“Big Sister!” Charlotte cried when she saw Louise. “I apologize for requesting your time like this out of the blue.” She dipped her head, her breasts bouncing dramatically with every little motion.
According to aristocratic etiquette, one should, at the very least, give several days’ notice before paying someone a visit. There was no problem as far as Louise was concerned, since Charlotte had sent a messenger ahead of time, but Charlotte still seemed to feel guilty over how last-minute it was.
“One is normally supposed to let the other party know well ahead of time,” Louise declared.
“Hrk!” Charlotte flinched, and her face fell. “I’m sorry.”
Why am I like this? Louise wondered when she clocked Charlotte’s reaction. Why must I always be so petty? Claudia would have reacted differently, would’ve made sure the other person wasn’t unnecessarily apologetic.
Louise wanted to change, but she couldn’t. Her hand tightened on the folding fan as she was filled with self-loathing. A wrinkle formed in her brow, but she would save the self-reflection for later. This was no way to act in front of a guest.
“I was looking forward to seeing you as well,” she told Charlotte. “If it had been inconvenient for me, I wouldn’t have accepted your visit.”
“Of course!”
Louise invited Charlotte into her room. They took their seats on either side of a small table. By the time the maid brought their tea, Charlotte was grinning from ear to ear.
If only I could be as winsome as Charlotte. Louise hadn’t much cared for her before, assuming her smile was calculated. Her opinion changed after learning Charlotte had a complex about her breasts. Louise had watched her work hard to overcome that. Yet another bad habit of mine, judging people based on appearances.
It made her realize that perhaps there was a good reason Claudia had been so ill-tempered as a child. But instead of trying to understand her, Louise had found her annoying and kept her at a distance. She was immature then, she knew, but she regretted it.
Wonderful. She was trying to refocus her attention, and here she was stewing in her thoughts again. Louise fanned herself and concentrated on Charlotte.
“I assume you came to discuss Dee?” she said.
“Precisely! You must’ve heard she was chosen as A Priori, right?”
Charlotte went on to recount how her mother had summoned her that morning to relay the news. Most aristocratic mothers had their ear to the ground and were the first to hear such information. Where mothers were an important source of news for daughters, the same was true of fathers for their sons.
Dee has Lady Sunset to help her now, from what I hear. But how had Claudia managed before that? The current Duchess Lindsay wasn’t well equipped for the role, that much Louise knew. Perhaps Lord Virgil helped her.
Everyone knew how close the siblings were. That said, even in high society, men and women required different information for their respective roles. If Claudia had struggled at all, she hadn’t shown as much.
I cannot even begin to guess how she managed. Perhaps Claudia had some other intel source that Louise wasn’t aware of. Though she very much doubted the answer was so simple, Claudia was an incredibly capable woman. Louise knew that all too well.
She suspected Charlotte had come to share the info her mother had given her, and her prediction was right on the mark. Unsurprising, given how much Charlotte admired Claudia. But as it turned out, that wasn’t the only reason Charlotte had come.
“I heard that she won’t be introduced as A Priori to the public until the Saint’s Festival. I was wondering if we could celebrate her before that…” Charlotte trailed off, looking at Louise expectantly.
“I can’t imagine the church would be displeased, so long as it’s done privately.” Louise tried to keep her voice even and her face blank as she spoke, but the whole situation was like a dagger to her heart. A celebration? She was shocked that she hadn’t even thought of that until Charlotte mentioned it.
Louise thought Claudia was the obvious pick for A Priori. She knew it was a great honor too. Thus, as a friend, should she not immediately have thought about celebrating Claudia? Why did it not even cross my mind?
The whole morning, she had been in her own head. And since Charlotte arrived, she’d been creating a laundry list of her own faults. This is ridiculous. All I ever think about is myself.
This was why she was inferior. Try as she might to keep an open mind, she couldn’t. She hadn’t matured one bit.
As her vision began to darken, the head of pink hair swayed before her eyes. Louise blinked her dreary thoughts away to find Charlotte leaning in close, scrutinizing her face. Those candy-like eyes met hers.
“Are you perhaps not feeling well?” Charlotte asked.
“No. No, that’s not it.” Louise was disgusted with herself, yes, but she wasn’t feeling poorly. She forced a smile. “My apologies, I was distracted from our conversation.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. I’m the one imposing,” Charlotte insisted. She sat back in her seat, straightening her spine. She opened and closed her mouth several times without producing any sound before staring hard at Louise. “Um! I know I probably won’t be much resistance—ack, I mean assistance!”
“You fumbled your words.”
“Urgh, how embarrassing!” Charlotte had probably realized something was on Louise’s mind and was trying her best to be a sounding board. It was so endearing that the tension finally released from Louise’s shoulders.
She giggled at Charlotte and finally said, “I was admonishing myself.”
Charlotte’s eyes went wide. “You were?” she asked, blinking slowly.
“If I told you why, you would be disappointed in me.” Anyone would if she admitted she’d only been thinking about herself and hadn’t even considered celebrating her best friend. It was bad enough that she was always several steps behind Claudia to begin with.
“Would you rather I not ask?”
Louise’s lips pressed into a tight, thin line. She couldn’t immediately summon the courage to admit to Charlotte what thoughts swirled in her head. What if she embarrassed herself by being vulnerable, and Charlotte was disgusted with her? The mere thought kept her from saying anything.
Louise lowered her gaze to the teacup in front of her. She had hardly touched it. This was supposed to be an enjoyable visit between friends, and she was ruining it.
What should I do? Her mind scrambled for some way to salvage this.
Charlotte stood and came to Louise’s side, gently caressing her back. “You don’t have to force yourself to talk about it.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you enough to lean on you,” Louise said.
“I know. Everyone has something they don’t feel comfortable discussing with others. I’m not so childish that I’d hold it against you for not confiding in me.”
Louise nodded. “Of course. You’re more mature than you look.”
Perhaps Charlotte was even more mature than Louise, given that she had confronted her own weakness. Louise had been an excellent student, but top grades didn’t necessarily translate into life skills. That lesson hit harder the older she got.