I… I… “…” I said nothing. I just hugged Mai even tighter, ignoring that perpetual flame, sealing off those emotions that threatened to break free even now. This was the only thing I needed, wasn’t it? Then why couldn’t I say it? “Yes, everything seems to be in order. You can put your shirt back on.” After prodding me with his stethoscope, the doctor put it back around his neck. “At least you don’t seem to be suffering from hypothermia. You gave us all quite a scare, you know. The nights can be dreadfully chilly around this time of year.” “Ah-ha-ha… Sorry about that…” I gave a nervous grin, before bowing in sincere apology. As deeply as I could. We’d gotten a phone call at home after I’d escaped the hospital the night before. A patrolling nurse had noticed my absence and raised the alarm. Then after searching the grounds and finding no signs of me, they called my house. When I picked up and heard a panicked voice asking, “I’m terribly sorry, but has Kaito turned up there?” I’d felt so awkward, I considered hanging up on the spot. But of course, that wasn’t going to solve anything, so I admitted to running away and went straight back to the hospital to prostrate myself at the feet of the staff. It was quite late at night by then, so I’d considered staying at home and returning the next morning, but I wasn’t sure they would be amenable to that. You see, I learned something very important that night. Grown-ups can be terrifying when they’re angry. “Swear to me, you’ll never do something so silly ever again!! Please stay right here for the next two days, I implore you!” “Yes…I will. I shouldn’t have done that…” “…As long as you understand. I won’t say anything more. I hope you realize that I’m not trying to scare you, but you were seriously injured when you were brought in. The wounds could still be adversely affecting you. You need to stay in bed.” “…I’ll stay put and reflect on what I’ve done.” I couldn’t bear being told off like this. I bowed again as the doctor departed, leaving me alone in the hospital room. “Haah… Two more days, huh? That’s depressing…” I curled up on my bed and rolled from side to side. If I didn’t do silly things like this when I was alone, the weight of everything that had happened would crush me. Mai and I had spoken at length before the people from the hospital came to pick me up. She told me that Mom and Dad had driven their car off a cliff into the sea the same day I went missing. Apparently, the ocean waves carried the wreckage away, so their bodies were never found. As for Auntie and Grandma, they’d simply disappeared without a trace. Mai was living off inheritances and life insurance at the moment, so she didn’t have to earn a living. The only bright side—if you could call it that—was that there weren’t any fights over wills or anything like that, since our extended family was small. That was the only saving grace I could salvage from all this. “…” Alone in the hospital, I felt utterly powerless, and my idle thoughts turned to the future. A future whose weight was stifling. How was I ever going to support my sister without the love of our parents I had taken for granted for so long? If Mai knew what I was thinking, she’d probably say, “It’s okay, dear brother. I’ll take care of you. Like a cute, pathetic little piglet.” As impossible as it sounded for me to look after her, the reverse was even worse. “I need to get it together.” Mai had offered to take the day off from school to be with me, but I’d refused. I needed time to put my thoughts in order, and this was the only chance I was likely to get. “Kaito!!” “Wh-wha—?! I wasn’t asleep, I wasn’t asleep!!” I shot upright as the door to my room burst open. There was little entertainment around here, so I had drifted off out of sheer boredom. I couldn’t even walk around the hospital after what had happened last time. Not because I wasn’t allowed to, but because I couldn’t handle the doctors and nurses all staring at me, like, Planning another escape, are we? So I had spent my time watching reruns of old TV shows, but now my drowsiness had been completely excised. “Is that you, Yuuto?! Hey, hey, don’t cry, you’ll ruin your good looks…except damn, you’re still as handsome as ever. How the hell do you do that?” “Ah-ha-ha… It is you, Kaito. It’s really you…” It was one of my best friends from school, Yuuto Kanazaki. Even the tears in his eyes did nothing to detract from his frustratingly suave features. “Who else would I be? Guph?!” “You idiot! Where the hell did you disappear to?!” “Ow! You punched me!” I yelled back, rubbing my wounded stomach. “Is that any way to treat a guy in the hospital?!” “Shut up. Do