May 5 (Tuesday), Children’s Day May 5 (Tuesday), 2:10 AMI’m dreaming. It’s the same dream as always. I’m standing in front of corpses, playing with a rabbit plushie that’s missing an ear. I stick my pointer finger into the hole where the torn-off ear would have been and start widening it. I slide my finger in and stir it around. The rabbit’s head changes shape. The cotton inside feels nice. Around and around and around, squish, squish, squish. One of the rabbit’s eyes pops off. Cotton stuffing is spilling out of its torn face. I look at my hands. Aside from the drying blood covering them, there shouldn’t be anything unusual. But all I can see is a pair of pitch-black, rotting extremities. My body is filled with sludge that consists of pure hatred. I want to slice my body open and drain it out. “Well, well, this is quite the interesting little scene we have here.” “Eek!” The sudden voice starts me so badly my heart almost leaps from my chest. “Of all the incidents that could have occurred around that boy, this one is the ultimate perversion. Yes, this is fascinating indeed. The manner of your involvement in this incident is superb, and your feelings toward him also intrigue me.” I turn around and behold the owner of the voice behind me. Their silhouette… Well, maybe it’s because this is a dream. Something is blurring my vision, making it impossible to see them clearly. I can’t even tell if they’re a man or woman. “Wh-who are you? H-how long have you been there…?” Instead of answering my question, he (or is it she?) merely smiles. I look over at my brother. He is still screaming silently, oblivious to the presence of this stranger. Where is this? We should be in our house, but something’s wrong. It doesn’t feel real, more like we’ve been put inside a picture of it. “You’re very interesting, too, though not quite as much as that boy. I know in theory that humans become empty when they despise themselves, but it’s electrifying to see it happen right in front of me. Yes, I can see no reason not to give you a Box.” They’re completely ignoring my question and ranting about something I don’t understand. But there’s one thing I do know: They are captivating. Unbelievably so. “Do you have a wish?” Of course I do. I’m always wishing for something. “This Box can grant any desire,” the stranger says in an enchanting voice, then hands me something that resembles a container. Now that I think about it, it does look like a box. Even though it’s very close to me, I still can’t see it clearly. I try touching it. That alone is enough to let me know it’s real. The certainty isn’t born of logic or anything similar; it’s a conviction that permeates every fiber of my being. I accept the Box. “How do I use it…?” “Just imagine your wish as clearly as you can. That’s it. Humans have an innate power to make wishes come true, so this Box isn’t actually anything that special. All it does is simplify a person’s wish and make it easier to grant.” My wish. My wish is to not be Riko Asami. To become anyone other than the girl I despise so thoroughly. Who should I become? The first person who comes to mind is Maria Otonashi, the one I admire so much. But that’s not possible. She isn’t human, after all. Something like me could never become her. I suddenly know just the person. “I’m going to make my wish.” He’s a boy who cherishes his mundane everyday life as if it was the most natural thing in the world. A boy who for some unfathomable reason has made Maria Otonashi his. He values his life? What a bunch of garbage. Let him have a taste of what I consider “normal” and see if he still thinks that. The way he gets to bask in happiness for no good reason disgusts me. So hand it over! “I want to take the place of Kazuki Hoshino.” As soon as my wish is made, the Box begins folding in on itself with loud slams. It becomes small and hard, then shoots with the force of a bullet straight through my eye and into me. Before I even have time to feel the pain, it’s nestled inside my heart and threaded through my veins to take control of my entire body. I… I… I’m being torn apart, broken, dissected, torn asunder, controlled, manipulated by the Box……and disappearing. “So you want to take his place, do you? Heh-heh… You must be truly miserable.” A charismatic smile spreads across their face. “You must be truly miserable to understand it’s just taking his place.” Why? Disappearing is all I’ve ever wanted. “Empty people can only dream up empty wishes. I’m sorry, but I was well aware of that little bit of information.” Their smile is tender and irresistible. “Oh, you are too precious. You think you can escape your actions so easily—that childish nature of yours is so adorable, I can hardly stand it.” And then my dream self is dumped into the muck. As it swallows me, I can’t even scream, let alone breathe. May 5 (Tuesday), 6:15 AMI’ve been awake for a while now. But like a puppet with severed strings, I can’t move from atop Maria Otonashi’s bed. I have to contact Riko Asami. Despite knowing this, I