Chapter 71

CHAPTER TWO Fireworks on a Short Summer Night —That spring, when I was sixteen years old, I, Yuuko Hiiragi, became a freshman at Fuji High School. I think it’s almost a miracle that I got here, if that’s something I can say about myself. My grades in junior high school were just above average at most, and I hate studying. I don’t know exactly when it was, but…for some reason, my mother jokingly muttered, “It would be nice if you could go to Fuji High School, too, Yuuko.” And so in summer of senior year, I started studying my butt off. I worked so hard, I could never do anything like that again. I wasn’t some useless daughter who caused nothing but trouble or anything, I don’t think, but my mother gave birth to me when I was young, and raised me. I wanted her to be able to think, “It was all worth it,” and give her a beautiful payoff. When I saw the announcement that I had passed the exam, we were both so happy, we cried and hugged each other and jumped up and down. And so, here I am, sitting in the classroom of Year One, Class Five. I was hoping that high school would be much fancier, or that there would be facilities I’d never seen before, but it didn’t feel all that different from junior high school. We’ve just started at high school, so perhaps it’s only natural, but everyone wore their uniforms correctly; no one was customizing them yet. Was my skirt too short? Well, it’s okay. Mr. Iwanami didn’t say anything. I’d memorized most of my classmates’ names. I think I’d talked to most of them at least once. Wow, a college prep school really is amazing; everyone’s so focused—that’s how it felt. So my expectations were a little high. I’m too embarrassed to tell Mom, but there’s something I’m secretly hoping to experience in high school. —I want to find close friends who I can truly cherish, and someone special to fall for. Wait a minute, it’s too embarrassing! Oh man, I just made myself cringe! Shouldn’t I be afraid of saying those things as a high school student? …But, it’s something I’ve always wanted. I think I grew up being pampered from a young age. Mom was that kind of mom—clinging to her daughter—while Dad silently watched it all play out with a wry smile. I was often given guidance but never seriously yelled at nor scolded. No, I don’t think I ever was. Hmm, well, that’s kinda normal, isn’t it? But in my case, it was always like that outside the house, in nursery school, elementary school, and junior high school. Even though I didn’t do anything special, everyone complimented me. “Yuuko is so cute, isn’t she?” they’d say. I had many friends. At least, I thought everyone in the same class was my friend. It feels terrible to say so myself, but I was really popular with boys. Both my seniors and juniors liked me, and my report card always had nothing but good things written on it. So all the usual stuff—serious fights with friends, being bullied, having someone who refused to confess their feelings openly spread bad rumors about you, being gossiped about by the kids above and below you, being targeted by the teacher—there was none of that for me. —I always felt uncomfortable with the kind of special treatment I received. I know no one will understand this story. No—someone did, once. When I was in elementary school, I consulted with a friend who was on good terms with me, and that’s when I realized. “I’d understand being upset if people were giving you a hard time, but what do you dislike about being the most popular person in the class?” Well, they had a point. Hmm, what is it? Is it feeling like I’m one step removed from everyone else? Like I’m surrounded by transparent glass? Everyone can see me, everyone can hear me, but no one can get through. —Even though I was always surrounded by people, I felt so alone. Is that really an exaggeration…? I’m not sure I ever really agonized over it all that seriously. I generally liked school and had fun. However, in the end, I haven’t been able to find a single person to connect with on the level you see in dramas and movies. If I try to approach someone, it just feels like they draw back. For example, everyone gets along well with me at school, but I’m always the one suggesting to hang out after school or during vacation. I’m nothing special at all. Just a normal girl born into a normal family. So I really want to confide in, and be confided in by, a close friend. I want someone to laugh with when things are fun, someone to cry with when things are sad, someone to get angry at me sometimes, to scold me, to argue with me. That’s why, in reality, I fell in love with a boy who I could see as more important, somehow, than myself. When I go to bed every night, I think of him, and when I see his face, my heart throbs. Someone to get jealous over, when I see him talking to other girls. Someone who can send me to heaven with just a phone call. Then one day, I’ll pluck up the courage and tell him how I feel… And maybe even become that guy’s girlfriend. —Just like other normal young people. If I could find that, it would be so nice. A few days later. Before the long homeroom started, I was chatting with the people I’d befriended relatively soon after I entered school. The person I was talking to right now was Kaito, a tall guy in the basketball club. I started off calling him by his last name, Asano, in the usual way, but he basically started begging, “Please, Yuuko, just call me by my first name, would you?!” And before I knew it, I’d agreed. He’s