—Bang, bang! I think I might’ve gone crazy. Ever since I woke up in the hotel after I destroyed His and Her Mirrored Terminus, I’ve been hearing this sound like banging on a wall. This hallucination has gone on for a week. If I keep ignoring it, I get the feeling I will reach the point of no return. I’m hesitant, but in the end, I decide to go toward it. It may be strange to play along with a hallucination, but I don’t think it’s something I can ignore. It sounds as if it’s coming from right next to my ears, but I can never seem to reach the source. I follow it through two prefectures. After several train transfers, I arrive in a fairly nondescript suburb. The station plaza is starting to look a little run-down. It’s a commonplace view, and yet it feels horribly familiar to me. Maybe I used to live here once. Of course, that means nothing to me, since I’ve lost my memory—or it shouldn’t. —Bang, bang! That noise is gradually getting louder. I’m definitely getting nearer to its point of origin. I walk through streets I know yet can’t remember. My feet stop in front of a relatively new apartment building made of brick. No doubt about it. The sound is coming from one of these rooms. I follow the noise up the emergency stairs. Yes…I’ll see them soon. Um, see who? The sound is coming from room 403. I put my hand on the doorknob and find that it’s unlocked. Bracing myself, I open the door. And I immediately see someone. “O!” I shout. That alien being slowly turns toward me and smiles, suggesting they knew I would come here. “What’re you up to…?” O has taken the form of a woman with long black hair. She looks close to the same age as me, but it’s hard for me to think so when she has such incomparable beauty to go with her bewitching aura. She almost looks a little like me. —Bang, bang! Incredibly enough, I can hear the knocking coming from within O. “…Is this sound some trick of yours? What are you after? Did you want to bring me here? This is an awfully roundabout method…” I notice something. O’s form is growing faint, if only ever so slightly. Darkness has started creeping up her feet, and her expression is just a bit irritated. O approaches me as I struggle to figure out what’s going on. “Maria.” I frown. O has never called me by my name, as if we’re friends. And yet, this all seems terribly familiar. An unidentifiable emotion catches me off guard. O gently cups my cheeks in her hands. “I always wanted to be with you. I always wanted to be with you, Maria.” “…What’re you saying?” “But it would appear that’s not possible anymore. You have to accept it. It’s time.” “…Tell me what you mean!” I shout back. O isn’t making any sense. O gazes at me with utter tenderness. “It’s time to give up.” “…What?” “It’s time to renounce the wish.” I’m even more bewildered now. “Wh-what’re you…? I wished to bring happiness to everyone in the world. I’ll never renounce that wish.” This is just another verbal attack. Still, I don’t brush O’s hands from my cheeks. I’ve endured every painful trial, disregarded every warning, in pursuit of my wish—and yet I can’t shrug off the suggestion. —Bang, bang, bang, bang! The pounding on the wall within O is growing even louder. “We have been defeated.” “…Defeated? Who have we lost to?” O doesn’t answer, only smiles. As if I already know the answer, and there’s no need to tell me. “Maria. You can’t avert your eyes from the past anymore.” The kindly admonishing smile— “Oh.” I make the connection. I realize whose form O has adopted. “Stop… Don’t… Don’t mess with me…” The past forces its way into my mind. The past. The past. I shake my head, desperately driving it away. I don’t want it. I don’t want this. Don’t want to see this. Don’t want to know this. Don’t want to remember this. However, O doesn’t let go and presses her hands even harder against my face. “Maria, you must not fight. Your enemy is too powerful; don’t resist. You don’t stand a chance. I know that all too well now. You’ll be completely defeated.” The name of this enemy won’t come to mind. But I’m positive it’s one I know. I know he would use his friends and himself just to crush my wish. What’s more frightening, though, is the warmth filling my chest anyway. As I stand stunned and frozen with fear, O wraps me in an embrace. I can’t shake her off. Yes… She shouldn’t smell this way, but that mix of perfumes and essential oils drifts into my nose. This scent from the past, this scent I love, is— —the scent of my older sister, Aya. “See you around, Maria.” I slowly sink into my sister’s body, into Aya Otonashi, like a fly caught in a spider’s web. Reduced to small pieces, I slip into her. This is my sacred world. No one should be able to trespass here. But. There’s a sound. —Bang, bang! —Bang, bang! I’m falling. Falling. Slowly falling. But the bottom is still very distant. It feels as if I’m deep beneath the sea, but it’s still bright. The water is perfectly transparent; even small bubbles are clearly visible. It is pure and right, without any irrationality. Yes, is there anywhere more comforting? Yes, it’s cold and suffocating, but this is my utopia. I can hear the joyful laughter. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.” Joyful laughter. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.” This place is replete with happiness, misbegotten though it may be. I pass through several miniature worlds as I descend into the watery depths. They are all full of joy, without exception. I can’t help but smile. My quest truly has been just. As I sink, I unintentionally brush against a certain small world. Light swells around me and pulls me inside. Maybe it’s arrogant of me to say so, but I’m floating over the world, looking down like a god. Within it is a happy couple. This is a tiny realm meant for only the two of them. The pair is huddled together on the edge of a small lake. The lake is surrounded by a lush, green forest, and wild birds are singing in the distance. The water’s surface glitters in the sunlight as if to bless the lovers. Yes, it may be flawed, but the happiness of this world is undeniable. “Hmm?” I had forgotten about the two of them as a side effect of using the Misbegotten Happiness, but I remember now. Maybe it’s because I’m seeing them here before me, or maybe more because I am inside the Box. I used the Misbegotten Happiness on these two in the real world. Nana Yanagi and Toji Kijima. They had been in a relationship, but by the time I encountered them, it was falling apart. There were too many problems between them. The idea of a breakup had hurt them immensely, especially Nana Yanagi. She had even considered just killing Toji Kijima if their relationship was going to end. Even if I had prevented her from committing a brutal crime, Nana Yanagi’s underlying issues would have remained unresolved. Thinking there would be no release from this pain for the two of them, I used the Misbegotten Happiness. I saved them and let them live in this perfect world. “This is it…! This is the peace I wanted to give them!” Nothing bad will happen here. There’s nothing here that isn’t beautiful. The love in their hearts for each other will remain pure and undistorted. My Box is flawed, which is why it can create only these small, enclosed realms. But if I can perfect it, then my wish will become reality. (I won’t let you.) “Huh…?” That voice sounded as if it was coming from right inside my head. —Splorch. A grotesque, foreign substance drops into this world of beautiful things. “What is that?” Nana Yanagi inclines her head quizzically at the anomaly. It’s a dark-red lump of flesh that resembles an organ. It pulsates unnervingly, much like a heart. