I tried my hand at a fake cry. I thought it sounded good, but Captain Ludtink muttered under his breath.
“You suck at actin’. How old’s this elf slave supposed to be anyway?”
It was a good question, and Ulgus burst out laughing. They managed to hold it in like the professionals they were. Although, I didn’t know what kind of “professional” that made them.
But the captain was right. Nineteen-year-old girls didn’t cry going “waaah, waaah.”
How am I supposed to change my character now?
“I’m a nine-year-old elf slave…who misses her family… Waaah, waaah.”
“Don’t say your backstory out loud! Show it with your actin’! And don’t just shave off ten years! You can’t call yourself ‘elf slave’ either!”
I was given even more instructions from Captain Ludtink. Finally, the others couldn’t hold it in anymore and burst out laughing too.
“Just don’t talk anymore, Risurisu. Look at the ground no matter what Lichtenberger says to ya. That’ll look much more realistic.”
“…Okay.”
It seemed I had absolutely no talent for acting.
Our group of shady characters all gave different performances.
Garr was feeding jerky to Album while Ulgus tried to catch the rare butterfly he spotted. Surprisingly, Vice Captain Velrey could play the lyre pretty well and was showing off her talents as a traveling bard. Captain Ludtink was muttering about monsters with the scariness of a bandit.
Zara, the widow, was constantly listless. He told me that part wasn’t really an act, since he didn’t get enough sleep last night.
“Captain Ludtink…how long do we keep this up?”
“Until the mushroom monster shows its face!”
I prayed that this would all be over as soon as possible, but the gods didn’t grant my wish. It was time for lunch, so we set up alongside a lake and began to prepare. I grilled up the meat I promised everyone.
“Meeeeat, meeeeat, meeeat!”
Album was singing to himself as he gathered sticks and threw them in the fire.
I placed a wire grill over the flames and lined up pieces of meat I’d marinated in sauce.
“Aaaaah, it smells so yummy!”
I picked Album up and set him a few feet away before we ended up with grilled Album for lunch. The meat soaked in sauce would burn easily on the grill, so I flipped each piece over and over again.
“Okay, that should do it!”
They were a nice brown color now, meaning my “sauce-grilled meat on the bone” was complete.
“Lunch is ready, everyone!”
Ulgus raced to be first, seeming eager to eat. His appearance and actions were both equally childish today. The others all gathered around too.
Captain Ludtink’s sharp eyes spotted that this was a nicer lunch than usual. “What’s with this meat, Risurisu?”
“Oh, um, I wanted to try a new recipe for lunch, but then we got our orders to leave.”
“I see.”
I sighed with relief when he didn’t question me any further. I actually planned to serve this dish at Garr and Fredrica’s party. But I never expected us to go on an expedition the day I brought it in for taste testing. My luck was terrible.
“All right, let’s eat.”
It was delicious when bitten into straight off the bone, but I decided to use a knife so I didn’t get sauce on my clothes.
The first person to react was Ulgus—the one who’d been most excited to have meat for lunch. “Wow, I can’t believe how tender this is. The sauce turned nice and crispy on the grill and made the whole thing extra savory. It’s really good!”
Album held the bone with his front paws and took big bites off it. “Aaaah, nothing’s better than meat after a hard day’s work!”
He’d done his best to immerse himself in his role, so his food probably tasted even better.
Everyone was pleased with the recipe. Now I knew it was likely to be a hit at the party too.
After our break, we went back to tracking the mushroom monster.
As we trudged along, I picked up a sound like something was pushing through the bushes. Garr’s ears perked up too. I could hear a shrill cry of “Mush, mush!” from far away.
“Something is approaching, Captain Ludtink. I hear a strange voice, so it’s probably a monster.”
“Look who finally decided to show up. All units, prepare for battle!”
Everyone managed to hide their weapons just in time for the monster to jump out at us.
“Mush, mush!”
It turned out to be a gigantic mushroom monster as tall as Ulgus was.
“What the hell? I’ve never seen— What’re ya doin’, Garr?”
When the giant mushroom tried to flee, Garr tossed Sly at it. She took the shape of a rope and bound the monster up.
“Argh!”
“Argh?”
That was when I spotted what looked like buttons on the mushroom’s back. There were gaps between them where I could make out bare skin.
“Um… Are you…a person?”
Captain Ludtink kicked the giant mushroom.
“O-Ow!”
“Yeah, it’s some guy.”
Apparently, he was naked under that costume.
Everyone gazed off into the distance. The monster we’d been searching for was actually a perverted thief in a mushroom costume.
We quickly apprehended him and brought him back to headquarters.
Later on, the area around the woods was searched, revealing the thief’s secret hideout and the stolen loot within. Most of the items were untouched and could be returned to his victims.
Still, it was an outrageous case where a person had dressed up like a terrifying monster to steal from people.
I was just glad that it all got resolved in the end.
✦ ✦ ✦
🍜🍜🍜
WE had the day off, so our small group held a meeting about what food to bring to Garr and Fredrica’s party.
Zara, Ulgus, Charlotte, Sir Aiskoletta, and I were working out a plan.
The party was to be held at Garr and Fredrica’s new house, so they would probably be serving food as well. There was no need for us to bring a huge amount. Instead, we wanted to carefully select a lineup of special dishes.
“I think we should also bring things like fruit and nuts that will keep for a while. That way, if they run out of food, we can cook something else with those ingredients.”
Sir Aiskoletta was taking fierce notes every single time I spoke, for whatever reason. It wasn’t as if I was saying anything useful or things that needed to be memorized.
“If we’re looking for something special, I just adored that grilled meat with sauce you made on our last expedition.”
Ulgus was nodding at Zara’s suggestion.
“I’m jealous. I wanted to try too.”
“I’ll make it for you some other time, Charlotte.”
“Yippee!”
I heard another, deeper “yippee.” It came from Sir Aiskoletta. He was such a rascal. He’d started saying innocent things like that ever since he met Charlotte.