you have any idea how hard this last year has been? A few jabs is the least I’m owed!” “Ow! Stop it! Guh!” Just as I attempted to get out of bed, Yuuto caught me in the neck with some lariat-like maneuver, before transitioning to a choke hold. “Mai’s been worried sick about you, you know. I thought you were supposed to be obsessed with her. So why are you letting her cry?” “Yuuto…” “Oh, Kaito. I’m so glad you’re back, I really am.” “…Uhh… My dear Yuuto, dry your pathetic tears. I shall grant you a second chance.” “Kaaaitooo!!” “Ah, wait, Yuuto, stop, it was just a joke, please!” I tapped his arm in submission until he mercifully released me. “Phew, free at last. Actually, why are you even here? Don’t you have school?” “Your sister texted me this morning to say you’d woken up. I came running as soon as I heard.” “She texted you? …Yuuto, don’t tell me you’ve laid your wandering hands on Mai while I’ve been away. While I am loath to commit violence, I have a duty to uphold as her brother. A duty that involves keeping her away from scumbags like you.” “Aha! That got a rise out of you, didn’t it? Getting protective? I think your sister obsession is getting worse, Kaito.” “Oh, shut it.” Honestly, though, I was starting to see his point. There was what happened yesterday as well, but I could do without Yuuto poking his nose into that. “You have nothing to fear, Kaito. Shiori’s the only one for me, and you know that. I wouldn’t dream of making a move on Mai.” “Yuuto… I…” The pain hidden behind my friend’s jolly smile was plain to see. And it wasn’t hard for me to guess the cause. “Ah, right,” said Yuuto. “I guess you’ve already seen the list of people who went missing that day.” “Shiori… She disappeared, didn’t she?” Yuuto’s significant other was a lovely girl by the name of Shiori Akikawa, who was in the year above us at school. Yuuto had been friends with her all his life, from before we’d met, and Kenta, Suehiko, and I had set the stage for him to first tell her how he felt back in middle school. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Shiori and I were also members of the Little Sister Lovers League. It was indescribably heart-wrenching to see her name on the list of victims the previous day. “Hey, Kaito. Mai tells me you don’t remember a thing since the disappearances. In that case, how much do you remember about the day itself?” “You mean…the day everyone went missing?” “Yeah.” “All I remember is, I was chatting with Kenta and Suehiko. You’d just gone upstairs to speak to Shiori, and we were making bets on how long you’d be up there.” “…Ha-ha. So that’s what you three were like behind my back.” Yuuto closed his eyes in peaceful reminiscence. “What happened next?” “…Well, I heard about it, but to be honest, I can’t recall much myself.” “Really…? I see. I remember it perfectly. Everything went bright, and a magic circle appeared out of nowhere around Shiori. I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face as she dissolved into particles of light.” The fact that Yuuto could keep his voice from breaking as he recounted the tragic tale was testament to his growth over the past year. I had nothing like that. “I’m sorry, Kaito. I know this is a terrible thing to ask… When they first brought you in ten days ago, you were wrapped in bandages from head to toe. I could tell something terrible must have happened. Something you wanted to forget.” Yuuto bowed his head apologetically. “But I have to ask, Kaito. I need you to remember what happened. No matter how bad it is. I need to hear something about Kenta, about Suehiko, about Shiori. Even if it’s just a scrap…” “…It’s okay. I understand,” I replied. “I don’t want to stay an amnesiac forever. As far as I’m concerned, this bomb can’t go off soon enough.” “Kaito… I’m sorry.” “I told you that you don’t have to apologize. It’s just…it doesn’t seem like my memories are going to come back anytime soon.” Of course, I wanted to regain my lost experiences as quickly as possible. But the past day had given me a lot of time to think, and I still wasn’t any closer. Whenever I tried to remember anything, I came up blank, as though there was a big hole in my head. Every thread I followed had been cut short. “I’ve tried as hard as I can, but I can’t recall anything. I’m sorry.” “Oh. Well, maybe I put too much pressure on you,” he said, shaking his head. “If you can’t remember, you can’t remember.” The truth was, I felt guilty. Because there was a part of me that wondered if I should remember at all. I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted my memories back, but at the same time, I was frightened of what might rear out