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. “Whoa… Freaky. What is it?” But she doesn’t have much time to wonder. With incredible speed, the throbbing dark-red mass grows big enough to fill the tiny lake. “E-ew… Yuck, augh, this is so gross!” The mass rots the vegetation of the forest, pollutes the water into mud, and lunges for the couple. Screaming, the two of them are engulfed. In the span of a single moment, this world of beautiful things becomes a single gruesome mass. “…What the hell is this?” It all comes to an end while I’m trapped in disbelief. The dream I envisioned is ruined. This world of lost happiness shatters, and I am cast out into the bright ocean depths. “…What happened? What’s going on…?” —Bang, bang! It’s that noise again. I turn around and see a shadow in the shape of a person on the bottom. It’s faint, with a wavering, indistinct form that would probably scatter with a touch. (Ah… Ah…) That voice sounds like the one in my head from just a second ago. “Was it you? Were you the one who destroyed that world?” (No more.) “What?” (No more.) I listen closely for a moment, but the shadow doesn’t say anything else. I try reaching for it. It disperses easily and vanishes. “…What is it?” I know this isn’t something I created. It’s weak, but I’m fairly certain it’s the source of the glob that destroyed that happy world. I survey my surroundings. I hadn’t noticed earlier because I was focused on that beautiful realm, but there are human-shaped shadows all around me. When I strain my ears, I can hear voices. (Help me…) (I’m lonely.) (I don’t want to be by myself; I hate being alone.) (Anyone, please.) (Just kill me.) (Stopstopstopstopstop.) “…Seriously, what is this…?” There is nothing but pain in the voices of the many silhouettes. I’m trying to figure out what they are when a bright flash fills my vision, pulling me into another miniature world. Once again, I’m watching it from above. This one is a quiet, spacious park. There’s a wheat field nearby glittering like gold. In the center of the park, a mixed group of three about middle school age are playing catch. The only one who isn’t very good at it is the girl in glasses with black hair. The two boys are gently tossing the ball to her in an easy arc, but she still can’t seem to catch anything. Still, the trio keeps laughing; apparently, this is fun for them. I can tell from the glances between the girl and the charismatic, handsome boy that they have feelings for each other. The other tall boy watches the two of them contentedly. Ah, I see; this is— “Daiya Oomine’s happy place.” Oomine became an owner in an attempt to transform the world by forcing the ignorant masses to confront their guilt, but he failed. He committed several crimes along the way and eventually drove himself to the brink. While he was trying to find a way to atone, Oomine was stabbed by a girl who had become a fanatical believer because of his Box. I used the Misbegotten Happiness on him when he was on the verge of death. The other two playing this game of catch are Kokone Kirino and Haruaki Usui as they were in middle school. I understand that now. Oomine and I collaborated for the sake of our wishes, but changing the world wasn’t his true desire. He wanted something simple: for Kokone Kirino to be able to smile as she was here at this moment. That wish is continually being granted here. In the real world, this would no longer be possible. Oomine is probably beyond help, and given how wounded Kirino’s heart is already, she would probably never recover if she learned how he died. If Usui ever saw what happened to the two he cares so much about, he would suffer for a long time, too. Reality is too merciless, too cruel. This sweet, eternal dream brings unfathomable bliss. Yes, but still— “Are you trying to tell me to look at reality?!” —Splorch. It happens again. Another grotesque, alien body falls into this happy world. “Stop… Stop…” A Box is the only way to realize this happiness—stop destroying it! “Oomine is your friend, right? You know that this Oomine needs this Box, even if it isn’t perfect! You know that, don’t you?! So please stop… I’m begging you!” I shout. “Kazuki!” I shout his name. “Ohhh…” Yes. I remember. This is my enemy. “Hmm? What’s that?” By the time the middle school Oomine with unpierced ears notices the object, the blob of flesh is already swelling up. The once-golden-hued wheat rots on contact with the dark-red mound of meat, turning dull. The dirt of the field changes completely, becoming something like a swamp. The sky darkens to purple. The fleshy glob catches the trio and traps them. They scream, but the dark-red substance continues to expand. Finally, it swallows them up, filling the world with its freakish mess. This world is done for, too. Daiya Oomine’s happy place is gone. I am cast out onto the seabed again. “…Why, Kazuki…?” There’s another wavering, indistinct silhouette before me. This isn’t the real Kazuki, but I now know it has some relation to him. “Stop playing around…! What are you? What will ruining the happiness of others accomplish?!” I confront it with rage, but the shadowy figure says only one thing. (It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.) Once more, the form disperses easily under my touch. My words probably aren’t reaching Kazuki in this state. “…Kazuki. What have you done within this Box? What are you doing now…?” I look around me. The creepy shadows are converging upon me like carp swarming around food. But this multitude is only meaninglessly repeating the same phrases. (No… No…) (Help me.) (Kill me.) (I’m lonely.) (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.) (Someone, someone look at me.) (Nnnnnnnnnnngh.) (I want to see you.) (Maria.) (Maria.) (Maria.) Gritting my teeth, I shake them off. That is enough to scatter the shadows. I keep sinking through the deep sea. It goes on forever. Just how long have I been drifting through this ocean? So much time has passed already. I have been drawn into tiny worlds filled with joy many times. Each one of them is a soothing place with unending laughter. But every one of them, without exception, has been annihilated by a disgusting blob of dark-red flesh. At first, watching it filled me with anger. Why is Kazuki doing such a thing? Does he really want to stand in my way so badly? But that emotion gradually changed to fear. When I started considering how he was doing it at all, I realized that an incredible madness lay behind his method. Then I began to worry. If Kazuki is doing this…is he okay? Has he managed to stay sane? I whisper this as I watch the worlds being consumed and broken by the red-black masses of flesh: “Kazuki… I want to speak with you.” I want to know what he’s thinking, what he’s doing. I thought I would sink through this abyss forever, but even it has a bottom. The water isn’t clear anymore; it’s beginning to stagnate and cloud with a black, sticky darkness like coal tar. All the negativity this Box has created gathers down here as sediment. The condensed negativity forms the ocean floor. There’s another small world here. This one created the abnormality in the depths that has caused the negativity to settle. Steeling myself, I enter this tiny realm. It happens the moment I arrive. I can sense that the air in this world is different from the others. My skin is prickling with pain, as if there are minuscule grains of sand suspended within the atmosphere, and the sky is stained red, as if blood has spilled across it. The ground is littered with those dark-red lumps of meat from the very beginning. But these don’t grow or pulsate as they did in