“Moffu. I’m very curious, fumo. Tell us all why you think Seiya isn’t that way.”
“U-Um...”
“Don’t worry. We’re all drinking here,” Ashe-san said reassuringly. “Why don’t you just let it all out? Come on, now. First, take a big drink. Biiiig drink.” Ashe-san gently nudged my beer toward me. I finished it off, and found a second beer sitting in front of me immediately. “You don’t have to drink it if it’s too much, all right?”
“Yeah. No need to force yourself, fumo. Now, back to the earlier question. ...Why do you think Seiya’s a straight-shooter with women? I want to hear evidence, fumo.”
“Huh?! Well... well...” Nothing was coming to me. Something, something... I found my hands going straight for the mug. I took a few deep gulps to try to buy time.
“Blugh...” In the ten seconds or so it earned me, I was hoping the subject would be changed, but no such luck. Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san were extremely patient, and they were waiting for my response.
“So?” they both said in unison. It seemed there was no more avoiding it.
“Well... Kanie-san is...”
“Yes, yes?”
“Kanie-san is... not very calculating...” I tried, “when it comes to his personal relationships...”
“Fumo, fumo.”
Oh, forget it, I decided, and just lay it all out there. “Well, you know? He’s so arrogant and domineering, right? He really annoys me, too, if I’m honest. But... someone who’s actually trying to get something will usually throw some ingratiating and coaxing into their act. But he doesn’t, you know? He’s just arrogant start to finish, and I think maybe that’s evidence that he’s actually very forthright! And that’s also why I’ve decided to stick with him!”
After I’d finished speaking my piece, Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san both looked up at the ceiling and said “Ahh” in one voice.
“What kind of reaction is that?” I demanded to know.
“Oh, um. You know, fumo. I know people don’t use the term ‘louse’ to refer to men much nowadays, but that’s the kind of line you tend to hear from a woman refusing to break up with her louse of a boyfriend.”
“What?” I asked.
“I hear that. You know... ‘His selfishness is just a sign of honesty!’ and such... You see it a lot with girls who think of themselves as the lead in a romance movie,” Ashe-san put in.
“Huh? Huh?!” Why were they turning on me for trying to say something positive?! I felt so confused.
“Moffu. You know the extreme version of that? ‘It’s true that he hits me, but it’s not what you think! He never goes for the face!’ and such.”
“Ah, so true. I knew some girls like that back in school,” Ashe-san reminisced. “Very superficial. It seemed like it kept up for years and years...”
“Wow, really, fumo?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “I graduated from a women’s college. I saw quite a lot of it.”
“Ah,” Moffle put in. “Did you, fumo? I do hear about those girls being superficial.”
“Yes. Only a small portion, but comparatively, a lot.”
“Which is it, fumo?”
The two of them burst out into cackles.
“Well... you know,” Ashe-san continued. “Statistics are an interesting thing. It’s like how they say most people with Priuses are bad drivers.”
“Moffu,” said Moffle, before waiting for her to continue.
“In fact, it’s just that there are so many on the market that you notice the bad drivers more. It’s sort of like that, I think.”
“That’s not helping your case, fumo!”
“What?” Ashe-san asked, looking perplexed.
“Because there aren’t that many women’s colleges!” Moffle pointed out.
“Well, true enough!”
They burst out into cackles again.
I wasn’t laughing one bit. Meanwhile, Wanipii-senpai was just playing around on his smartphone with an amiable smile. It looked like some kind of social game. Come on, put it down and help me! I begged.
“Well, anyway, fumo. Muse,” said Moffle, looking my direction. “Being superficial can hurt you in life, okay?”
“W-Wait a minute,” I objected strenuously. “When did you decide I was superficial?!”
“Are we wrong, fumo?”
“What? Well... ah...”
“See, you hesitated. You hesitated, fumo!” he pointed out triumphantly.
I groaned.
“Moffle-san, don’t tease her like that!” Ashe-san scolded.
“I’m not teasing her, fumo!”
The two burst out in cackles yet again. I was starting to feel like I wanted to kill someone.
“Ah, we’re sorry,” Ashe-san told me. “We’re really not trying to be mean.”
“O-Okay...” I agreed shakily.
“I understand why you’d be attracted to someone like Kanie-san.”
“Well, well! There’s a dynamite admission, fumo.”
“I mean it, though. He’s very handsome. If I were in high school, I’d probably be falling all over him!” Ashe-san skillfully laughed off Moffle-san’s implication. Magnificent. Incredible. I took note of her technique and filed it away in the back of my mind. I’d love to say a line like that, some day.
No, wait a minute! I told myself. Focus! I can’t let the conversation keep going this way! They’re making it sound like I’m in love with Kanie-san! I need to voice an objection! “But, but um, I don’t... he’s my boss, I mean... That’s the only way I meant it.”
“Of course, of course. That’s what we’ll tell everyone.” Ashe-san patted my shoulder, smiling brightly. “Still... you should try to be less superficial. It won’t do you any favors in life.”
“R-Really?” I asked weakly.
“Really. For instance...” Ashe-san patted Moffle-san on the back.
“Moffu?”
“Let’s take this plush rodent fellow, here,” she suggested. “He’s strapping, isn’t he? He’s a former general, isn’t he? He’s amazing, isn’t he? He may frequently do stupid things, but he’s also frequently intelligent. You need to be able to see that in people.”
“What in the world? You make it sound like I’m not handsome, fumo.”
“You’re not handsome,” Ashe-san agreed amiably.
“Moffu,” Moffle huffed. “Well, maybe not.”
“But I still think you’re amazing, Moffle-san.”
“You do? I’m surprised, fumo.”
“You’re magnificent,” Ashe-san said soothingly, “truly.”
Another shockwave hit me. There was a genuine subtext behind their exchange. Sitting side by side, joking, there was a bit—just a bit of eroticism in the way Ashe-san gazed at Moffle. Of course, it wasn’t exactly yearning. But! How to put it... It did feel a little bit like “You’re on my radar!”
Oh, Goddess Libra! As far as I knew, Ashe-san doesn’t know about Moffle-senpai’s human form—that bearded, Aragorn-looking dreamboat. The only people who had seen that picture were me, the Elementario trio and Isuzu-san. Ashe-san was acting that way because she had an eye for people’s personalities that went above and beyond how physically attractive he might be. I had to say I was really impressed. (Although physical appearances aside, I still find Moffle-san a little harsh!) I was on pins and needles waiting to see how he would react.
“...Hmm, I can’t say as I know what to do with that. Cast leader and financial manager... forbidden love, fumo.” He went right for it! His plush paw even took Ashe-san’s hand. “If... If we tried it, Ashe, would you...”
“Yes?” she said.
“Would you approve the budget request I submitted last week?” Moffle asked earnestly.
“Absolutely not,” Ashe-san immediately denied.
“Thought not!”
They immediately cackled, clinked their glasses together, drank the rest down, then shouted “One more Hoppy and one more beer!” in unison.