of that deep, dark pit in my brain. What if it grabbed me and pulled me back into an abyss from which there was no escape? An awkward silence followed, filled by the sound of the TV in my room. “Hello, and it’s time for Pickup News. Today we have with us Dr. Kuroi, an expert in the field of criminal psychology.” At some point, the soap opera I had been watching had ended. Now there was a news show on TV, featuring a presenter I didn’t recognize sitting alongside a middle-aged man with a tragically balding head. Just as I picked up the remote to switch it off, something caught my attention. “This month has seen another brutal crime perpetrated by an alleged Rebirther.” “…Rebirther?” For some reason, my stomach churned when I heard the word. “Rebirthers, yeah. They’re all a bunch of psychos.” “Yuuto?” He wasn’t even trying to conceal his disgust. I’d never seen him so filled with loathing. As I paused, wondering if I should ask about it, the conversation on TV continued. “Is there any way to stop these tragedies? Let’s ask the experts with us today. Dr. Kuroi, let’s hear from you. What does a man of your position make of all this?” “Well, after the stabbing six months ago, the Rebirthers mostly stuck to petty theft and vandalism. The police decided to crack down on their activities after a spate of embarrassing displays of incompetence, such as the leaks last year.” “Part of that was the government’s decision to keep Fujinomiya Institute for Secondary Education open and running, right?” “Yes. Well, there wasn’t much else they could do. The Rebirthers came after anyone who used to work or study at the school, even if they moved out of the city. But with the school’s extra security, plus the increased awareness among students and staff, it became quite difficult for the Rebirthers to act. So they waited half a year for the heat to die down. What you need to understand about these people is that they aren’t concerned with consequences. They aren’t just lawbreakers; they are believers of a dangerous fantasy.” “A dangerous fantasy?” “That’s right. Just like with the rise of Christianity in the fifteenth century, these people believe that death will deliver them their eternal reward. That is precisely why the perpetrators have committed suicide before their capture. With the threat of capital punishment rendered meaningless, it is very difficult to prevent these crimes.” “I see. You’re saying they don’t mind dying to achieve their goal of reincarnating into a fantasy world.” “Well, who can say if that’s really where they end up,” replied the criminal psychologist, with a wry smile. I asked Yuuto to explain what I’d just seen, and he closed his eyes and thought for a moment. “…Well, I suppose you’ll be at risk if nobody tells you.” With that unsettling introduction, Yuuto launched into his explanation. “A lot’s happened since you and the others went missing. It was all over the news, but the police investigation turned up nothing. The school closed down for a bit, and some students and teachers started to move away during that time. The second-years lost three classes worth of students, and the first- and third-years lost one class each. It’s no wonder they were talking about shutting down the school. That’s when a video of the incident one of the students took got uploaded to the internet. The video went viral…and a lot of people died.” Yuuto made a face like he’d swallowed a bug. “People died? Back up. How did that happen?” I asked, incredulous at the notion that a mere video could lead to people’s deaths. “Well, these guys are nuts, that’s why. Hold up, I’m sure I can find it if I look…” Yuuto took out a decent-size tablet PC and brought up a video. Handing the tablet over to me, he picked up the TV remote and turned down the volume. “…All right, ready to go.” The video opened on an ordinary third-year classroom. The students, none of whom I could put names to, had just set up a bunch of erasers like dominoes. “Whaddaya think, wanna bet? Will it work or not?” “All right, I bet my lunch it’ll never reach the end.” “Well, that won’t work. We gotta bet different things.” “You two! Have a little faith, will you?” The video seemed to have been taken on a phone, and although the quality wasn’t great, it was pretty easy to get an idea of the mood. However, the jovial pre-class atmosphere didn’t last long. It began without warning. “Oh, I know. Get up on a chair and catch a view from above.” “All right, but make sure it makes it halfway, at least.” “Just you watch. All right, ready to— Whoa, what’s that?!” “Whoa?!” Just as the person recording climbed onto a chair, the screen filled with a blinding