can’t make myself move. Maria Otonashi has been sitting in a chair watching me the whole time. But even this isn’t enough for me to move. I can’t even look away from her steady, observant gaze. She’s the first to lose her will and break our little staring contest. She stands up and goes off somewhere. After a moment, she returns and offers me a cup of coffee. I only stare at the steam rising in front of me. When I don’t take the mug, she again backs down first, retracting her arm and taking a sip of her own offering. “That’s bitter…,” she comments. “……Well, seeing as there isn’t much to do at the moment, maybe I’ll talk to myself for a bit.” She frowns into the mug as she speaks. “I am a Box. And just like a Box, I can also grant wishes,” she informs me, as if this really were a regular chat over coffee. “But I am a failure as one. The happiness I bestow is fictitious and false.” Her tone is bland, but her expression can’t fully conceal her frustration. “What is happiness, really? Does it come to you based on your mind-set? If so, then even someone responsible for the disappearance of their entire family should be able to change how they feel. Is that really all it takes to achieve happiness?” I thought at first she was talking about me, but now I’m not so sure. “…I…don’t think that’s possible. I’m here now because I think that way.” Now I know for sure she’s referring to herself. “I don’t know exactly what happened with you, but I don’t think changing the way you think or your situation will make you happy. My guess is that you probably feel the same way. Am I right?” She is. The only place I’m going is to hell, no matter what path I take. “You asked me earlier to help you.” She downs the coffee before continuing, “As long as you’re fine with a failure like me, I can grant your wish.” Under normal circumstances, I would assume she was trying to feed me an outrageous lie, but her face is the picture of sincerity. Regardless of whether I believe her, it’s enough. “……Really?” It’s enough to make me speak again. “Yeah. If the only roads before you lead to hell, then I’ll offer you a different path. It may be a mere illusion, but for someone in your position, I’m sure that’s more than enough.” If all she wanted was to dangle hope in front of my nose to get something from me, she wouldn’t phrase it this way. “Will you be okay after you use your otherworldly power…? Or will it be like in those manga where the hero has to pay a price for using their ability?” Maria Otonashi stays silent for a moment. “There is, isn’t there?” “…It’s nothing for you to worry about.” “That just makes me even more worried.” After a weary sigh, she answers, “I lose a portion of my memory.” “What…?” “When I use the Misbegotten Happiness, my memories of the recipient vanish, along with, to a certain extent, those of others involved with them. I actually have almost no memories at all. I can’t recall my family or my friends. All that remains to me are the memories I willingly sought out.” “What? But why…?” That sounds horrible. “……Don’t tell me that means you would forget Kazuki Hoshino if you used your power on me…?” She has no response to that. I’m sure it’s because I’m right. “…I don’t understand. Why would you do that for me? Why would you be willing to forget someone so important to you…? “It’s my choice. Like I said, you don’t need to worry about it.” “But—” “You and I are the same.” She cuts me off. “That’s why I don’t want to see you miserable. I don’t think I could bear it. I would never have become a Box if I could sit by and watch that happen.” Is that why she’s willing to lose such precious memories? That’s crazy. Crazy, but… It’s also why she was able to become the pinnacle of creation. If it’ll allow me to escape from eternal suffering, and if she’s doing it willingly, then I’ll accept her offer. “Let me use a phone.” She nods and hands me Kazuki Hoshino’s. I spot my number in the outgoing call history. Maria must have called me. But that’s not the way to reach the one I want. I tried calling that number before, too, but it never connected. The number she calls me from isn’t mine. No, it belongs to Yuhei Ishihara. I make the call. After a few rings… “Hello?” …Riko Asami answers the phone. May 5 (Tuesday), 9:42 PM When I fill in the paper Miyazaki gave me on the second, it looks like this: The remaining three time blocks, 10 AM – 11 AM, 9 PM – 10 PM, and 10 PM – 11 PM, are all the time “Kazuki Hoshino” has left in this body. If we don’t somehow take care of the Week in the Mud within those hours, “Kazuki Hoshino” will have nothing left. It’s 9:43 now. This means “Kazuki Hoshino” has only the final one hour and seventeen minutes remaining before eleven PM. We have to do everything that needs to be done in that window, and we’ve finished all the preparations necessary to pull this off. “Riko Asami” got in contact with Asami as requested. Asami agreed to meet, specifying a time and place. And so, we come face-to-face with Riko Asami. The meeting place Asami