“All right, everyone, thank you so much~. You don’t have to pay any membership fees today, so just relax. You don’t have to pay anything at all. No fees, no payments, it’s all free.” “You’re putting a weird amount of emphasis on the ‘free’ part! We get it!” This was the Empire’s state guesthouse. It sat on castle grounds, but it was its own independent building away from the castle itself. On the first floor was a hall used for parties, and on the second floor and above were rooms for the guests. “So what inspired you to throw a party like this?” Ryouta could scarcely believe that Ouka would hold an event for free. “My dinner party got canceled and freed up the facilities. It’s efficient and practical to use the setup for something else.” “Right, I see.” “If not, I would not have invited everyone for free. Do not take me for a softy, okay?!” “No need to act tough about it! Shouldn’t you be more upset? I can’t believe you’d invite us to a party for free?!” “The heavens would punish me if I wasted all my citizens’ hard-earned tax money on a party. I wouldn’t deserve to govern.” “Wow, that actually sounded kind of cool!” “And we don’t even have enough tax money for me to throw nice parties when I feel like it! Pay your taxes, citizens! We can’t do anything with a budget this small!” “Don’t get angry about it! Maybe you don’t deserve to govern!” The party was, incidentally, a standing buffet. “Did you know buffets save us money on personnel expenses?” “You really don’t need to bring real world economics into this.” Those in attendance were Ouka, emperor and party organizer; Sasara, Ouka’s personal Imperial guard; Rei, the emperor’s attending ninja; Shiren, Ouka’s little sister; Ryouta, Shiren’s (provisional) minion; Alfoncina, the Imperial archbishop; Tamaki, their school classmate whose family ran a convenience store; Kokoko, who worked at said store; and Kiyomizu, who wasn’t invited but showed up anyway—nine people in all. The party hall was full of the group’s usual energy. Sasara was exclaiming, “Lady Ouka, you look positively stunning as you eat! I’ve taken the perfect photo!” as she snapped picture after picture of Ouka, expressing her extreme and vaguely stalker-like love for her master. Kiyomizu was on the same wavelength, taking pictures and declaring, “I am going to take so many photos of you eating, Ryouta dearest!” Tamaki was in a funk, muttering, “Sigh, I feel like my dinner today is a slap in the face to my family, who are only eating rice and leftovers from the store… I’m sorry for being born…” Rei was screaming, having unfortunately dropped her fork prongs-down into her foot. Kokoko was picking out the carrots from all the dishes and only eating those. All the while, Shiren was silently stuffing her face without prejudice. Among the others, Alfoncina was quite graceful; it was likely she was used to these kinds of parties. “I can’t say I’m surprised, Alfoncina,” Ryouta said. “But you seem totally at home here. I guess you were just raised differently…” “We all have to relax once in a while. I’ve been up for two nights in a row now because of manga deadlines.” “That’s not exactly the refined home life I was imagining!” “To be honest, I don’t have much energy to eat, but I have a feeling I’ll faint if I don’t eat now, so I’m forcing it all into my stomach, hee-hee…” “Whoa! Your eyes are glazing over! You are going to faint!” “When things are really bad, I try to ignore it by chugging energy drinks.” “You really shouldn’t resort to doping to make it through life’s rough patches! You really will fall apart!’ “What are you talking about, Sonko…? You know a strategy like that will mean the death of the whole squadron…” “And now she’s talking to her own characters! Just go to bed! You’re past the tipping point!” “I’m okay, Rouko’s okay…” “Wait, now she thinks she’s one of her own characters, too?!” Around then, Sasara walked over. “Well, now that I’ve finished with that (‘that’ being taking photos of the beautiful Lady Ouka), I can concentrate on the food.” “You also look like you belong here, minus all the photography,” Ryouta remarked. “But I guess you are nobility.” “The food is quite good. But personally, I think the tonkatsu dipping noodles from Konishiya, the abura soba from Ootora, and the niboshi ramen from Ujiteru taste much better.” “You really like ramen, don’t you?” “Not exactly, but any noble worth their salt makes an effort to understand the lower classes. And thus, I arrived at the conclusion that ramen and the common folk go hand in hand. For example, the establishment Isokaze is well-known for providing such volume that their regular size could be mistaken for a large or even an extra-large. I have heard the restaurant began out of a desire to fill the bellies of poor students for a cheap price. Isn’t that a nice story? Ahh, ramen is truly the best.” “It sounds like you just want to talk about ramen.” “No, that’s not the case at all. Sakuraya has good gyoza, too. You can request an extra helping of gyoza miso, and it is simply the best. The meat juices and the miso together are a match made in heaven.” “I didn’t mean you should change the topic