As they got closer, a large sign next to the castle came into view; it read “Hotel Alamo.” Beside it was an electric sign clearly proclaiming “Rooms Available.”
...Alamo? That’s absurd! Seiya thought. The Alamo isn’t a castle, it’s a fort. And it’s not some baroque structure, either; it was a defensive structure, specialized for practicality during the showdown between the Republic of Texas and the Mexican Army. It was a place of blood and gunpowder smoke, not some pastel fairy-tale castle that could host the kind of ball where a domestic abuse victim stupidly loses a glass slipper!
Ugh, so misleading. And it was forcing him to go down a really awkward train of thought. You’d better make this up to me, you stupid castle!
But Seiya managed to bite back his various internal objections, and simply state, with utmost calm: “How annoying. Why don’t they change the name of the stop?”
“The park has been petitioning Amagi City for a change for some time, but it keeps getting put off for one reason or another,” Isuzu answered. “A lot of guests accidentally get off here and end up having to walk to the next station down.”
“Guests?”
“The park’s visitors. Most theme parks call their visitors ‘guests’ and the employees ‘cast.’ Remember that.”
“Oh, really? That’s an odd thing to know...”
Isuzu didn’t respond to his observation—she just ignored him once again.
The city bus passed in front of Hotel Alamo and arrived at the next stop, “West Futomaru.” He hypothesized that this must be the name of the local residential area.
“We’re here,” Isuzu announced.
He followed her off the bus.
Their destination was roughly 80 meters from the bus stop, up a gentle incline, and as they neared the top, the amusement park’s front entrance could be seen. The sidewalk was cracked. The gate was faded. A rusty sign read “Welcome to the Land of Wonder, Amagi Brilliant Park!”
There was nothing particularly welcoming about it, though, Seiya thought. It felt more like the elderly owner of a run-down ramen shop saying, “Is that a customer? Well, if you want it, I’ll make it... but, are you sure?” To be frank, the love hotel from earlier had had a far more wondrous feel to it.
He took the all-day pass that Isuzu had prepared for him, passing through the front gate and into the park. Beyond the gate, he was greeted by a large fountain plaza.
“......”
The basin in the plaza’s central fountain was all dried up. There was no water shooting up from it... in fact, there was no water at all, just a bunch of round sculptures covered in a dingy brown moss.
In the distance beyond the plaza loomed a large citadel—not a castle, a citadel. There was no sense of fairy tale wonder about it at all. It felt more like the kind of thing built in the Kingdom of Jerusalem during the Crusades; a place that smelled of death, staffed with soldiers ready to give their lives to repel heretic armies.
Visitors were sparse too, he noticed; strange, given that it was Sunday. Seiya didn’t exactly frequent amusement parks himself, but even so, he’d never seen such a deserted-looking front plaza. It didn’t even look like they were cleaning it properly.
“There sure is a lot of trash on the ground...” Seiya was whispering to no one in particular when suddenly, Isuzu turned around and spoke.
“Where shall we go?”
The turn caused her pleated miniskirt to rustle. It would be an appealing enough sight if they really were here on a date, but—
“You’re the one who brought me here,” he grumbled. “You choose.”
In response, Isuzu put a hand to her chin and considered. “...Let’s go to Sorcerer’s Hill, then.”
“Sorcerer’s Hill?”
“It’s one of AmaBri’s five themed areas. It’s a fairy-tale kingdom of wonders, home to the mascots from the magical realm, Maple Land.”
“Your monotonous tone doesn’t exactly portend wonder ahead,” Seiya observed.
“Follow me,” she instructed, and began walking towards Brilliant Park’s northern area—labeled “Sorcerer’s Hill” in the pamphlet.
“Sheesh...”
She was cold as ice. How, exactly, was this a date? “Full of himself” was Seiya’s default setting, but at this point, even he was starting to catch on to the fact that Sento Isuzu had no romantic interest in him at all.
Why, then? He worked the thought over in his mind, but nothing came. Still, it seemed he had no choice but to wander around with her for a while.
Around this dodgy amusement park...
