Chapter 70

Yuuko shyly pulled on Kotone’s arm. “Mom, could you wait over there?” “Oh, is my daughter turning into a rebellious teen?” “Mom!” I was surprised at first, but when I thought about it, I realized that this kind of innocent aura of hers was exactly the same as Yuuko’s, which prompted a smile from me. Besides, it kinda took me back. I had someone kinda like that in my family, too. Kotone continued, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Yuuko had tensed up. “Okay, let’s all go to Starbucks. Chitose, you’re just hanging out this summer vacation, so you’re free, right?” “Mom, don’t be rude!” “Oh, I know. It’s already dinnertime, so a young boy would prefer a hearty meal, right? Then let’s go to Hachiban’s. Okay?” “Hey, don’t just barge ahead without checking with me first!” I ended up getting dragged along without even being able to get a word in edgewise. Kotone and Yuuko went by car, and I took my mountain bike to the nearby Hachiban’s. They’d offered to drive me back to Ten Thousand Volts again after, but I had a feeling if I agreed, her mom would be like, “Wait, I feel like a change of scenery. Let’s drive all the way to Tojinbo!” And so I gently turned her down. When I entered the ramen place, Kotone was already situated and waved at me, yelling, “Over here, Chitose!” The two of them were sitting opposite each other at a table for four, so I sat down next to Yuuko. It was really starting to feel like I was a boyfriend meeting the parents. On the other hand, if the two of them sat opposite me, it’d look like I’d done something bad to the daughter and was being reamed out. “…Uh, I’m sorry, Saku. My mom gets like this sometimes…” “Yeah, you’re definitely related.” “Wait, what does that mean?!” While Yuuko and I spoke back and forth, Kotone handed me the menu. “Here, eat whatever you want. Of course, it’s my treat.” “No, no, there’s no need for that…” When I said that, I got a loaded smile in return. “Well obviously, I want to earn points for my cute daughter.” Before I could react, Yuuko leaned forward. “My score couldn’t be worse right now! What guy would relish being dragged off to eat by his friend’s mom the first time they meet?!” “Eh, Chitose must be used to this kind of thing if he’s dating you, Yuuko.” “I told you, Mom, we’re not dating yet!” “Come on, calm down. I meant as friends.” “—Nnng!” Kotone continued, glancing sideways at her daughter, who sat down heavily and began glaring at the menu. “I guess I should apologize for any inconvenience.” “Well, at least you’re aware of it.” “Ah, yes, there’s the snarky response. Just what I was expecting from what you told me about him!” “…Er, Yuuko?” “Mom!!!” It seemed kind of silly to hold back, so I ordered spicy ramen with extra spring onions and a plate of gyoza. Yuuko had a large miso vegetable ramen, while Kotone had vegetable soy ramen, hold the noodles, and fried rice. I’d always thought the noodle-free version of the veggie ramen was supposed to be a diet option, but the fried rice had me puzzled. After we were done ordering our food, Yuuko went to the restroom. Sure, I’d rather she hadn’t left me alone with her mother during the first meeting, but Yuuko looked so apologetic, I couldn’t get mad. “Sorry, Chitose.” Kotone spoke as if she’d just read my inner thoughts. “It’s fine—I saved money on dinner, at least.” “I heard you live alone? That must be tough.” “No, I get more than enough money, and once I got used to it, it’s actually pretty easy this way. My family was never tight-knit, exactly.” “Boys are so stoic. Yuuko wouldn’t make it one day without having a homesick breakdown.” “She’d say that, but if she left the prefecture for college, she’d be one of those kids that never comes back.” “Oh, don’t say that! That thought makes me sad!” I snorted, caught off guard by her overreaction. My parents were always comfortable being alone, so even though we lived far apart, we didn’t keep in touch very often. This kind of parent-child relationship is actually quite nice, I thought. Refreshing. “She was born when I was only twenty, you know.” Kotone murmured under her breath. I was confused over how to respond, but she waved her hand quickly and dismissively. “Now, now, it’s not some terrible story. It’s a normal, loving marriage. I don’t know about now, but back then, it wasn’t unusual for people to get a job straight out of high