to gyoza!” “Ah, and when you add the onion paste from Ryuuhei into the soup *She continues to speak about ramen for a while. The rest is omitted.” Still, this crowd makes me a little uneasy… Ryouta wasn’t sure if it was just a coincidence or some kind of bad joke, but everyone here was a girl whom he had some kind of connection with. “You look pale, Ryouta. Your fancy tomato dishes are going cold. We don’t get to eat this very often.” Shiren was munching away at the tomatoes on her plate. “You seem relaxed…” “The basis of life is food. What’s wrong with enjoying a meal? And these tomatoes are delicious!” “The Sacred Blooded sure like tomatoes…” Red things were a favorite among the Sacred Blooded. After living here for a while, that fact had really begun to sink in for Ryouta. “It is a bit of a disappointment that we still use mostly tomatoes from Japan, though. The majority of their tomatoes are of the Momotaro cultivar. But they constitute only a small portion of one variety of the tomatoes found worldwide. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can eat all kinds of tomatoes. And then a tomato full-course meal would really be worth it.” “I can’t follow a tomato discussion on that level!” “We have other tasty foods here besides tomatoes.” It was then that Ouka, organizer of the party, approached. “You see, we have harvested safe and worry-free vegetables from the garden on the castle grounds.” “Oh, yeah. Come to think of it, you do grow a lot here.” “Our vegetables are high quality and are completely pesticide- and poison-free.” “I’d recommend not going out of your way to make poison-free a selling point.” Thinking about it now, Ryouta recalled that there were all kinds of scary, poisonous mushrooms in the castle vegetable gardens. According to Ouka, they were used in politics. He had a feeling it wasn’t wise to ask too many questions, so he didn’t know any details. “Please tell me you didn’t put poison mushrooms in the food…” He looked down at the mushroom spaghetti on his plate. “How rude. Of course not. And to prove it, I’ve already eaten plenty myself.” Ouka looked down at her own plate. Just as she’d said, it looked like she’d already started on her spaghetti. “Look, the greatest chef in the Empire made this Japanese-style mushroom spaghetti, so it’d be a pity if you didn’t eat it. See? There’s none left.” She was right—none was left on the serving plate. “Hey, you’re right. I didn’t think you guys would eat all that much. And everyone’s a girl besides me.” “We had smaller portions made in order to save on ingredient costs.” “Somehow, I knew that would be the punch line!” “It’s not all that unusual. It’s standard to only make enough food for about seventy percent of the guests at buffet parties. Have you ever heard of one where everyone gets absolutely stuffed?” “Yeah, I guess not…” “We didn’t even make enough for fifty percent this time, though.” “So that’s why the food is going so fast!” “And that’s why you should eat quickly.” “You’re right. I’ll go and grab som—” “Your Majesty! We made a mistake and included some poison mushrooms!” The chef rushed into the room and made a shocking announcement. ““““““Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!!!”””””” Everyone present shouted at once. Judging by their reactions, everyone but Ryouta had already eaten some. “Ryouta dearest! I want to get to home base with you before I die!” Kiyomizu rushed into Ryouta’s arms on the verge of tears. “We should die together, even! We can be bound together for eternity in the next life! Let us depart!” “Wait, wait! Calm down, Kiyomizu! Let’s get the situation in order first!” Even though the mushrooms were poisonous, they still didn’t know what kind of toxins were in them. They might only end up getting a bit of food poisoning, and even if the mushrooms were dangerous, they might just need to vomit them up. “To be honest, even if I live or die, I still want to get to—” “Well, at least you’re acting the same as usual.” Ryouta used both hands to push Kiyomizu aside like he always did. “But there’s one person who has gone pale and collapsed…,” Kiyomizu pointed out. Beside them, Rei had fainted. “Hey, Rei! Are you okay?!” “I was so shocked that food got caught in my throat… Ehem, ehem…” “Oh, so it wasn’t poison. You’re fine, then.” “What, you refuse to look after your big sister in her time of need…? Ehem, ehem…” “If I had to help you every time something like this happened, I’d be looking after you more than ten times in a day.” Rei fainted so much that Ryouta couldn’t bother with her anymore. Past them, Tamaki sat at a table writing something down. “Sigh… Dying in an accident like this is somehow fitting for me, I suppose. It was a short but fun life. I went hiking with my second father, and he almost left me there on the mountain, I went hiking with my third father, and he almost pushed me off a cliff, and then when I went with my fourth father to the woods, he almost buried me there… Ahh, what a good life. Now, let me write my will…” “Shijou, your despair is so overwhelming, I can’t even approach!” “It was such a fun life, in one sense of the word. Other