light. I heard the clatter of the chair as he fell to the floor. “Ow… Wh-what? What happened?” He stood up and panned the camera around to reveal that a pair of magic circles had surrounded his two friends. “Eek! What’s happening?!” “What’s this? A wall?!” “Hey, is this some kinda prank? I’m trying to study.” “Huh? What’s going on? I can’t get out!!” Chaos gripped the classroom. Only about ten students from the class had been trapped, but I could see other people in the hallway stuck within similar rings of light at the edge of the frame. If you ignored the frantic pounding against the invisible walls by students both within and without the circles, it looked just like some sort of weird performance art. But then the strangeness took a frightening turn. It was a girl at the back of the classroom who noticed it first. “EEEEEEK! My…my hand?!” The video shakily turned in her direction. What happened next was like a scene out of a cheap science-fiction movie. The tips of the girl’s fingers started dissolving into particles of pale blue light, which worked its way up her arm. As soon as one person noticed it, others did, too. “N-no way. Wh-what’s happening? What’s happening?!” “No! Nooo!!” “My hands! My legs! Somebody, help me!” “No, no… It’s cold. What’s happening? I’m disappearing…” Gradually, the astonishment transformed into dread. The boy who’d set up the dominoes turned to light, along with all the other students. “Wh-what the hell, man…? Am I dreaming?” The microphone picked up the stunned words of the person taking the video. Less than a minute had passed since it began, and yet all that remained of the domino engineer was his head. Even the grainy video could not fail to pick up the look of sheer terror on his face as he panicked and screamed for help. Soon, every last one of the trapped students was gone, and the person recording pointed his camera downward, at an empty ring of light that had failed to capture anyone. As if on cue, it cracked like a china plate, and both it and the wall of light surrounding it disappeared. At last, the fantastical sight came to an end, and silence descended upon the classroom, leaving nothing in the place of the missing students but a lonely void. “…Ah, I’d better stop the video.” The recording then abruptly switched to a front-facing view, presumably by accident. I saw the shocked face of the student right before the video cut off. “That wasn’t edited…was it?” Somehow, I knew. The video wasn’t fake. I felt sick, nauseated. The world spun, and my ears rang. I’d seen it. I’d seen it before. I knew I had. But where? And why did it feel so painful to watch? And what was the icy sensation trying to crawl out of the hole in my mind? I took deep breaths and tried to focus on Yuuto’s voice. Anything to distract myself from whatever this was. “At first, everyone thought it was fake, just like you did. But there was no other way to explain it, and even VFX experts started weighing in, saying it was real… Of course, I already knew that, because I’d seen it with my own two eyes. Shiori disappeared just like this as well. I see her face at night sometimes. It makes me wish I’d lost my mind.” Yuuto’s sardonic words rang hollow in my ears. “Sorry, I went off the rails a bit there,” he said at last. “Anyway, right after this video went online, it was everywhere. The whole country was made aware of it. And while everyone was talking about how fake it looked, there was one theory that kept cropping up.” “What was that?” “Something stupid. A conspiracy theory, basically. People started saying that the magic circles were summoning people to another world.” For some reason, my heart leaped in my chest. Something deep inside me called out, “No! That’s wrong!” Damn, why the hell do I feel like this? I could feel the blood racing through my veins, and my vision blurred. I tried to keep it under control, acting like nothing was wrong as Yuuto carried on speaking. “That wasn’t so bad by itself,” he said. “I mean, obviously something supernatural happened that day, whether it was an alternate dimension or not. Either that, or we all lost our minds at the exact same time. The problem was what happened next.” “Why, what happened next?” “Those same people started saying it was possible to go to this world yourself. All you had to do was level up by killing someone who had been present when the summoning happened.” “Wh-what?” That seemed like a huge leap in logic. I wasn’t sure I’d heard Yuuto correctly at first. “Exactly. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But a lot of people believed it. They started converting people through the deep web, and it wasn’t long before things turned violent. Someone from school got called onto a TV show to talk about the incident, and one of the crew stabbed them to death.” “…” “Then the police announced the video was genuine, and right after that, the personal information of the students and staff got leaked. That was when things turned really bad.” Yuuto paused to take a breath before resuming his story. “People from our school were attacked across the country. They had their things stolen, because people thought they would get more reincarnation points if they had our personal belongings. There was no limit to what they would do. Some of us got hurt or even kidnapped. Our personal information was all out in the open, so nobody could stop them. Kaori went missing around that time, and nobody’s heard from her since.” “Kaori? You mean Shiori’s little sister? But why? What did she have to do with it?!” I still remembered the girl’s cheerful smile. She couldn’t have been older than ten. She was always asking us whether she or her sister was the cutest, and you would never see her without the little cat hairpin Shiori had given her. Her big sister was her idol. “The Rebirthers assigned each of us a point score. Those of us who were at school when it happened were called the Untargeted, and we were supposedly worth a hundred points. Our siblings were worth seventy points, while our parents were worth fifty. Even things like our blood or hair could be worth between one and five points, depending on how much of it you could get. Hah! They’re like rats. True scum of the earth.” “B-but what about the police? Why didn’t they do anything?” “We filed a missing person report about Kaori, of course, but nothing happened. There’s no leads.” “B…but they haven’t found a body, right? She could still be alive?” “Yeah. We’ll find her one day. Kaori and Shiori both. I’m not going to give up, no matter how long it takes. Don’t worry, I’m still okay… I’m still okay.” I thought Yuuto was going to crack his teeth, the way he was grinding them. And I also thought I’d heard those words somewhere before. Behind his eyes, I saw deep, dark flames of burning anger, so ready to explode that they were like a balloon on the verge of popping. I wasn’t sure what to say. It was obvious that one more push could send my friend hurtling over the edge, so I kept my mouth shut. “Anyway, that’s what I meant when I said that people died because of that video. And the personal information that got leaked by the police, too. There were photos, addresses, enough to track someone down…or to murderer them. Of course, the government and police finally started taking things seriously once people started dying. The local police department hired dozens more officers, and they decided to keep the school open. Easier to look after us when we’re all in one place, I guess. With security beefed up like that, the attacks stopped for a while…” Yuuto’s gaze wandered to the TV. Oh yeah, there had just been another murder, hadn’t there? “Kaito,” he said. “I know I don’t need to tell you this, but look after Mai, won’t you?” “Of course I will. I’ll protect her with my life. I won’t let those bastards lay a finger on her.” “That’s not what I mean. Besides, if they come after anyone, it’ll be you. I mean mentally. Treat it like she’d kill herself if you died.” “Huh? I don’t think so. Mai’s made of tougher stuff than that.” “I know. But treat it like she would. If anything happened to you, Mai would be in pieces. You remember her friends?” “You mean Yuuki and Satomi? Hold on, you’re not saying…” I still remembered the day Mai had brought those two over during middle school. My shy and antisocial little sister’s very first friends. “Yuuki went missing during the crime wave half a year ago. As for Satomi, well…you saw what they said on TV. That was just this month.” Why? Why? Why did my little sister have to go through so much pain? What had she ever done to deserve it? First our parents had died, then I’d gone missing, then she’d lost her friends. I just didn’t get why it had to be her… “You’re the only one she has left, Kaito.” My head throbbed. This was like a sick joke. One that left me with the distinct feeling I’d heard it somewhere before. Why was this pain all too familiar? A few days after Yuuto came to visit, I was finally released from that prison called a hospital. “Thank you,” I said to the staff as I left. “Oh, no need. I’m just happy there were no complications in your treatment.” It was the middle of a weekday morning, so nobody came to collect me. Only Dr. Maeno and the nurses were there to see me off. Mai had offered to pick me up, adding that