pretty good-looking, but also kinda unfortunate. By the way, back then, when I told him, “You can call me Yuuko, too, then,” he looked so happy. Like about-to-cry happy. To this day, I have no idea why. I ended up saying something like, “Whoa, chill out, Kaito.” “So I heard that two separate girls have already asked Kazuki out.” “Don’t go spreading that around. Anyway, I said no.” “I know, I know, relax, this is the inner circle.” Kazuki is a handsome boy in our class who wears a cool mask. Even the girls in the other classes whisper about him. When Kaito brought up the subject of names, Kazuki was super smooth. “Then we’ll be Kazuki and Yuuko, too.” He was so natural about it that I didn’t mind at all, and it was like, Aha, I can see why he’s popular with girls. As I was thinking about that, Kaito turned to me. “What about you, Yuuko? Have any boys asked you out?” “Hmm, no invitations for dates, but a lot of guys asked me for my LINE contact details.” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Do you have to overreact to everything?” Kazuki chuckled. “That’s right. There’s no way men wouldn’t flock to a girl with such a cute and good personality. You’re exactly the kind of girl Kaito goes nuts over.” “Hey!” Kaito played kind of the comic-relief character, while Kazuki had a great read on people. Chatting with them like this was something I actually kinda enjoyed. Now, he’s not the type to openly show his ulterior motives, but… “—Huh? Then maybe I should get ahead of the crowd and put in my bid for the position of Hiiragi’s boyfriend right now.” Not sure I like this guy all that much. I laughed and said, “Hey, that’s not cool, bro.” Chitose was another guy who got everyone talking, just like Kazuki. When I walked down the hallway with the two of them, everyone looked at me. All right, he’s cute, I can admit that. He’s definitely cool enough to warrant the level of attention he gets. But compared to Kazuki being smart and gentlemanly, it’s like… …It’s like he’s more of a flirt. And a narcissist. He’s quick to flirt with girls like this, and sometimes he says some slightly cruel things. I’ve heard some people don’t mind that, but if I had to choose between the two, I’d definitely go with Kazuki! I have a lot of opportunities to talk to Kaito and Kazuki, since they’re affiliated with the sports clubs, but Chitose was the only one I hadn’t swapped LINE info with. If he asked, I wouldn’t say no, but I don’t really feel like asking myself. We still call each other Chitose and Hiiragi. We keep things light, but we haven’t broached the topic of first names. While I was thinking about this and that, Kaito opened his mouth with a grin. “Hear that, Saku? She turned ya down.” Chitose gave a little “heh” and smirked. “All right, then, how about this…let me be your main man.” “I can’t feel any sincerity coming across at all.” “I had the feeling you were special from the first moment we met?” “Whoa, watch it, buddy.” Aw man, I thought. He and I just don’t seem to get along. Chitose bothers me, treats me special, and has clear ulterior motives. But even Kaito and Kazuki… Yeah. They hold back a little. Treat me with a little more care than they do other girls. My shoulders slumped. I wished they’d be rougher. “All right, guys, take a seat.” After we’d chatted for a while more, Mr. Iwanami entered the classroom and everyone went back to their seats. He had a shaggy head of hair, a sloppy beard, a worn-out suit, and wooden sandals. He doesn’t seem like a teacher. Kinda shabby. But I’ve heard some people say he has a kind of grown-up charm. I think… Nope, can’t see it at all. Still, I’d imagined that a teacher at a college prep school would be super strict, so I was pleased that he was so laid-back. I wanted freedom to personalize my uniform, too, after all. “Ah, it looks like it’s time to decide on the class chairman and vice-chairman.” “Looks like it’s time.” A very Mr. Iwanami turn of phrase. Other teachers would be like, “Haven’t you decided it yet?” “The class president needs to collect the homework and bring it to the staff room, help carry the teaching materials that need to be used in class, and act as an organizer when class decisions have to be made. So who’s it gonna be?” No one raised their hand. I don’t think I’m the type for that sort of thing, either. Hmm, the class president should be someone who has a sense of responsibility. You’ve got to be smart to attend a college prep school anyway, but… Aha. I had a flash of inspiration. Why, there’s someone definitely worthy of being the representative of this class. “Yes!” I cheerfully raised my hand. “Oh, do you want to do it, Hiiragi?” I shook my head at Mr. Iwanami and stood up. “No, I want to nominate someone. How about Uchida? If she’s up for it, of course?” Whoa! The reactions throughout the classroom were basically positive. Some people even started clapping. It made me happy, even though I wasn’t the one being praised. I’ve only been able to talk to her a couple times, but Uchida was the one who’d greeted the new students at the entrance ceremony! That meant she’d gotten the best score in the entrance exam, right? Having someone like that in our class… Well, who could be a better candidate for representative? “Er, uh…” Uchida looked at me. She had a severe bob and glasses with dark-blue square frames. She’s not the type to worry about trends or fashion like me, but when I see her nearby, her uniform and belongings all seem very neat and