specified turns out to be our school. Though our school does have a security system, climbing over the gates isn’t enough to set it off. It’s still Golden Week, so no one is here. We find her standing in the center of the empty schoolyard. “Why do you think I decided to meet you?” she murmurs, like she’s talking to herself and not at all like the Asami I know. “I know what you hope to accomplish, after all. You’re here to stop me from killing myself and steal my Box, right? That’s something I don’t want to happen. But I still decided to meet you. Do you know why?” Asami’s eyes are focused on some unknown point nearby. “Because I wanted to see you one last time. I wanted to see the one I admire so much, who did what I couldn’t and created an ideal version of herself.” “I don’t think so,” Maria forcefully interjects. “What you really want is for me to stop you from doing something as stupid as throwing your life away.” Riko Asami listens carefully to Maria’s words, and her mouth curves upward in a smile. “Sorry, but that tired argument won’t work on me. Ugh, what a disappointment… I didn’t want to hear those dull platitudes from you.” “Hmph. So then why exactly did you come to meet us? Do you think I can’t see that you’re afraid to die?” “You’re my insurance.” “…Insurance?” “I thought that if I got too scared to actually go through with it, you’d be kind enough to kill me instead,” she tells us matter-of-factly. “…” Why? Why is listening to this conversation so……annoying? I know there are certain emotions I should be feeling now. Panic, fright, sympathy—those would be more natural in this case. So why is it that all I’m feeling right now is irritation? I think and think and think, and then it dawns on me. ……No way. “Asami.” Only my subconscious could have led me to this fact. No wonder I’m pissed off. There’s no point to this idle chitchat. “You met with Miyazaki after the Week in the Mud was set in motion, didn’t you?” I ask Asami abruptly, and she slowly nods. “He lied and told us the owner had died, to make us believe we had no chance of undoing the wish. He hoped to get us to give up and thus allow the Box to complete its purpose.” “…And?” Asami prompts me. I nod and continue. “Miyazaki was confident we would never be able to find you. But here you are, alive and well. Why would he be so sure of himself if that’s the case?” Asami hesitates for a moment, then explains, “…When we met, I promised him I would go into hiding. That’s why—” “Why?” I interrupt Asami midsentence. “If Miyazaki was allied with ‘Riko Asami,’ the person trying hardest to help the Week in the Mud run its course, and you’re prepared to take your own life to stop it, why would you need to collaborate with him?” She has nothing to say. “It doesn’t make any sense, don’t you think?” I press. “How would you know my mental conflicts?” I’ve had it. This is gross, and I can’t take it anymore. “You are so creepy. Why’re you talking like that? Cut it out already.” “……This is how I always used to talk. You wouldn’t know it, but ever since middle school, I—” “What I’m saying is you can drop the act. You’re here in front of us now, so you wouldn’t want to hide, right? So…” “…stop talking like that, O.” Maria’s eyes fly open wide as she gawks at Asami…or should I say, O. All expression vanishes from Asami’s face. She looks so mechanical that I can’t sense any of the girl I knew in there. “You’ve been keeping up this charade since the thirtieth, right? Even bad taste has its limits, you know. Thinking back on it, nothing has seemed right about her since then. Haruaki even commented on how weird she was acting, only to completely forget about it the next day. That’s part of your nature—no one who isn’t a Box owner can remember you. I guess you didn’t visit our classroom, because Miyazaki was in there, huh?” Asami listens to my theories silently, her face still a blank slate. “Miyazaki was so confident about his big lie that Asami was dead because he knew you had possessed her body. If an inhuman being like you was walking around in her body and told him he would never see you again, my guess is he would probably take it to heart.” Not even that is enough to provoke a change in her expression. “He might have forgotten about you, but it seems he couldn’t forget that something had possessed his sister. That’s why the only way out for Miyazaki was to make sure the Week in the Mud did what it was meant to do. That’s how you set him up as my enemy. You set the stage so that ‘Riko Asami’ and ‘I’ would be fighting on equal terms.” I fix Asami with an angry glare as I continue. “Then all that was left for you was to sit back and have your fun observing it all.” The moment I finish speaking… “Heh-heh.” …the blank expression warps, and Riko Asami disappears entirely. Well, the body is still hers. But there’s no longer any way of mistaking it. Riko Asami no longer exists behind those features. No human has an unfathomable grin like that. “Well, well, I’m impressed.” With that smile still in place, O