Chapter 123

The sunset dyed the sky red. On our way back from the forest, we set a bonfire in a clearing to hold a grand feast. Sure, there was that incident with the troll toward the end, but we could safely say that the field test for Garkie’s Flamzell and Navre’s Vent had gone off without a hitch. We had decided to celebrate with a meal, with drinks (though only one per person) and generous servings of the monster meat obtained from our efforts. Fortunately, none of the knights had been seriously injured, so everyone could take part. We even called the carpenters and laborers working diligently to join us for drinks and song. Though there was one figure sulking in the midst of all the festivities. “Ah! If only that huge troll hadn’t popped out at the end!” “Garkie? Are you drunk?” “I thought we were only allowed one drink each? How on earth have you gotten drunk?” Garkie breathed a deep sigh as he gave his now-empty mug a shake. The Flamzell had certainly proven its effectiveness, and our field tests had been a brilliant success—and yet Garkie seemed down. His inability to defeat the troll toward the end was weighing on him, or so I guessed. “Ugh…” “Shut up,” Navre grumbled. “We’re celebrating. Enough with the dramatic sighs.” “You’re one to talk, Navre. You’re frowning as much as ever.” “…Today was one of those days.” “Every day is one of those days.” “Shut up. Do you think you’re the only disappointed one here? In the end, we forced Commander Anisphia to step in.” “Hmm?” I answered. “It wasn’t like I thought you two were in any danger, you know? You could have easily beaten it. I just wanted to make sure the prototype swords didn’t get damaged.” “I understand that, but we wanted to take them all down ourselves. Even the last one…,” Garkie muttered. His tone was too hollow to really say he meant that as a complaint. Navre’s frown deepened, but he said nothing. Hmm. I had expected this reaction, but unless I was missing something, they weren’t quite as unhappy as I had anticipated. “Sorry. There will be plenty more chances to show off in the future. All right?” “…Hah… You’re leagues ahead of us, Lady Anis,” Garkie said, moping. He shifted his forlorn gaze to his empty mug, then up to the sky. “You say that, but you were both incredible with those magical swords, you know?” “Right. I’m happy with the results, as well. I’m sure a great many knights would be excited to use similar weapons,” Navre said, his wrinkled forehead relaxing somewhat. As his expression softened, he finally looked his real age. That alone was enough to tell me what he thought of the Vent, and I couldn’t have been more pleased. Garkie, on the other hand, remained silent, lost in thought—which wasn’t at all like him. I wondered what was going through his mind. “Garkie?” I asked. “Ah. It’s nothing. I mean, the Flamzell was a huge help and all. It’s just…” “Just?” “My mind’s all over the place. I can’t get my thoughts in order…” He groaned, letting go of his mug and holding his head in his hands. While waiting for him to find his words, the rest of us sipped at the soup we had made together, savoring the flavors. This was the outdoors at its finest. “I’m conflicted,” Garkie said at last, lowering his hands from his head. “Part of me is saying I’ve got to do my best, and the other half is wondering if I really have given it everything I’ve got. I’m not sure which is right…” “Hmm… What were you hoping to achieve, exactly?” I asked. “I wanted to really master the Flamzell. That sword is amazing, to the point I’m not even sure if I’m worthy of using it.” “I sure wouldn’t want to fight you with that firepower, Gark,” Navre said with a sincere nod. I could understand his trepidation. After all, one wrong move and Garkie could burn straight through you, weapon and all. The only way to avoid the blade was to keep your distance, but if you tried a long-range attack, then you risked coming under the full brunt of the Flamzell’s firepower. “It’s just… I feel like I’m only getting stronger thanks to these magical tools. Can I really say I’m doing my best?” “What does that make me?” I asked. “Without my tools, I can’t use magic at all.” “I—I know that… But I can, so it’s hard to really accept the result. That thought keeps going round and round in my head.” “I understand the feeling,” Navre joined in. “I wonder whether I relied too much on the Vent. It makes you doubt your own abilities.” “Right!” Garkie exclaimed. “That’s what I’m trying to say! I knew you’d have a better way of putting it!” “Hmm…,” I began, when— “Don’t you consider a mastery of your tools to be a testament to your abilities?” That voice—I couldn’t believe my ears. But I hadn’t misheard. Spinning around in panic, I laid eyes on a face I would never have expected to see today. “Euphie?!” “Good