it would be a shame if I got lost and started crying, but I declined. It wouldn’t do for her to miss another day of school on my behalf. Then she tried offering again, this time saying she was worried the hospital staff wouldn’t be able to pry me out of bed in the morning. Then she asked if I was going to claim I’d forgotten something and go back to ogle the pretty nurses. Then she called me a pervert with a nurse fetish and said she was ashamed to be my little sister. And then…folks, I caved. I’m afraid I’ve never been able to hold out against her scornful gaze. Each insult seemed worse than the last, and I could barely even hear what she was saying anymore by the end of her tirade. I knew she was talking, but I was busy nursing a wounded heart. Sniffle. In fact, it was a miracle I had been able to get her to go to school at all, instead of coming to see me immediately. Anyway, I ended up asking the staff to move my discharge forward so that I could get home early. Once I got home, I would call Mai and tell her there was no need to leave school. She would probably be angry that I tricked her, but I could always smooth that over with some apple jelly. “I know things are rough in your life right now,” the doctor said, “but take care.” “Thank you,” I replied. I changed into the regular clothes that Mai had brought me and packed all my things into a bag. Then, with one last deep bow, I left the hospital and was on my way. The sky was clear and blue, and I felt determination forming in my mind. I had been given much to think about, and there were still things that worried me, but I was sure that I would have nothing to fear as long as I didn’t let my troubles get me down. There was something else I had to protect before I could think about myself. “All right then,” I said to myself. “It’s time to settle back into my regular routine.” My memories were a year behind the world. I had a lot of catching up to do. So much had changed, and so much was the same. There was so much I knew, and so much I didn’t. I had to link it all up, make everything routine again. I needed to stay by Mai. I needed to protect her. I needed to hold on tight. Nothing else mattered. I couldn’t lose her. Because if that ever happened to me again… …Hold on. Again? “Hey, where did we go wrong?” “I’ll do anything and everything I can for you. I’ll give you half the world if I must.” “So please, come to my side.” “Huh?!” I saw stars in the harsh light of the sun. Ahead of me was a redheaded girl, standing with her back to me. But as soon as I reached out to her, my head stung, and she vanished. “…I’m getting used to this.” Deep inside me, something was clawing its way to the surface. It was the part of me I’d lost. I knew it. Somehow, I could feel it. Somewhere inside that vast hole was a fragment of myself, trying to make itself known. It was all coming back. And that was good. I needed to remember. For Yuuto, for Mai, and for myself. But I couldn’t be happy. Because there was something deeply terrifying about it. The voice inside me was so angry, so distressed, that I could hardly believe it was my own. My rational mind was telling me to remember. My past self was screaming at me to remember. But some part of me was afraid. Each time I got a glimpse, my fears came hurtling back. Was that really me? What terrible things had befallen me in those absent months? “But that, just now… That was different.” It wasn’t full of hate and anger like the other memories. That memory was bittersweet. Joyous and loving at first…but tinged with the unmistakable sorrow of loss. “Geez, me. What the hell did you get up to?” I ruffled my hair as if to deny the embarrassing feelings I swore I’d just experienced. Besides, a vision of a girl accompanied by a feeling of sadness probably just meant I’d gotten dumped. “…Aaargh! Come on, Kaito! Get it together!” I stopped on the asphalt road and shook my head. Just then, I heard a voice. “Hmm? What was eating you up just now?” “Huh? Oh, er… Do I know you from somewhere?” “Oh, come on, don’t tell me you forgot already. Kumiko Kawakami? Reporter for Utopia Monthly? Ringing any bells?” Before me was a mature young woman with tied-up black hair, wearing a cardigan. She rifled frantically through her bag, pulling out the magazine in question and showing it to me in an attempt to jog my memory. Her behavior was so at odds with her stylish appearance that I was at a loss for words. My mother had once told me about the transformative powers of makeup and hairstyling, but I’d never seen such a potent demonstration before. “Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember you. Ms. Kawakami, right? Yeah, it’s