claps their hands. The display is an expression of their confidence that they are perfectly safe, despite having been discovered. “……You seem to be enjoying yourself, O.” Maria’s brows furrow as she jumps into the conversation. “Enjoying myself? Heh-heh, why wouldn’t I be? This round of observations was truly worthwhile. Seeing how Kazuki Hoshino would react, how he would think, how he would suffer when his identity was taken from him has proven to be deeply intriguing. I never expected he would so clearly recognize ‘Riko Asami’ as an enemy and take action to bring her pain. Heh-heh, this experiment was rather short compared with the last one, but the results have been rich indeed.” “Freak.” Maria’s jeer has no effect on O’s mirthful expression. “Now then—shall I give you this Box?” I don’t pick up on the meaning of those words right away. What was that? O’s going to give the Box to us? Why? We haven’t even backed them into a corner or bargained for it… “……What’re you trying to pull?” Maria asks in my place. “Oh? Is there something odd about my behavior?” “Is this magnanimous attitude a facade to hide your desperation now that we’ve managed to sniff you out?” “Your answer couldn’t be more incorrect. What about this situation would imply I’m in peril? …Hmm, it would appear you all misunderstand. My goal in this has been to observe Kazuki Hoshino, not interfere with your plans. This Box has given me my fill of fun with him, so I have already accomplished what I set out to do. Giving it to you now that I have no use for it is no problem at all.” Now I think about it, they’re right. Ensuring the Week in the Mud would reach completion was never the point for O. Rather, if the Box actually does what it was made to do… “Ah…!” “Yes. I wasn’t going to say anything, but it seems you’ve figured it out on your own. Heartbreaking.” They must be delighted to see the blood draining from my face. O is positively beaming. “It’s true—this Box you call the ‘Week in the Mud’ was never meant to fulfill its purpose from the very start. Riko Asami is a human of interest, but not nearly enough so that I would sacrifice such a hard-earned guinea pig. Let ‘Riko Asami’ take the place of ‘Kazuki Hoshino’? Not on my watch.” O snickers. “And so, when the time was right, I was planning to give you the Box regardless of whether you found me. There’s nothing peculiar at all about my simply handing it over like this.” I made “Riko Asami” into my enemy to take myself back. I wounded her and caused her suffering. I even made Miyazaki my accomplice. I went so far as to betray Maria, too. But… …even though I stooped so low… “It was all for nothing, wasn’t it?” Did O have me where they wanted from the very beginning? Was I simply dancing in the palm of their hand? If so, then what does that make this whole week into…? “It hasn’t been for nothing.” A certain girl denies O’s claim, and I glance over toward her. O turns their cheeky grin on Maria, too. “And just what do you mean by that?” “Don’t you get it? Kazuki’s mission is to get back his normal life. Naturally, we did what we could to that end. So nothing would have changed. Even if Kazuki had managed to puzzle out that you never intended for the Week in the Mud to finish its work, it wouldn’t have changed his actions.” “Again, how so?” O asks, thoroughly engrossed. “That goes without saying,” Maria scoffs. “There’s no reason he would place trust in your whims.” Ah, I see it now. O is giving me the box purely because it’s the most interesting thing for them, nothing more than a whim. It would have been impossible for me to hope for that and not act on my own. Despite the chance that all my efforts would be in vain, I know for a fact that I still would have done everything in my power to put an end to this Box. “I see. However, Kazuki is one thing, but you, I’m afraid, have truly labored to no avail. This Box cannot be used again.” “You are hilariously simpleminded. Revealing yourself here to us now is a sign that I’ve made at least some progress. It proves that as long as I’m with Kazuki, I will encounter you and your Boxes.” “Hmm…?” O widens their eyes, almost deliberately. “Are you being serious?” Maria’s reply sounds disappointed. “I’ve spent the equivalent of a lifetime hunting down Boxes. Why ask that now?” “That’s not what I meant. Your foolishness doesn’t concern me in the slightest. I’m asking if there is some significance to proving that your proximity to Kazuki will allow you to encounter me.” Maria’s eyes dilate at that, and her face slowly goes pale. “So you didn’t notice…or to be more precise, you didn’t consider it deeply enough, I assume?” O smiles again. “Such proof is meaningless. Besides, weren’t you planning on leaving Kazuki anyway?” Wh-what…? “C-cut the crap!” “Heh-heh, that deathly white complexion is all the proof you need to know I’m being truthful. Kazuki, I’ll have you know that she is planning on using her Box on ‘Riko Asami.’” “Use the Misbegotten Happiness…?” I’ve touched that Box, so I know. I’ve