Chapter 122

“Why do I have to take on all the huge ones?!” Garkie shot back. “You’re the right man for the job! Everyone who’s returned, regroup! Get ready for the next wave!” “You trying to hold my nose to the grindstone?!” Thanks to the Vent, Navre’s senses were more finely attuned, and he had gained a broader awareness of his surroundings. With the Flamzell, Garkie could annihilate any ordinary monsters in a single blow so long as he could get within range. Seeing them up close, the effectiveness of those weapons was undeniable. Navre moved to join up with the returning knights to prepare for the assault, while Garkie leaped forward, swiftly decapitating the unrelenting monsters with a flash of his blade. The Flamzell continued to flicker like a live flame, but what stood out most amid the carnage was its hazy shimmer as it streaked toward the monsters. “…You’ve gotten strong, huh?” I murmured under my breath as I watched Garkie and Navre dispatch one monster after the next. I should have been happy. They were both doing well, and the magical swords I had designed were outperforming every expectation. Yet I felt unsettled, a vague discomfort taking root in my chest, lingering along my spine. For some unknown reason, I wanted to join the knights in combat. “You’re fretting, Commander Anisphia.” “Oh, Lieutenant Commander Dragus.” Dragus patted me lightly on the back as he fixed me with a confident grin. He soon returned his gaze to the knights fighting up ahead, yet his gentle smile remained. There could be no mistaking the look of a man watching over his students in battle. “…You’re very calm, Dragus,” I remarked. “I’ve experience enough to match my years,” he answered. “It’s no good. I can’t relax. I don’t know why—I just want to leap into the fray.” “Are you worried? About our soldiers, perhaps?” “…I really do have a bad feeling about this, you know?” I muttered as if making excuses for myself. I was a princess by birth, and now a commander of my own knightly order. It was common sense, I knew, for someone of such high status to steer clear of the front lines. But for the longest time, no one had actually treated me like a princess. When I had slipped into the guise of an adventurer and leaped headfirst into their world, that new me had fit like a glove—and I still couldn’t shake that feeling. But if I charged ahead and plunged into battle myself, I would be depriving the others of their roles. They might even take it as an insult. I knew I couldn’t throw myself into the fray. I ought to have understood that. Still, it wasn’t in my nature to simply watch on from the sidelines. “Ha-ha-ha! Yes, you’re still young, Commander!” Dragus chortled. “…It isn’t nice to laugh.” “Apologies. You just reminded me of myself when I was your age.” “…Did I now?” “I had a rough time of it after losing Tiris.” I couldn’t help but startle at that name. Tiris—both Dragus’s former lover and Lainie’s mother—had long since passed away. She had entered the Kingdom of Palettia concealing her true identity as a vampire. Considering how much Dragus doted on Lainie, there could be no doubting just how important Tiris had been to him. “I went through a lot, really,” he continued. “I went on missions alone, I pushed myself too hard, all because I didn’t want to lose any more friends. In the end, they hated me for it. Ah, I was young back then.” “…And you’re saying that’s how I look to you?” “I let my friends down by failing to acknowledge their aspirations, their convictions, their pride. I should have known better, but again and again, I disappointed them. That was my fault.” “…That hurts. So I’ve been letting everyone down?” “Well, you haven’t been raising them up, that’s for sure,” Dragus said lightheartedly. I could feel my shoulders slumping. I understood what he was saying. I always put magic and magical tools first, and I would hate it if someone took them away out of worry. But even thinking that, I still couldn’t dispel the urge to throw myself into the heat of the fray. “It’s human nature to feel attached to the things that matter to you. It’s hard not to hold on, especially when you feel you’re about to lose them,” Dragus continued. “We know it’s an obsession, but we can’t stop ourselves. We want to hold it in our hands and protect it at all costs.” “…I understand.” “I think it’s fine that way, Commander Anisphia. You’re fine that way. You can be selfish every now and then.” “Huh?” I was caught off guard, and I glanced up at Dragus’s face. That wasn’t what I’d expected. He gave me a tender expression—one that called my father to mind, and that unsettled me. “Be as selfish as you need, Commander. If anyone disapproves, if they want you to hold back, they can take it up with you themselves.” “…You’re sure?” “I know you’re trying to change the world for the better. Some might not appreciate your ideals, but what you’re trying to accomplish is important. Sometimes, it may overrule personal circumstances.” “But what if there isn’t any great reason, you know? Maybe I’m just being selfish…” “Even if you see them as insignificant, your position and talents will still give the illusion of greatness. So don’t worry about needing to justify it with anything grand. That’s just the way it is, Commander. The world you’ve shown is bright. That being said…” Dragus’s gentle, understanding tone changed to something with more gravity. “You’re no god. There’s no need to save those who haven’t prayed to you. Your desire to save others is one of your selfish wishes. And those who refuse them are human, too. There are no absolute answers. If what you want is universality, that’s your ego. Never forget that.” “…Harsh words, Lieutenant Commander.” Those remarks cut deep. I had raised a hand to my forehead without realizing it, covering my face. My desire to see my dreams fully realized was