I turned away from the monitor. It was after school, we were in the AV room, and I’d just finished reading Yanami’s report. That was what she called it anyway.
“What did I do to deserve this, Yanami-san?”
“What didn’t you do, honestly.”
“E-evil man,” spat Komari. Wonderful.
So much for talking. I thought the whole point of Yanami’s “interview” with Shiratama-san had been to find common ground.
“Thoughts, Komari?” I asked. “She says I’m wonderful. Good judge of character, I think. Sharp eyes that cut straight to the soul.”
“Y-yours are broken.” She then promptly gave me the cold shoulder.
Yanami sat and started typing.
“We don’t need more anecdotes. We’re doing this for Shiratama-san, not to stroke your ego. Stay on topic.”
She stopped and gave me a look. “For the record, she’s only saying that crap because you go starry-eyed every time she looks in your general direction.”
Was that so wrong? Was I not allowed that much?
As she and I continued to bicker, Komari suddenly stood.
“I-I’ll talk to her.”
That shut us up. She smirked. “S-some things take a girl’s touch.”
“Pretty sure I heard that line yesterday,” I said.
But hey, she was willing, and that was rare. Godspeed, vice prez.
✦ ✦ ✦
SHIRATAMA RIKO INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
INTERVIEWER: KOMARI CHIKA
The subject is doing homework when I enter. I sit across from her, but she doesn’t notice me. I am forced to resume reading my book on my phone.
“Oh, Komari-senpai. I didn’t see you. You should have said something.”
Time elapsed: several minutes. Upon acknowledging me, she smiles and puts away her writing implement.
“What’s going on? Why is everyone coming in one at a time? Feels like I’m going through rounds of interviews.”
Her scrutinizing eyes betray the nature of her cloying smile. She’s on to me. I pretend to return to my phone.
“You want to ask me about Sunday, don’t you? It’s okay. I don’t bite.”
The subject grows impatient. Common practice dictates I press her now, but being the literature club member that I am, I must consider the perspicuity of my words more carefully. I thus opt to communicate through text, when a crisis emerges.
“Oh. Is your battery low? You can borrow my charger if you want.”
Indeed. My reserves dangerously depleted, I am forced to make a tactical retreat.
✦ ✦ ✦
Come on, man. Yanami and I shared knowing looks.
“Komari, did you just go in, sit down, then leave?”
She jumped slightly, little tears pooling in her eyes. “I d-did my best.”
“Yeah, she did her best. Don’t be a jerk, Nukumizu-kun.” Yanami patted her on the head. As if we weren’t on the exact same page.
I set that aside for now and returned to the matter at hand. “Okay,” I said, “so you’ve both had your talks. Unfortunately, we’ve made exactly zero progress toward our goal.”
“Our ‘goal’? Your goal, you mean. You never told us any goal.” Yanami crossed her legs authoritatively.
“Because it went without saying. Break the ice and show her we’re on her side. By giving her a community, we can hopefully prevent her from repeating past mistakes.”
“So we’re reforming criminals now? Seriously?”
We might’ve been if anyone but me were taking this even remotely seriously.
“Anyway, that’s that. She’s been in there alone for a while, so let’s join her.”
But they just stared.
“What?”
They stared some more.
“So, what, you just get to sit there and criticize?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I-it’s your turn,” Komari said.
My turn? For an interview? I waved my hand in denial. “No way, are you kidding me? This might come as a shocker to you two, but I’m not great with girls. Especially one-on-one. Sunday was a fluke. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Yanami and Komari lumbered to their feet. Murder.
“Looked like you were handling yourself just fine during your little cat café date,” Yanami growled.
“A-apologize to all cat-kind,” said Komari.
I sensed danger. “But guys, I’m a boy. You really think I’m gonna be the one to crack her shell?”
“Obviously. She thinks you’re wonderful,” Yanami said. “Who could be better for the job?”
“G-go, enemy.”
Those two were getting real comfortable with walking all over me lately.