the other worlds. As before, I am an onlooker here as well. I hover overhead as something approaches me. It’s a distortion in space, as if the air has pooled together into something vaguely human shaped. (Maria.) That voice, the name it calls me by. “Kazuki! Is that really you?!” But this is how the “pool” responds. (Unfortunately, I can’t have a conversation with you. I can only speak my part. This is a message I left you in case you ever came. Well, I didn’t leave it intentionally, so maybe you could call it a residual thought?) “What is this place? …Oh yeah, we can’t interact.” (The first thing you’re probably going to ask is what this place is, right? This is what should have been my happy world keeping me trapped in the Misbegotten Happiness.) Without any further explanation, the “pool” begins to lead me somewhere else. I follow it quietly. It stops directly above a school. I look down and observe. Just like in the other miniature worlds, I have a supernatural view of this place. The sensation is so peculiar that I can’t really describe it, but suffice to say, I’m able to perceive the entirety of this realm. I used to go to this school, and it’s livelier than usual. It seems there’s a school festival going on. The students are completing the final preparations in an energetic hubbub, and I recognize some of them. I also spot Oomine and Kirino. The two of them remained close in this world, too. Before I can get too sentimental, I quickly search for other people. One person in particular. “Kazuki!” I spot him as he leaves the school building. “—Ah.” Pitifully, just seeing him makes my chest leap and my heartbeat quicken. I can’t do away with my desire for contact with him, no matter how he treats me. I want him to notice me and turn my way. Then I realize something. Kazuki is pushing a wheelchair. The girl sitting in it is Kasumi Mogi. The two of them are happily exploring the school festival like a new couple. “……” Complicated feelings swirl within me. When I really think about it, I can see why Mogi should be the one beside him. She had always intended to admit her feelings to Kazuki. Mogi would probably have been able to bring him around and start a relationship with him even with the car accident, and even without a Box. “That’s…right…” I’m not what Kazuki needs. I’m not what anyone needs. “A world without me is one where Kazuki can be happy. No—” In fact, I’m in his way. Kazuki did always believe that the normal day-to-day of life could dispel any despair. What destroyed his way of thinking, what drove him to madness, was the foreign body worming its way into his life. The presence that brought Boxes near him. In short— “My presence made Kazuki miserable.” That’s why I’ve never deserved to be with him. But even though I understand this, neither the “pool” nor this world releases me. Somberly, I watch Kazuki and Mogi go through the school festival. The festival ends, and then a bonfire starts. The students begin to dance when “Turkey in the Straw” plays. Kazuki and Mogi gaze gently at the flickering flames. Then Mogi slowly takes Kazuki’s hand, as softly as if she were trying to catch a bubble, and looks him in the eye. “I love you, Kazu.” Kazuki peers intently into her eyes and eventually answers with a smile. “I love you, too, Mogi.” She gives him the greatest smile in the world. “Let’s stay together forever.” “We will.” There’s nothing left for me to see here. Kazuki’s happiness lies here. So it would be best if I left without saying anything. I look at the “pool” that’s still nearby. “That’s enough. Put me back in the abyss.” The “pool” doesn’t respond, though. “Relax. I’ll stay away from you. I won’t hate you, even if you have broken the Misbegotten Happiness beyond all repair. Actually, if anyone deserves to be hated, it’s me. You should forget me and start over. I won’t change, though. Even if the Misbegotten Happiness is destroyed, I’ll keep looking for a way to make the people of the world happy.” I don’t expect a response, but the “pool” speaks up anyway. (Maria, I bet you’ve got some naive idea in your head. You probably believe I’m happy spending my life with Mogi, so you should step aside. Well, you’re wrong.) “What?” (Don’t underestimate my insanity.) The world is suddenly bleached white, blinding me with its brightness. “…What happened?” The scenery returns to normal. The sky is still red, and the dark-crimson lumps of flesh are in the same spots on the ground. Something feels off, though. The fire burning in the schoolyard has vanished, and the students are back to their preparations for the school festival. Before too long, I finally comprehend the situation. “Did time rewind? Are we repeating the day of the festival…?” Kazuki, pushing a wheelchair, appears in my line of sight again. “Does it not simply end with him finding happiness?” As an observer, my perception of time in this world is different from Kazuki’s as he experiences it. If I had to put it in words, it’s like watching a computer game where even watching the passage of considerable amounts of time is not tiring. I end up witnessing Kazuki’s intimate moment with Mogi a multitude of times. I listen to her confession, and his acceptance of it, repeatedly. I know how I feel about Kazuki. He is dear to me, and I want to embrace him and make him mine. Every time I see Mogi and Kazuki expressing their feelings, my chest feels as if it’s being torn apart. “What is this? Some sort of punishment? Are you getting revenge by showing me a happiness I will never have?” I ask the “pool,” but as before, it conveniently doesn’t reply. “…No, it’s wrong of me to call it punishment. If Kazuki is happy, then I should be happy, too. My own feelings don’t matter.” I keep watching. Mogi confesses, and Kazuki accepts. I’m gritting my teeth the whole time. But as the “pool” said, it was only beginning. The turning point comes at the tenth time. Mogi confesses, and Kazuki answers with an anguished expression, “Wait until tomorrow.” He flees into the school as if a ghost is chasing him. Unable to grasp what just happened, Mogi is left in wide-eyed shock. Kazuki reappears on the roof after running through the building. Without a moment’s hesitation, he scrambles up the fence of the rooftop. “…What is he thinking? Is he going to kill himself…? …! I see; he’s noticed that this world repeats. So…” Kazuki looks down and swallows, then whispers something. “Maria.” “!!” To meet me, Kazuki jumps, and his body perishes. The world goes on, though. Kazuki seems to have kept his memories of the previous time, and he rushes out of the school without even speaking to Mogi and searches for me. “Stop it, Kazuki…” It’s no use doing any of that. He cannot find me. The fundamental concept this world is built on is that I’m not here. He should know that, too. “You can be happy without me! Mogi is here. Haruaki and your friends are here. Everyone will support you. You’ll be happy if you stop looking for me. Just do it!” Unable to track me down, Kazuki kills himself again to keep his memories. His brains splatter as I watch. Kazuki continues his futile hunt for me. Until he finds me, he will keep killing himself and turning himself into a mound of flesh. A rational mind wouldn’t be capable of such awful deeds. As I suspected he would, Kazuki slowly goes mad, losing both reason and intelligence. Yet, he still persists in his search for me. “Stop it!” I scream countless times, but it never reaches him. Kazuki dies over and over as I watch. As this happens, the sky grows increasingly red, and the number of deep-crimson lumps of meat rises. Finally, it dawns on me why the scenery is so