Chapter 101

* * * Those were the words I wanted to use to overwrite everything else. I could sense both Saku and Yuzuki holding their breath. I mean…I wanted it to sound positive. Let’s look forward to meeting again. I want it to be See you soon. Not Good-bye. This is my sorry… And my thank-you. Saku’s eyes shifted, like he was confused; then he said… “Bye, guys. See you all in second semester.” And he chuckled, nice and loud. We walked slowly back through the tourist attraction of Kenrokuen Garden, back along the Higashi Chaya District, returned the kimonos we rented, then returned to the station. Half of the sky was already dark blue. Before we realized it, night had begun to fall. Not so long ago, it was still sort of bright out at eight PM. I felt the familiar sense of melancholy that this time of year always brought to me. It was still a little early for dinner, but we’d eaten lunch early, too. So we bought return tickets first and then headed to an oden shop located inside Kanazawa Station. Incidentally, while we were discussing what to eat, I remembered what had happened before Go Go Curry and found myself suggesting Hachiban’s, but the girls were quick to shut me down. “We can eat that in Fukui!” I mean, it was only a joke. They didn’t have to be so snippy about it. Then Yuzuki mentioned that Kanazawa is famous for its oden. Both Nazuna and I pictured something like an izakaya bar where adults go out drinking, so we hesitated a little at first. But of course, Yuzuki had us covered. The restaurant, which she’d looked up earlier, was right in the station, and we could see it from the ticket gate. It was open-plan, with chairs lined up around the U-shaped counter surrounding the kitchen area. It felt almost like a small café or Italian bar in its atmosphere. If it wasn’t for the handwritten menu board advertising oden, I’d never have noticed it from the outside. Some people were drinking alcohol. But it felt safe with the open aisles and passersby walking right past outside. It didn’t seem like the kind of place where people drank themselves under the table. More like they were just having a drink with a meal before riding the train or Shinkansen. Either way, the vibes felt right for three high school girls to eat there without having to worry about anything. Yuzuki wasn’t showing off or anything, but I just knew she’d evaluated every aspect of the place before suggesting it. She’s really so switched on and smart about this kind of thing. While I was thinking about Yuzuki… “Good thing you’re here, Yuzuki,” Nazuna said as she took a seat to my right. “I’m no good at researching stuff. If it was just me and Yuuko, we would’ve ended up at Hachiban’s after having Go Go Curry.” “Hey, come on! I have good suggestions sometimes!” “Like when…?” “Uh…” Well… She had me there. People who are used to walking into unknown restaurants tend to have a better idea of what’s good and what isn’t. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t know what to do… I guess I’d look up reviews online, start from the five-star reviews, and go from there. And maybe I’d specifically look for places that are a little off the beaten path. Places that might surprise people. But Yuzuki knew enough to know that there would be a restaurant serving local cuisine right inside the station. She makes it all look so effortless. She’s amazing. If she wasn’t so confident in her choices, she might be worried there’d be pushback on going to a restaurant right in the station. For example, if Yuzuki hadn’t told us about this place, I think I might have just walked right past it. But it’s got a nice atmosphere for us girls to eat local oden with peace of mind, and we don’t even have to worry about missing the train. It’s so perfect. As I was thinking about all of this, the menus arrived. After all that walking, I was hungrier than I’d thought. I just ordered whatever caught my eye. They had Kanazawa specialties like kuruma-bu (round wheels of wheat gluten) and sea snails. I looked at my dish. “Hey, what kind of oden items do you guys like? I like the little tofu pouches with mochi inside.” Ever since I was little, I remember feeling extra happy when I got those in my oden. It’s weird… I don’t really eat mochi except for at New Year’s, so it feels kinda special. Holding a pair of disposable chopsticks that looked a little fancier than the cheap ones you get at a convenience store, Nazuna said, “Hmm, my go-to is boiled egg and daikon. When I buy the convenience store oden, the egg yolk gets all crumbly and floats in the mustard stock. I know it’s bad manners, but I end up drinking all the broth.” Yuzuki