school like I did. I got married to my husband at nineteen and had Yuuko the following year.” Right, that was why she looked so young. So if she gave birth at the age of twenty… “All right, stop calculating it!” Called that one. This back-and-forth reminded me of Yuuko, too. I swallowed back my repertoire of needless jokes and silently waited for her to go on. “So then,” Kotone continued, “It might be hard for you to imagine, Chitose, but twenty is still very much childhood. You may not be a minor anymore, but you still feel like a high schooler inside.” I felt like I was hearing a story about a very distant world, but when I thought about it, I realized I only had three more years to go myself. If I put myself in her shoes, that would mean getting married the year after next. It didn’t seem realistic. All I had was a vague kind of “wow” feeling. “That’s why, at first, I thought of Yuuko more like a younger sister than my own child, to be honest. Oh, she was so cute! Of course, I learned a lot about what I needed to know as a mother, and I did my best because I wanted to raise her to be an earnest, kindhearted child.” “She is that.” Kotone lowered her eyes a little shyly. “Thank you. She’s not being a nuisance to you, is she, Chitose? Badgering you for dates, things like that?” “I don’t think so. It looks like you’re doing a wonderful job raising your child.” “Amazing! What a charmer you are!” “My acquaintance with your daughter enriches my existence.” “Oh, that’s good! More, more.” “Why don’t we step on the brakes and get back to being serious?” Kotone laughed in a mature way. “Is it okay if I continue? I was talking about myself when I was younger. Really, about my daughter.” “Of course,” I said. “You said twenty years old is still childhood, right?” Kotone nodded slightly. “It’s like a child raising a child, isn’t it? That’s why I was really worried about one thing in particular for a long time.” I glanced in the direction of the toilet across the room. It must have been occupied already. Yuuko seemed to be still waiting for her turn. “I know it’s not something a parent should say, but isn’t she beautiful? And she doesn’t have that prickliness that some beautiful girls have. It’s not part of her personality. I’ve never once heard of her having any sort of argument with a friend.” And that’s why, Kotone said… “—Everyone, myself included, treats her far too special.” I chewed over the meaning of that for a second before replying. “Well, she’ll have a charmed life in that case. What’s the problem…?” Yuuko wasn’t the kind of person who’d become arrogant or take advantage of her position just because she was popular with everyone. But the woman in front of me shook her head slightly. “The fact that you can think like that is because you’re a bit special yourself.” “People have been hating on me since I was young, I’ll have you know.” “That’s probably because you’re a lot smarter, stronger, and a bit nicer than she is.” “I really wouldn’t go that far…” “For example,” Kotone continued. “Suppose you’re hanging out with a group of people, and my Yuuko starts saying, ‘I want to do this!’ Well, I wonder if other people repress their own wants to align with hers…” I couldn’t say with certainty that there was no truth to that. Really, that was totally what usually happened. Of course, Yuuko would just be expressing her desires openly. No malice on her part. But such a gorgeous and attractive human being can cast a strong influence on her environment just by being herself. If you think about it, her habit of treating everyone equally, be they male or female, has already led to a lot of guys getting the wrong idea and asking her out. “This might sound cold, but if other kids have to hold back because of Yuuko, or end up feeling sad because of her, then so be it. These kinds of things happen in life.” I didn’t think it was particularly cold. Malicious harassment is a problem, but I think it’s far worse if you’ve got a parent telling you to stay in your shell and worry that just being your authentic self will harm others. Kotone took a sip of water, barely wetting her lips. “What I worry about is how she’ll feel when she realizes this herself. I raised her to be completely honest, but I guess that could result in being blind to the way the world works.” I quietly brought my glass to my lips, too. “But then,” Kotone said, her