bizarre, unlike the other tiny worlds of joy. The one staining the sky with blood is none other than Kazuki himself. He’s also the one producing those dark-red masses on the ground. As Kazuki continues to die, he chips away at the meaning of this place. He’s been going through this same set of actions since before I saw it. This isn’t the first time he’s recovered his memory, nor is it the first time he’s killed himself over and over because of it. This is his rebellion against the Misbegotten Happiness, and the effects of all these attacks on its contentment aren’t confined to this minuscule world. The main Box itself is being damaged and broken, bit by bit. These dark-red gobs of flesh swarming the worlds of Oomine and the others are one of the repercussions. It’s an act of violence, like a suicide bombing. A rampage that will never lead to happiness. “…What will it take for you to stop?” There are times where Kazuki stops the suicides, stops retaining his memory, and finds a little modicum of joy in a relationship with Mogi, but it never lasts for long. In the end, he always figures out that this world is on repeat and starts killing himself over and over again to hold on to his memories. This cycle continues endlessly. It’s hell. Both for the one experiencing it and the one watching it. But the architect of this hell is none other than me. “…The happiness I longed for…” Is this really it? Is it possible that one missed button while it was being fastened together could lead to such a distortion? If so, then this Box might as well— No, let’s not jump to conclusions here. Everyone else aside from Kazuki spent their time here smiling and laughing without even noticing the cheap facade. Kazuki is the exception. He has a special something that clued him in to the superficial nature of this place and drove him to take things this far. “I don’t understand… What could it be?” His feelings for me? I can’t say these actions are doing much to help me, though. It would be better if he just forgot about me instead of torturing my mind like this. That’s how I honestly feel. I would enter that hell if I could trade places with him. Kazuki’s suffering pains me more than any torment I might experience. I’m sure Kazuki knows this about me, too. “Kazuki… You have to realize. No one wants this. It’s not too late. Forget about me and take happiness for yourself.” But that “pool” speaks up for the first time in a while. The reply almost seems to slip out of its mouth. (This is still just the beginning.) I’m dumbfounded, but as it turns out, that was no lie or exaggeration. Kazuki’s hell evolves in the worst possible way, becoming an inferno that tortures him in every manner imaginable. Kazuki ultimately starts committing the worst kinds of atrocities. He kills Mogi. He kills his friends. He kills his family. He kills law-abiding citizens who are complete strangers to him. By killing people and removing them from the world, he’s trying to make it into a place where happiness cannot exist. For this Kazuki, the murders are a form of self-mutilation even more vicious than suicide. Doing this means that even if he does get out of the Box, his mind won’t be intact. He’ll spend all eternity condemning himself, unable to escape the guilt of his murders. “Stop it… Kazuki, please stop…” He probably understands this, too. And yet, he will keep on killing in order to reach me. He will not stop. Kazuki’s barbarous deeds are sending cracks into the world. Yes… These cracks are my confusion. My faith in the Misbegotten Happiness is wavering. After persisting with his slaughter, Kazuki succeeds in getting rid of all the people. With no one else around, even the meaning of his self will vanish. A person’s significance comes only when they’re seen by others. Without a soul to see him, Kazuki is steadily losing his human faculties. He can’t ride a motorcycle. He doesn’t understand how to operate an elevator. He’s unable to write. He’s forgetting words. Kazuki is losing his capacity to do anything. “This is horrible…” I sigh. “He’s…nothing. He’s lost everything.” Though this is a fabricated world, Kazuki will never be the same again after he forfeits so much of his humanity. Even destroying the Misbegotten Happiness won’t save him. “He has nothing left. Even less than me.” Kazuki has been reduced to nothing, but he still heads straight to a certain place. He’s likely not even aware anymore. He can’t think. And yet, he always arrives at my apartment, calls for me, and single-mindedly beats against the wall. Over and over for an eternity, without ever knowing whether it will accomplish anything. More and more, he forgets my name and only hits the wall. His mind is gone. He’s merely a machine acting as programmed by himself long ago. —Bang, bang. Oh…I see… That sound in my head this whole time—it’s the sound of Kazuki hitting the wall in an effort to reach me. —Bang, bang. He calls for me as his soul is worn away, leaving him hollow. Not even I can truly grasp how long it’s been for him, pounding on that wall. That’s how vast of a time span it’s been. An entire lifetime isn’t nearly enough. Kazuki has been pummeling away for what might as well be an eternity. All just so he can see me. Just for that! “Ngh, aaah…” Can’t I do something about his feelings? “Kazuki!” I scream. “Kazuki, I’m right here! Kazuki!” I shout myself hoarse, despite knowing it’s to no avail. “Kazuki! Kazuki! Kazuki! Kazuki! Kazuki!” I stand right in front of him, yelling his name over and over. Unfortunately, Kazuki never pays me any heed. I can’t touch him, either. It’s an impassible gap. It’s as if there’s a Box specifically created to separate us from each other. —Bang, bang. Those sounds are like Kazuki’s shrieks. Help me; it hurts; no more. All those figures I encountered in the depths are this curse come to life. Kazuki should be able to stop at any time. He should have that freedom. But he persists in hitting the wall, despite not knowing whether I can hear it. No, I don’t think he can stop anymore. “Kazuki…you’re crazy. Insane. It’s insanity to go this far just to see me!” —Bang, bang. “But.” I have to admit it. “But I’m happy, Kazuki.” Of course I don’t like that he is suffering. But there’s another part of me that’s glad to see he wants me so much. I’m aware it’s a horrible thing to think, yet I can’t repress the feeling. “I was lonely after being by myself for so long. Nothing made me happier than having you beside me. That’s how I truly felt. I guess you must have noticed, and that’s why you keep beating at the wall, thinking of me.” I try to touch Kazuki’s head, but my hand passes through it. “But I didn’t choose you. I left you for the sake of my wish to bring joy to everyone in the world. It was the only thing I could do to make sure my life still had meaning.” And yet, here are the results. I am all that Kazuki has. He can’t cut himself loose from me. All he can do is pursue me at the cost of himself. It’s my fault for not seeing his true nature. “It’s fine. Meaning in life doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care if I become something empty and meaningless… I can’t watch you lose yourself. I want to help you. After all, Kazuki, you…you…” I brush my cheek at a sudden, strange sensation. It’s wet. —These are tears. “This can’t be happening…” I can’t believe I still have the capacity to shed tears. I can’t believe I still have such frailty in me. But now that I know I do, the game is up. “Ngh, aaah… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Teardrops spill out one after the other. “Kazuki… Kazuki… Kazukiii!!” He has brought back the weakness I once discarded. Kazuki has succeeded in transforming me. Which means that I— I—am not a Box anymore. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!” I’m human again. “If I’m no longer a Box… If I don’t exist solely to grant wishes…” I scream, weeping. “Then I don’t care if my wish comes true anymore! So please, save Kazuki! I’m begging you, just save him! …I hate this. Kazuki, I want to see you. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel warmth. I want your eyes on me. Look at me one more time. Kazuki… Kazuki… Kazuki…!” —Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! “Come back… Give me back that beautiful life! I can’t stand this. I hate it! I hate losing the ones I love! I hate becoming alone in the world! Please…please…let me be with…let me be with…Kazuki…Kazuki…!” A thought comes to me out of the blue. What would I do if I were in Kazuki’s place? I’m sure I would do exactly the same thing he’s doing. Foolish as it seems, I would do the same. Even though it would mean letting myself go to ruin, even though Kazuki wouldn’t want me to, even though it wouldn’t be to his benefit, I would throw everything away to see him. I smile ruefully, still crying. “We’re…crazy. We’re completely nuts, huh, Kazuki?” Despite everything, we will venture out to see each other again. Despite everything, we will live holding each other close. Why do we do this? I don’t know. I don’t know, but that’s all we have. There are no other options for us. “There’s something special between us.” “Something we’ve found.” “Something far more precious than a wish.” —Bang, bang. “Can’t you hear my voice, Kazuki?” —Bang, bang. “You really can’t hear me? If so…” —Bang, bang. “…I’ll make it so you can.” Wiping away my tears, I set my mouth in a straight line. I’ve made up my mind. I will destroy the Misbegotten Happiness. And then I will meet Kazuki and stay at his side forever. That won’t change even if the Kazuki beside me is an invalid. —But is it possible? This doesn’t just involve Kazuki. My own state is problematic. For the sake of my wish, I’ve been keeping my mind under a stress it can’t take. There’s no going back to what I once was, so it’s a question of severing the strained threads or stretching them as far as they can go and perhaps finding a use for them. In all likelihood, I will become an invalid, too, if I lose the Misbegotten Happiness along with any hope of obtaining another Box in the future. There’s no way we could stand together like that. What should I do? If that’s how it is, what should I do? (Find her.) I open my eyes at the voice. The “pool” is speaking to me. (Find the zeroth Maria. Find the girl who’s crying.) “…What’s the ‘zeroth Maria’? Will I really be able to be with Kazuki if I find her?” The “pool” can’t respond, though. I can’t even tell if what it said is relevant to my situation. But without any proof, I choose to believe its nebulous claim. After all, it came from none other than Kazuki himself. I return to the deep, clouded sea. I notice it right away—why did I never notice before? Was it because the laughter that was drowning it out disappeared? Or because I simply didn’t care to listen? Either way, there is a voice I hadn’t heard before. A girl crying in the ocean depths. Though I try my hardest to deny it, the timbre of the voice sounds like mine. The sobs are coming from the deepest part of this abyss. These waters are filled with a black gloom, steeped in dark emotions. I have no idea what will become of me once the darkness overtakes me. I may drown in this ocean, never to escape again. But I make the plunge without hesitation. The weighty darkness clings to my body like wet concrete. I can’t see even an inch in front of me. All around me is darkness, utter darkness. It hurts; it’s disgusting; it itches; it terrifies me. But I will not stop. With only the sound of weeping to guide me, I feel my way deeper and deeper. “Unh, urk…!” Just as I start to wonder if I will sink forever, the gloom is suddenly dispelled. A melancholy scene appears in the light. “…This is…” Yeah… I know this view. I could never forget it. It’s a seaside road with the smell of salt on the breeze. The asphalt is cracked on the poorly maintained street, and the guardrail is rusted red. Beneath the stony precipice is an unappealing view of the sea that no one would stop to look at. On the other side is a swell of dirt covered in weeds and thin, sad-looking trees. This nearly abandoned road is where my family was taken from me. But this isn’t what it actually looks like here. It’s not the view as I remember it, either. The reason why is that I saw it only after it was changed forever, once the tow trucks had hauled off the two cars that had gone off the cliff. So when I see the two vehicles breaking through the guardrail and plummeting from the cliff, I know the image is false. It’s not the genuine article. Every last detail is clearly defined, though. The texture of every object here has been re-created. This unforgettable waking vision is more real than reality. The lives that will be lost before me are also real. I extend my hand to help, but I’m an onlooker. I can’t even touch them. All I can do is watch the car carrying my family fall from between my fingers. I’m powerless to do anything. The past cannot be changed. My father and the person responsible for the wreck died instantly, and my mother passed without regaining consciousness. Aya Otonashi took her last breaths in an ambulance; she was awake, but she was bleeding uncontrollably. This is the past that can’t be altered no matter what I do. I saw this nightmare time and again until I lost my memory—no, even after it was gone. Except there’s a figure here who never appeared in that awful dream. It’s me as I was in middle school. I’m standing beside the hole the cars created in the guardrail, weeping in a choked voice. “…Why?” the girl softly asks, gazing down at the bottom of the cliff. “Why did you do this, Aya?” The middle school me is looking at something—at her older sister covered in blood, her lower body crushed. Aya Otonashi. Aya Otonashi is dragging herself up the cliff. Though gravely wounded and about to die, she smiles. She still holds that smile more charming than anyone else’s. “I’m sure you don’t actually have to ask, Maria. This is my revenge on the family that created the void inside me.” “That’s not what you told me. Weren’t you going to fill the void by bringing joy to everyone in the world?” “That was a major goal of mine, too. It wasn’t the only one, though. Killing the family that made me hollow was another important objective in my revenge. I decided to entrust my other mission, the mission of making everyone happy, to you.” “I can’t do that.” “You can. I say this because, from the moment I die, you are no longer Maria Otonashi.” She smiles. “You are Aya Otonashi.” Yes, my sister did predict it. “I’m going to make a prediction about your future.” “You’re going to become me—no, you have to.” “That means you’ll have to become someone who makes others happy.” “I’m going to set out on a journey when I’m fourteen.” “Maria Otonashi will become Aya Otonashi.” Everything turned out as Aya Otonashi intended. We were all dancing in the palm of her hand. Aya Otonashi had the ability to manipulate people and control the future—she was a monster. That’s why she could do this, too. “I may lose my body, but I will not die. Maria, I will live on by taking possession of you. I’m sure you understand. Once you are under my control, you will cease to exist anywhere. You will exist for the sole purpose of seeing my wish come to fruition. Abandon this wish, and you will