looked past Nazuna at me. “Really? Well, great. This place apparently prides itself on having broth you can drink to the last drop.” “Uh-oh!” “It’s okay, oden is low in calories.” “I guess it’s too late anyway, after eating that Go Go Curry for lunch.” I felt both of their eyes on me, and I awkwardly scratched my cheek. “Now, this isn’t just ’cause it’s healthy,” Yuzuki started to say. “My favorite thing in oden is those shirataki noodle knots. I like how tight they’re tied. It won’t come apart, even when you bite it.” ““…Pfft!”” Nazuna and I both put our hands over our mouths and burst into laughter. We didn’t want to make too much noise, since this was a restaurant, but trying to suppress it made us laugh even more. Shoulders shaking, Nazuna gasped for air. “If you’re gonna be weird, at least warn me first…” I backed her up. “And you said it so solemnly, too!” Our reaction seemed to have surprised Yuzuki. She pressed her lips together tightly and looked down in embarrassment. “R-really? I thought it was a common opinion…” I patted her on the shoulder. “But you get what we’re trying to say, right? You looked adorable, Yuzuki, gleefully scanning the place for shirataki.” “I wasn’t gleeful!” “You’re like, ‘Oh, there’s still one left! Yay!’” “Do you think I’m obsessed with them or something?!” After that, we had a good laugh, then finally dug into our oden with our chopsticks. Yuzuki went straight for the shirataki at first, then she seemed to pause, reflect on what had just happened, and quickly switched her attention to the daikon radish. She’s usually so poised and perfect, so I was a little pleased to see that, in the end, she was just a high school girl like us. As I stared at my bowl, wondering what to eat first, a thought occurred to me. “Hmm? Wait, they put mustard with the oden in Kanazawa?” I’d assumed the yellow seasoning stuff served with the meal was mustard, but on closer inspection, it had tiny brown bits of something in it. “Ah,” Yuzuki said, looking at the menu. “It says here it’s local karashi mustard from Fuichi in Fukui. It’s got whole seeds ground into it, so it looks like plain mustard.” “Oh, I see. It’s kinda nice to see Fukui things outside of the prefecture. It’s like ‘Ooh, hometown pride.’” “Hmm, I kinda get what you mean.” “It’s not like it’s got anything to do with us, though.” As I spoke, I dipped a bit of chikuwa fish cake in the karashi and popped it into my mouth. The texture was nice and chewy, and the aroma of dashi hit my nose. The stock I’d tasted at the Higashi Chaya District had quite a unique flavor, but this was milder, more subtle. Fukui karashi has a spiciness and aroma to it that can’t be compared to stuff you get in tubes. It’s delicious, but I’m glad I didn’t get carried away and put too much on. “You know,” Nazuna mumbled. “When we grow up, I wonder if we’ll go to places like this to drink after work.” Looking around, I saw a man, presumably an office worker, with a large carry-on suitcase by his feet. Clearly, he was on his way back from a business trip. I also saw several women in smart suits, drinking beer and sake with relish. I put down my chopsticks. “I can’t see myself like that at all, but it does seem like something I’d want to do. When my mom drinks wine, she always seems to enjoy it.” Nazuna looked at me, the corner of her mouth quirking mischievously. “Never mind the alcohol. I can’t see you working in the first place, Yuuko.” “Hmm. But I think I’d look really good in a suit and some glasses with red frames.” “I wasn’t talking about the outfits. Anyway, you make it sound like working woman cosplay.” Yuzuki giggled beside me. “I can imagine you texting me, Yuuko, and being like, ‘Can we meet at such and such bar?’ And then when I got there, you’d be like, ‘Hey Yuzuki,’ and start ranting about all your issues at work. Like, ‘Help, how do I use a printer?’” “Hey! I’m sure I’d have more complex things to discuss than how to use a printer!” I pouted, but Nazuna quickly joined in. “Oh, I’m sure you’d be fine with the work stuff, but I bet even when you’re a working adult, you’ll still have boy troubles. Like, ‘Oh, Saku is always too busy to respond to my LINE messages lately!’” “…Just to be clear here, Saku and I are dating in this scenario?” “Nope. It’s still unrequited.” “After how many years?!!!” We laughed until we sputtered. Here we were, on a trip in the evening, having a nice slow dinner, drinking in the atmosphere of a new place. Maybe we were on more of a high than usual. “You know,” Nazuna said. “I wonder if we’ll still keep in touch even after we start working.” Her voice was tinged with sadness, with