seen the depths of that sea, so I know. Maria must under no circumstances use her own Box. I may be generally clueless, but even I can tell that using the Box would be an irreversible act. “If she does, she will lose all memory of you. And without those memories, there is little doubt she will leave your side.” “Wh-why are you so sure of that?!” “Simple. That’s what happens every time she uses it,” O says. I turn toward Maria. Her nervous lip chewing is enough for me to know it’s true. “Why would you think to use the Misbegotten Happiness…?” “…I told you before. Asami’s suffering is inevitable, and I can’t just sit back and watch.” Is she saying she would harm herself just for that…? But yeah, I get it. She’s always been like that. Maria would throw her own life away to save someone else. That’s the type of person she is. “I am a Box. I’m not human. I exist only to save others. Right, that’s why I…” Maria’s ever-stern countenance returns, and she declares in a loud, clear voice: “I can remain Aya Otonashi.” Yet, I can’t help but think there’s still a bit of Maria Otonashi in there, too. “…Never let me out of your sight, either.” That was the real Maria, wasn’t it? That was how she really feels, unable to bear the solitude. This is all wrong. There’s no way ignoring her own emotions is the correct choice. But I can’t just claim she’s wrong. I have no idea what resolve has led her to this point, so I could never deny her that. “Maria.” All I can do is say her name, the one only I can call her, and let her know how I feel. “I don’t want you to do it.” Maria’s face stiffens a bit. “I can’t stand the thought of you forgetting about me and leaving!” “……Kazuki.” “You’re terrible! You’re the one who asked that I never lose sight of you, and now you’re the one planning to lose sight of me! How could you do something like that?!” I shout. Maria bites her lip and lowers her gaze. “……But if I don’t, Asami—” I interrupt her by taking her right hand, and she looks at me with round eyes. “Asami will be fine.” “…Why?” “You might not believe it yet, and you might get angry at me and think I’m sugarcoating the situation, but I have faith that she will.” I squeeze her hand tight. “There is no despair in our lives that can’t be undone.” I realize her fingers are much slimmer than I thought. Not just her fingers, either. Maria’s entire profile is incredibly delicate, a perfect counterpoint to her spirit. “Asami will be fine, even if the Week in the Mud is destroyed. There’s no way in hell that despair is the only fate that awaits her!” “……And you’re telling me to believe this?” she whispers. I thought she would reject me. First off, she’s seeking out Boxes. There’s no reason for her to accept a guy who believes in the ordinary day-to-day, when she actively tracks down the objects that destroy it. But despite that, I still have faith in normal life. “She just needs to find hope.” “…What?” “There may indeed be despair awaiting Asami in the future, but there will also be hope. I know of one source, at least.” “What are you talking about…?” “There’s someone out there who thinks Asami is the most valuable person in the world. Doesn’t that count as a little ray of light?” I see the slightest hint of acknowledgment begin creeping into Maria’s features. “…If nothing else happens, you may be right. But Asami will almost certainly be facing a lengthy prison sentence because of her actions.” “Even so, I’m positive the two of them will be fine as long as they stick together. If they can understand how precious they are to each other, they’ll be okay. Don’t you agree?” “…” “Maybe we’re just assuming we know everything there is to know about Asami. There’s still one more hour of ‘Riko Asami’ after this. It won’t be too late if you make your decision after checking with her first… Well, don’t only check with her. Help her find some hope, too. I know it’s there.” Maria gives my hand a little squeeze. “And while you’re at it, give her a hand in finding some happiness that isn’t an illusion.” With that, I let go, and Maria looks down at her free hand. “……U-uh, hey, it’s still Golden Week, right?” Maria frowns and looks up at the sudden question. “Things didn’t turn out so great, but I was really hoping to enjoy this break. But we do still have one more day off tomorrow, so…” I close my eyes for a moment, summon my courage, and spit it out. “So…let’s go somewhere tomorrow. Um… Hey, I know! How about we get some strawberry tarts? They’re your favorite, right?” There’s surprise in Maria’s eyes. She stands motionless for a moment, but eventually, the tension leaves her face as if it were never there. “Heh-heh… What was that all about?” “Y-you don’t want to go?” “…This will mean you spent every day of Golden Week with me, you know.” “Huh? Is there something wrong with that?” Maria tilts her head to the side and smirks. “If it doesn’t bother you, then I’m fine with it.” “Really? You promise?” Promise. Her expression had only just softened, but it tenses again when she hears that