become a husk with no soul or identity.” Yes, that’s right. I’m not Maria Otonashi. I’m Aya Otonashi. Kazuki really allowed me to dream. Unfortunately, going back to being Maria Otonashi is out of the cards for me. I will destroy the Misbegotten Happiness. I will get Kazuki out of this Box. My resolve hasn’t changed. But now that we’ve come this far, my being with Kazuki— (Maria, that isn’t Aya Otonashi.) My eyes widen at that voice. The vestige of Kazuki is here. (You can’t interpret Aya Otonashi to suit your needs. You have to stop running away.) “…Running away? I can’t accept that, even from you. Aya Otonashi has me up against a wall, and that’s a fact. And you’re saying I’m interpreting her to suit my needs? That’s not possible. It’s not like I wanted to have such painful thoughts. I didn’t want to keep fighting…!” (Stop acting like Aya Otonashi was a monster.) We’re talking past each other, but I guess that’s to be expected. He can’t hear me, after all. “Aya Otonashi was special. Ever since I met her, she was special, and there was never a moment she wasn’t. So ‘monster’ isn’t a completely inaccurate term, wouldn’t you say?” I laugh self-deprecatingly. “Aya Otonashi actually predicted all of this. She said she would take over my body, then killed herself on her birthday, and everything happened as she’d said. Aya Otonashi’s visions of the future were never once incorrect. Aya Otonashi was an exceptional being—human, and more than human.” The “pool” is quiet for a time. In the meantime, Aya Otonashi’s severed top half has taken hold of the middle school me. The bloodied girl seizes her little sister and never lets go. The “pool” speaks up again. (I went to the home where you used to live and did some investigating. I learned everything I could about the Otonashi household. I figured out right away that the family had some complicated circumstances, but I couldn’t find much about you yourself. Because no one knew you.) “Because I was a quiet child with no friends.” (Everyone remembered Aya Otonashi, though. They all agreed she was an extremely beautiful and intelligent girl. The thing is, even though there were no apparent issues with Aya herself, I also heard she was a troublemaker. All kinds of incidents occurred around her. What’s more, the scale of these incidents increased the older she got.) “That’s definitely how she was, but what does it matter? What’re you trying to say?” I’m irritated. I don’t know why. (She was fond of talking about how she wanted to make everyone in the world happy. Her homeroom teacher during her second year of middle school knew this, too. It wasn’t for show or just a whim; for her, that impossibly ambitious idea was a sincere aspiration. That’s why her teacher wholeheartedly supported her plan, even though she was a little young.) What plan? The “pool” tells me. (She wanted to study abroad in New York when she turned fourteen.) “Wh-what…?” (Aya wanted to broaden her horizons for the sake of her mission to fill everyone in the world with joy. Apparently, she said she wanted to travel to many different countries besides America in the future, too. She didn’t have any plans to return home. According to the teacher, she had persuaded her parents, but the only one she couldn’t speak of her plan to was her beloved sister.) “Maria, I’m going to set out on a journey when I’m fourteen.” “B-but… But that doesn’t make sense! Aya Otonashi killed herself along with her family on her birthday! She decided that was how she would get revenge on our parents and take control of me. She didn’t want to go abroad… That—” That was too mundane for her. She’d never consider it. Or is that just what I want to think…? …Yes, maybe I do want Aya Otonashi to be a monster. Why? …I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m so upset, either. (Aya Otonashi was constantly, earnestly trying to save everyone on the planet. She was a bright girl who spent her time exploring and implementing ways of doing that. But at the end of the day, she was a student in middle school. Meaning her school was her only sphere of influence. Her sense of ethics was still immature, too. She was aware of these flaws, though, and she tried to break out into the world to rid herself of them.) The “pool” continues as I become more and more bewildered. (Do you think such an optimistic, forward-thinking girl would really kill her family for revenge, let alone choose to die herself? Do you think she would entertain an ill-considered and unfair idea like handing her soul over to you?) “But that’s what she did! It was possible for Aya Otonashi!” After all, she was a monster beyond the comprehension or imagination of an unremarkable person like me. “She predicted it. I remember what she said: ‘You’re going to become me—no, you have to.’ And that’s how it turned out. Like my older sister, I have lived for the sake of a wish at the cost of myself. That’s what actually happened, so what you’re saying can’t be true!” (Aya Otonashi was apparently quite concerned about her younger sister, Maria Otonashi. She knew the love from their parents was tepid at best, but she coped with it well. On the other hand, her little sister made no attempt to acknowledge how things were. She just ran away and never made any forward progress. Maria was apathetic, didn’t trust adults, couldn’t make friends, and had no goals. And Aya couldn’t leave her like that. She was a big sister; she didn’t want Maria to lead such an empty life. She wanted her little sister to change. Wanted her to live with passion. Yes, like her.) “Maria Otonashi will become Aya Otonashi.” “Oh…” (So Aya showed Maria how she lived her own life, good and bad. Her wish was for the two of them to lead more meaningful lives and put the adults to shame. That was how Aya Otonashi thought of her sister.) “So let’s get started. We don’t hate anyone, but there is an indescribable urge driving us forward. We have an enemy—you might call it emptiness. Well, let’s show them. “Let’s show them the nature of our revenge.” “…Stop.” The “pool” is doing something terrible to me. It has shoved its hand into me and is stirring it around. “Stop. That’s just how you imagine it. You just want Aya Otonashi to be a normal girl; don’t pretend she was!” (I’m sure even after I’ve told you this, you’ll deny all the evidence and still assert that Aya Otonashi was something special or supernatural. But I think you can remember the truth. The simple, human Aya Otonashi, the one who was nothing like a monster, should be there in your memories. After all, no matter how grown-up she seemed, she was simply a middle school student.) “That’s not true! Aya was always special, and—” “Nh…nnnh…nnnnh.” The scene before me changes. It looks exactly as it did in my daydream, so I’m not confused. But the location shifts from the scene of the accident to somewhere else, and I can’t hide that I’m a little shaken. This is that house I once lived in. My sister Aya’s warm room. It smells like that mix of perfume and essential oils. Aya and I are in the room. I guess we’re both probably around ten? Little Aya is lying facedown on the bed while the little me looks on worriedly. “What’s wrong, Aya?” Concerned, I jostle Aya when she doesn’t lift her face. She is staying stock-still, refusing to show me her expression. After a while, she finally speaks. “…I lost.” “Huh?” “The national test. They had it at your school, too, right? My classmate beat me. I’ve never lost before.” “What? Is that it? It happens sometimes. It’s nothing worth getting this depressed about, is it?” “You don’t understand,” she says in a low voice, clearly angry. Little Maria falls silent. “You don’t understand what it means at all, Maria. What it means for me to lose, at a test or at anything else! I can’t let anyone else beat me. I have to be worth more than anyone else. I have to make everyone need me. If I don’t…” “—If only you had never been born.” “…I can never get revenge on Rinko!” she shouts with her face pressed hard into the pillow. “I can’t stand tall and say she was wrong…!” “Aya…,” I whisper, watching our two younger selves. I had no idea what was going on back then. I didn’t know what was bothering my sister. I do now, though. Aya Otonashi had been fighting all along. She had been fighting the truth that she wasn’t wanted. In the end, society had seen Aya Otonashi as an “unfortunate child”—and that was what she was. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Aya couldn’t escape from the fact that Rinko and my parents didn’t think she was necessary. That was why she tried to demonstrate her worth by becoming an extraordinary person. She overextended herself to a reckless degree. She fought on, wearing herself thin, holding back the tears all the while. The esteem of others was what made my sister feel alive. She put in more effort than anyone. She kept running ahead, not letting me or anyone else see how hard she was working. I still think my sister was an incredible person for making herself strong. And yet, at the same time, behind her dignity and pride, there was insecurity and frailty. (Aya Otonashi was human.) “No…” I shake my head in denial. I know I’m acting like a petulant child, but there’s no way I can accept it. “My sister, Aya, was special. She was supernatural. She wanted to die. That’s how it has to be; if it isn’t, then she was just a victim in a tragic accident. She was killed for no reason by a lunatic. I don’t want that. I don’t want her death to have been meaningless. My sister took over my body, and she could do it because she was supernatural. Can’t that be the way it is? After all, if it isn’t— “—then Aya will really die.” Abruptly, the scene before me returns from my sister’s room to the site of the accident, but it looks slightly different from before. Instead of crawling up the cliff, Aya is trapped inside the car at the bottom. The door was mangled by the impact and won’t open, so she’s desperately beating at the windshield. But the blows of a dying girl are weak, and each hit thunks quietly against the glass. “I don’t want to die… Help… No,” she weeps in a feeble voice. “It hurts. It hurts. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Maria. I don’t…want to die yet…!” It goes without saying that she’s nowhere close to smiling. The middle schooler me looks down from the precipice with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. She cries, incapable of noticing Aya fervently calling for help. I didn’t visit her until the day after the accident, after all. Little Maria tosses the bouquet from the cliff and speaks quietly with empty eyes. “I don’t accept it—I don’t accept that Aya died.” “Aya is a monster, so she can’t die.” “I won’t let her.” “My sister took control of me.” “I don’t want to be alone.” “If I become Aya, then I’m not.” “I’m not alone.” I recall the conversations among my relatives, the people who talked of me as nothing but a nuisance. —If my sister Aya is gone, then… There’s no one left to need me. And that was the one thing I couldn’t take. I wanted someone to need me, even if it was just my sister’s ghost. I decided she had entrusted me with her will. I decided she had taken possession of me. Aya needed my body. That was why I had to live with the goal of bringing happiness to everyone in the world. If I failed, it would be as if Aya didn’t need me. I am not alone. My sister, Aya, lives within me. However, the “pool”—Kazuki—confronts me. “The true wish of Maria Otonashi—and Aya Otonashi—was not to make everyone in the world happy.” He’s right. Our true wish— All we wished for, as two lonely girls unloved by our parents, was— “To be needed.” “To be needed.” I can’t stop crying. What should I do? I have to kill my sister. But if I do, I’ll be all alone. No one will need me. I can’t bear that. If I let go of this Box, I’ll fall into despair and become a shell of myself. Help me. Help me. Someone please help me—but of course they won’t. No one could ever be there for me. That would be too easy— “—Oh my god… There is someone. There is someone for me.” Yes—that’s right. I have a savior. I have a savior—so maybe it is that easy. “I need you, Maria.” —Kazuki Hoshino. Kazuki says what I want to hear more than anything else. And it’s the truth. If I don’t go to him, Kazuki will continue pounding on the wall. He can’t escape from that cycle. I am the only one who can save Kazuki. And Kazuki is the only one who can save me. Kazuki needs me more than anything. I need Kazuki more than anything. I wipe away my tears. How much of a detour has this been? I should have just been honest and said I wanted to stay with Kazuki. It would be enough— Truly, that alone would be enough— “To make my wish come true.” That’s why it’s okay to break the Misbegotten Happiness now. After all, true happiness is within reach. I must crush my false wish to make my real one come true. I made my sister into a monster, and now I must kill her with my own hands. I approach Aya where she is trapped inside the car. She still banging against the windshield, trying her hardest to survive. But there’s no saving her. No matter how much she wants to live, despite all her dreams for a brighter future, despite all her abilities to make it real, she will not be saved. My sister died tragically and unnecessarily. “Aya.” My voice doesn’t reach my sister. I can’t interfere with the past. All the same, Aya stops beating on the windshield. She closes her eyes and lies down on the seat. She is prepared for her fate. “I’m sorry I left you trapped here. I’m sorry for twisting your feelings all this time. I made it your fault and avoided facing reality. But that’s all over now. I’m going to set you free.” I remove a small bottle from my pocket. “This is your birthday present.” I drip out the scented oil I had intended to give her that day. The smell of peppermint spreads. With that, the time that stopped for me on that day finally begins to move again. Aya probably can’t smell the peppermint, but her cheeks relax slightly. I know my sister wasn’t happy with the life she lived. I’m sure she had nothing but regret. I’m sure she died filled with anger and suffering. But— This is just my guess, but I believe one thought did cross her mind. She hid that she was going to study abroad from me and made sure I was home when she set off on her journey. Because of that— —at least her little sister survived. “Maria, please…find happiness…” My sister’s eyes would never open again. “Good-bye, O. Good-bye…Aya.” The O I’ve been chasing all this time quietly melts away into the air. The monster within me is gone. I dive into the bottom of the ocean once again. I follow the crying voice deeper and deeper into the darkness. Though I can’t see anything in front of me, I’m not frightened anymore. My memories grow clearer the farther I dive. Damn…this is a past I would rather avoid. But I won’t run away. I plunge ahead so I can confront the pain of what happened before. How long has the girl down here been crying? Since the very beginning, I’m sure. I’ve been crying out with loneliness ever since I initially obtained a Box. That crybaby, my true self, was in the way when I was trying to become Aya Otonashi, so I sank her to the bottom of the ocean. But I can’t break the Misbegotten Happiness if I don’t call her back. I wriggle through the darkness in search of the sobbing girl. I can tell the crying is coming from very close by, yet I can’t see her. I call my name—“Maria!”