well-maintained. Also, even though I don’t often see her talking with others, and even though she doesn’t stand out in class, her face is actually really pretty! All the boys who give me special treatment would do well to spare her a second glance, in my opinion. But while I was thinking that, I noticed that Uchida was looking down. I opened my mouth in a hurry. “Ah, sorry to just spring it on you. But you were the representative for the new students at the entrance exam, and so I thought you’d be the best option for us all. But if you don’t want to, you can simply say no, okay?” Uchida lifted her head, and after her eyes roamed around a little, she smiled. “No, it’s okay. If that’s okay with you…” Oh, phew. She was just taken aback by the suddenness of it. I took a deep breath of relief, but then… “—Nah, I’m not into it.” A familiar boy’s voice sounded, quietly but clearly. ““Huh…?”” Uchida and I spoke at the same moment. Mr. Iwanami was whistling nonchalantly now, for some reason. Chitose was the one who’d just pushed his chair back and stood up. The guy who’d just been trying to sweet-talk me before the class started. Did he just say he wasn’t into it? Not into what? Me? Uchida? “You know, Hiiragi…” It was me! Chitose continued with an awkward smile. “I’m sorry to jump in, when it’s already half-decided. But we just entered this school, and we don’t know each other very well. That being the case, it just seems odd to recommend someone. I’d feel better if we drew straws, or something like that.” I didn’t quite understand what he meant. The class was all on the same page just then, after all. “What? All right, maybe I shouldn’t have just gone ahead with nominating someone, but she says she’s okay with it…” Worried, I looked over at Uchida, but she was still smiling. “Hmm, there could be some truth in that. This kind of thing’s hard to decide, and anyway, wouldn’t it be more fun to make a game out of it?” …Huh? Damn. I think I’m getting a little annoyed. What was this guy after? Was he trying to show off? In that case, he should volunteer. When I looked around, everyone in the class seemed to be a little reluctant. Hmm, well, I’d hate to be assigned president based on random chance myself. I say it a little louder. “This isn’t about what would be fun. If you have any complaints, tell me clearly.” “…Agh, seriously?” Chitose scratched his head. “The thing is, Hiiragi…” Then he laughed, frustrated. “I think you should really be aware of your own position. Or at least your influence.” Wait, was he serious? Agh, seriously? That should be my line! Standing there, spouting cool-sounding nonsense… Be specific! After entering high school, the changes I expected didn’t come as smoothly, and I was still being treated as special by everyone. Now, on top of that, this arrogant boy was raining on my parade? Forgive me if I end up speaking a little harshly, here! “Wait, what does that mean?!” “It means, someone like you needs to be careful when you’re getting other people involved.” “What do you mean, “Someone like me”? I have no idea what you’re talking about, Chitose!” “…Are you slow, or something?” “Okay, asshole. You wanna go, let’s go!” Chitose came walking over, clucking his tongue with annoyance. I was a little scared, but I glared at him, refusing to back down. Chitose didn’t flinch at all and looked straight at me. Oh, he’s got surprisingly pretty eyes, I thought, though this was hardly the time. “Listen. You’re popular, Hiiragi. If you put an idea out here, then everyone else will agree without hesitation. You’re like, ‘If you don’t want to, it’s totally cool!’ but do you really think the person you nominated is just going to be like, ‘Yeah, I don’t want to’ after everyone’s clapped?” Um! Excuse me! Mister! What the hell is he…? “—Nnng!” But now he’d said all that, I could see it. What was Chitose trying to tell me here, in this roundabout way? What I’d just done…was create a situation where someone was unable to refuse to do something they never wanted to do from the start… Right? “Hmm, well, I’d hate to be assigned president based on random chance myself.” Realization dawned. Everything went white. And then I saw red. Wait, wait. This is too awful. The applause made me feel so good about myself, but now I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. Gosh, have I done this kind of thing before in my life? Maybe more than once? Or like…constantly? No! Stop that! We’re talking about this situation, right here! I took a step forward. “Sorry! I said something selfish!” I grabbed Uchida’s hand as she sat there, confused. “Oh, it’s okay, I…” Agh!!! How could I not have noticed? Her eyes were swimming, her hand tense, her voice trembling. “You too, Uchida.” While I was wondering what to say, Chitose was still going. “You kinda got dragged into it this time, but next time, at least make a face when you don’t want to do something. Then maybe someone’ll notice, and you won’t get into a bad habit of having to fake a smile all the time.” As he said that, Uchida’s eyes narrowed at Chitose, her hand went limp, and she spoke in a crisp tone. “—I don’t think you have any right to say such a thing.” But then… “Maybe not. My bad.” …he grinned, brushing it off, like a cheeky young boy. At that moment, I felt a tingling sensation spread through me. Not a painful or physically unpleasant feeling, but it made me feel a little sick, a little frustrated. I mean… Just now… Did I just get scolded? Did I just have an argument with someone? —It was like bells were ringing. Inexplicable emotions burst forth. “Okay, asshole”? “You wanna go, let’s go”? I’ve never used language like that in my life!!! —Drip, drip. And by the time I realized it, I was already crying. When I realized the tears were there, they were already overflowing, one after another, and I couldn’t stop. Huh? Why? Why am I reacting like this…? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I deflated? Hey, wait! I know what this is! This is… As I sat there, flustered, Mr. Iwanami grinned. “Uh-oh~ Spaghettios~. ” “That’s the last thing we expect to hear our teacher singing!” Chitose got in a jab, then sighed. “Hey, Hiiragi, I may have said too much, but it’s not fair of you to start crying about it.” Again? I got scolded again. Thinking about it made me cry even more. “Man, give me a break. Look, I’ll take you for dessert or something sometime to say sorry, okay?” Excuse me? Jerk. You think I’m just some difficult girl you can placate with desserts? His attempt to make amends was so ham-fisted. But thinking about it made me cry more. I cried without knowing why, my feelings sinking into the lake of my tears. Clunk. Ah, right. —I am so, so happy right now. Kaito was the first to try to cheer everyone up. “Hey, Saku, my condolences. Now Yuuko hates you. That’s because you tried to sneak the advantage.” “I don’t want to hear that from you!” Kazuki nodded, continuing. “Saku Chitose from Class Five is a total man-slut shithead.” “Hey, what’s this you’ve been writing on the underground site, you jerk?!” “Terrible!” “Chitose’s way out of line!” “Don’t make Hiiragi cry!” “Uchida, you don’t have to force yourself, you know?” “Man-slut shithead!!!” “All right, I get it!!!!!” Chitose stepped up to the podium and pushed Mr. Iwanami aside. Bang. He whacked the blackboard, yelling. “I will take responsibility for hurting both Yuuko Hiiragi, our class idol, and Yua Uchida, who isn’t an idol but still has the guys admitting they low-key have a crush on her during the class trip. And how will I take responsibility? I will be class representative myself! Has anyone here got a problem with that?!!!!” What the heck? What a dork. How lame, I thought, eyes still streaming with tears. But yeah… He could have just shrugged it off, but he decided to get up in front of everyone… Even though the class had basically turned against him. All right, he sounded a bit pompous, but he’d spun it so that he still came off as a bit of a jerk, absolving Uchida, who hadn’t wanted to do it at all, and me, who’d suggested her. In other words, he’d made himself the villain. Somehow, I could understand his thinking. I’m used to having eyes on me ever since I was younger, so I know how it is. Now everyone had forgotten about us, and they were slinging insults at Chitose. It’s like he’d stepped up to shoulder all the blame by himself… —Isn’t that what you call a hero? In an instant, the world began to sparkle and shine like a shard of glass. I was scolded. I got in an argument. Someone treated me with frustration. Hey, why does something like this make me so happy? Chitose was yelling over the crowd. “Daaaah, you guys! If you talk too much, I’ll appoint you as the vice representative!” He was still playing the villain, and it was getting worse. I couldn’t just stand here crying forever. I scrubbed away my tears. Hey, old me. Hey, future me. It’s right here. I’ve found it, I’ve found it, I’ve found it. My own slice of youth. My… I shot my hand up in the air and stood. “Me, me, me! If Saku’s gonna be president, I gotta be vice president!” “Huh? Why?” “It’s cool; it’s cool! I took great care of the class bunny and class turtle in elementary school!” “…Excuse me, I am not a class pet.” The same frustration in the way he spoke to me. To me! Why am I grinning? Well, duh. It’s so natural, so normal that it makes me laugh… I’ve found a boy to like. But it’s funny. Even though I hated being treated as special all this time. I’m thinking the opposite now. —I want to be special to you. “So I guess it was kinda like that.” Now it was summer vacation, the second year of high school. Nazuna Ayase and I strolled through the shopping arcade in front of the station. Since I ran into her on a date with Saku the other day, we’ve been texting a bit. So after a discussion about how we both wanted new summer clothes, we decided to go shopping today. For some reason, it’s the first time since I entered high school that I’ve been alone with a girl other than Ucchi. So I was a little restless. I continued, seeing that I wasn’t getting much of a reaction. “So what do you think?” Nazuna had suddenly asked me, “Why did you fall for Chitose?” so I ended up explaining the whole story to her. “What do I think?” she was saying. “I think it’s gross.” “That’s all?!” “It’s more disgusting than I thought.” “That’s so mean!” The only reason we ended up having this conversation was because of that time when we left Saku and Atomu and went to buy drinks. “—It’s gross to have to watch, so let me tell you something. If you really want to be Chitose’s girlfriend, you’d better make your move soon, or you’ll end up missing your chance.” Yep, her saying that to me was the catalyst. To be honest, she prodded a sore spot. I knew that myself anyway. “…I guess it’s not a strong enough reason, huh…?” I muttered to myself. Recently, I’ve been kind of stressed out. Chitose saved Yuzuki from the Yan High guys and her stalker, and, while I don’t know too much about him and Nishino, it’s clear she and Chitose have a deep connection no one else can penetrate. And then it was Haru who’d created an opportunity for Chitose to start playing baseball again… Everyone liked Saku. Whether in a romantic way or not. “Still, it won’t last forever,” Nazuna said that day. I’ve been averting my eyes from reality the whole time, but it was probably true. Up until now, I’ve always thought that even if Saku didn’t come to like me in that way, at least Ucchi and I were the only girls actually close to him. But now… No. It hasn’t been that way in a long time. And this is no understatement. What makes my chest tighten even more is that everyone has their own unique reasons for liking Saku. A special reason makes for a special bond. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but it’s like they have their own stories starring just them and Chitose, and that leads to a gradual deepening of their friendship. Giving them a reason. Which leads to feelings… Compared with that, I can’t help but think…that my own origin story was as shallow as something like love at first sight. While I chewed on that, Nazuna looked at me with a frown. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I mean, I don’t have a good enough reason. Mine is weak. I need something like… Like him helping me out when I’m in trouble. Like being fated from the start. Or like if I helped him get over something that really hurt him.” “Er, really? Wow, I’m even more grossed out now.” “Hey, I’m baring my soul here!” “Haaah.” Nazuna sighed. She’s got a sharp tongue, but I like her. And I know why. Thanks to Saku’s presence, even Kazuki and Kaito have been treating me like one of the gang, and so I stopped thinking so much about people tiptoeing around me. But Nazuna’s unusual. She’s never given me special treatment of any kind. “Listen,” Nazuna said. “What does it matter why you fell for him? What’s wrong with it being something normal? Like maybe you just think he’s hot, or you like the way he dresses, or you just think you’d go well together?” “I feel like everything normal is out of reach for me.” “Huh? You want a normal high school life, right? Then what’s wrong with having a normal high school love life, too?” That caught me off guard. She was right, of course. That’s all I wanted, but… I looked down, uneasy again. “So, okay. Imagine if you were a boy and we were in the same class in the first year…” “Okay, where is this going?” “If Saku wasn’t there… If it was you instead, standing there like you are now… What if you were the one to tell me off? Would I have still swooned? Saku’s the first person who ever treated me roughly like that.” “Don’t involve me in your random what-if scenarios, but… Ah, gimme a break.” Nazuna sighed. “But okay, let’s go with that. So then, what if there was another guy? A guy who’s hotter than Chitose, someone who’s your exact ideal, Yuuko. And he doesn’t give you any of that special treatment at all. So you meet him first. Now what?” “But there is no guy who’s my exact ideal.” “No, listen.” She slapped me lightly on the arm. “Isn’t that the answer? If Chitose’s literally the only guy you can imagine giving you what you want, then what better reason could there be to fall for him than that? Plus…” Nazuna’s voice lowered. “That moment was hella important, wasn’t it? The kind of moment that shapes your entire life. You have to give it the reverence it deserves. I mean, it’s none of my business, but you think about it.” My heart thumped. The feeling I had that day. It was special, meaningful, yes—only to me. I could not replace Chitose with someone else and feel the same. The catalyst was something trivial, but since then I’ve found new things to like about him every day, and now… Now my heart is full of them. Yes. I nodded, mentally. “Thank you, Nazuna.” “Fine, but drinks are on you, okay? I’m dying.” “Sure thing!” I bounded forward. It’s all right. I like Saku the most. I won’t let anyone beat me as far as that’s concerned. —But what if? What if everyone else has their own special reasons for liking him…? What if everyone else thinks that he’s the only one for them…? What will I do then? After that, the two of us entered the Yutori Coffee Shop on the first floor of AOSSA, a complex facility behind the station. There were a lot of standard coffee options on the menu, but it was hot outside, so I ordered fruit juice and Nazuna ordered an iced café au lait. When we were both done ordering, Nazuna struck up the conversation again. “Anyway, Chitose knows how you feel, right? Did you confess your feelings to him?” “Erm…” “I mean, you said all this stuff about how you liked him right in front of him. But you’re not dating? What’s that about anyway?” I found myself looking away and scratching my cheek. “Sorry. Maybe I don’t want to talk about that.” “Oh, really?” Nazuna quickly backed down. “Well, then. If it’s serious, then what are you waiting for? Why not get on with it and confess?” “Ugh…” I guess it comes down to that after all, huh? Confessing. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about it. Actually, I think about it every day. I’m happy just being with Saku, but I still want to tell him how I feel someday, go out with him, and be his girlfriend, of course. I want to hold hands and go home from school together, instead of having him just walk me partway. I want to go on a real date instead of a friend date. I want to be his girlfriend. Not his main concubine, or whatever it is. But… “I guess I just don’t have the confidence,” I ended up saying. “Ucchi, Yuzuki, Nishino, Haru—there are a lot of wonderful girls around Saku. I’m not confident he’d choose me.” “Well, that’s right. Your friends are all the cutest girls in the school.” “So if I tell him, and he says no, I won’t be able to hang out with him anymore…” Nazuna laughed, rolling her eyes. “Well, there are a lot of people who stay friends even after being dumped, but I guess it might be too tough for you, Yuuko. Still, you haven’t considered the other way this might play out.” “The other way…?” “I told you before. If one of your acquaintances ends up dating Chitose, then you’ll never be able to tell him how you feel.” “I know, but…” “You seem to be absent-minded, so should I be more specific? I mean the four people you just listed. It wouldn’t be strange if at least one of them had confessed to him already. I mean, that Nanase seems like a go-getter.” “…” It was all so obvious now that she said it, and it hit like a ton of bricks. When Nazuna asked me this before, I thought of my rivals as vaguely just “the girls in our class,” but I think I was just mentally avoiding the upsetting truth… Because if I started thinking like that… But it was too late. Possible scenarios were already coming to life in my mind. —What if Yuzuki ended up dating Saku? I recalled the time when they pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Even though I knew, rationally, that Yuzuki was going through such a terrifying experience, my heart hurt so bad I thought it was going to burst. Going to and from school together… Everyone gossiping about them dating… Studying for tests at the library together, holding hands and going to festivals… Him protecting her… I’ve longed for that kind of stuff ever since that day in first year. I even wished I was the one being stalked, which was terrible. No friend should think that. I went to bed at night hating myself. And I couldn’t get that stain out of my heart. —What if Nishino ended up dating Saku? I remembered the day of the future careers meeting. The older girl, who was so beautiful that even I, with all my special treatment, was speechless. She stood there, waving, smiling at Saku. “Hey, you, the one who totally has a thing for me,” she said. For a moment, I clearly remember feeling like I was falling headlong into a black hole underneath my chair. What if Saku was already dating that older girl and just hadn’t thought to update me? Even after I realized I was wrong, the cold, unmoored feeling didn’t go away. Then last year, when Saku quit baseball and was totally depressed. A time when I couldn’t do anything but watch. I just know he was confiding in that older girl. In front of me, he always tried to act so cool and strong. What if Nishino decides to go to Tokyo, and next year Saku chases after her? They’d live together somewhere totally out of reach. I didn’t know Nishino directly, so I wondered what kind of person she was, what she and Saku talked about. How they’d met. I was filled with horrible imaginings about it all. And the worst thing was what I saw in Saku’s eyes when he looked at her. It had to be the same way I looked at him. Over and over again, I bit my lip to hold back tears. —What if Haru ended up dating Saku? When I heard from Nazuna that Saku was practicing baseball, I didn’t even know how I felt anymore. I just remember thinking, Why? Saku, who always solved everything by tackling it head-on, really only had one thing he avoided talking about: the baseball club. When I heard that Haru had been with him, I realized I wasn’t the right person for this. That passionate, stubborn guy needed a girl who was just as passionate and stubborn as he was. When I ate the rice balls Ucchi made on the baseball field, they tasted like air. On the day of the match, when I saw Haru screaming encouragements, wearing the dress we’d picked out together, and when I saw Saku doing amazing things as a result of that encouragement, I wondered what the heck I was doing. I thought, if this was a movie, those two would be the only ones on-screen. Saku’s smile, the smile I loved, was imbued with passion, regret, determination, and all kinds of emotions. I couldn’t stand to look at it. “Get it?” Nazuna spoke a little more gently than she usually did. Perhaps she sensed I was deep in thought and waited for me to finish. I let out a heavy sigh and then opened my mouth. “Maybe I’m more of a backbiter than I thought. I care about my friends, but here I am getting all jealous.” Before I could finish speaking, Nazuna burst out laughing loudly. “Hey, I’m baring my soul here!” “Sorry, but I couldn’t help laughing. I’ve never heard any real human being use that word before.” “Oh, forget it.” I’ve never even talked to Ucchi about this. As I slurped my juice, Nazuna finally caught her breath. “I mean, jealousy is only natural. Love without jealousy isn’t love, is it? You’re better off being self-aware. I don’t believe people who say things like, ‘I never get jealous.’” “R-really?” “Oh yeah. It’s normal to get annoyed when a guy you like is on good terms with another girl.” “But they’re my friends, though?” “Annoyance aside, I’d hate to lose out to a friend more than I would to a stranger. If we’re close, I’ll end up picturing stuff. Like when we’re changing for gym, and I realize they’ve bought new underwear or something. Ugh.” “U-underwear…?” “I mean, I don’t