evening, Anis. How are you doing?” “It’s good to see you, Lady Anis.” “You too, Lainie?! What are you doing here?!” “We’re paying you a surreptitious visit,” Euphie said with a smile, raising a finger to her lips like some kind of prankster. Lainie, by her side, wore a reluctant smile. A surprise clandestine visit?! She was queen! And she had sneaked off to this remote development project?! I stared at her, while Garkie and Navre raced to get down on their knees. “My deepest apologies, Your Majesty!” Navre stammered. “Rest easy, Navre. I thought I said we were here unofficially.” “B-but a surreptitious visit…?” I butted in. “After all the warnings you’ve given me? What about your escort?!” “Here he comes now,” Euphie said lightly. I glanced around, wondering who on earth she meant. The second I spotted him, I almost shouted in shock. Wh-what was he doing here?! “You mean Commander Sprout?!” “Huh?!” Garkie exclaimed. “Father?!” Navre startled, his head snapping up. Behind Euphie stood the highest-ranking knight of the Royal Guard, his lips curled in a peaceful smile. “Navre, Gark, I overheard you just now. Listen to Her Majesty. While it’s a mistake to assume your abilities have improved merely because of new tools, it’s just as much an error to trick yourselves into believing you can’t draw on them to improve your abilities. You should take that lesson to heart.” “R-right… But, uh, what are you doing here?!” “Protecting Her Majesty, of course. We heard that Princess Anisphia—or rather, Commander Anisphia—would be conducting field tests of her new magical swords. I was curious to hear how it went, so I volunteered to come.” “B-but you’re the commander of the Royal Guard…!” “And as head of the Royal Guard, I deemed this a necessary excursion,” he answered. “If you don’t mind, Commander Anisphia, might I borrow these two? I’d like to hear what it was like wielding those new magical swords.” “S-sure… Go ahead…” “Thank you. I hope our two knightly orders can continue to cooperate into the future. Until we speak again.” Commander Sprout laughed, tapping Navre and Garkie on the shoulder and leading them away. Lainie, who had until now been watching on with wonder, offered Euphie a courteous bow. “If you don’t mind, Lady Euphyllia, I’ll be off to see my father,” she said. “Yes. Take your time,” Euphie answered. “Thank you. Enjoy yourself, Lady Euphyllia.” Lainie giggled, walking away in a cheerful mood. She hadn’t seen her father, Lieutenant Commander Dragus, since our new city’s development works got underway. Hold on, this is no time for idle thoughts! Should Euphie really be here?! Surely someone would notice she was gone! Especially if Commander Sprout was nowhere to be found, either! My head was spinning—when I suddenly noticed that Euphie’s companions had left. …H-had they all run away?! “Anis,” Euphie called out, crossing her arms. Ugh…! For whatever reason, her gaze felt even stronger than usual…! “I’m sorry,” she continued. “I just had to see you.” “Don’t say that with a huge smile! You think this is perfectly fine, don’t you?” “I did want to hear the results of your test run with the new swords. This is all part of my official duties.” “You know that sounds like an outright lie…?” “Heh-heh… Shall we take a walk?” “…You’re getting really demanding, you know, Your Majesty? I can’t refuse a royal order, can I?” I joked. The next thing I knew, Euphie had pulled me close. She could be so pushy when she was chasing after affection. I started moving away from the circle of people gathered around the bonfire. It wasn’t like I had anywhere in particular in mind, but with Euphie pulling on my arm, we ended up making our way to the top of the hill. It wouldn’t be long before the sunset gave way to night, the color of the sky painted over with dark. I watched as the wind ruffled Euphie’s hair when she stopped in her tracks, looking down on the work-in-progress townscape. “It’s coming along quickly,” she said. “You saw my reports, right? You’d be surprised what a difference using magic makes.” “The construction records for this settlement will be invaluable historical documents one day, I’m sure. I suspect it won’t be long before people start describing this as a turning point in the history of the realm.” “…Even if it happens, that would still be a long way off.” “All the same, it’s a future we’ll see in our lifetimes. You and I will make it happen. Won’t we?” “…You’re awfully confident today. You really wanted to see me so badly?” “Actually, I was looking forward to coming here,” Euphie said, playing with her hair. I was taken aback by this gesture—at seeing the real Euphie, blushing in embarrassment. I certainly wasn’t prepared to see her behaving so innocently, and the shock was intense—my heart was pounding, and my breath caught in my throat. