usual self; the fleeting impression she had given off a moment earlier was nowhere to be seen. “You’re losing your human senses, so it’s important to be patient and work on getting them back. A certain amount of discomfort may help put your mind at ease.” “You want me to put my mind at ease while I’m uncomfortable? How am I supposed to do that?” “It’s better than feeling nothing at all. Pain and suffering have a way of keeping us grounded.” I was left taken aback by the lightness of her response. Would I be able to endure the pain necessary to bring myself back from the brink? I couldn’t begin to imagine. And yet Lumi… “…Wasn’t it hard for you?” I asked. Lumi had lived an enormously long time. But was her life really a happy one? She let out a soft chuckle at my question before flashing me a meaningful smile. “It was. Unbearable, really. But I can’t give it up.” “Give what up?” “My wish when I entered into my spirit covenant.” “Ah…” “I was the heir to a king who intended to live forever. So I can’t abandon the Kingdom of Palettia. No matter how challenging things are, I feel I have to watch over this country until its end.” “…You say that like it’s an obligation.” “Indeed. It’s my duty. It can be hard at times—painful, even—but I can’t give up. I suppose I’ll just have to live with the pain forever,” she said with a cheerful laugh. “That friend of yours…Tilty? I suppose she might consider our situation a curse.” A curse. Yes, Tilty often went on about such things, though it was eerily fitting in this context. Magic, which the nobility in this country considered a miraculous power, could often become a curse. Spirit covenants were the ultimate example of that principle. I couldn’t deny it. In fact, the cost of my spirit covenant continued to gnaw at me even now. “…If you could throw it away, would you?” I asked. “Of course not,” Lumi answered without a moment’s hesitation. Still plagued by my own doubts, I stared into her face. “When it gets bad, I do sometimes wish it would end,” she answered with a soft smile. “But when that happens, I remind myself of something.” “What?” “All those times I was happy.” “And that helps…?” “I’ve etched those memories of joy into my mind so I don’t forget them. I’ve even gone so far as to write them again and again in a diary to hold on to them. Repetition is the key. There are parts I can only fill in with my imagination, but so long as I can retrace my footsteps, I can keep moving forward. Those memories are my most precious treasures,” she said, resting a hand on her chest. I was so impressed by her. “My end is already decided. My time here is tied to this country. Once the people I wish to protect cease to be, then so will I. Until then, I’ll spend my days smiling and cherishing the treasures I accumulated during my own time,” she declared, her voice carrying more than a hint of pride. Her life couldn’t have been all good. Far from it. And yet she insisted on holding on to it for as long as possible. …Was that why she seemed so radiant? “So you see, I don’t mind suffering. I’ve held on to the happy times, and they far outweigh the pain.” Her gentle smile illustrated her point. “My memories may fade, but my footsteps are set in stone. As long as I hold that in my mind, I can keep on waiting for the end.” I didn’t have the words to respond. “You don’t understand?” Lumi asked. “…I think I do…but I’m not sure.” “That’s okay. People are like that, and we spirit covenantors are probably especially prone to uncertainty. The reason I’ve never gotten involved with other spirit covenantors before is because we’re essentially prisoners of our own wishes.” “We’re prisoners…?” “Indeed. That’s all we are, all that remains. If we grow apart from our wishes, there’s nothing for us to relate to. We can only hold ourselves together because our wishes continue to exist.” I felt like I almost understood what she was trying to say. Yet I just couldn’t explain it logically. Whatever it was, it started from a point of uncertainty, a wish. The purer the wish, the farther it drifted from human comprehension—and the more detached it was from everything else, the farther it slipped away. It really was a fateful connection. “If you want to keep on living as a human, you have to cling to your humanity,” Lumi continued. “Pleasure and discomfort are both necessary parts of that. Without them, everything will grow increasingly dull,” she said, staring into my eyes, her face awash with concern. “Did that happen to you?” “…Yes. I’ve been through my own trials,” she answered with nod. I would probably never be able to grasp her suffering, only to scratch the surface of it in the shallowest of ways. After all, I wasn’t Lumi, and she wasn’t me. The wishes at the center of our existences were completely different. All the same, she was trying to be here for me. Yes, I was so grateful to her. “I understand your anxieties, but there’s no need to worry,” she continued. “You’re surrounded by people who care about you, you realize? You can trust them.” “Yes, I know.” “From what I’ve seen, you could go a lot further.” “What do you mean…?” “Well, from my perspective, you’re like a child.” “…You consider me a child?” “Are you not? You can’t do everything yourself. Fall back on the people around you.” “…You want me to give up some responsibilities?” “I do. Until you reach a point when your own powers are no longer needed.” “…But that—” “Sounds difficult?” Lumi broke in as if having read my mind. I nodded. “…Yes.” It was difficult—I knew that in my heart. This was the sort of thing Anis was often talking about—what you might call my goal. I still hadn’t been able to accomplish it, which was why I found it so hard. “The challenge is a part of this. After all, we both entered into spirit covenants to achieve our goals. The easiest and quickest solution is to fulfill our wishes by ourselves. Relying on others inevitably feels like taking the long way around.” “…Yes.” “But if you want to be part of a group, you need to trust in its other members. You can’t belong to a community otherwise.” “…I know that logically, but what if I can’t really bring myself to truly believe it?” “Then give them a little help. But you had best think carefully about how you choose