I felt his golden eyes peering at me, but I couldn’t meet his gaze, and when I looked away, he tipped his head ever so slightly.
“Yeah. That’s what the old bastard said, too. Anyway, since Barn was there, I went to check it out. But I couldn’t find anything.”
The casual way he used that familiar nickname, “old bastard,” and the quiet drop in his voice when he said he hadn’t found anything made my heart ache. I could barely breathe.
No, I can’t lie to someone searching so seriously. I can’t pretend anymore.
If I chose safety over the truth, we’d never be happy. It would come back to haunt me again and again, and eventually our relationship would crumble under all my guilt. But more than anything, I would never forgive myself if something happened to Lukie because I’d kept it to myself.
“Lukie.”
“What?”
My mind made up, I called his name, the name of the man I loved so much, perhaps for the last time. He answered with his usual tender look. My lips trembled as I continued.
“I-I have something important to tell you.”
Even though I could barely speak for all my stammering, he listened earnestly. And for some reason, he didn’t respond right away. But then he frowned angrily, and just as he reached for my clasped hands, I froze in shock.
I was suddenly bound by magical chains. I was so stunned I couldn’t move.
“Wait, Lukie. I just wanted to… Eek!”
Didn’t he hear me correctly?
I tried to speak again, but before I could finish, he yanked up my arms and held them above my head, stringing me up, and I gasped.
That wasn’t the end of it, either. The magical chains slithered down my body and coiled around me, wrapping tightly around my chest like they always did. They began to squeeze me, and my body twitched in response.
“Nngh, ahh!”
I hated everything about it. The restraints made no sense, and my body was reacting in spite of myself. I didn’t want to cry, but the tears spilled out anyway. It was so humiliating, I wanted to scream. That he would behave like this at such a crucial moment left me infuriated with him. My head felt like it was boiling over.
“Stop it! This is really important! Why would you do something like this now?!”
I tried to twist my body in a show of resistance, but the sorcerous chains tugged me upward, keeping my torso taut. Still, the anger he returned was far worse than mine, and I froze.
“The important thing you want to tell me… It’s about the man in the Egrich Empire, isn’t it?”
“H-how did you…”
You’re not supposed to know! How could you possibly know? Could you have realized that the reason you and the people you love are in danger is none other than me?!
I started shaking, and Lucas let out a sigh that almost sounded like a laugh.
“Hah… Why? Why would you think I wouldn’t notice? Just like I’m terrified when it comes to you. You’re scared when it comes to me. That’s why I asked you if it was resolved at the coliseum, my Cece.”
His eyes clouded with a mixture of love, resentment, and a bit of despair, and as they softened, that sweet malice hit me square in the chest. My throat tightened.
So he had noticed I was scared back then, and he asked me because he knew. And I just brushed him off and chose to protect myself. But he still chose to let it go!
“I-I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Lukie!”
My regret and panic spilled out all at once, like water out of a breaking dam.
But Lucas lowered his head, like he couldn’t accept my apology.
“So…does saying sorry mean you planned to stop being mine?”
His voice was low, dark, and full of disappointment. The moment I heard it, my vision dimmed. I’d hurt him and broken his trust. That’s why he was saying this. That’s why he’s doubting my love!
“N-no, it’s not like that… It’s not!”
I don’t care if you stop loving me. I don’t care if you say you don’t want me, if you throw me away, if you tell me I’m not worth trusting anymore.
But please, don’t ever doubt that I love you. If you told me even that wasn’t real… If you told me these selfish, cowardly feelings weren’t love, I wouldn’t survive!
“It’s not like that! I’d never say something like that, even on pain of death!” I practically screamed, desperate for him to see. He narrowed his eyes and curled his lips into a cruel little smile.
“Oh yeah? Not even if it killed you?”
“Ahhh!”
The chains tightened abruptly, and the hostility in his eyes froze the breath in my throat. I clamped my mouth shut to suppress the screams that the coiling chains threatened to wring from me. Then his hand suddenly grabbed my jaw, forcing it open, and he shoved his tongue in deep.
“Nngh, ahh!”
It pushed so far into my mouth that I had to keep my jaw open just to breathe. Drool had begun to trickle down my throat by the time he finally pulled away.
“Haah, haah…”
His brutal kiss left me panting. He leaned back in, brushing his tongue along my bitten lip like he was trying to soothe it, and then his voice dropped into a low, burning murmur.
“But I’ll never let you say something like that. I can’t stand it unless everything is mine. So if some pathetic guilt has you thinking of running to another man, I’ll beat that guilt into something you can aim at me. I’ll turn it into something that reaches straight for me. I’ll build a mountain of corpses if I have to, until you can’t even shed a tear that doesn’t belong to me. Don’t underestimate me, Cece! If it came down to losing you, I’d rather throw away everything else.”
He pressed the words into my lips as a vow of eternal love. I couldn’t stop the tears.