word. Maria closes her eyes for a moment and ruminates on the meaning of the word, then opens them again. Her mouth relaxes again and curves upward in a smile, and she speaks in a firm yet gentle tone. “I promise. I promise you a future where we can go and eat strawberry tarts tomorrow.” Yep, I know I have nothing to worry about. And so I wait for that final possession to take place. May 5 (Tuesday), 11:00 PMNone of it has ended. Even though Maria Otonashi promised I would never undergo another switch, none of it has ended. For some reason, I’m standing in the middle of the schoolyard. It’s pitch-black, and there’s nothing around. I know the main building of the school should be there, but I can’t see anything. There’s nothing. Nothing near me. It’s just me and Riko Asami facing each other, alone. I don’t understand. How did I end up like this? Where did Maria go? “Long time no see,” Riko Asami says as she stands right in front of me. I scowl. Why does this feel so off? “Heh-heh, you probably don’t recognize me in this form. It’s O.” “Huh?” Their manner of speaking is clearly wrong, and that smile is charming in a way I could never hope to be. Yeah, that settles it. This person must be O. “Why are you coming to me as Riko Asami…? Where’s Maria…?” O’s answer is a smile as they walk toward me. I find myself edging away from this unknowable force. “Kazuki Hoshino said there was hope to be found, even in your life.” They extend their hand and push their fingers into my mouth. “A-agh…?” “Such a thing is impossible, I’m afraid.” Riko Asami’s fingers wriggle violently in my mouth, turning slimy with my saliva. It drips off them in globs, like I’m being forced to drink the fluids of some insect. “The reason being that this is all it takes for you to learn what you taste like,” O says, wearing my form. “…It’s the taste of scum.” …Yes, I do taste it. It’s bitter, so bitter that it overwhelms me. This body belongs to Kazuki Hoshino, but somehow the muck slowly starts spreading past the inside of my mouth, propagating like a virus. My body is blackening, tainted by the color of sin. The foul sludge floods over me, violating me. O withdraws their fingers from my mouth. I drop to my knees, and the filth within me sloshes with the movement. “There’s no helping your hatred. They made you a person”—the word makes me want to vomit—“capable of more bitter loathing than anyone. This is a truth that can never disappear. And that is why this scum will remain inside you for all eternity.” O places their hands upon my shoulders. I look up into the face of Riko Asami, the last one I want to see. “There is no reason someone like you, who can never eradicate the muck inside her, can ever taste hope.” I’m well aware of this. Hope will never be a part of my life. I’ve never felt it, not even once, and now that I’m corrupted—now that I’ve committed the sins I have—why would I ever experience it? This is the end for Riko Asami. “That’s not true.” Still kneeling, I twist around to find the source of this voice behind me. The one who called out is Maria Otonashi, gasping for breath. I see my older brother beside her. The one who’ll never call me his sister again. “You’re here sooner than expected.” “What are you trying to pull by hurting her, O?!” Maria Otonashi shouts, her voice rough with anger. “Heh-heh… Perhaps the best way to put it is that I wish to tear you away from Kazuki Hoshino. I was just taking the opportunity to do a few things until you arrived… Are you here with the intention of giving her hope, by any chance?” “Yeah,” Maria Otonashi answers plainly. O provides no reaction. “Riko.” Hearing that name from my brother feels very strange. Oh. It’s the first time he’s used it, that’s why. This is the first time he’s ever called me by my name since I gained this body. “Why now? I thought I wasn’t your sister anymore.” “Now you know in your heart that you’re Riko Asami. That changes everything. Because you know it, I can say your name.” I stay silent, so Ryu presses on. “Hey, what’re you going to do now? The Week in the Mud is about to be destroyed. You’re going to become Riko Asami again. You and I will be separated. What are you going to do when all that happens?” “I’m going to use Maria’s Box.” “Asami. I’m sorry, but we have to cancel that plan,” Maria Otonashi interrupts. “Huh…?” I instinctively turn toward her. “I changed my mind after hearing Miyazaki out. I cannot let you use this Box now.” She says it so confidently, without the slightest hint of shame at breaking her promise to me. No, why would there be? It was always unthinkable for her to do something as stupid as giving up her memories for me. “Then I’ll just die.” It’s the obvious answer. Now that things have reached this point, simply disappearing is the best ending I can hope for. Ryu shouts at me in exasperation. “Do you honestly believe that ‘Riko Asami’ is yours alone?” “…Huh?” I am Riko Asami. I am mine. Anyone would understand that. “Why do you look so surprised? You think you belong only to