voice rising a little. “Ever since she met you, Chitose, Yuuko’s changed a little. She’s started considering others’ feelings. Not in general, I won’t go that far, but the feelings of those she sees as special, at least. “—So thank you,” my friend’s mother said. “Actually, that’s what I wanted to tell you today. Sorry for dragging you out to eat.” “I don’t know what Yuuko’s said, or how much she’s exaggerated about me, but I haven’t done anything that would require gratitude.” “Is that so? I’ve heard a lot. About Yua and Kenta, too.” “…Nope, I didn’t do a thing.” Kotone chuckled, her shoulders shaking. Her laugh was so familiar. It made my chest hurt, just a little. “I’m so glad she’s got someone like you around, Chitose. That really reassures me. Even more so after having a straight talk with you.” “I’ll be around as long as I’m wanted. She and I are friends, after all.” “Oh, you know what I mean, but you’re just sidestepping it! I’ll tell Yuuko!” “I think you’re just upsetting yourself for no reason, Kotone.” “Hmm, actually, you can call me ‘Mom’ after all. Or maybe ‘Mother.’” “Did you say ‘mother,’ or ‘bother’?” We both stared at one another, and then we burst out laughing. I felt like I’d become this woman’s son for just a moment there. After a while, Kotone murmured something else. “One more thing, sorry.” “Are you still trying to cause me trouble?” When I answered lightly, she said, “Nope, I’ve already done that.” A faint, self-deprecating smile. “—What we just talked about… What I just told you…” Just when I was trying to guess what she was getting at, our orders were delivered to the table, one after another. Just then, Yuuko also returned with a brisk pace, so I decided not to think about it any further. “Mom, did you say something strange to Saku just now?” “Not a thing. All I did was suggest he forgo the daughter and give me a spin instead, you know?” “Mom! Stop being cringe. How’s he supposed to react to that? Just cut it out!” “Cringe?! You sound like you actually mean it, too!” “I’m already embarrassed, so let’s just eat and go home.” “Now, don’t say that, or I’ll add on an extra order of fried chicken and french fries.” “No, please!” Man, this is actually so nice. The steam of the ramen warmly enveloped the two of them. The background noise of the ramen joint… The colors of everyday life. As I watched them snark back and forth, I thought about how much I wanted to blend in with this happy family scene for just a little while longer. After we finished our ramen, Yuuko and I stopped by the convenience store and walked to the nearby park. It’s located between National Highway 8 and the batting center we often go to, and it’s a regular stopover spot when the two of us walk home from school. For a residential area, the playground was fairly large, equipped with standard playground equipment like horizontal bars, slides, swings, and seesaws. In back there was a small hill raised about three feet off the ground, and we usually sat on the stairway located to one end of it. As usual, I sat down and sipped my iced coffee while Yuuko peeled the wrapper off her Garigari-kun popsicle. Before I knew it, it was pitch-black out, and somewhat cooler than it was during the day. Even if we looked around, there was no one but us, and the dull-colored swings creaked in the breeze. It felt kinda nice. I stretched out my legs. When we left, Kotone still seemed like she had something she wanted to say, but Yuuko was all, “I’m walking home with Saku!” and waved her mom off, poker-faced. “Well, no need to rush home, dear!” was all Kotone had said. It was hard to imagine she was really the mother of a high schooler. “Wow, your mom is a real character.” When I said that, Yuuko laughed. “Today she was in top form. Even at home, though, that’s how she is. She doesn’t really feel like a mom, more like an older sister.” “Kotone said something similar.” “What were you talking about when I wasn’t there?” “Hmm, about how she had you when she was twenty, stuff like that?” It seemed better to obfuscate the other stuff, the stuff she didn’t want Yuuko hearing about, so I’d picked something innocuous to discuss. “Oh yeah! I usually don’t go out of my way to tell her, because of how she is and all, but I really respect and appreciate her.” Crunch, crunch. Yuuko bit into her popsicle, then continued. “I mean, isn’t it amazing?! She