something like resignation. I wasn’t sure what to say, but Yuzuki responded instead. “You hear that a lot, right? That your high school friends just sort of drift away after graduation.” Her tone wasn’t sentimental. More like stoic. Yuzuki’s much more mature than I am. Maybe she’s accepted it already. “Right,” Nazuna continued. “I don’t even know if I’m staying in Fukui.” “Yuuko, you said you haven’t decided yet, but Nazuna and I both want to go to college out of the prefecture. Maybe we’ll end up working wherever we end up.” “So if you went to Kanazawa U, met a guy and got married, then you’d just live here? I can’t imagine it at all.” “Well, you wouldn’t have to worry about where to buy clothes.” “Yeah, but that would be kinda boring in itself…?” “One thing’s for sure, there won’t be any more evenings like this one.” “Maybe…” Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself suggesting something. “Let’s make a promise.” I could sense the two of them looking at me. I gazed into space—at the far-off future. “Like maybe, at the end of summer ten years from now…the three of us meet here again.” I offered it, like a letter. Of course, I had no idea if it would actually happen or not. There were no guarantees a promise made as teens would be upheld as adults. Even if we remembered it, we might just dismiss it for trivial reasons, like being too busy with work, or feeling tired that day. But even so, I continued. “Let’s go shopping together, and walk around town in kimonos, and eat Go Go Curry, and have oden for dinner.” …Either way, maybe there will come a day when I want to revisit these days, and the memory of this night will be a kind of anchor. We’ll play the pop music we listened to back then, remember our school blazers fondly (and how we’d be changing them around this time of year), and talk about the boys we used to like. Like a shoulder massage ticket you give to your mom and dad as a present when you’re a kid, one with no expiry date. It’ll be all but forgotten. Then someone will mention it, and we’ll be like, “Oh yeah!” And then we’ll have no choice but to make good on it. I wanted to make at least one promise like that today. “It’s a good idea.” Nazuna looked at me, chin propped in her hand. “I wonder if dressing up will be as fun ten years from now.” “I bet you’ll still be wearing crop tops.” “Yikes.” “But you’ll have kids, too, and you’ll be a great mom. A total pro.” “Double yikes! Wow, what if I dressed myself and my kids in matching outfits?” The ice cubes in Yuzuki’s glass clattered. “Okay, let’s promise. Let’s have some drinks together and talk all night about when we were seventeen.” She put down the glass and held out her little finger. “No matter who we’re living our lives with, we won’t hold any grudges. If you turn out happy, Yuuko, at least promise you’ll let us hear one or two gripes about your life.” I gently intertwined my pinkie with hers. “And if you’re happy, Yuzuki, tell me a sweet story that’ll reassure me my love wasn’t a mistake after all.” Hey, Yuzuki. Who is it you like? I almost found myself asking that question out loud—the one I basically knew the answer to. But I managed to stop myself. This isn’t an oath, nor a declaration of war. I just wanted to talk with this girl about the guys we like. But for now, I’d put that aside and leave it to our future selves, ten years from now. Without words, we shook our pinkies in confirmation. Right. There are other interpretations, like this one. A knot forms, forging a connection. So maybe, from now on, it’ll be like this. There may only be one red thread of romance woven between two people. But a broader pattern can form around it. Please, please, I prayed. …Let this be our cat’s cradle, our web of interconnected threads. It doesn’t matter who picks it up in the end. Just so long as we can laugh together and admire the pretty pattern formed. I could still feel a faint warmth on my pinkie finger. I, Yuzuki Nanase, stared blankly at my reflection in the train window. We were on the Thunderbird, going back to Fukui. I had the window seat. Yuuko was next to me. And Nazuna had settled herself down in the seat across the aisle with a warning that she was probably going to crash. Night had fallen, leaving no trace of the sun. Once we left the city, it was pretty much black outside. I could see the brightly lit interior of the train car in the window, a familiar scene stretching from left to right. The train is running next to a country road at night. It feels like I’m wandering through the looking glass. The rattle and clatter of the wheels seemed determined to lull me into sleep. Like in a