yourself? No way.” My brother still seems annoyed at my ignorance. “You belong to me, too. And that’s not all. You belong to Maria Otonashi, and to Kazuki Hoshino, too. So here’s the thing.” He fixes me with a pointed stare. “None of us are willing to let you die.” I don’t understand what he means. I can’t comprehend why my brother would say something like that with such kindness on his face. “But how can I ever be forgiven for the horrible things I’ve done…? Death isn’t enough for me, you know? They both lost their lives because of me. That…” “Asami.” I stop short as I hear my name. Maria Otonashi continues, “That’s the main reason I decided not to let you use my Box. I was mistaken when I said I would. Well, part of it was that Miyazaki was withholding information, but also I had misread the truth. It was Ryu Miyazaki who actually committed the murders, wasn’t it?” ……No. True, the one who did it was Ryu, but I knew how things could turn out when I called him for help. All he did was fulfill my desires for me. That’s why the sin is mine. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Riko. I wasn’t acting on your behalf when I killed them. I hated them both. Despised them. My emotions took over, and I lost control. That’s it.” He’s lying. I’m sure he really did hate them. But animosity alone wouldn’t have been enough to make him go through with it. He crossed that final line because he wanted to set me free. I’m the one who pulled the trigger. “I thought about running away with you, but it wasn’t a realistic option. Neither of us is a legal adult, so we’d never be able to lead a proper life on the run. And even if we did, I can’t imagine we’d be happy being hunted every single day of our lives.” A faintly rueful smile appears on Ryu’s face. “I’m going to turn myself in, and I’m going to prove that you’re innocent. That’s the best choice available to me.” My brother is attempting to wipe away my crimes, to take them all to prison with him. “……Why would you do that for me…?” “Don’t make me explain it.” I simply can’t figure out why. Why? We’re brother and sister, but we’re also separate individuals. Nothing good will come for him if he does this for me. Ryu pulls something out of his bag and hands it to me. I accept it wordlessly. It could be my imagination, but I recognize this texture. I look down to see what exactly he gave me. “…Oh.” I can’t contain my surprise. I thought it was ruined. I thought everything I ever cherished had been spoiled forever. “I washed it, put in some stuffing, and stitched it up. That’s all. I mean, it’s not enough to make it as good as new, but it is fixed, right?” It’s my rabbit plushie. The one Ryu won for me from the crane game. “Ah…aahhh…” I fall to my knees on the spot. I can’t hold back the sobs escaping me or the tears running down my face, and just the tiniest bit of the filth inside me is flowing out with them. Not all of it, of course. I’ll still be carrying it with me… But for now, at least, some of it is washing away. Maybe… Just maybe… “……Ryu.” …I never needed to make a wish with the Box at all. Maybe I failed to see that. After all, now I’m sure… …my wish had already come true. “I’m sorry, Ryu. I’m so sorry all of this happened because of me.” My brother sacrificed himself because I couldn’t figure it out. None of this would have happened if I had only been able to love myself. “Next time, I’ll save you.” I wipe away my tears and climb to my feet. Ryu is looking at me with a bit of surprise. “I’ll save you when you’re suffering…and I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll always be there, waiting for the day we can stand together again.” My voice and my body are trembling, and my smile is a bit forced, but I tell him clearly. “I’ll be waiting for you as Riko Asami.” My brother is motionless for a moment, eyes wide in shock, but gradually, his face softens. There’s a warmth in his eyes that wasn’t there yesterday. “I…” He answers with a smile. “I was too late. Or that’s what I’ve always thought. But I’m beginning to get the feeling that maybe…I did make it in time.” I’ll never be able to say that I’m glad things turned out this way. My brother and I will always hate our past, until the day we die. But despite it, we’ve found how we can make it through. I have no doubt of that now. Quietly watching us, Maria Otonashi nods with a smile. “I was able to keep my promise to Kazuki,” she whispers before her smile vanishes and she pins O with a steely glare. “Now, hand over the Box.” O nods, their smile never once slipping. My Box, the Week in the Mud, will end now. O reaches a hand up to Riko Asami’s eye and touches her eyeball. I can feel it, even though I’m not the one being touched. O digs their fingers in deep, as if they intend to pluck out the eye. Unable to bear the pain, I cry out briefly and squeeze my eyes shut. It hurts! …But while it is extremely painful, I can tell this is the way it needs to be. This is how it should be. And that’s why I endure the crushing agony in my eye. The