people will have lots of fun laughing at me…” “Her will is an unsalvageable tragedy!” “When I realize I will finally be at peace, I feel strangely at ease…” “Stop right there! If we all survive, let’s go to an amusement park or something! Something to lift our spirits!” Meanwhile, the chef was telling Ouka about the mushrooms. “Ah~, I see. There was no poison in the cooking process, but there were poisonous mushrooms mixed in with the ingredients. I see, I see~.” Ryouta didn’t think that sounded much better. Ouka then marched straight into the center of the room and spoke up. “There’s no need to panic yet. I’ve confirmed what kind of mushroom it is, and it’s not the kind that will cause any sort of pain or death.” “Oh, so we’ll be fine, then.” Ryouta’s two biggest fears had been crossed out, and a sense of relief flooded the room. “How fortunate. The mushroom field next to it was only for killing, so we’d all be dead right now if it had been one of those.” “Don’t grow things like that, then!” “We need the darkness to see the value of light, Ryouta.” “I feel like you’re trying to gloss over this somehow…” “But I think you’re all a little too calm. You still ate something toxic, after all.” She was right. “So what kind of toxin was it?” “The bashful kind.” “Huh?” Everyone in the room was confused. “The name of this mushroom is the bashful mushroom. It’s an aphrodisiac that makes you flustered and embarrassed if there’s someone you are attracted to nearby. There are reportedly individual differences as to when the toxin starts to take effect, but it subsides quickly once symptoms start appearing. If you go straight to sleep, then you should be back to normal once you wake up. It should be out of your systems by tomorrow morning.” “Why are you cultivating a mushroom like that…?” “We use it in diplomacy. We often feed it to foreign ministers from other countries.” “That’s some dangerous diplomacy!” “Anyway, even though it’s not going to put any of our lives in danger…” For some reason, Ouka turned to stare at Ryouta. Hard. “Er, why are you looking at me…?” “…I cannot say that the symptoms won’t have a negative effect on our current relationships. So that’s why I’m going to ask all of you to stay put in your own rooms. So long as you stay away from one another, you’ll be fine.” The entire party moved to the upper floors of the state guesthouse, where they found rows of guest rooms. They had all planned to stay the night here anyway. Everyone had a whole room to themselves. “All right, I know it’s a bit early, but we’re calling it here for today. Keep your rooms locked when you sleep, and you won’t have any embarrassment with anyone.” “This reminds me of a locked-room murder mystery, and it’s giving me the creeps…” If things proceeded in that direction, someone would certainly wind up dead. “It’s my duty as host to keep my guests safe, and I have prepared accordingly.” Farther down the hallway was a group of people who looked like knights. “Imperial soldiers, if you see anyone enter the corridor and begin acting strangely, seize them.” “I see, that will keep us safe.” “This is Leftover Filla and Brittle the Trainee, both members of the Imperial Guard.” “Why’d you pick such weak-sounding soldiers?!” “They are both lower rank, so they are cheaper. I’ll have to pay considerable overtime if I get a Sasara-class guard to work off-hours!” “So it comes down to money once again!” “And, soldiers, if Sasara tries to get into my room, stop her. My chastity is at stake here.” “You really don’t trust her, do you?! And isn’t Sasara an Imperial guard, too…?” “The doors to this building are shut, by the way, so no one will be able to get in, either.” “Now it’s really starting to sound like a locked-room mystery…” “Oh, Ryouta, I forgot to tell you something important.” “What, just me…?” “At the end of the hallway, there is a video-card vending machine. Buy one and input the number on the TV in your room to watch all the porn you want.” “Don’t single me out for that kind of thing! I’m not gonna buy one!” That was indeed a common sight in business hotels. But Ryouta didn’t think it belonged in a state guesthouse. “We’ll be locking the rooms as a general rule, so buy one now if you want one.” “That makes buying one even more awkward!” “Oh, you can just say you’re going to watch some classic films.” “Absolutely no one will believe that excuse!” “You’re a hard sell. They normally cost a thousand sacred yen, but I’ll make it five hundred sacred yen especially for you, Ryouta.” “I told you, no thank you!” Despite a tinge of unease, Ryouta entered his room. The inside was like any other hotel room—to the left was the bath and toilet, and the bed was farther toward the back. There was also a TV, but it was more of an older model. It was in places like this that Ouka’s penchant for pinching pennies came through. Since he hadn’t eaten any of the mushrooms, he took a long shower and relaxed. There wasn’t any kind of bathrobe provided in the rooms, so he was just wearing what he’d been wearing earlier. That was probably another cost that had been cut. It was a weird time of the night—still too early to