to help them.” “How I choose to help them?” “If it were me, I would encourage them to gain the strength they need so I can trust them next time. The results don’t need to be immediate. So long as I know I’ll be able to leave matters to them someday, that’s enough. Fortunately, I have plenty of time to wait.” Lumi’s words carried considerable heft. I must have let my thoughts show, as she let out a soft chuckle. “It’s okay to worry, but don’t go overboard. What’s right for me might not be right for you.” “I shouldn’t worry too much…? That’s not an easy ask, either…” “You have to trust in your own judgment. There’s always some basis for your decisions, an underlying logic for any belief. You and I are kin, but we’re still separate people. I have to live by my decisions and you by yours.” “…You’re a lot like Anis, you know?” Yes, it finally hit me—Lumi’s suggestion to let people think for themselves reminded me dearly of Anis. Within moments, her face flushed. “Oh…? I suppose so. Perhaps that’s why I decided to stay here. Like I said, it’s because of her that I think we can coexist.” “Because of her…?” “She considers magic a wondrous thing. To her, it’s a symbol of hope, a power to help usher in the future. Her beliefs aren’t too dissimilar to my own wish. That’s why I enjoy watching her press forward,” Lumi said. Her smile was full of genuine joy and pride. My heart warmed with affection for Anis—yet strangely, I couldn’t find a hint of jealousy in my reaction. My chest tightened whenever anyone showed an interest in her, but I didn’t feel that way with Lumi. Maybe that was because she watched over us all like children. “I wish I could see you all more,” she said. “Perhaps you two will be the embodiment of my dreams? I plan to stay here to find out.” “Lumi…” “You can draw on me a little if you like. I can take Anis’s place at your side for a short while.” “…No one can ever take Anis’s place.” “Oh? I’m not enough for you?” she joked. I shook my head. “You’re you, Lumi, and I’m grateful to have you. You don’t need to replace Anis.” “…I see. That’s good to know. Well, since you can’t sleep anyway, let’s talk. Whatever you have to say, I’ll listen.” “Thank you, Lumi.” Yes, I was glad she was with me on this sleepless night. “You should take a break from your official duties for a while, Lady Euphyllia.” “L-Lainie…? B-but that would be—” “You need to rest!” Lainie was shocked at first when I informed her of my condition the next morning, but she quickly composed herself and dug in her heels. Though I tried to suggest that maybe this wasn’t a good time for me to step back, she was adamant. She even went so far as to send out messages informing those I was scheduled to meet that I was indisposed. Word of my illness spread quickly, and everyone agreed that I should take some time for myself. “You’re all being a little overprotective, don’t you think…?” I suggested. “Not at all!” Lainie fired back. “This is a matter of grave importance!” “Lainie is right,” Tilty added. “It would be insane to leave you in charge of political affairs in your state.” In my room in the detached palace, the two of them nodded in sincere agreement. I couldn’t bring myself to meet their incredulous gazes. On top of that, seeing Lumi observe the scene with her usual soft smile was equally unsettling. “You can depend on us when you need to. We don’t want to see you suffering alone, Lady Euphyllia,” Lumi reminded me with a chuckle. “…Yes. I suppose I’ll take a good, long rest,” I said. “Please do. I’ll see what I can find out about managing a spirit covenantor’s physical condition… Although I wish I didn’t have to,” Tilty said with an unreadable expression. “You don’t seem to like me much, do you?” Lumi asked her. “Why is that? Because I’m too knowledgeable? Or because, like Euphyllia said, I’m a lot like Anisphia? Maybe she and I are so similar, you don’t know how to respond to me?” “…You march straight into things without the slightest hesitation. Indeed, you’re just like her.” “I can see you don’t hold me in any particular reverence. You don’t have to act so formal around me, you know?” Lumi said with an amused smile. Tilty twitched. She was clearly out of sorts, violently tugging at her hair. Lumi, however, remained unfazed by Tilty’s discomposure, moving closer to her. “Your name was Tilty, yes? Perhaps I’ll drop by again and tease you a little more.” “Excuse me?! Why?!” “You’re here to take care of Euphyllia, aren’t you? I didn’t say anything earlier because it wasn’t necessary, but if you’re going to investigate the nature of spirit covenantors, you’ll want to draw on my knowledge and experience, no? Or were you expecting to test your theories yourself?” At this, Tilty clicked her tongue in open annoyance. “…I thought Anis was a soft touch, but you’re even worse.” “Call it my years of experience. Anis is still just a child. As are you. Then again, if you’re willing to risk your own life for Euphyllia’s sake, I’m willing to leave you to it.” “…Tch!” “You called me a soft touch, but couldn’t you say the same for yourself?” “Ngh! Why do I have to put up with this?!” Tilty groaned, planting a hand flat on her face. As I watched from the sidelines, I felt genuinely sorry for her. “I don’t want to cause you any trouble, Tilty. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…” “I can’t turn this down just because of her. That would hardly be reasonable, would it?” “Oh-ho. I’m sure we’ll get along splendidly.” Lumi chuckled. Tilty’s face warped as she glared back at her. Her eyes were like daggers. The spirit covenantor, however, flashed her an easy smile, unafraid in the slightest. “Oh, how scary. I’m fond of you as well, you know?” “Hmph! You’re a weird one! You definitely act based on your heart, not your head!” “Indeed. Perhaps that’s why I’ve taken a liking to you?” Lumi grinned. Tilty gnashed her teeth, a vein throbbing on her forehead. “…Is it really okay to leave them alone together?” Lainie asked softly. “I…can’t say… They’re both good people, so I’m sure it will be fine.” “…You really think so?” Lainie continued to stare across at me, but I couldn’t meet her gaze. Besides, Lumi wasn’t the kind of person to give up simply because I asked her to…
Chapter 128
27 min read