“Do I, fumo? I didn’t even realize.”
“Oh, I know what this is,” she said brightly. “It’s a ‘He reminds me of myself when I was younger’ thing. You know, typical elder narcissism!”
“Hey! Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not that shameless!”
“Oh?” Ashe-san asked innocently.
“I mean it! It’s not like that, fumo! I went to an all-boys school, and I was very popular there! I’m much, much better with people than that fool!”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
“You don’t, do you?” Moffle muttered. “Anyway, we were talking about Seiya’s relationships with women, fumo.”
“Oh, that part...” Ashe-san said listlessly.
“Come on, Ashe. You knew what I meant, fumo! You knew it and teased me anyway, fumo!”
“Yes,” she agreed, “you are correct.”
“You’re a terrifying woman, fumo!”
“Setting all that aside... We’re talking about Kanie-san’s relationships with women, right?”
“What’s with that businesslike tone?” he asked suspiciously.
“Well, we’ve just gotten derailed so many times,” Ashe-san pointed out. “Let’s get back to the main point.”
“Moffu...” Moffle-senpai cleared his throat again. “So, Muse. Are you Team Latifah or Team Isuzu, fumo?”
“What?” The abruptness of the question caused my mind to go blank. “Um... um... I don’t know what you...”
“Oh, come on!” Ashe-san said, striking the table with her mug. Wanipii-senpai and I both started to tremble at the gesture. “What other woman could Kanie-san possibly end up with besides Latifah-sama or Isuzu-chan?”
“Er... ah... of course... right?” I agreed cautiously, but at the same time, I wondered, Is that... true?
“So Mu-chan, what’s your perspective?! That’s what we’re asking you! Get it?”
“Ah, right...” I realized Ashe-san had given up on mugs of beer, and had moved to Japanese sake. She seemed to be moving awfully quickly, today. And where did ‘Mu-chan’ come from? I hadn’t been called that since kindergarten!
“So, which is it?” she demanded to know.
“Er... well...” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Which?”
I was really at a loss. Isuzu-san was a beautiful woman. She had a great body, and she was from Maple Land nobility, and she had graduated from officer’s school early to join the royal guard. She was a true “super elite.” She could have any famous, moneyed noble she wanted (although she didn’t seem to want one...).
As for Latifah-sama, there wasn’t much to say. She was the princess of Maple Land, and first in line for the throne. She was also exceedingly gorgeous, and charming, at that. If you looked up the word “doll” in a dictionary, you’d almost certainly see a picture of her. She was frail and delicate, and so naive that I sometimes worried about her, yet she was kind and generous, as well.
It was impossible to compare the two. “They’re both amazing women...” I said, and then fell silent. That was right. It really would take someone in Latifah-sama or Isuzu-san’s league to catch Kanie-san’s eye. When I’d seen Kanie-san and Isuzu-san yelling at each other about work up close... When I’d seen Kanie-san and Latifah-sama enjoying their tea in the rooftop garden from afar... I always thought, I’m so stupid. This is pathetic.
He may be arrogant, but Kanie-san was always earnest in his thinking about the future of the park, and I really was attracted to him. I had been since the first moment we met. I just thought... he’s very handsome. It wasn’t like I was head-over-heels or anything; really, I think of it as being more like a crush. But I’m just so unimpressive.
When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina, and I took classes for it. I wasn’t the most athletic person, but I felt like my sheer effort kept me in the running. The classes I took were for serious learners, and it was during summer vacation in my third year of middle school that my teacher broke it to me, “I don’t think you have what it takes.” Still, I liked dancing, and I never gave up.
I’m a Spirit of Water. My family are lords of a lake in the mortal realm (I don’t want to make any trouble for them, so I’ll just say they’re lords of a “Lake K” in a certain prefecture), and my parents wanted me to help with the family business. But I really wanted to pursue dancing, so I decided to give it a go in the mortal realm.
Before I came to AmaBri, I worked the night shift at a family restaurant while serving as a background dancer at a provincial amusement park. I basically lucked into being a featured dancer at AmaBri. An ordinary, provincial spirit like me... Kanie-san would never give someone like me the time of day. I don’t even have any romantic experience! I went to an all-girls school! It’s just like Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san said! I’m superficial! I fantasize! Is that wrong? Is that wrong?! Yes, it’s definitely wrong.
Well... I had reached the age when I should be able to recognize these problems in myself. And I’m not actually as superficial as she said... But anyway, you know? For someone like me, pursuing Kanie-san would be like someone who only ever played a game on “Casual” or “Very Easy” going right to “Nightmare” or “Hell Mode.” I’d die in the first thirty seconds. So I’d decided I would just admire him from afar. I’d be happy just keeping my distance, occasionally sighing and whispering, “so wonderful”... That was all I needed.
And yet... It was a cruel thing for Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san to ask me.
“I think... they’re both... wonderful people...” I said hesitantly. That took everything I had. This wasn’t good. The world around me was growing fuzzy. The rim of the plate of snacks in front of me was starting to blur. The tip of my nose felt hot, and I was forced to sniffle.
“M-Moffu... Ah, er...” Moffle said, hesitantly. “You know, Muse? We just wanted to hear the opinion of someone in his general age group! Right, Ashe?!”
“Huh? ...Ah, yes! Th-That’s right, of course!” she agreed hastily. “There’s no ulterior motive. None at all! We were just curious... that’s all.”
“Right. Ah... I really am fine...” I told them.
As I wiped at my nose, Moffle-senpai pulled his wallet out from somewhere and thrust a thousand yen bill at Wanipii-senpai. “Wanipii. Could you buy me some cigarettes, fumo?”
“Where did that come from?!” Wanipii asked indignantly. “Are you trying to get rid of me, pii?!”
“W-Well...” Moffle-senpai stuttered.
Meanwhile, Ashe-san spoke up. “Frankly, yes.”
“P-Pii?!” Wanipii squeaked in outrage.
“Go buy them,” she ordered him bluntly. “Leave the shop and head right. You’ll find a convenience store. Read a whole manga magazine or a tankoban before you come back. Now, go on.”
“Pii!!” Tears streaming from his eyes, Wanipii-senpai left. His willingness to play along suggested a certain generosity of spirit.
As Wanipii-senpai left the tatami room, Moffle-senpai bowed his head to me. “Er, I’m sorry, fumo. I didn’t realize you were that serious about him, fumo.”
“Wh-What do you mean?” I played dumb, even knowing it was foolish.
“Seiya, fumo. I’d assumed you just had a crush, fumo.”
“Same here. We took our teasing too far. I’m sorry,” Ashe-san apologized.
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san both bowed deeply to me, and I started to feel like I was the one who had done something wrong. ...Although I was also a little bit annoyed at how easily they had figured out my feelings based on that one little display.