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “…Anis?” “Don’t do anything cute. I might die here.” “Cute…? Why would that make you die…?” “Your heart wouldn’t skip a beat if I started teasing you all of a sudden?” “…I’d love that. Why don’t you try it sometime?” “No way!” Despite our playful banter, I couldn’t deny how overjoyed I was to see her. Laughing, we intertwined our arms and pulled each other close. “…Actually, I was a little jealous,” Euphie admitted. “Jealous…?” “You’ve been completely absorbed in this city, Anis, and so excited about your new magical swords. I understand, of course, but it’s lonely when I’m not your highest priority…” “Has someone been whispering weird advice in your ear? You’ve been making me feel awfully guilty lately. Just be honest with me.” “…You mean Tilty?” “That shut-in?! I’m letting her have it next time I see her!” “I’m kidding… Or am I?” “What does that mean?!” “If I just said outright how I was lonely without you, you would look at me like you didn’t want to hear any of it. No?” “…I suppose you have a point.” Tilty was definitely the sort of person to fill Euphie’s mind with bad ideas, but I just couldn’t imagine her broaching that sort of topic, so who exactly was behind all this? While I was busy racking my brain, Euphie let out a throaty laugh. She was breaking character so often, I had no choice but to surrender. “…Hah… Ugh…,” I sighed. “What’s wrong?” Euphie asked. “You’re painfully, adorably cute. I wish we could do everything together…,” I blurted out, grasping her in a hug and burying my face in her shoulder. Euphie hugged me back, patting me softly. It was like she was promising to go easy on me. I was just so happy to be with her, but at the same time, I knew she had to leave—and that filled me with unending sorrow. She knew she really shouldn’t be here, though, right? She had to… So why had she come? “…Which brings me to my reason for this visit,” she said out of the blue. “Euphie?” “This settlement will be the starting point for your most important dreams, Anis. It’s an incredibly significant place for you. This project never would have happened if I weren’t queen, but at the same time, it makes it difficult for us to stay at each other’s sides, so I wanted to burn this sight into my memories—for my own sake.” Euphie’s hand came to rest on my back as she caught me in a tight embrace. We remained that way, hugging each other close, listening to the sound of our heartbeats, until we had both calmed down. Only then did Euphie release me. “How is it? Watching your dreams take shape?” she asked. “…I feel guilty about leaving you…but I am excited about it. Every day is a new adventure.” “I see. I’m glad to hear that…” “But it can be a little painful at times…” “Painful?” Euphie tilted her head to one side. She didn’t realize, it seemed, just how lonely I was. Maybe lonely wasn’t quite the right word, but all the same… “Hmm… It’s kind of hard to express in words.” “Yes, I see.” “…I want power. Authority.” “Excuse me?” “Ngh… Maybe power isn’t the right word…” “Can you be more specific?” “…I want the influence and achievements to get away with being selfish.” Little by little, my desires started coming into focus. “I want to realize my dreams. I know it might not be what’s best for everyone, but I think they’ll be so wonderful in the end. I want to keep going, to keep doing my absolute best.” “Yes, I understand.” “But I also feel like I ought to keep in mind that I am being selfish here. And that’s why, if people think of me that way, I want enough leeway to be forgiven for it. I want so many things that I can’t stand it. All these emotions are wrestling inside me—happiness and joy and loneliness…” As I poured out my feelings to her, I suddenly remembered how I had been not too long ago—before Euphie entered into her spirit covenant to stake her claim for the throne, before she was adopted into the royal family. I had been hiding behind a mask so long that I had ended up deceiving myself. I’d buried all the emotions I couldn’t bear to acknowledge, until nothing more would fit beneath that mask. I had been marching forward on an undeviating path to achieve my dreams. Deep down, however, I understood instinctively that if I were to stop, I would be crushed. I realized now that my dogged pursuit was nothing more than a self-preservation mechanism. I was still the same person I was then. If I stopped, I would likely crumble. The difference was that it was joy and excitement that threatened to bury me now. I was fulfilled. I could see, with full confidence, that I was happy. “…I want to hold on to this happiness forever. Every minute of every day is filled with joy,” I murmured—but I knew just how impossible that would be. Maintaining happiness was far