—and spread my arms. I feel someone with my fingertips. “Are you Maria?” I grab what feels like a wrist and pull her near. The darkness immediately rolls away from around us as if we had entered a bubble of light. The weeping girl looks like I did back in middle school. “Are you the zeroth Maria?” This is the past self I once abandoned. The one who cries out of loneliness. The one who is weak and unreliable. The one who believes no one loves her. (Can you see me now?) Her words catch me off guard. But I understand… I’ve been blind to her this entire time. “Yeah, I can see you.” (Are you going to stay with me?) “I’ll always be with you.” I take the zeroth Maria’s hand. “I won’t run from you anymore. I won’t flee from the past.” I gaze deep into her eyes and smile gently. “So come back.” The zeroth Maria seems hesitant. It’s understandable, since I’m the one who mistreated her. (…I want you to promise me something.) “I’m listening.” (Cry when you’re sad. Be joyful when you’re happy. Be angry when you’re upset. Laugh when you’re having fun. And when you’re in trouble, don’t wear yourself down; reach out for help. Take care of yourself before others. Don’t hate anyone. Live with pride in yourself.) I had never been able to do a single one of those things. Oddly enough, though, I’m confident I can honor them all with the next promise: If I love someone, I should see it through. “Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll honor them.” (Really?) I nod. I don’t have a single doubt that I can keep my word. (Then I’ll come back!) The zeroth Maria stops crying. She smiles, and then she slips into me. “Unh, ah……” Even now that I know the whole truth, it doesn’t feel good. It’s as if my blood is flowing in reverse. I’m not strong anymore; I can’t even pretend to be. My fragile self has returned within me, the girl with nothing to make her special. The entirety of the past enters me. Reality washes over me, along with its grief. I’ve finally stopped running from it, but I hate the world. There’s no kindness in a world that’s so persistently made me suffer time and time again. It’s harsh, thankless, mean, capricious, irrational, and frightening— But… …still… …I am not alone anymore. “Isn’t that right, Kazuki?” That’s why I can once again be Maria Otonashi. I wake up, free from the ocean depths. I’m in a room of the apartment where I used to live. O is gone. Instead, a clear, beautiful, yet delicate square Box rests in my hands. Also, I am not the only one here. “Oh—” Seeing him makes me start to cry again. The tears are pouring uncontrollably; I can’t stop. Pathetic as it may be, this is who I once was, and who I’ve always been. “Oh—Kazuki.” I embrace Kazuki where he sits on the floor of the room. Kazuki doesn’t react, though. He simply stares at a single point with vacant eyes. Kazuki has lost everything to the violence of those loops. The utter solitude stole away his intelligence and memories, transforming him into a silent body. The shape of Kazuki’s soul was changed by the cruelty of this Box; he will probably never return to normal. As usual, reality is nothing but cruelty, and all it offers me are trials to overcome. But I will not rely on Boxes any longer. Weeping, I try my best to smile, and then I speak to Kazuki. “Hey…do you remember what we said before? When I lost hope in the Rejecting Classroom, you got down on one knee and said ‘Your escort has arrived, Princess Maria’ and offered me your hand. You told me you had betrayed everything, made enemies of everyone, to come rescue me. Your actions have been consistent ever since that moment. You have always brought me salvation. I thought I had become strong, but really, I was imprisoned at the bottom of the sea. And you dove down into the depths to save me. You did exactly what you said you would; you found me there even when it meant betraying and making enemies of everyone. You didn’t care that it would hurt you so much and leave you like this.” I set the transparent Box on the floor and squeeze Kazuki’s hand gently. His fingers move slightly, but it’s probably just a reflexive reaction to being grabbed. “I want you to forgive me. There’s only one thing I can do for you when you’ve done so much for me.” I touch Kazuki’s chest. “I will stay by your side for life.” Kazuki doesn’t react. “I won’t give up. I’ll wait however long it takes for you to come back. It’ll be so much easier than when you were waiting for me, right? …No, I guess not. It’s not a question of waiting or not. It’s our fate to be inseparable. I will always be with you. It’s the only thing I can do.” I smile at him. “That is our normal life that no one can ever destroy.” But my tears fall into the palm of Kazuki’s hand. He won’t even look at me; he really is merely staring into space. “That should solve everything, right? You’re the one who said there’s no despair that can’t be undone by just living our day-to-day lives. Isn’t that right?” No matter how hard I try to hold it back, my voice is trembling. “I have faith in what you said. I have faith in the one who defeated Aya Otonashi.” Kazuki will come back. But I also honestly feel that losing hope isn’t out of the question for me. “Do you know who I am? “Do you understand what I’m saying? “Can you see me? “Can you tell I’m touching you? “Do you remember who you are?” He doesn’t respond to anything. It’s definitely starting to look bleak. But I still smile. I will find hope. “It’s okay. If you’ve forgotten, then I’ll keep calling your name. I’ll keep saying your name, just like how you called mine until you found me.” I say it. “Kazuki.” I say it tearfully. “Kazuki.” I say it with love. “Kazuki.” I say it with cheer. “Kazuki. “Kazuki. “Kazuki.” Over and over, I say Kazuki’s name. Before I know it, the sun has set. Kazuki didn’t spend the whole time sitting; he stood up and walked around some, and he even touched my face and body. He didn’t say anything, though, and I don’t see anything resembling thought. Strangely enough, however, he never hit the wall. “Kazuki.” I must have said that name thousands of times today. But that never bothered me in the slightest. Saying Kazuki’s name makes me happy. Kazuki crouches down abruptly, as if he’s just noticed the transparent Box. He picks it up and seems to be gazing at it. He’s completely still. “…Kazuki, what’s wrong?” Kazuki squeezes the Misbegotten Happiness in his scarred right hand. It still has the power of the Empty Box to destroy Boxes. That’s why the clear and fragile Box shatters easily. The Misbegotten Happiness is utterly annihilated. With that, Kazuki finally loses the power of the Empty Box. It’s all over. Boxes will probably never play a part in our world again. Kazuki stayed true to himself until the end and eradicated his enemy. Kazuki is victorious over the Boxes. He turns his gaze toward me. There is no light in his eyes. He doesn’t see me. He still has no will. I’m sure he doesn’t know who he is. Still, he doesn’t look away from me. Why is that? I know what Kazuki is going to say. I know he is about to perform a miracle. “Maria.” That familiar name probably just forced its way out of his mouth. That has to be it. I can’t get my hopes up. I can’t let myself rejoice too much. I tell myself this in my mind, but it’s no use. I am so overjoyed that I start sobbing again. I can’t help it, though, can I? After all, I’m not the strong Aya Otonashi anymore—I’m just a crybaby. I am Maria Otonashi.
Chapter 62
56 min read