pain goes away, and I look at O again. They’ve finished whatever it was they were doing. My eye is undamaged, and O is holding a Box that resembles a small, blackened bullet in the palm of their hand. “I wonder if this proves Kazuki Hoshino’s claim that ‘there is no despair in life that can’t be undone’?” “……Maybe this time, at least.” “Heh-heh… I see. I suppose that’s the only thing you can say. That statement is a denial of your very being as a Box, after all. It’s seems Kazuki has a knack for making heartless comments, too.” With a sharp glare O’s way, Maria Otonashi roughly snatches the Box out of their hand. “Now I can go back to Kazuki. That’s all that matters.” “Aren’t you merely delaying the inevitable? You still don’t intend to decide between being Maria Otonashi or remaining Aya Otonashi?” “What a stupid question.” Maria Otonashi looks down at the Week in the Mud resting in her hand. She bites down hard on her lip, as if filled with loathing for the Box. “The answer to that was set in stone long ago.” “You’re probably right.” O responds quickly with obvious disinterest. “I am a Box.” She releases her lip and continues, “There is no way I can ever go back to being the person I was before I became a Box.” Her eyes are so strong. This is the expression of the fabrication I’ve revered all this time. “That’s why it’s better if I maintain the same personality I have had since then. If that means choosing to remain Aya Otonashi, so be it.” “If so, then why are you still with Kazuki Hoshino?” “…” Silence overtakes her. “Doesn’t that only make things more difficult for you? Wasn’t that your motivation in allowing Riko Asami to use your Box?” “…What’re you talking about? I have no idea what you mean.” “Heh-heh, perhaps the curse of that realm of endless repetition still hangs over you. Indeed, Kasumi Mogi would have been an exceptionally powerful foe for you.” “……Hmph.” She examines the Box again, rolling it around in her hand. “……I was set on doing it. It didn’t take long. But then that damn Kazuki had to go and say he didn’t want me to…,” she softly whispers as sadness clouds her features for a moment. But it’s gone in an instant. Once again, she dons the visage of the perfect creation, the one I find so utterly beautiful. Maria Otonashi has already granted the wish of the Week in the Mud through sheer willpower alone—what’s going through her mind as she watches me and my Box? Chewing her lip yet again, she takes one final look at the tiny bullet-shaped Box… …and then, with a touch of sadness, crushes the Week in the Mud in her fist. May 5 (Tuesday), 11:56 PM There something markedly different about the way I feel when I wake up this time. My head feels oddly refreshed, like every last nook and cranny is clear. It makes me especially aware of how much “Riko Asami” took from me earlier. I check the time on my phone. 11:57 PM. I’m me, even though the hour of eleven PM has always been “Riko Asami’s,” since the very first day. It’s over. But before my emotions have the chance to wash over me, something seizes me. “Huh?! Ah… M-Maria…?” Is she hugging me? To be clear, this is not a gentle embrace of appreciation for my weeklong battle. It’s a powerful vise clinging to me for dear life. “Wh-what’s gotten into you?” She hears me but doesn’t answer. It seems I have no choice but to stay here at her mercy for the time being. I can’t see Maria’s face. “……Call me that name, one more time.” “Huh?” “Call me ‘Maria’ one more time.” “……Okay, M-Maria.” “……Again.” “Maria.” “……” Silence. “It’s your fault.” Maria abruptly switches gears. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m only with you because it allows me to meet O. There is no significance to our relationship beyond that. And yet you keep getting carried away and doing things nobody asked you to do. I went through a lot of pain this time, and it’s all your fault.” “……I’m not sure what you’re getting at, but don’t you think that’s really mean?” “It’s the truth, idiot,” she retorts, pushing me away. So now she’s getting violent? What’s more, for some reason she has a huge grin on her face. “Now then, let’s go.” “Huh? Where are we going?” “What’re you playing dumb for? Yesterday, I promised you we would go out for some strawberry tarts tomorrow.” “…Well, that’s what I said, but it’s still the fifth…” “Check the time.” I pull out my phone as ordered. 12:00 AM. The date has changed. “I know a late-night diner that has strawberry tarts. Let’s go there.” “U-uh? That’s not the problem… Normally, when people say ‘tomorrow,’ they mean after they sleep and wake up…” “What’re you blabbering about? Let’s get moving.” Maria grabs me by the hand. Oh man… Maybe I shouldn’t have made that promise. Why do I get the feeling she’s going to drag me around all day tomorrow, too? …Well, whatever. I don’t mind at all. As Maria leads me off, I spare a glance back at the two we left in the middle of the schoolyard. I see a happy brother and sister, smiling and holding each other’s hands.
Chapter 17
38 min read