all coming back to me.” “…You need to learn how to lie, young man. Some people might be filled with murderous rage at an answer like that.” “No, I really do remember you. It’s just, I wasn’t myself the other night, and it was dark and…and you look totally different now. In fact, I still don’t recognize you.” “Well, of course! There’s a big difference between my last-day-of-a-grueling-stakeout look and my immaculately dressed ready-for-action look!” Now she seemed almost happy that I hadn’t recognized her. Frankly, it was downright embarrassing for a woman her age. Perhaps she should work on making herself pretty on the inside as well. Don’t worry, don’t worry, I didn’t say that to her face. “But that’s not what I came for. I’m here to collect on our deal.” “Ah, well, it’s been a long day for me. I was kinda hoping to just go home and rest, to be honest…” “Excuse me?” “…But on second thought, a nice chat sounds lovely. Where to?” The sheer pressure of those two words, combined with her piercing gaze, cowed me into submission, and I forced a cheap smile. “I suppose you haven’t had lunch yet, have you? Let’s find somewhere we can eat and chat. Oh, and take this?” “What’s this, a face mask?” It was one of those white disposable ones you wore when you had a cold. “Yep. Oh, and put these on, too. I can’t believe you’re walking around town with your face exposed. Are you crazy?” “Wh-what?” “Put them on already! Get a clue!” In addition to the mask, Ms. Kawakami handed me a pair of sunglasses and a beanie hat. I put them on at her urging. The accessories made me look like a stereotypical stalker out of a comic book, or something along those lines. “Didn’t anyone tell you about the Rebirthers?” she asked. “If those wackjobs find out who you are, they’ll suicide bomb you into next week.” “…R-right. I’ll keep an eye out for that.” I guessed this threat was more serious than I thought. I kept the disguise on as I accompanied Ms. Kawakami to a nearby eatery. “Two hamburg steak set meals and two bottomless sodas, please.” “Thank you, ma’am, that’ll just be a few minutes.” The restaurant we picked was unexpectedly busy for this time of day. “You really need to be more careful,” Ms. Kawakami said. “Things have gotten real dangerous in this country. You know how valuable you are to these people, right?” “…Yes, of course. I’ll be careful.” She was absolutely right. I couldn’t really contest that point. “Still,” she went on, “I guess we can relax a little. Looks like there’s a guard on duty.” Ms. Kawakami nodded in the direction of a tall but otherwise unremarkable man sitting near the entrance to the store. “You mean…he’s there to keep an eye on me?” And here I thought I was imagining it. I could have sworn I was being watched ever since I left the hospital. And he wasn’t the only one. Though I couldn’t see them, I could feel the watchful gazes of other people on me. Fortunately, they felt protective, like they were looking not so much at me, but around me. Hold on. What the hell am I saying? That I can sense their presence? Feel their auras? Who do I think I am, an anime character? Oh god, don’t tell me the memory loss has made me regress to my edgelord phase. I never want to go through that again. I shook my head, attempting to dispel these illogical suspicions that had been hounding me the past few days. Still, the fact remained that there was indeed a man sitting by the front door. “Did I not tell you? When I was lying in wait outside the hospital for you, this old man took me down to the police station, and they made me swear a written oath not to write an article about you.” “…Well, what do you want me to do about it?” I asked, averting my eyes. It felt like she was drilling holes into my skull. “Not even a simple interview. Not even if I redacted your name, they said. Even just the fact that someone came back is being kept a secret, apparently. ‘What if someone got killed as a direct result of your article?’ they said. And it’s true. I’m not going to have that on my conscience.” I sighed. “So then why did you call me here?” “Just out of curiosity. I may not get an article out of it, but after all the work I did to track you down, I thought I might as well ask you some questions.” “Right…,” I said, not really able to sympathize. “Fine, ask away. I hope it’s worth the thirty thousand yen you spent.” “Ah-ha-ha-ha…” Ms. Kawakami gave a nervous chuckle as I wondered what exactly she hoped to gain from questioning an amnesiac. “Phew, what a day…” Sploosh! I hopped into the bathtub, spilling water onto the floor, and let my fatigue be washed away. “A-amnesia? So…you mean…I did all that for nothing?” “Well, I wouldn’t say ‘nothing.’ You did manage to upset the police.” “Grrrr! I knew I should have gone to that mixer instead of wasting my time!” After that exchange with Ms. Kawakami, I’d returned home as originally planned and gotten in touch with Mai. I had no desire to inform her of my early return over the phone, so instead I sent a brief text message containing only the facts. My phone rang almost the instant after the message went through, and when I didn’t answer, Mai sent me a text that read, “Dear chicken. Wait on your knees in the entrance hall. We have lots and lots to talk about when I get back. ” And so it was that my darling sister returned home amid the blood-soaked skies of evening to enjoy a nice long session of having a go at me. She made me explain everything, which was when she heard about Ms. Kawakami. In that moment, her gaze could have frozen the oceans. She attacked me with wave after wave of stinging insults, such as “It looks like my idiot brother only thinks with his crotch,” and “Perhaps you should learn how to treat a lady before you think about anything else,” and “I suppose it falls on this perfect little sister to educate her useless big brother before he assaults a woman on the street.” If I hadn’t been waiting at the door with a container of the apple jelly of repentance in my hands like she’d asked, she would have been at it until morning. “Back to school tomorrow, I guess… Can’t believe I’m going to be in Mai’s year now…and Yuuto’s in the year above.” I changed into my pajamas and made my way back to the living room, where Mai was sitting on the sofa, watching TV. “Ah, did you enjoy your bath, dear brother? Oh, you must remember to dry your hair completely. You’ll catch a cold, you know.” “Lay off it, I’m not a kid. Anyway, I came to let you know the bath is free.” “Ah, perfect. I’ll go and take a dip myself. Unless, that is, you have fouled the water with your putrescence?” “Please give me a break, dear sister of mine. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” “Hmph. Well, you only have yourself to blame for that,” said Mai, snootily turning away and pouting like a child. Oh my god, she’s too adorable. How can she be so cute? I watched her leave for the bathroom, then went over to the fridge to get myself a can of soda. When I got back, I turned on the TV out of boredom and saw they were running one of those true crime shows. You know, the ones where they sit a bunch of comedians, celebrities, and criminal psychologists around a table and give them a video to react to. Looks like it’s about those Rebirther guys… “…So you’re saying the suspects might not have committed suicide?” “I’m just saying, what kind of madman slits their own throat? How do people usually commit suicide? It’s hanging, falling, or self-immolation. Why would they go out of their way to choose a method that’s only going to cause them more pain?” “Maybe that means it was the girl’s last attempt at fighting back? Oh god, that’s scary to think about.” “But didn’t they say the guy was on drugs? He must have been a real nutjob.” “Either way, it’s a troubling case. We can only hope that Satomi Saito can find peace in the next—” I switched off the TV. “…Guess I’ll head to bed.” I’d already finished the contents of the can, so I left the living room and went out into the hallway. “I’m gonna hit the hay,” I called out to Mai, and after hearing “Okaaay,” I headed up the stairs to my bedroom. Despite having lain empty for over a year, the room was exactly how I remembered it. I noticed the plants my mother had grown, and the bicycle my father used to like fixing. Mai had taken care of everything in my absence. “…” I slipped under the covers and turned out the light, closed my eyes, and relaxed. Then I started searching for the fragments of my lost memories. I had started doing this a few days ago, just before I drifted off. I plunged deep into the swamp of my own mind, knowing a critical recollection awaited me at its bottom. Something I couldn’t afford to forget. But no matter how much I tried, the memories would never come, and the tendrils of sleep would ensnare me and tear my consciousness away before long. Tonight, however, something happened just before the sandman came. “…Huh? Mai…?” “…” As I was drifting into slumber, I felt a little tug on the back of my pajamas, and smelled shampoo a little pricier than my own. I tried to peer over my shoulder, but it was impossible to check without moving my whole body, so I gave up. I said nothing to Mai, who had somehow sneaked into my bed without me noticing, and closed my eyes once more.
Chapter 81
35 min read