my own vanity. I was no god, just a human being, the same as those who rejected my dreams. We were on an equal footing. Dragus was right. Of course he was. But it hurt to hear. “You want to believe in the potential people have. That’s why you can’t bear to see things turn out poorly for them, why you feel the need to protect them. Because the future you’re chasing after is good.” “Ugh, that stings…!” “You’re kind. And arrogant. And young.” “…But you still want to believe in me?” “I do, and that’s why you need to realize when you’re being selfish—and that it isn’t always such a bad thing.” “…But won’t there still be people who resent me for it?” “Of course. That’s what happens whenever you’re dealing with anyone, Commander. You have the power and authority to push through when you’re being selfish. Your cause, and your justification for it, will always seem greater as a result.” “…So what should I do?” “That’s simple,” Dragus said calmly, as if addressing a child. “You need to know when to depend on others. And you need to find people you can depend on.” “…That’s easier said than done.” “I take it that’s why you’re so troubled right now?” Dragus joked. My lips pursed in a pout. This would all be so much easier if I could bring myself to go along with his suggestion. I knew I had to trust in those around me more. I did. But I didn’t want to. “Do you think it’s selfish of me to wish for your safe return, Commander?” Dragus asked. “…Is that what you want?” “If I don’t share my thoughts with you, you won’t hear them, let alone respond. I’ve lost opportunities in the past, forever. And I’ll regret that to the end of my days.” “…I understand. But aren’t you afraid of rejection? You could end up losing everything in the end.” “That’s exactly why you need to trust in others. Look at me—I’m a man who was easily deceived. Consider my life a lesson. Well, Tiris wasn’t there for me at the very end, but that’s an important lesson, too.” “…That’s no fair.” Really, I was at a complete loss. With my second-in-command coming out with such advice, I couldn’t possibly ignore it. “You’re no good at relying on people?” he asked. “…I know one person who spoils me rotten.” “You won’t drown in it, not you. And if you do feel yourself slipping, there are people who will scoop you back up.” …I couldn’t deny that, and it only made the sting worse. I pursed my lips—when a scream suddenly stole my attention. Spinning around to see what was happening, I laid eyes on a large troll slowly emerging from the depths of the forest, snapping trees with every step. The knights cowered in alarm, while both Garkie and Navre leaped into action to face it head-on. Blades of fire and wind struck the huge creature, but they inflicted only superficial wounds. Roaring in fury, the troll swung its fist to strike back. Navre, however, quickly fell back a step, while Garkie dodged it by a hair’s breadth. The troll must have set its sights on Garkie, as it kept attacking relentlessly. Yet Garkie was no slouch, narrowly dodging its strikes. All the same, he had no opportunities to counter. Finally, he shouted, “Sheesh! Hey, Navre! This one’s too big, don’t you think?!” “We did suspect there might be magicite monsters nearby, but I wasn’t expecting this!” …This foe was by no means insurmountable for the two of them, but it would take them some time to subdue. If the knights managed to regroup, that would probably speed things up a little. A levelheaded analysis of the situation would have led to the conclusion there was no need for me to intervene. And yet… “…Lieutenant Commander?” “What is it?” “Today’s objective was to collect data on the performance of the new magical swords. And the previous monsters were more than sufficient in that respect.” “Oh?” “The odds are extremely low, but we wouldn’t want the prototype magical swords to get damaged fighting the troll.” “…Meaning?” he asked with a teasing smile, urging me to continue. He was doing this on purpose… Pausing for a second to catch my breath, I declared, “This specimen may possess valuable materials, including a magicite crystal. I would prefer to finish it off with minimal damage.” “I see. You’re saying you could dispatch it more cleanly?” Dragus asked as if suppressing a chuckle. Then he cleared his throat, and his expression changed dramatically, taking me by surprise. “Everyone, fall back! Commander Anisphia will finish it off!” As soon as he barked those words the knights abandoned their attempts to encircle the troll and fell back. Garkie and Navre, working in tandem to keep it at bay, likewise retreated. Just as Dragus had urged me, I needed to secure these monster materials while inflicting as little damage as possible. In other words, I had to deal it a single, lethal strike. “Aerial System: Dragon Heart!” All at once, magical energy poured into my entire body from my dragon magicite, and from there, into the Celestial clutched in my hands. With that abundance of power, I sped for the troll. Just enough power, for only as long as I needed it. There was no need to show off here. I simply had to finish this before anyone got hurt. That was all. After first readying the Celestial, I unleashed a magical blade straight toward the troll’s neck. If I couldn’t score victory in one hit, there would have been no need for me to step in here. “…Ah, I get it. If there’s no reason for me to get involved, all I’ve got to do is create that reason.” I could push through with my own logic. I could use my power and authority to stitch together my own pretexts and pull in more power for myself—but that also came with responsibility. What it took was determination—the determination to be every bit as selfish as you wanted. In the past, I had run away, but I was sure of myself now. And with absolute confidence, I separated the troll’s head from its shoulders.