take inventory of my friends’ underwear or anything, but it’s obvious when someone’s bought something new. And why. Total punch to the gut.” As I listened to Nazuna talk, I felt the black haze around me fade a little. Right. It’s normal, then. But by that logic, that would mean… Nazuna continued. “And you’re not the only one who gets jealous.” Right. I figured. “We all share the same feeling of wanting to be the only one. And you’re the one everyone says is endgame with Chitose, right? I bet there’s other girls out there who are totally on edge.” “Well, it’s not like you’re responsible for that. People can say what they want,” Nazuna continued. Then she smiled, as if the conversation was over. “—Isn’t it better to say good-bye after you’ve expressed your feelings, than it is to never express them at all?” I swallowed all my feelings down and smiled right back. The truth is, I’ve been a backbiter for a long time. I was only pretending to be oblivious. I don’t want to say good-bye. Hey, Saku. —Who’s the special one, in your eyes? A few days later, in the early afternoon, Mom drove me to Lpa. Today’s the day Ucchi, Yuzuki, Haru, and I planned to go buy swimsuits. I was dressed in fairly short shorts and a blouse with a summery pattern. Since it was just going to be us girls, I curled my hair and put it in two grown-up-looking ponytails. When I wore this same hairstyle before, Saku’s reaction was kind of muted. I could only wear it in safe situations like this. When I arrived at the parking lot and got out of the car, for some reason, Mom got out, too. “Are you going to do some shopping while you’re here?” I asked blankly. “No, I thought I’d say hello to these friends and rivals of yours, Yuuko.” “No, Mom, don’t!” “Aw, come on.” I ignored Mom, who was pouting like a child, and moved away from the car quickly. Checking the group on LINE, it looked like the other three had already joined. “We’re near the Mister Donut.” I’d just gotten a message from Ucchi, so I headed for the central entrance. When the automatic door opened, the cold air flowed in, and I sighed with relief. “Yuuko!” As soon as I entered, a cheerful voice called out to me. When I looked over, Haru came rushing toward me. I raised my hand lightly. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting?” “No, not at all. We just joined up.” Today, Haru was wearing black shorts and a white Adidas T-shirt. Her usual short ponytail popped out from the back of her black cap. It was a sporty outfit, but the long T-shirt looked like a dress, and the contrast was kinda adorable. Yuzuki walked up behind Haru and raised her hand lightly. “Heya.” “Hi, hi!” Gray, high-waisted pants and an ash-blue blouse. The fluffy sleeves were decorated with small bows. It was a pretty simple outfit, but it looked super cool on Yuzuki’s figure. Last, Ucchi wore a long dress with light-blue vertical stripes. Feminine clothes like that looked so good on her, it made me jealous! For me, dresses don’t look right if they’re not short enough. But isn’t it amazing? Nazuna was right; my friends are all different varieties of cute. “Thanks for directing me over LINE, Ucchi.” “Yeah, I realized we never decided where to meet.” Yuzuki laughed and rolled her eyes. “Haru said she’d go early, so I asked her to send me the place close to the time, but…she completely forgot about it, didn’t you?” “I’m sorry, I was just looking at the baseball bats, and I lost track of time.” “You’re not planning to buy a personalized bat, are you?” Baseball bat… I shook my head. “Have you thought about what you want, Haru?” I asked, but Yuzuki was the first to answer, for some reason. “One that makes her look like she has boobs.” “Do you want me to kick your ass, Nana?” “Then how about a micro-bikini?” “I’m not asking you! Can you go somewhere I can’t see or hear you?” Haru looked at me and struck a reverential pose. “Thank you for your time today, Master!” I smiled at their jokes, then… “All righty!” I grabbed Haru’s small hand. And so we went into one of the shops on the second floor. At this time of year, there were a lot of swimsuits everywhere. With all these choices, we had a good shot at finding something we liked. First off, we split up to check out the store, and then I realized that someone was standing beside me. Sweet, light perfume drifting on the air. Ooh, it smells so nice. I’d have to ask which kind it was later. “Hey, hey, Yuuko…” It was Yuzuki, whispering conspiratorially. “Yes, yes, what is it?” “I thought we could have a little mutual appraisal of the enemy situation. In other words, I propose…a confabulation.” “Fabulous? Yes, a fabulous bikini is the plan.” “Are you seriously a Fuji High student?” I didn’t really get what she meant, and she rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I said,” Yuzuki continued. “We don’t want to end up wearing something too similar, right?” Then it finally clicked. Yeah, Yuzuki and I might be the most likely to choose similar bikinis. “Hmm, it’s a toughie. Would you go for sexy, Yuzuki? Cute? Tricksy but fashionable?” “Hmm, that’s the question, isn’t it? I think perhaps the latter.” “Totally.” These days, there are the tankinis and one-pieces that don’t show too much skin, there are the ones that kinda look like normal clothes, and then the ones that make you look a little more grown-up and sexier. But I didn’t think Saku would like any of those. I continued, while checking the rack of swimsuits in front of me. “By the way, when