Chapter 80

Grabbing me by the shoulders and forcing me upright, Kaito straddled me and grabbed me by the shirt front. “What the hell is this? Yuuko’s the one who’s been there for you all this time!” The hot rain of his words hurt, and I averted my eyes from my friend before me. “Look at me, you jerk!” Clunk. My back hit the floor. ““Kaito!”” Nanase and Haru both yelled out. “Shut up!” With tears welling up in his eyes, Kaito looked at me again, searchingly. “Saku, you’re doing it again, right? The whole casual joking act? Sorry, I just acted on reflex. But that was real pathetic, okay?” Hearing his trembling voice, I silently shook my head. “Hey, you’re lying, aren’t you? Say it. Why wouldn’t you make Yuuko happy? Look, say it like you always do. You should be like, ‘Darn it, you’ve got so much brawn, you haven’t even got enough brain to pick up on when I’m joking.’ You’re not done right? You’re gearing up for a happy ending, aren’t you? Then I’ll be like, ‘Hey man, that’s so not cool,’ and I’ll apologize over and over for hitting you. You can order anything you want at Hachiban’s, on me…” “…I’m sorry, Kaito.” “Give me a freaking break!” My body was lifted up and slammed against the floor once more. “You’re a man! You’re supposed to stand by your promises! Remember what you said? That’s your response? Really? I thought you and I were friends!” “…I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize when you don’t even mean it!” Kaito’s yell cut right through to my chest. “At least think it over first! At least go home and stay up all night agonizing over it. Was Yuuko really nothing to you? Was she worth being discarded in ten measly seconds? So what, you’re just going to pick some other random girl? Huh?!” Twisting my shirt front, he continued. “I thought I could… I thought I could trust you to take care of her! I was like, ‘Oh, well. I’ll just have faith that he’ll make her happy.’ I accepted that I wasn’t the one who’d be able to give Yuuko what she needed…” He readied his fist again, and I was about to flinch, when Kazuki grabbed his arm. “Let go! This jerk! This freaking jerk! He knew how Yuuko felt, but he acted like it was no big deal and went off chasing whatever other random girl he could find!” “—Stop it!!!” It was Yuuko’s scream that interrupted Kaito. She wiped away her tears with her arm, and said… “… Kaito, you’re wrong. If you can only be kind to people you like, then you can never make true friends. Me, Ucchi, Yuzuki, and Haru… Saku’s kindness saved all of us, right? The reason I got rejected is because I wasn’t the kind of girl that Saku likes. At the very least, I would never blame Saku for showing kindness to me.” And then she smiled her infinitely kind, gentle smile. “…Mgh.” Kaito and I gasped at almost the same time. Watching this, Kazuki let go of the hand he was gripping. “Well… That makes sense.” He looked down at me with his usual impassive face. “But I don’t feel like covering for you, Saku. You saw this coming a mile away, didn’t you?” His tone was flat, dry. With a thud, Kaito let go of me and got off. I got up, brushed off my blazer, and picked up my bag that was lying on the ground. Yuuko started walking to the door across the room. No one moved or opened their mouths. Then turning in the doorway… “See you, everyone. Next semester.” And she smiled brightly. —I wanted to get home. Fast. After running out of school and crouching in a park off the main street for a while, I finally washed off my face with tap water, straightened out my messed-up uniform, and dragged my unbelievably heavy body homeward at a tired walk. When I looked in the mirror, my cheek was red where Kaito had punched me, and there was blood smeared on my lip. Throb. Throb. Throb. The dull pain came in pulses, in rhythm with my pounding heart. It’s your fault, your fault, the pain seemed to be repeatedly whispering in my ear. I knew that. I didn’t need to be reminded. Right, left, right, left. I just put one foot mechanically in front of the other. If only this were all just a bad dream. If only Yuuko were shaking my shoulder on the bus, and when I woke up, we’d all go to Hachiban’s to round off the trip. Four days of fatigue rushed over me, and I realized I was starving. All that good buffet food at the hotel had me used to feasting. Today, all I wanted was two bowls of Chinese noodles with extra green onions and a double serving of gyoza, and a side of fried rice, too. Half my order would get stolen by Kaito and Haru anyway. Yua would be scolding them for their bad table manners. Nanase and Kazuki would be looking on, rolling their eyes. And Yuuko… But there was no point in imagining this. Those days were gone now. It was all over. I could try to recreate it in my mind all I wanted, but this kind of scene would never happen in reality again. Scuff, scuff, scuff, went my Stan Smiths. The seams here and there were still encrusted with sand. I stamped my feet, but it still clung on tenaciously. Oh. I forgot to bring my school slippers home. I shouldn’t leave them at school over summer vacation… I walked along the same old riverbed with a heavier tread than usual. And suddenly, I thought of her. The one who always listened to me here. —SMACK. But as the thought crossed my mind, I punched myself hard on the cheek, right where Kaito had punched me. That was so damn self-indulgent to think about now. You decided to be the Saku Chitose Yuuko believed in to the end, right? So at least own your arrogance. Don’t act like the one you wronged was the one who wronged you. And as I lifted my head to go on… “—Good, you’re still here.” I heard a soft voice. Huh…? I looked up fully, and… “Saku, let’s walk home together.” With the sunset behind her, Yua’s smile was like a bright-yellow dandelion. “Why…?” I’d brushed myself off, but left school right after that. If she was here now, that would have to mean that after I left the classroom, she’d run right here, if she hadn’t gone with the others to comfort Yuuko. On closer inspection, I could see that her shoulders and chest were rising and falling slightly, and she was breathing harshly through tight lips, as if trying not to show outward exhaustion. But when she spoke, her voice was soft. “I like Yuuko. I like Yuzuki. I like Haru. I like Mizushino and Asano and Yamazaki. I like spending time with everyone. But…” She took a step forward. “If the day ever came when I had to make a choice… I decided a long time ago that I would choose the one I liked the most.” Calmly, she continued. “Saku, you helped me discover myself. So if you went for Yuuko, or Yuzuki, or Nishino, or Haru, well, I’d have been fine with it.” She lowered her gaze, then looked at me again. “But if I ever found you alone, with your head hanging down… Weak, suppressing your voice, the way I did back then… If I found you lost on a moonless night…” With infinite softness in her voice, she said… “—Then out of everyone, I would be the one to be by your side.” She gripped my hand tightly. “Come on,” said Yua, and she started walking. We descended the narrow one-person path to the sluice gate and sat down together on it. “I went to the clubroom to pick it up, so I almost wasn’t in time to catch you.” Before I knew what she was doing, Yua had taken her saxophone out of its case and was standing before me. “Yua, what are you…?” “It’s okay.” She turned her back to me. “I’m going to practice now, but it might be a little noisy. Sorry in advance, okay?” Her slim, neat shoulders rose smoothly, and the air was filled with the mellow tone of her alto saxophone.