Just as Isuzu had described, Sorcerer’s Hill had a sort of fairy tale theme: Everything in it was fairly by-the-book, from the pastel color scheme to the various attractions, coasters, and merry-go-rounds.
Isuzu’s first stop was the “thrill coaster” attraction. Seiya cringed slightly at the sight, and she shot him a dubious glance.
“You aren’t scared, are you?” she asked.
“...Of course not,” Seiya scoffed. “I was just thinking, it doesn’t look like something a grown man should be riding, that’s all.”
“I see. Let’s ride anyway.”
With grim expressions, Seiya and Isuzu took their seats in the otherwise empty coaster, side by side. An odd fanfare played, and the car took off. The speed kept a comfortable pace from beginning to end. There wasn’t much in the way of steep hills, and even the sharpest curve didn’t offer more than just a slight tilt. For a supposed “thrill coaster,” there wasn’t much thrill to be found.
As they got out of the coaster, Isuzu spoke up: “Did you have fun?”
“No.”
“I see,” she observed. “Let’s move on, then.” She promptly started walking towards a new destination.
With nothing else to say, Seiya followed silently.
Their next stop was an attraction called “Tiramii’s Flower Adventure.” It was a building about the size of a school gymnasium, with fairy tale flora painted on the walls. At the entrance was a statue of a mascot that looked a bit like a Pomeranian: It had round, button eyes and a rotund body that stood about three heads tall. It was a fairly cute design, all things considered. This mascot, he inferred, must be “Tiramii.”
The attraction itself consisted of boarding a four-person car on a track, which would escort you around the fairy tale garden that Tiramii had grown. This one, too, was— “Awful.”
The worst part of it was that the car seemed poorly attached to its track, which caused it to jostle frequently. In a way, it was more “thrilling” than the thrill coaster had been. It also made him motion sick.
Here and there they were greeted by “talking flower” animatronics, but their drive assemblies must have broken down, because their movements were jerky and jittery. On top of that, no thought had been put into the audio mixing, so it was hard to tell what exactly the flowers were saying: they were probably supposed to be saying “Welcome to Tiramii’s Flower Adventure!” but what actually reached the ear was the far more unsettling “Eccum... eerami... ewere... enture!” More than anything, it brought the image of the maddening shriek of the deadly mandrake to Seiya’s mind.
“How did you like it?” Isuzu asked again.
“It took years off my life.”
“I see. Let’s move on, then.” This time, there was something halfhearted in Isuzu’s own reply.
“Wait,” Seiya said. “Are you going to be like this the whole time?”
“Like what?”
“I mean...”
Looking drained, she picked up on the hint. “I think the music theater should be fun. Look, over there.”
But “Macaron’s Music Theater,” whose sign offered a sheep-like mascot playing a violin, was declared “Closed Today.”
“But it’s Sunday,” he objected incredulously. “They’re taking the day off?”
“...He takes off whenever he’s not in the mood,” Isuzu sighed. “The Fairy of Music, Macaron, plays quite brilliantly—but unfortunately, he has an artistic temperament.”
“Ahh...”
“Let’s move on.”
The next site they visited was the building diagonally-opposite the music theater, “Moffle’s House of Sweets.” Like the “Flower Adventure” from before, this was an indoor attraction. It was a bit like the gingerbread house from the Grimm fairy tale, decorated with pancakes, whipped cream, strawberries, oranges, and other sweet treats.
“Welcome...”
When they came inside, a glassy-eyed employee (or “cast member,” as Isuzu insisted) handed them water pistols. No, they weren’t water pistols... These were laser pointers designed to look like water pistols. You pulled the trigger, and it shot a laser.
In the entrance hall hung a large screen, which played a video explaining how the attraction worked:
“Welcome to the shop of Moffle, Fairy of Sweets! Unfortunately, the bakery has been overrun by naughty rats! Use your magic water pistols and teach those rats a lesson!”
The video was followed by detailed safety instructions:
Don’t look into the barrel of the pistol (because of the lasers).
Don’t be rough with the pistol (because of its delicate construction).
Please return the pistols to the box by the exit (because of the cost).