I asked Saku which one would be best, he dodged the question.” “…That darn fence-sitter.” “Well, I think boobs as far as the eye can see would be best!” “I completely agree, but worrying about that just seems futile…” Aha, Yuzuki was conscious of Chitose’s gaze as well, then, huh? Well, makes sense. Of course, it would be the usual gang hanging out, after all… “Yuuko, look this way.” Yuzuki picked up a standard bikini with a colorful floral pattern and handed it to me. “Hmm, if you think about it rationally, you’re the cute type, Yuuko, and I’m the sexy type.” “That’s it. Should we go on the attack as the enemy might expect, or should we shoot for a new, risky angle?” “Hmm, usually I would have said go for the surprising angle, but I think that hand’s been played. You’d look great in one of these, though, Yuuko.” This time, she handed me one where the top and the sides of the bottom were meant to be laced up. It’s true that there was a lot of visible chest area, but… “No way! You should wear this one, Yuzuki!!!” “I think it’ll make me look desperate. Like, I’m out hunting men on the beach or something.” I burst out laughing at the way she said it. But I kinda understood. Yuzuki has pheromones gushing out from her whole body. A lot of her clothes are rather boyish, but maybe she was just carefully adjusting her image. “Hey, where do you usually buy your clothes, Yuzuki?” “Hmm, well, I often go to Kanazawa at the beginning of the season.” “I know! Me too! I like Fukui, but the fashion situation is rather restricted.” “Well then, would you like to go with me next time? Haru’s not really into that kind of thing.” “Let’s go! I always have my mom give me a ride, so I can’t go around as freely as I’d like.” “I basically just take the train alone.” “You can ride the train by yourself?!” “I mean, I’m in high school, you know?” “So am I! At Fuji High! But…” After all, kids who commute within the city basically either go by bicycle or car, like me, right? I think there must be quite a few who don’t really know how to ride a bus or train. But shopping with Yuzuki sounded like fun for sure! I mean, her take on fashion seemed to be similar to mine. As I was getting excited thinking about that, Yuzuki said, “Well,” and looked over at Haru, who was over with Ucchi. “Shall we take care of the problem children first?” “Sure thing!” “So was there something that caught your eye, Haru?” Yuzuki peered at what Haru was holding as she spoke. “…I thought maybe this.” Haru held up the swimsuit against her body as she blushed. Yuzuki and I looked at each other. “Are you insane?” “Nope!” We both spoke at the same time. “Yuuko, you too?!” Haru was holding the so-called swim dress. Just like the name suggests, it’s like a cami dress with a short skirt. Yuzuki stepped forward, so I decided to leave the explanations to her. Probably she was going to say what I was thinking anyway. “You don’t think your boobs are big enough, do you?” “…Ugh, no. So I thought as much coverage as possible would be best.” “But if you choose something like that, it’s just projecting insecurity. You’ll make people think, ‘Oh, she’s probably hiding her body for a reason’…” “I… I don’t want that. But I feel like I’m being lectured again…” “Silence!” “Yes, ma’am!!!” How would I feel if someone thought that about me? Ugh, awful! Yuzuki continued while moving in on Haru. “If you can’t fight with your boobs, you’ll have to fight using something else. What kind of weapons do you have?!” “M-Mistress Haru’s winning smile…?” “Take this seriously, maggot!” Yuzuki barked. “It’s not your smile. You play basketball! Your waist! Your slender hips! Your toned legs! If you cover up all the goods, what do you think that’s gonna do for you, huh?!” She prodded Haru in the aforementioned parts, one by one. “Ah,” Haru said, nodding with understanding. “Now that you mention it, I’ve definitely got less meat on my midsection than you do, Yuzuki.” “Hey, keep your mouth shut, little girl. That’s just because I have a more feminine body, see?” “You’re always worrying about calories when you don’t need to.” “Okay, I understand. It’s war you want, huh? Bring it on, Umi!” Interesting. So Yuzuki’s like this when they talk to each other one-on-one, too. Their banter was amusing, but someone needed to step in or we wouldn’t get anywhere. I interrupted while holding back my laughter. “Anyway! Let’s grab some options that’ll bring out that feminine confidence!” “Master…!” Haru looked at me with glistening eyes. “By the way, what are your measurements?” I asked. “Er, what? I don’t understand,” said Haru. “Yuuko,” Yuzuki interjected, “don’t ask Haru that.” “Okay,” I replied. “Sorry, but I’m going to have to get handsy!” “Huh?” I went behind Haru and gently wrapped both hands over her boobs. “H-hey! Yuuko!!!” “It’s okay. It’ll be over soon.” “You’re tickling me!” I released her after getting a good grip on what she had going on. I tried to be as quick as possible, but Haru was gazing at me with wounded betrayal in her eyes. “Hmm, Haru, you’re actually not as small as you might think. You’ve got low body fat, sure, but with the right bra, you know, it can look totally different.” “Huh? Really?!” “Didn’t Yuzuki ever tell you?” She placed her hand to her brow and lowered her head. “I guess she did, but I think I completely forgot about it.” Well, if you’re not interested in this kind of thing, you won’t remember it. “Well, I’ll be sure to remind you of it again later, then.” “Yes, Queen!”