from easy. Sometimes, you got caught up in currents beyond your control, and there was nothing you could do about it. But all the same, I didn’t want to let go of the happiness I had found. Which was why, every now and then, I was paralyzed with fear. “…When you said ‘power,’ I didn’t know what to think at first,” Euphie said. “But that’s such a you answer, Anis.” You’re hopeless, she all but said as she leaned in to deliver a kiss on my forehead. When her fingers brushed up against my cheek, I realized I was crying. “…Happiness can be a scary thing,” she remarked softly. “You think so, too?” “Yes. Just being with you makes me so happy, but it also frightens me. Sometimes, I find myself imagining a world without you in it, and that makes me want to disappear.” “I’ll never leave you behind, Euphie.” “I know that…but at the same time, neither of us can help worrying, can we?” Our foreheads pressed up against each other’s, our fingers and breath intermingling. Nothing was eternal. That was the entire basis of my rejection of Lilana, and that was why we would both persevere to preserve things that we didn’t want to change. Our goals were important, and I had no intention of giving them up. However, there were times when I grew tired of putting in so much effort, even when I was having fun. “…I think I understand now—wanting to end things while we’re still happy…” “…Yes.” “But I don’t want to throw it all away.” “It’s too early for this to all be over.” I looked into Euphie’s eyes as we supported and encouraged each other, slowly drifting closer together. It was a gentle kiss, just a touch, but it was more than enough to fill my heart. Even lost in this mire of uncertainty, I could still promise myself to give tomorrow my all. It was far simpler than it seemed. We humans really are fickle creatures, I thought. “But I think it’s good you’re more aware of your own power and authority now, Anis,” Euphie continued. “If it means you’ll act more responsibly from now on, then I welcome it wholeheartedly.” “Ugh… I—I’ll try to take that positively.” “I have news for you that might help with that.” “Huh?” “About the name of this new city.” “The name…?” Where did that come from? Though it was true that we hadn’t yet decided on a name for it, at least as far as I knew… I cocked my head in uncertainty. Euphie raised a finger to her lips and flashed me a brilliant smile. “Authority comes with great accomplishments, wouldn’t you say? That’s why people leave behind the fruits of their labors, to serve as evidence of their deeds. Do you follow?” “Y-yep.” “And when this city is completed, it will be your greatest achievement, wouldn’t you say?” “I—I suppose so…?” “This city will serve as proof that you lived happily, that you were respected and admired by those around you. I hope everyone who knows of it will admire you as I do. Which is why I’ve settled on an easy-to-understand name. Now, it’s already been decided, so no arguing.” “Seriously…?” I knew what Euphie was trying to say, but at the same time, I didn’t have the faintest idea what it could be… She was positively ebullient, and that was worrying. Lately, whenever she was in a good mood, I couldn’t shake the feeling that disaster was about to befall me… Or was I just imagining things? “Which brings us to the name itself.” “Yes?” “It will be called Anisphia.” “…Huh?” “Anisphia—the city of magical science. That’s the name I would like to give to this settlement.” …I finally grasped what she was trying to say. My breath caught in my throat, and my body deflated. All sorts of emotions welled up in me, but the most prominent was embarrassment bordering on shame. I couldn’t say anything. Huh? The city’s gonna have my name?! I mean, I get what Euphie is saying, but really?! This is just…awkward! “…Any chance we can still change it?” I asked. “And how exactly do you propose to persuade everyone? It’s already been approved by the kingdom’s most senior ministers,” Euphie said with a grin. “You came prepared…!” I groaned, clenching my teeth. I let out a deep sigh. My embarrassment had subsided considerably, but it wasn’t gone. “…Right…” Then I whispered, “Anisphia—the city of magical science.” Saying it aloud didn’t make it feel more real. Maybe that was just because the city was still under construction? “…I wonder what the view from up here will be like when it’s finished,” I murmured, staring out at the work-in-progress townscape. “Are you excited?” Euphie asked. “Definitely.” Having my name engraved in this settlement would certainly serve as proof of my existence. More than ten years had passed since I first regained my memories of my past life, and during that time, I had been a downright nuisance to everyone around me. It was like I existed simply to bring disturbances into the world.