fairy tale they tell to bad little girls. When I was little, I used to have odd thoughts on trains. When I get off at the station, will it really be me? What if I got swapped with the girl in my reflection and didn’t even realize? I’d be trapped, wandering endlessly through the night, waiting for the day when I could come aboard again. …Silly. These little daydreams are probably just a reaction to the feelings of loneliness and sleepiness that cling to me. The trip is almost over. Summer is almost over. I traced my reflection’s lips, cooling my warm finger against the glass. Why did we make that promise? Suddenly, I thought back to the exchange between Yuuko and Chitose I’d seen back in the Higashi Chaya District. They didn’t use many words, but each one was filled with compassion for the other. They acted like a married couple who’d been together for years and years. And here I was, wanting him to compliment my kimono, feeling bad that I wasn’t the only one who’d been served Chitose’s miso soup, begging to be his first in everything… I felt childish and selfish. And that brought to mind the conversation we had earlier. “If you turn out happy, Yuuko, at least promise you’ll let us hear one or two gripes about your life.” “And, if you’re happy, Yuzuki, tell me a sweet story that’ll reassure me my love wasn’t a mistake after all.” I’d tried to sum everything up with a snappy remark. But Yuuko was facing her love with an earnest heart. I realized now how very different we were. I’d thought she was naive at best, disillusioned at worst. Like maybe this time, she really will get her bubble burst and be changed by it. But no. You… You’re always… …Like Snow White. Never changing. Always lovely. I squeezed my own little finger, like I was making a whole new promise. Maybe I just didn’t want you to leave me behind. Maybe I didn’t want you to wave me off. The princess and the Wicked Queen—what are our destinations? A happy ending, or…? …Still. I spoke softly to Yuuko, whose eyes were closed. Nazuna was already out like a light. “Hey, are you awake?” Her eyelids snapped open. “Yeah. Just thinking about today.” Her tone was calm, content. “Thank you for inviting me. And for the Nazuna thing.” Maybe it’s going too far to say that this experience had forged a friendship between me and Nazuna, but I was happy to have learned that I genuinely liked her. “Don’t mention it. I didn’t plan it that way or anything. I just had a feeling it’d work out.” Tsk, typical Yuuko. She always flies by the seat of her pants. “Can I ask you something strange?” I said. “You can ignore it and chalk it up to me being sentimental after the trip, or you can just laugh it off altogether if you want.” “Sure. Go ahead.” She just smiled back at me. Some people say suffering makes us stronger. It seems like a thoughtless, irresponsible thing to say, but maybe they’re not completely, totally wrong. It’s like she was body-snatched, after riding the Galaxy Express in the summertime. …No, that would be rude to Yuuko. She was still herself. She was just moving forward. I began, slowly. “What do you want to be? To Saku, I mean?” I don’t even know why I wanted to ask that. Maybe just a stab in the dark. “Hmm.” Yuuko contemplated this, then responded. “I want to be the kind of girl who can tell Saku that he’s cool.” And she smiled, like a bouquet of beautiful blooming flowers. Oh, I see. I didn’t realize that. Although we seem to be complete opposites, we are very similar in some ways. So I’m sure… Yuuko bringing up that promise… Me offering my little finger… Maybe some part of me knew a reckoning would come one day. I let out a faint sigh and continued. “You were cool back then, too, Yuuko.” “Thanks, Yuzuki.” Her gaze, clear and perfect as a snowflake, was directed at me. I could see myself in her eyes. I’m sure she could see herself in mine. Like two mirrors pointed at each other, the image repeating forever. Maybe you and I are two sides of the same coin. Like two girls dreaming the same dream at the same time. That doesn’t make a pretty pattern. …But even so. I clenched my fists tightly, with renewed determination. Okay, let’s say you’re Snow White. And I’m the Wicked Queen. I still won’t let you beat me, I think, smiling a little at Yuuko. Unfortunately, nobody likes the Wicked Queen in the story. But I won’t just give up my prince. I’ll show everyone my most beautiful side, be the very best me I can be. So that ten years from now, I’ll be able to tell my best friend the sweetest story. So instead of praying or asking questions, I’ll just say this: Mirror, mirror, on the wall. …I will be the fairest one of all.