sleep, but he couldn’t exactly go out, either. Knock, knock, knock. Someone was at the door. “Uh, who is it…?” He thought walking around in the hall was forbidden—so who was knocking? “I’m one of the soldiers. I’m on patrol. Please open the door.” “Oh, a guard… But wait, I still can’t trust you…” He had a feeling that opening this door would eventually lead to his death. “I am Filla Yamashita, Imperial guard (age twenty-six). I like skiing. I’ve recently been into making my own pizzas at home.” “Thanks for the introduction, but I still don’t know if any of that is correct, so it doesn’t mean I trust you!” “Then look through the peephole and see for yourself.” Ryouta peeked through the hole and saw a woman standing there, wearing an Imperial Guard uniform. “It’s true, then… I’m opening the door.” “I’m sorry, I lied.” “What…?” “I lied about making pizza. I really make soba noodles at home.” “I don’t care if that part is true or not! Either way, you’re into making food. That’s all I need to know!” “Those are fighting words in the world of cooking.” “Sure, but that is so far off topic right now, I don’t care! I’m opening the door!” He felt confident he wouldn’t be murdered right away, so he unlocked the door. “Ryouta dearest, I missed you!” Kiyomizu immediately flew in. He had barely opened the door, and yet she had slid through the crack. “Now then, let us enjoy an amorous affair! We will leave no clues behind.” “Hold on! How did you get here?! What about the guards?!” “I defeated them.” Her answer came quickly. There was an unconscious Imperial guard lying in the hallway—Kiyomizu must have brought them along as a decoy. “These underling guards are sooo weak.” “I guess there’s no point if the guests are stronger than the guards…” Ouka’s penny-pinching had backfired on her. She’d lost sight of the entire point. “But the voice I just heard was different from yours—” “I can change my voice all I like,” she said in a baritone. “Anyone who gets between us is my enemy. And besides, I’m Kiyomizu of the Virginal Father. Those guards didn’t stand a chance!” Oh yeah, Kiyomizu was originally an assassin or something… At any rate, he couldn’t let things continue like this. “C’mon, Kiyomizu, you should go straight back to your room. Actually, I— Huh?” Ryouta realized he was bound up in rope. “How can you even move that fast?! And…isn’t this turtle-shell bondage…?” “You and I are bound by the red thread of fate, Ryouta dearest!” “This isn’t thread; this is rope! And we aren’t ‘bound’; you’ve just tied me up! Oh… Hold on a second.” Something about this felt a little strange to Ryouta. “You ate some of the bashful shrooms, but you’re acting pretty normal, Kiyomizu.” “I am always affectionate with you, Ryouta dearest, so I believe the effects have been minimal.” “I guess you’re right…” What she said and did on a daily basis was already abnormal, so there had been no change. That solved that—actually, that didn’t solve anything. This was a pretty desperate situation, in fact… “Now, Ryouta dearest, let us enjoy a long night togeth—” Kiyomizu collapsed onto Ryouta. “Kiyomizu, stop! …Huh?” “Zzz, zzz…” She had fallen asleep. The effects of the mushroom had apparently worn off. It seemed to be true that the person affected would fall asleep once their period of infatuation was over. “Phew, that’s good… But I’m still tied up, so what should I do…? It’s not going to be easy getting this off by myself…” At that moment, the door opened. “Goodness, look at you…” It was Sasara Tatsunami. She was wearing pajamas—perhaps she had been about to go to bed. “I heard a commotion, so I came out into the corridor, only to find you like this… And with Filla collapsed outside the door…” “There’s a really good reason for all this. Sorry, but could you untie me? There’s been a little accident. I think you can guess what when you look at Kiyomizu…” “But perhaps I’ve come at just the right time.” “What?” Sasara lifted him up, still bound, and took him to the bed. No way was this happening… “Ryouta Fuyukura, you made me drink your blood once… Though I had no other choice in the matter back then, it is still an unspeakably shameful thing for an unmarried man and woman to drink each other’s blood… S-so…you must take responsibility for your actions…” Sasara’s face went red, and she was unable to meet his eyes. She was entirely under the effects of the bashful shroom. Things had taken a bad turn… “Sasara, listen to me with whatever shreds of logic you have left in there. You’re going to regret it for the rest of your life if this keeps going. R-right? And don’t you have Ouka…?” Ryouta had the feeling he was throwing Ouka under the bus here, but that wasn’t important right now. If things went badly, then Sasara could be seriously harmed, too… “My love for Lady Ouka and my love for you are completely different… There is no need to worry; I won’t stop halfway… I can take maternity leave from the Imperial Guard… I—I will bring up our children with love…” “This is not the time to be making plans for the future!” “I want three children at most… And we will get them into a prestigious elementary school.”
Chapter 99
19 min read