finally graduates high school, all her friends are having fun at college. For some people, it’s the most free and fun time in their entire lives. Of course, marriage and childbirth and all that were her choice. But she spent that time of her life on me.” “Yeah, it’s amazing.” I recalled our earlier conversation. I couldn’t claim to know what it was like, but I’m sure there must have been hardships behind the scenes that Yuuko couldn’t even imagine. Still, I thought, Kotone was amazingly cool. The easy way she joked around with her daughter. “You know, my mom…,” Yuuko said, her voice a little indistinct. “She always looks so happy whenever I talk about you, Saku. It’s always the same stories, like the time you broke the window and extracted Kentacchi from his room, or that time you got all angry for him at Starbucks. I don’t know how many times I’ve told those same stories.” “I want the latter to be banned from public broadcast immediately.” “Oh, but you were so cool then! ‘Someone like you, who never tries to better themselves, just eating and breathing…’” “—Stop quoting it!” Damn, did she memorize my entire speech? It was only three months ago. Feels like an eternity. Actually, I was really surprised when I heard Yuuko call out to me back then. “Come to think of it,” I said. “Thank you, Yuuko.” “Huh?” She stared at me, her eyes blank. “I mean, with everything going on, I didn’t say thank you properly at the time.” “I basically just stood there watching until the end, though?” “Thank you for that, too.” “Oh, Saku, you weirdo.” I wasn’t going to force myself to explain, but if Yuuko hadn’t been there at that time, I might have lost the chance to really go to town. Besides, I was happy that she just watched me the whole time. Although making such a scene in the first place perhaps wasn’t my proudest moment. But Yuuko let it drop. “The thing about my mom…,” she said. “When she heard all that, it’s like she became a fan of yours, and I think that’s why she was so excited today. Sorry, I know she was annoying.” I shook my head slowly. “Not at all. It was fun. Really nice, meeting her.” “Really? To be honest, I’ve always wanted to introduce you to my mother, but I knew what would happen.” “So you always told me not to come say bye whenever someone was coming to pick you up?” “Hee-hee,” Yuuko said, sticking her tongue out, adorably. “Hey, Saku, wanna come to my place next time? I bet Mom will go all out and cook something good…” She trailed off, and then there was a clunky silence. “—Maybe another day, when the timing is…special.” That walk home, just as spring was ending. Those words, casually spoken. They hit hard, in this moment. I was sure Yuuko felt it, too. Drip, drip, drip. Her popsicle was melting little by little, falling onto the ground like tears. Just pretend you didn’t notice. Play it off with a joke, just like usual. Be like, “Sounds good,” and things will go on as normal. But I couldn’t make it work. For the first time, no smart remarks were coming out of my mouth. “So… I have one request.” After a moment, Yuuko timidly reached out her hand, and just before she touched me, she clenched it tightly and withdrew. Her eyes wandered aimlessly, filled with determination, a sign that she’d made up her mind about something. “—Saku, I want you to always be like the Saku I’ve come to love.” Then she smiled gently. Her words came without context. I could make no sense of them, nor did I want to. But I’d spent enough time with Yuuko to be able to figure it out, sooner or later. And once I answered, we wouldn’t be able to make it back here together anymore. When it happens, I have the feeling it’s going to hurt. Still, I thought. Just for now, without looking away… “Of course. Saku Chitose is the hero, after all.” I did my best to smile. “You got that right!” Yuuko laughed right back. “Yuuko, there’s popsicle dripping on your pants.” “What? You could have told me sooner, Saku!” “Tch, you could at least have dripped it down your front.” “This is not the time to be a weirdo!” We bantered back and forth, trying just a little too hard. Like this moment in time could last forever. Even as we both knew it wouldn’t. If only I could have done this better. If only I could have been smarter. Still, we continued to face up to each other, clumsily, like this. —The feelings of the other person. And our own feelings, too.